a far country-第104章
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granted that there was no question of my refusing。 The time came when I
had grown able to consider the matter with a degree of calmness。 What
struck me first； when I began to debate upon it； was that the senatorship
offered a new and possibly higher field for my energies； while at the
same time the office would be a logical continuation of a signal legal
career。 I was now unable to deny that I no longer felt any exhilaration
at the prospect of future legal conquests similar to those of the past；
but once in the Senate； I might regain something of that intense
conviction of fighting for a just and sound cause with which Theodore
Wading had once animated me： fighting there； in the Capitol at
Washington； would be different； no stigma of personal gain attached to
it； it offered a nearer approach to the ideal I had once more begun to
seek； held out hopes of a renewal of my unity of mind。 Mr。 Watling had
declared that there was something to fight for； I had even glimpsed that
something； but I had to confess that for some years I had not been
consciously fighting for it。 I needed something to fight for。
There was the necessity； however； of renewing my calculations。 If
Hambleton Durrett should recover； even during the ensuing year； and if
Nancy relented it would not be possible for us to be divorced and married
for some time。 I still clung tenaciously to the belief that there were
no relationships wholly unaffected by worldly triumphs； and as Senator I
should have strengthened my position。 It did not strike meeven after
all my experiencethat such a course as I now contemplated had a
parallel in the one that I had pursued in regard to her when I was young。
It seemed fitting that Theodore Watling should be the first to know of my
decision。 I went to Washington to meet him。 It pained me to see him
looking more worn； but he was still as cheerful； as mentally vigorous as
ever； and I perceived that he did not wish to dwell upon his illness。 I
did venture to expostulate with him on the risk he must be running in
serving out his term。 We were sitting in the dining room of his house。
〃We've only one life to live； Hugh；〃 he answered； smiling at me； 〃and we
might as well get all out of it we can。 A few years more or less doesn't
make much differenceand I ought to be satisfied。 I'd resign now； to
please my wife； to please my friends； but we can't trust this governor to
appoint a safe man。 How little we suspected when we elected him that
he'd become infected。 You never can tell； in these days； can you？〃
It was the note of devotion to his cause that I had come to hear： I felt
it renewing me； as I had hoped。 The threat of disease； the louder
clamourings of the leaders of the mob had not sufficed to dismay him
though he admitted more concern over these。 My sympathy and affection
were mingled with the admiration he never failed to inspire。
〃But you； Hugh；〃 he said concernedly； 〃you're not looking very well； my
son。 You must manage to take a good rest before coming herebefore the
campaign you'll have to go through。 We can't afford to have anything
happen to youyou're too young。〃
I wondered whether he had heard anything。。。。 He spoke to me again about
the work to be done； the work he looked to me to carry on。
〃We'll have to watch for our opportunity；〃 he said； 〃and when it comes we
can handle this new movement not by crushing it； but by guiding it。 I've
come to the conclusion that there is a true instinct in it； that there
are certain things we have done which have been mistakes； and which we
can't do any more。 But as for this theory that all wisdom resides in the
people； it's buncombe。 What we have to do is to work out a practical
programme。〃
His confidence in me had not diminished。 It helped to restore confidence
in myself。
The weather was cool and bracing for September； and as we drove in a
motor through the beautiful avenues of the city he pointed out a house
for me on one of the circles； one of those distinguished residences；
instances of a nascent good taste； that are helping to redeem the
polyglot aspect of our national capital。 Mr。 Watling spokerather
tactfully； I thoughtof Maude and the children； and ventured the surmise
that they would be returning in a few months。 I interpreted this；
indeed； as in rather the nature of a kindly hint that such a procedure
would be wise in view of the larger life now dawning for me； but I made
no comment。。。。 He even sympathized with Nancy Durrett。
〃She did the right thing； Hugh；〃 he said； with the admirable casual
manner he possessed of treating subjects which he knew to be delicate。
〃Nancy's a fine woman。 Poor devil！〃 This in reference to Ham。。。。
Mr。 Watling reassured me on the subject of his own trouble； maintaining
that he had many years left if he took care。 He drove me to the station。
I travelled homeward somewhat lifted out of myself by this visit to him；
with some feeling of spaciousness derived from Washington itself； with
its dignified Presidential Mansion among the trees； its granite shaft
drawing the eye upward； with its winged Capitol serene upon the hill。
Should we deliver these heirlooms to the mob？ Surely Democracy meant
more than that！
All this time I had been receiving； at intervals； letters from Maude and
the children。 Maude's were the letters of a friend； and I found it easy
to convince myself that their tone was genuine； that the separation had
brought contentment to her； and those independent and self…sufficient
elements in her character I admired now rather than deplored。 At
Etretat； which she found much to her taste； she was living quietly； but
making friends with some American and English； and one French family of
the same name； Buffon； as the great naturalist。 The father was a retired
silk manufacturer； they now resided in Paris； and had been very kind in
helping her to get an apartment in that city for the winter。 She had
chosen one on the Avenue Kleber； not far from the Arc。 It is
interesting； after her arraignment of me； that she should have taken such
pains to record their daily life for my benefit in her clear；
conscientious handwriting。 I beheld Biddy； her dresses tucked above slim
little knees； playing in the sand on the beach； her hair flying in the
wind and lighted by the sun which gave sparkle to the sea。 I saw Maude
herself in her beach chair； a book lying in her lap； its pages whipped by
the breeze。 And there was Moreton； who must be proving something of a
handful； since he had fought with the French boys on the beach and thrown
a 〃rock〃 through the windows of the Buffon family。 I remember one of his
lettersmade perfect after much correcting and scratching；in which he
denounced both France and the French； and appealed to me to come over at
once to take him home。 Maude had enclosed it without comment。 This
letter had not been written under duress； as most of his were。
Matthew's lettershe wrote faithfully once a weekI kept in a little
pile by themselves and sometimes reread them。 I wondered whether it were
because of the fact that I was his fatherthough a most inadequate one
that I thought them somewhat unusual。 He had learned FrenchMaude
wrotewith remarkable ease。 I was particularly struck in these letters
with the boy's power of observation； with his facile use of language；
with the vivid simplicity of his descriptions of the life around him； of
his experiences at school。 The letters were thoughtfulnot dashed off
in a hurry； they gave evidence in every line of the delicacy of feeling
that was； I think； his most appealing quality； and I put them down with
the impression strong on me that he； too； longed to return home； but
would not say so。 There was a certain pathos in this youthful restraint
that never failed to touch me； even in those times when I had been most
obsessed with love and passion。。。。 The curious effect of these letters
was that of knowing more than they expressed。 He missed me； he wished to
know when I was coming over。 And I was sometimes at a loss whether to be
grateful to Maude or troubled because she had as yet given him no hint of
our separation。 What effect would it have o
