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第17章

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〃'Well;' says I; 'I wouldn't know whether to call it poetry or not。'

〃'Tennyson;' says Shane;  'furnishes the poetic gospel I preach。  I  always considered him the boss poet。  Here's the way the text goes:


〃For; not to admire; if a man could learn it; were more Than to walk all day like a Sultan of old in a garden of spice。〃


〃'You see; I teach 'em to cut out demandthat supply is the main  thing。  I teach 'em not to desire anything beyond their simplest  needs。  A little mutton; a little cocoa; and a little fruit brought up  from the coastthat's all they want to make 'cm happy。  I've got 'em  well trained。  They make their own clothes and hats out of a vegetable  fibre and straw; and they're a contented lot。  It's a great thing;'  winds up Shane; 'to have made a people happy by the incultivation of  such simple institutions。'

〃Well; the next day; with the King's permission; I has the McClintock  open up a couple of sacks of my goods in the little plaza of the  village。  The Indians swarmed around by the hundred and looked the  bargain…counter over。  I shook red blankets at 'em; flashed finger… rings and ear…bobs; tried pearl necklaces and sidecombs on the women;  and a line of red hosiery on the men。  'Twas no use。  They looked on  like hungry graven images; but I never made a sale。  I asked  McClintock what was the trouble。  Mac yawned three or four times;  rolled a cigarette; made one or two confidential side remarks to a  mule; and then condescended to inform me that the people had no money。

〃Just then up strolls King Patrick; big and red 'and royal as usual;  with the gold chain over his chest and his cigar in front of him。

〃'How's business; W。  D。?' he asks。

〃'Fine;' says I。  'It's a bargain…day rush。  I've got one more line of  goods to offer before I shut up shop。  I'll try 'em with safety… razors。  I've' got two gross that I bought at 'a fire sale。'

〃Shane laughs till some kind of mameluke or private secretary he  carries with him has to hold him up。

〃'0 my sainted Aunt Jerusha!' says he; 'ain't you one of the Babes in  the Goods; W。  D。?  Don't you know that no Indians ever shave? They  pull out their whiskers instead。'

〃'Well;' says I; 'that's just what these razors would do for 'emthey  wouldn't have any kick coming if they used 'em once。'

〃Shane went away; and I could hear him laughing a block; if there had  been any block。

〃'Tell 'em;' says I to McClintock; 'it ain't money I wanttell 'em  I'll take gold…dust。  Tell 'em I'll allow 'em sixteen dollars an ounce  for it in trade。  That's what I'm out forthe dust。'

〃Mac interprets; and you'd have thought a squadron of cops had charged  the crowd to disperse it。  Every uncle's nephew and aunt's niece of  'em faded away inside of two minutes。

〃At the royal palace that night me and the King talked it over。

〃'They've got the dust hid out somewhere;' says I; 'or they wouldn't  have been so sensitive about it。'

〃'They haven't;' says Shane。  'What's this gag you've got about gold?   You been reading Edward Allen Poe?  They ain't got any gold。'

〃'They put it in quills;' says I; 'and then they empty it in jars; and  then into sacks of twenty…five pounds each。  I got it straight。'

〃'W。  D。;' says Shane; laughing and chewing his cigar; 'I don't often  see a white man; and I feel like putting you on。  I don't think you'll  get away from here alive; anyhow; so I'm going to tell you。  Come over  here。'

''He draws aside a silk fibre curtain in a corner of the room and  shows me a pile of buckskin sacks。

〃'Forty of 'em;' says Shane。  'One arroba in each one。  In round  numbers; 220;000 worth of gold…dust you see there。  It's all mine。   It belongs to the Grand Yacuma。  They bring it all to me。  Two hundred  and twenty thousand dollarsthink of that; you glass…bead peddler;'  says Shane' and all mine。'

〃'Little good it does you;' says I; contemptuously and hatefully。   'And so you are the government depository of this gang of money…less  money…makers?  Don't you pay enough interest on it to enable one of  your depositors to buy an Augusta (Maine) Pullman carbon diamond worth  200 for 4。85 ?'

〃'Listen;' says Patrick Shane; with the sweat coming out on his brow。   ' I'm confidant with you; as you have; somehow; enlisted my regards。   Did you ever;' he says; 'feel the avoirdupois power of goldnot the  troy weight of it; but the sixteen…ounces…to…the…pound force of it?'

〃'Never;' says I。  'I never take in any bad money。'

〃Shane drops down on the floor and throws his arms over the sacks of  gold…dust。

〃'I love it;; says he。  'I want to feel the touch of it day and night。   It's my pleasure in life。  I come in this room; and I'm a king and a  rich man。  I'll be a millionaire in another year。  The pile's getting  bigger every month。  I've got the whole tribe washing out the sands in  the creeks。  I'm the happiest man in the world; W。  D。  I just want to  be near this gold; and know it's mine and it's increasing every day。   Now; you know;' says he; 'why my Indians wouldn't buy your goods。   They can't。  They bring all the dust to me。  I'm their king。  I've  taught 'em not to desire or admire。  You might as well shut up shop。'

〃'I'll tell you what you are;' says I。  'You're a plain; contemptible  miser。  You preach supply and you forget demand。  Now; supply;' I goes  on; 'is never anything but supply。  On the contrary;' says I; 'demand  is a much broader syllogism and assertion。  Demand includes the rights  of our women and children; and charity and friendship; and even a  little begging on the street corners。  They've both got to harmonize  equally。  And I've got a few things up my commercial sleeve yet;' says  I; 'that may jostle your preconceived ideas of politics and economy。

〃The next morning I had McClintock bring tip another mule…load of  goods to the plaza and open it up。  The people gathered around the  same as before。

〃I got out the finest line of necklaces; bracelets; hair…combs; and  earrings that I carried; and had the women put 'em on。  And then I  played trumps。

〃Out of my last pack I opened up a half gross of hand…mirrors; with  solid tinfoil backs; and passed 'em around among the ladies。  That was  the first introduction of looking…glasses among the Peche Indians。

〃Shane walks by with his big laugh。

〃'Business looking up any?' he asks。

〃'It's looking at itself right now;' says I。

〃By…and…by a kind of a murmur goes through the crowd。  The women had  looked into the magic crystal and seen that they were beautiful; and  was confiding the secret to the men。  The men seemed to be urging the  lack of money and the hard times just before the election; but their  excuses didn't go。

〃Then was my time。

〃I called McClintock away from an animated conversation with his mules  and told him to do some interpreting。

〃'Tell 'em;' says I; 'that gold…dust will buy for them these befitting  ornaments for kings and queens of the earth。  Tell 'em the yellow sand  they wash out of the waters for the High Sanctified Yacomay and Chop  Suey of the tribe will buy the precious jewels and charms that will  make them beautiful and preserve and pickle them from evil spirits。   Tell 'em the Pittsburg banks are paying four per cent。  interest on  deposits by mail; while this get…rich…frequently custodian of the  public funds ain't even paying attention。  Keep telling 'em; Mac;'  says I; 'to let the gold…dust family do their work。  Talk to 'em like  a born anti…Bryanite;' says I。  'Remind 'em that Tom Watson's gone  back to Georgia;' says I。

〃McClintock waves his hand affectionately at one of his mules; and  then hurls a few stickfuls of minion type at the mob of shoppers。

〃A gutta…percha Indian man; with a lady hanging on his arm; with three  strings of my fish…scale jewelry and imitation marble beads around her  neck; stands up on a block of stone and makes a talk that sounds like  a man shaking dice in a box to fill aces and sixes。

〃'He says;' says McClintock; 'that the people not know that gold…dust  will buy their things。  The women very mad。  The Grand Yacuma tell  them it no good but for keep to make bad spirits keep away。'

〃'You can't keep bad spirits away from money;' says I。

〃'T

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