a far country-第25章
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abeyance。 But when evening came I stole away from the club table； on the
plea of an engagement； and made my way rapidly toward Holder Chapel。 I
had almost reached itwhen I caught a glimpse of Symonds and of some
others approaching；and I went on； to turn again。 By this time the
meeting； which was in a room on the second floor； had already begun。
Palpitating； I climbed the steps； the door of the room was slightly ajar；
I looked in； I recall a distinct sensation of surprise；the atmosphere
of that meeting was so different from what I had expected。 Not a 〃pious〃
atmosphere at all！ I saw a very tall and heavy gentleman； dressed in
black； who sat； wholly at ease； on the table！ One hand was in his
pocket； one foot swung clear of the ground； and he was not preaching； but
talking in an easy； conversational tone to some forty young men who sat
intent on his words。 I was too excited to listen to what he was saying；
I was making a vain attempt to classify him。 But I remember the thought；
for it struck me with force；that if Christianity were so thoroughly
discredited by evolution； as Ralph Hambleton and other agnostics would
have one believe； why should this remarkably sane and able…looking person
be standing up for it as though it were still an established and
incontrovertible fact？
He had not； certainly； the air of a dupe or a sentimentalist； but
inspired confidence by his very personality。 Youthlike； I watched him
narrowly for flaws； for oratorical tricks； for all kinds of histrionic
symptoms。 Again I was near the secret； again it escaped me。 The
argument for Christianity lay not in assertions about it； but in being
it。 This man was Christianity。。。。 I must have felt something of this；
even though I failed to formulate it。 And unconsciously I contrasted his
strength； which reinforced the atmosphere of the room； with that of Ralph
Hambleton； who was； a greater influence over me than I have recorded； and
had come to sway me more and more； as he had swayed others。 The strength
of each was impressive； yet this Mr。 Brooks seemed to me the bodily
presentment of a set of values which I would have kept constantly before
my eyes。。。。 I felt him drawing me； overcoming my hesitation； belittling
my fear of ridicule。 I began gently to open the doorwhen something
happened；one of those little things that may change the course of a
life。 The door made little noise； yet one of the men sitting in the back
of the room chanced to look around； and I recognized Hermann Krebs。 His
face was still sunken from his recent illness。 Into his eyes seemed to
leap a sudden appeal； an appeal to which my soul responded yet I hurried
down the stairs and into the street。 Instantly I regretted my retreat； I
would have gone back； but lacked the courage； and I strayed unhappily for
hours； now haunted by that look of Krebs； now wondering what the
remarkably sane…looking and informal clergyman whose presence dominated
the little room had been talking about。 I never learned； but I did live
to read his biography； to discover what he might have talked about；for
he if any man believed that life and religion are one； and preached
consecration to life's task。
Of little use to speculate whether the message； had I learned it then；
would have fortified and transformed me！
In spite of the fact that I was unable to relate to a satisfying
conception of religion my new…born determination； I made up my mind； at
least； to renounce my tortuous ways。 I had promised my father to be a
lawyer； I would keep my promise； I would give the law a fair trial； later
on； perhaps； I might demonstrate an ability to write。 All very
praiseworthy！ The season was Lent； a fitting time for renunciations and
resolves。 Although I had more than once fallen from grace； I believed
myself at last to have settled down on my true coursewhen something
happened。 The devil interfered subtly； as usualnow in the person of
Jerry Kyme。 It should be said in justice to Jerry that he did not look
the part。 He had sunny…red； curly hair； mischievous blue eyes with long
lashes； and he harboured no respect whatever for any individual or
institution； sacred or profane； he possessed； however； a shrewd sense of
his own value； as many innocent and unsuspecting souls discovered as
early as our freshman year； and his method of putting down the
presumptuous was both effective and unique。 If he liked you； there could
be no mistake about it。
One evening when I was engaged in composing a theme for Mr。 Cheyne on no
less a subject than the interpretation of the work of William Wordsworth；
I found myself unexpectedly sprawling on the floor； in my descent kicking
the table so vigorously as to send the ink…well a foot or two toward the
ceiling。 This； be it known； was a typical proof of Jerry's esteem。 For
he had entered noiselessly； jerking the back of my chair； which chanced
to be tilted； and stood with his hands in his pockets； surveying the ruin
he had wrought； watching the ink as it trickled on the carpet。 Then he
picked up the book。
〃Poetry； you darned old grind！〃 he exclaimed disgustedly。 〃Say； Parry； I
don't know what's got into you； but I want you to come home with me for
the Easter holidays。 It'll do you good。 We'll be on the Hudson； you
know； and we'll manage to make life bearable somehow。〃
I forgot my irritation； in sheer surprise。
〃Why； that's mighty good of you； Jerry〃 I began； struggling to my feet。
〃Oh； rot！〃 he exclaimed。 〃I shouldn't ask you if I didn't want you。〃
There was no denying the truth of this； and after he had gone I sat for a
long time with my pen in my mouth； reflecting as to whether or not I
should go。 For I had the instinct that here was another cross…roads；
that more depended on my decision than I cared to admit。 But even then I
knew what I should do。 Ridiculous not toI told myself。 How could a
week or ten days with Jerry possibly affect my newborn； resolve？
Yet the prospect； now； of a visit to the Kymes' was by no means so
glowing as it once would have been。 For I had seen visions； I had
dreamed dreams； beheld a delectable country of my very own。 A year ago
nay； even a month agohow such an invitation would have glittered！。。。 I
returned at length to my theme； over which； before Jerry's arrival； I had
been working feverishly。 But now the glamour had gone from it。
Presently Tom came in。
〃Anyone been here？〃 he demanded。
〃Jerry；〃 I told him。
〃What did he want？〃
〃He wanted me to go home with him at Easter。〃
〃You're going； of course。〃
〃I don't know。 I haven't decided。〃
〃You'd be a fool not to；〃 was Tom's comment。 It voiced； succinctly； a
prevailing opinion。
It was the conclusion I arrived at in my own mind。 But just why I had
been chosen for the honour； especially at such a time； was a riddle。
Jerry's invitations were charily given； and valued accordingly； and more
than once； at our table； I had felt a twinge of envy when Conybear or
someone else had remarked； with the proper nonchalance； in answer to a
question； that they were going to Weathersfield。 Such was the name of
the Kyme place。。。。
I shall never forget the impression made on me by the decorous luxury of
that big house； standing amidst its old trees； halfway up the gentle
slope that rose steadily from the historic highway where poor Andre was
captured。 I can see now the heavy stone pillars of its portico vignetted
in a flush of tenderest green； the tulips just beginning to flame forth
their Easter colours in the well…kept beds； the stately； well…groomed
evergreens； the vivid lawns； the clipped hedges。 And like an
overwhelming wave of emotion that swept all before it； the impressiveness
of wealth took possession of me。 For here was a kind of wealth I had
never known； that did not exist in the West； nor even in the still
Puritan environs of Boston where I had visited。 It took itself for
granted； proclaimed itself complacently to have solved all problems。 By
ignoring them； perhaps。 But I was too young to guess this。 It was order
personified； gaining effect at every turn by a multitude of details too
trivial to mention were it not for the fact that they entered deep
