a far country-第81章
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should make all this fuss； burden themselves with all these senseless
purchases； for a tradition。 The automobile stopped； and I fought my way
across the sidewalk into the store of that time…honoured firm； Elgin；
Yates and Garner； pausing uncertainly before the very counter where； some
ten years before； I had bought an engagement ring。 Young Mr。 Garner
himself spied me； and handing over a customer to a tired clerk； hurried
forward to greet me； his manner implying that my entrance was in some
sort an event。 I had become used to this aroma of deference。
〃What can I show you； Mr。 Paret？〃 he asked。
〃I don't knowI'm looking around；〃 I said； vaguely； bewildered by the
glittering baubles by which I was confronted。 What did Maude want？
While I was gazing into the case； Mr。 Garner opened a safe behind him；
laying before me a large sapphire set with diamonds in a platinum brooch；
a beautiful stone； in the depths of it gleaming a fire like a star in an
arctic sky。 I had not given Maude anything of value of late。 Decidedly；
this was of value； Mr。 Garner named the price glibly； if Mrs。 Paret
didn't care for it； it might be brought back or exchanged。 I took it；
with a sigh of relief。 Leaving the store； I paused on the edge of the
rushing stream of humanity； with the problem of the children's gifts
still to be solved。 I thought of my own childhood； when at Christmastide
I had walked with my mother up and down this very street； so changed and
modernized now； recalling that I had had definite desires； desperate
ones； but my imagination failed me when I tried to summon up the emotions
connected with them。 I had no desires now： I could buy anything in
reason in the whole street。 What did Matthew and Moreton want？ and
little Biddy？ Maude had not 〃spoiled〃 them； but they didn't seem to have
any definite wants。 The children made me think； with a sudden softening；
of Tom Peters； and I went into a tobacconist's and bought him a box of
expensive cigars。 Then I told the chauffeur to take me to a toy…shop；
where I stood staring through a plate…glass window at the elaborate
playthings devised for the modern children of luxury。 In the centre was
a toy man…of…war； three feet in length； with turrets and guns； and
propellers and a real steam…engine。 As a boy I should have dreamed about
it； schemed for it； bartered my immortal soul for it。 Butif I gave it
to Matthew； what was there for Moreton？ A steam locomotive caught my
eye； almost as elaborate。 Forcing my way through the doors； I captured a
salesman； and from a state bordering on nervous collapse he became
galvanized into an intense alertness and respect when he understood my
desires。 He didn't know the price of the objects in question。 He
brought the proprietor； an obsequious little German who； on learning my
name； repeated it in every sentence。 For Biddy I chose a doll that was
all but human； when held by a young woman for my inspection； it elicited
murmurs of admiration from the women shoppers by whom we were surrounded。
The proprietor promised to make a special delivery of the three articles
before seven o'clock。。。。
Presently the automobile； after speeding up the asphalt of Grant Avenue；
stopped before the new house。 In spite of the change that house had made
in my life； in three weeks I had become amazingly used to it； yet I had
an odd feeling that Christmas eve as I stood under the portico with my
key in the door； the same feeling of the impersonality of the place which
I had experienced before。 Not that for one moment I would have exchanged
it for the smaller house we had left。 I opened the door。 How often； in
that other house； I had come in the evening seeking quiet； my brain
occupied with a problem； only to be annoyed by the romping of the
children on the landing above。 A noise in one end of it echoed to the
other。 But here； as I entered the hall； all was quiet： a dignified；
deep…carpeted stairway swept upward before me； and on either side were
wide； empty rooms； and in the subdued light of one of them I saw a dark
figure moving silently aboutthe butler。 He came forward to relieve me；
deftly； of my hat and overcoat。 Well； I had it at last； this
establishment to which I had for so long looked forward。 And yet that
evening； as I hesitated in the hall； I somehow was unable to grasp that
it was real and permanent； the very solidity of the walls and doors
paradoxically suggested transientness； the butler a flitting ghost。 How
still the place was！ Almost oppressively still。 I recalled oddly a
story of a peasant who； yearning for the great life； had stumbled upon an
empty palace； its tables set with food in golden dishes。 Before two days
had passed he had fled from it in horror back to his crowded cottage and
his drudgery in the fields。 Never once had the sense of possession of
the palace been realized。 Nor did I feel that I possessed this house；
though I had the deeds of it in my safe and the receipted bills in my
files。 It eluded me； seemed； in my； bizarre mood of that evening； almost
to mock me。 〃You have built me；〃 it seemed to say； 〃but I am stronger
than you； because you have not earned me。〃 Ridiculous； when the years of
my labour and the size of my bank account were considered！ Such；
however； is the verbal expression of my feeling。 Was the house empty；
after all？ Had something happened？ With a slight panicky sensation I
climbed the stairs； with their endless shallow treads；： to hurry through
the silent hallway to the schoolroom。 Reassuring noises came faintly
through the heavy door。 I opened it。 Little Biddy was careening round
and round； crying out：
〃To…morrow's Chris'mas！ Santa Claus is coming tonight。〃
Matthew was regarding her indulgently； sympathetically； Moreton rather
scornfully。 The myth had been exploded for both； but Matthew still
hugged it。 That was the difference between them。 Maude； seated on the
floor； perceived me first； and glanced up at me with a smile。
〃It's father！〃 she said。
Biddy stopped in the midst of a pirouette。 At the age of seven she was
still shy with me； and retreated towards Maude。
〃Aren't we going to have a tree； father？〃 demanded Moreton； aggressively。
〃Mother won't tell usneither will Miss Allsop。〃
Miss Allsop was their governess。
〃Why do you want a tree？〃 I asked。
〃Oh； for Biddy；〃 he said。
〃It wouldn't be Christmas without a tree；〃 Matthew declared； 〃and Santa
Claus；〃 he added； for his sister's benefit。
〃Perhaps Santa Claus； when he sees we've got this big house； will think
we don't need anything； and go on to some poorer children；〃 said Maude。
〃You wouldn't blame him if he did that；would you？〃
The response to this appeal cannot be said to have been enthusiastic。。。。
After dinner； when at last all of them were in bed； we dressed the tree；
it might better be said that Maude and Miss Allsop dressed it； while I
gave a perfunctory aid。 Both the women took such a joy in the process；
vying with each other in getting effects； and as I watched them eagerly
draping the tinsel and pinning on the glittering ornaments I wondered why
it was that I was unable to find the same joy as they。 Thus it had been
every Christmas eve。 I was always tired when I got home； and after
dinner relaxation set in。
An electrician had come while we were at the table； and had fastened on
the little electric bulbs which did duty as candles。
〃Oh；〃 said Maude； as she stood off to survey the effect； 〃isn't it
beautiful！ Come； Miss Allsop； let's get the presents。〃
They flew out of the room； and presently hurried back with their arms
full of the usual parcels： parcels from Maude's family in Elkington； from
my own relatives； from the Blackwoods and the Peterses； from Nancy。 In
the meantime I had had my own contributions brought up； the man of war；
the locomotive； the big doll。 Maude stood staring。
〃Hugh； they'll be utterly ruined！〃 she exclaimed。
〃The boys might as well have something instructive；〃 I replied； 〃and as
for Biddynothing's too good for her。〃
〃I might have known you wouldn't forget them； although you are so
busy。〃。。。。
We filled the three stockings hung by the great fireplace。 Then；
