a far country-第61章
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I admitted that he was。
〃And you always went there such a lot before we were married。〃
This； too； was undeniable。 〃At the same time；〃 I replied； 〃I have other
friends。 I'm fond of the Blackwoods and the Peterses； I'm not advocating
seeing less of them； but their point of view； if taken without any
antidote； is rather narrowing。 We ought to see all kinds；〃 I suggested；
with a fine restraint。
〃You meanmore worldly people；〃 she said with her disconcerting
directness。
〃Not necessarily worldly；〃 I struggled on。 〃People who know more of the
worldyes； who understand it better。〃
Maude sighed。
〃I do try； Hugh；I return their calls；I do try to be nice to them。
But somehow I don't seem to get along with them easilyI'm not myself；
they make me shy。 It's because I'm provincial。〃
〃Nonsense！〃 I protested； 〃you're not a bit provincial。〃 And it was true；
her dignity and self…possession redeemed her。
Nancy was not once mentioned。 But I think she was in both our minds。。。。
Since my marriage； too； I had begun to resent a little the attitude of
Tom and Susan and the Blackwoods of humorous yet affectionate tolerance
toward my professional activities and financial creed； though Maude
showed no disposition to take this seriously。 I did suspect； however；
that they were more and more determined to rescue Maude from what they
would have termed a frivolous career； and on one of these occasionsso
exasperating in married life when a slight cause for pique tempts husband
or wife to try to ask myself whether this affair were only a squall；
something to be looked for once in a while on the seas of matrimony； and
weathered： or whether Maude had not； after all； been right when she
declared that I had made a mistake； and that we were not fitted for one
another？ In this gloomy view endless years of incompatibility stretched
ahead； and for the first time I began to rehearse with a certain cold
detachment the chain of apparently accidental events which had led up to
my marriage： to consider the gradual blindness that had come over my
faculties； and finally to wonder whether judgment ever entered into
sexual selection。 Would Maude have relapsed into this senseless fit if
she had realized how fortunate she was？ For I was prepared to give her
what thousands of women longed for； position and influence。 My
resentment rose again against Perry and Tom； and I began to attribute
their lack of appreciation of my achievements to jealousy。 They had not
my ability； this was the long and short of it。。。。 I pondered also；
regretfully； on my bachelor days。 And for the first time； I； who had
worked so hard to achieve freedom； felt the pressure of the yoke I had
fitted over my own shoulders。 I had voluntarily； though unwittingly；
returned to slavery。 This was what had happened。 And what was to be
done about it？ I would not consider divorce。
Well； I should have to make the best of it。 Whether this conclusion
brought on a mood of reaction； I am unable to say。 I was still annoyed
by what seemed to the masculine mind a senseless and dramatic performance
on Maude's part； an incomprehensible case of 〃nerves。〃 Nevertheless；
there stole into my mind many recollections of Maude's affection； many
passages between us； and my eye chanced to fall on the ink…well she had
bought me out of the allowance I gave her。 An unanticipated pity welled
up within me for her loneliness； her despair in that room upstairs。 I
got upand hesitated。 A counteracting； inhibiting wave passed through
me。 I hardened。 I began to walk up and down； a prey to conflicting
impulses。 Something whispered； 〃go to her〃； another voice added； 〃for
your own peace of mind； at any rate。〃 I rejected the intrusion of this
motive as unworthy； turned out the light and groped my way upstairs。 The
big clock in the hall struck twelve。
I listened outside the door of the bedroom； but all was silent within。 I
knocked。
〃Maude！〃 I said； in a low voice。
There was no response。
〃Maudelet me in！ I didn't mean to be unkindI'm sorry。〃
After an interval I heard her say： 〃I'd rather stay here；to…night。〃
But at length； after more entreaty and self…abasement on my part； she
opened the door。 The room was dark。 We sat down together on the window…
seat； and all at once she relaxed and her head fell on my shoulder； and
she began weeping again。 I held her； the alternating moods still running
through me。
〃Hugh；〃 she said at length； 〃how could you be so cruel？ when you know I
love you and would do anything for you。〃
〃I didn't mean to be cruel； Maude；〃 I answered。
〃I know you didn't。 But at times you seem soindifferent； and you can't
understand how it hurts。 I haven't anybody but you； now； and it's in
your power to make me happy oror miserable。〃
Later on I tried to explain my point of view； to justify myself。
〃All I mean；〃 I concluded at length； 〃is that my position is a little
different from Perry's and Tom's。 They can afford to isolate themselves；
but I'm thrown professionally with the men who are building up this city。
Some of them； like Ralph Hambleton and Mr。 Ogilvy； I've known all my
life。 Life isn't so simple for us； Maudewe can't ignore the social
side。〃
〃I understand；〃 she said contentedly。 〃You are more of a man of affairs
much more than Tom or Perry； and you have greater responsibilities and
wider interests。 I'm really very proud of you。 Onlydon't you think
you are a little too sensitive about yourself； when you are teased？〃
I let this pass。。。。
I give a paragraph from a possible biography of Hugh Paret which； as then
seemed not improbable； might in the future have been written by some
aspiring young worshipper of success。
〃On his return from a brief but delightful honeymoon in England Mr。 Paret
took up again； with characteristic vigour； the practice of the law。 He
was entering upon the prime years of manhood； golden opportunities
confronted him as； indeed； they confronted other menbut Paret had the
foresight to take advantage of them。 And his training under Theodore
Watling was now to produce results。。。。 The reputations had already been
made of some of that remarkable group of financial geniuses who were
chiefly instrumental in bringing about the industrial evolution begun
after the Civil War： at the same time； as is well known； a political
leadership developed that gave proof of a deplorable blindness to the
logical necessity of combinations in business。 The lawyer with
initiative and brains became an indispensable factor；〃 etc。； etc。
The biography might have gone on to relate my association with and
important services to Adolf Scherer in connection with his constructive
dream。 Shortly after my return from abroad； in answer to his summons； I
found him at Heinrich's； his napkin tucked into his shirt front； and a
dish of his favourite sausages before him。
〃So； the honeymoon is over！〃 he said； and pressed my hand。 〃You are
right to come back to business； and after awhile you can have another
honeymoon； eh？ I have had many since I married。 And how long do you
think was my first？ A day！ I was a foreman then； and the wedding was at
six o'clock in the morning。 We went into the country； the wife and I。〃
He laid down his knife and fork； possessed by the memory。 〃I have grown
rich since； and we've been to Europe and back to Germany； and travelled
on the best ships and stayed at the best hotels； but I never enjoyed a
holiday more than that day。 It wasn't long afterwards I went to Mr。
Durrett and told him how he could save much money。 He was always ready
to listen； Mr。 Durrett； when an employee had anything to say。 He was a
big man；an iron…master。 Ah； he would be astonished if only he could
wake up now！〃
〃He would not only have to be an iron…master；〃 I agreed； 〃but a financier
and a railroad man to boot。〃
〃A jack of all trades；〃 laughed Mr。 Scherer。 〃That's what we aremen in
my position。 Well； it was comparatively simple then； when we had no
Sherman law and crazy statutes； such as some of the states are passing；
to bother us。 What has got into the politicians； that they are indulging
in such foolishness？〃 he exclaimed； more warml
