a far country-第96章

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be　happy　with　her；　they　will　be　well　brought　up。　　I；　too；　have　thought
this　out；　Nancy；〃　I　insisted；　〃and　the　fact　is　that　in　our　respective
marriages　we　have　been；　each　of　us；　victims　of　our　time；　of　our
education。　　We　were　born　in　a　period　of　transition；　we　inherited　views　of
life　that　do　not　fit　conditions　to…day。　　It　takes　courage　to　achieve
happiness；　initiative　to　emancipate　one's　self　from　a　morality　that
begins　to　hamper　and　bind。　　To　stay　as　we　are；　to　refuse　to　take　what　is
offered　us；　is　to　remain　between　wind　and　water。　　I　don't　mean　that　we
should　do　anythinghastily。　　We　can　afford　to　take　a　reasonable　time；　to
be　dignified　about　it。　　But　I　have　come　to　the　conclusion　that　the　only
thing　that　matters　in　the　world　is　a　love　like　ours；　and　its　fulfilment。
Achievement；　success；　are　empty　and　meaningless　without　it。　　And　you　do
love　meyou've　admitted　it。〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　want　to　talk　about　it；〃　she　exclaimed；　desperately。

〃But　we　have　to　talk　about　it；〃　I　persisted。　　〃We　have　to　thrash　it　out；
to　see　it　straight；　as　you　yourself　have　said。〃

〃You　speak　of　convictions；　Hugh；new　convictions；　in　place　of　the　old　we
have　discarded。　　But　what　are　they？　　And　is　there　no　such　thing　as
conscienceeven　though　it　be　only　an　intuition　of　happiness　or
unhappiness？　　I　do　care　for　you；　I　do　love　you〃

〃Then　why　not　let　that　suffice？〃　I　exclaimed；　leaning　towards　her。

She　drew　back。

〃But　I　want　to　respect　you；　too；〃　she　said。

I　was　shocked；　too　shocked　to　answer。

〃I　want　to　respect　you；〃　she　repeated；　more　gently。　　〃I　don't　want　to
think　thatthat　what　we　feel　for　each　other　isunconsecrated。〃

〃It　consecrates　itself；〃　I　declared。

She　shook　her　head。

〃Surely　it　has　its　roots　in　everything　that　is　fine　in　both　of　us。〃

〃We　both　went　wrong；〃　said　Nancy。　　〃We　both　sought　to　wrest　power　and
happiness　from　the　world；　to　make　our　own　laws。　　How　can　we　assert　that
this　is　not　merely　a　continuation　of　it？〃

〃But　can't　we　work　out　our　beliefs　together？〃　I　demanded。　　〃Won't　you
trust　me；　trust　our　love　for　one　another？〃

Her　breath　came　and　went　quickly。

〃Oh；　you　know　that　I　want　you；　Hugh；　as　much　as　you　want　me；　and　more。
The　time　may　come　when　I　can't　resist　you。〃

〃Why　do　you　resist　me？〃　I　cried；　seizing　her　hands　convulsively；　and
swept　by　a　gust　of　passion　at　her　confession。

〃Try　to　understand　that　I　am　fighting　for　both　of　us！〃　she　pleadedan
appeal　that　wrung　me　in　spite　of　the　pitch　to　which　my　feelings　had　been
raised。　　〃Hugh；　dear；　we　must　think　it　out。　　Don't　now。〃

I　let　her　hands　drop。。。。

Beyond　the　range　of　hills　rising　from　the　far　side　of　the　Ashuela　was　the
wide　valley　in　which　was　situated　the　Cloverdale　Country　Club；　with　its
polo　field；　golf　course　and　tennis　courts；　and　in　this　same　valley　some
of　our　wealthy　citizens；　such　as　Howard　Ogilvy　and　Leonard　Dickinson；　had
bought　〃farms；〃　week…end　playthings　for　spring　and　autumn。　　Hambleton
Durrett　had　started　the　fashion。　　Capriciously；　as　he　did　everything
else；　he　had　become　the　owner　of　several　hundred　acres　of　pasture；
woodland　and　orchard；　acquired　some　seventy…five　head　of　blooded　stock；
and　proceeded　to　house　them　in　model　barns　and　milk　by　machinery；　for
several　months　he　had　bored　everyone　in　the　Boyne　Club　whom　he　could
entice　into　conversation　on　the　subject　of　the　records　of　pedigreed　cows；
and　spent　many　bibulous　nights　on　the　farm　in　company　with　those
parasites　who　surrounded　him　when　he　was　in　town。　　Then　another　interest
had　intervened；　a　feminine　one；　of　course；　and　his　energies　were
transferred　（so　we　understood）　to　the　reconstruction　and　furnishing　of　a
little　residence　in　New　York；　not　far　from　Fifth　Avenue。　　The　farm
continued　under　the　expert　direction　of　a　superintendent　who　was　a
graduate　of　the　State　Agricultural　College；　and　a　select　clientele；　which
could　afford　to　pay　the　prices；　consumed　the　milk　and　cream　and　butter。
Quite　consistent　with　their　marital　relations　was　the　fact　that　Nancy
should　have　taken　a　fancy　to　the　place　after　Ham's　interest　had　waned。
Not　that　she　cared　for　the　Guernseys；　or　Jerseys；　or　whatever　they　may
have　been；　she　evinced　a　sudden　passion　for　simplicity；occasional
simplicity；　at　least；for　a　contrast　to　and　escape　from　a　complicated
life　of　luxury。　　She　built　another　house　for　the　superintendent　banished
him　from　the　little　farmhouse　（where　Ham　had　kept　two　rooms）；　banished
along　with　the　superintendent　the　stiff　plush　furniture；　the　yellow…red
carpets；　the　easels　and　the　melodeon；　and　decked　it　out　in　bright
chintzes；　with　wall…papers　to　match；　dainty　muslin　curtains；　and　rag…
carpet　rugs　on　the　hardwood　floors。　　The　pseudo…classic　porch　over　the
doorway；　which　had　suggested　a　cemetery；　was　removed；　and　a　wide　piazza
added；　furnished　with　wicker　lounging　chairs　and　tables；　and　shaded　with
gay　awnings。

Here；　to　the　farm；　accompanied　by　a　maid；　she　had　been　in　the　habit　of
retiring　from　time　to　time；　and　here　she　came　in　early　July。　　Here；
dressed　in　the　simplest　linen　gowns　of　pink　or　blue　or　white；　I　found　a
Nancy　magically　restored　to　girlhood；anew　Nancy；　betraying　only　traces
of　the　old；　a　new　Nancy　in　a　new　Eden。　　We　had　all　the　setting；　all　the
illusion　of　that　perfect　ideal　of　domesticity；　love　in　a　cottage。　　Nancy
and　I；　who　all　our　lives　had　spurned　simplicity；　laughed　over　the　joy　we
found　in　it：　she　made　a　high　art　of　it；　of　course；　we　had　our　simple
dinners；　which　Mrs。　Olsen　cooked　and　served　in　the　open　air；　sometimes　on
the　porch；　sometimes　under　the　great　butternut　tree　spreading　its　shade
over　what　in　a　more　elaborate　country…place；
would　have　been　called　a　lawn；an　uneven　plot　of　grass　of　ridges　and
hollows　that　ran　down　to　the　orchard。　　Nancy's　eyes　would　meet　mine
across　the　little　table；　and　often　our　gaze　would　wander　over　the
pastures　below；　lucent　green　in　the　level　evening　light；　to　the　darkening
woods　beyond；　gilt…tipped　in　the　setting　sun。　　There　were　fields　of
ripening　yellow　grain；　of　lusty　young　corn　that　grew　almost　as　we　watched
it：　the　warm　winds　of　evening　were　heavy　with　the　acrid　odours　of
fecundity。　　Fecundity！　　In　that　lay　the　elusive　yet　insistent　charm　of
that　country；　and　Nancy's；　of　course；　was　the　transforming　touch　that
made　it　paradise。　　It　was　thus；　in　the　country；　I　suggested　that　we
should　spend　the　rest　of　our　existence。　　What　was　the　use　of　amassing
money；　when　happiness　was　to　be　had　so　simply？

〃How　long　do　you　think　you　could　stand　it？〃　she　asked；　as　she　handed　me　a
plate　of　blackberries。

〃Forever；　with　the　right　woman；〃　I　announced。

〃How　long　could　the　woman　stand　it？〃。。。。　　She　humoured；　smilingly；　my
crystal…gazing　into　our　future；　as　though　she　had　not　the　heart　to
deprive　me　of　the　pleasure。

〃I　simply　can't　believe　in　it；　Hugh；〃　she　said　when　I　pressed　her　for　an
answer。

〃Why　not？〃

〃I　suppose　it's　because　I　believe　in　continuity；　I　haven't　the　romantic
temperament；I　always　see　the　angel　with　the　flaming　sword。　　It　isn't
that　I　want　to　see　him。〃

〃But　we　shall　redeem　ourselves；〃　I　said。　　〃It　won't　be　curiosity　and
idleness。　　We　are　not　just　taking　this　thing；　and　expecting　to　give
nothing　for　it　in　return。〃

〃What　can　we　give　that　is　worth　it？〃　she　exclaimed；　with　one　of　her
revealing　flashes。

〃We　won't　take　it　lightly；　but　seriously；〃　I　told　her。　　〃We　shall　find
something　to　give；　and　that　something　will　spring　naturally　out　of　our
love。　　We'll　read　together；　and　think　and　plan　together。〃

〃Oh；　Hugh；　you　are　incorrigible；〃　was　all　she　said。

The　male　tendency　in　me　was　forever　strained　to　solve　her；　to　deduce　from
her　conversation　and　conduct　a　body　of　consistent　law。　　The　effort　was
useless。　　Here　was　a　realm；　that　of　Nancy's　soul；　in　which　there　was
apparently　no　such　thing　as　relevancy。　　In　the　twilight；　after　dinner；　we
often　walked　through　the　orchard　to　a　grassy　bank　beside　the　little
stream；　where　we　would　sit　and　watch　the　dying　glow　in　the　sky。　　After　a
rain　its　swollen　waters　were　turbid；　opaque　yellow…red　with　the　clay　of
the　hills；　at　other　times　it　ran　smoothly；　temperately；　almost　clear
between　the　pasture　grasses　and　wild　flowers。　　Nancy　declared　that　it
reminded　her　of　me。　　We　sat　there；　int