my discovery of england-第24章

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ese　dogs。　The　witty　chairman；　the　prosy　chairman；　the　solemn　chairman；I　know　them　all。　As　soon　as　I　shake　hands　with　the　chairman　in　the　Committee　room　I　can　tell　exactly　how　he　will　act。

There　are　certain　types　of　chairmen　who　have　so　often　been　described　and　are　so　familiar　that　it　is　not　worth　while　to　linger　on　them。　Everybody　knows　the　chairman　who　says；　〃Now；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　you　have　not　come　here　to　listen　to　me。　So　I　will　be　very　brief；　in　fact；　I　will　confine　my　remarks　to　just　one　or　two　very　short　observations。〃　He　then　proceeds　to　make　observations　for　twenty…five　minutes。　At　the　end　of　it　he　remarks　with　charming　simplicity；　〃Now　I　know　that　you　are　all　impatient　to　hear　the　lecturer。　。　。　。〃

And　everybody　knows　the　chairman　who　comes　to　the　meeting　with　a　very　imperfect　knowledge　of　who　or　what　the　lecturer　is；　and　is　driven　to　introduce　him　by　saying：

〃Our　lecturer　of　the　evening　is　widely　recognised　as　one　of　the　greatest　authorities　on；　on；on　his　subject　in　the　world　to…day。　He　comes　to　us　from；　from　a　great　distance　and　I　can　assure　him　that　it　is　a　great　pleasure　to　this　audience　to　welcome　a　man　who　has　done　so　much　to；to；to　advance　the　interests　of；　of；　of　everything　as　he　has。〃

But　this　man；　bad　as　he　is；　is　not　so　bad　as　the　chairman　whose　preparation　for　introducing　the　speaker　has　obviously　been　made　at　the　eleventh　hour。　Just　such　a　chairman　it　was　my　fate　to　strike　in　the　form　of　a　local　alderman；　built　like　an　ox；　in　one　of　those　small　manufacturing　places　in　the　north　of　England　where　they　grow　men　of　this　type　and　elect　them　into　office。

〃I　never　saw　the　lecturer　before；〃　he　said；　〃but　I've　read　his　book。〃　（I　have　written　nineteen　books。）　〃The　committee　was　good　enough　to　send　me　over　his　book　last　night。　I　didn't　read　it　all　but　I　took　a　look　at　the　preface　and　I　can　assure　him　that　he　is　very　welcome。　I　understand　he　comes　from　a　college。　。　。　。〃　Then　he　turned　directly　towards　me　and　said　in　a　loud　voice；　〃What　was　the　name　of　that　college　over　there　you　said　you　came　from　？〃

〃McGill；〃　I　answered　equally　loudly。

〃He　comes　from　McGill；〃　the　chairman　boomed　out。　〃I　never　heard　of　McGill　myself　but　I　can　assure　him　he's　welcome。　He's　going　to　lecture　to　us　on；what　did　you　say　it　was　to　be　about？〃

〃It's　a　humorous　lecture；〃　I　said。

〃Ay；　it's　to　be　a　humorous　lecture；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　and　I'll　venture　to　say　it　will　be　a　rare　treat。　　I'm　only　sorry　I　can't　stay　for　it　myself　as　I　have　to　get　back　over　to　the　Town　Hall　for　a　meeting。　So　without　more　ado　I'll　get　off　the　platform　and　let　the　lecturer　go　on　with　his　humour。〃

A　still　more　terrible　type　of　chairman　is　one　whose　mind　is　evidently　preoccupied　and　disturbed　with　some　local　happening　and　who　comes　on　to　the　platform　with　a　face　imprinted　with　distress。　Before　introducing　the　lecturer　he　refers　in　moving　tones　to　the　local　sorrow；　whatever　it　is。　As　a　prelude　to　a　humorous　lecture　this　is　not　gay。

Such　a　chairman　fell　to　my　lot　one　night　before　a　gloomy　audience　in　a　London　suburb。　　〃As　I　look　about　this　hall　to…night；〃　he　began　in　a　doleful　whine；　〃I　see　many　empty　seats。〃　Here　he　stifled　a　sob。　〃Nor　am　I　surprised　that　a　great　many　of　our　people　should　prefer　to…night　to　stay　quietly　at　home〃

I　had　no　clue　to　what　he　meant。　I　merely　gathered　that　some　particular　sorrow　must　have　overwhelmed　the　town　that　day。

〃To　many　it　may　seem　hardly　fitting　that　after　the　loss　our　town　has　sustained　we　should　come　out　here　to　listen　to　a　humorous　lecture；〃；　〃What's　the　trouble？〃　I　whispered　to　a　citizen　sitting　beside　me　on　the　platform。

〃Our　oldest　resident〃he　whispered　back　〃he　died　this　morning。〃

〃How　old？〃

〃Ninety…four；〃　he　whispered。

Meantime　the　chairman；　with　deep　sobs　in　his　voice；　continued：

〃We　debated　in　our　committee　whether　or　not　we　should　have　the　lecture。　Had　it　been　a　lecture　of　another　character　our　position　would　have　been　less　difficult；〃；　By　this　time　I　began　to　feel　like　a　criminal。　　〃The　case　would　have　been　different　had　the　lecture　been　one　that　contained　information；　or　that　was　inspired　by　some　serious　purpose；　or　that　could　have　been　of　any　benefit。　But　this　is　not　so。　We　understand　that　this　lecture　which　Mr。　Leacock　has　already　given；　I　believe；　twenty　or　thirty　times　in　England；〃

Here　he　turned　to　me　with　a　look　of　mild　reproval　while　the　silent　audience；　deeply　moved；　all　looked　at　me　as　at　a　man　who　went　around　the　country　insulting　the　memory　of　the　dead　by　giving　a　lecture　thirty　times。

〃We　understand；　though　this　we　shall　have　an　opportunity　of　testing　for　ourselves　presently；　that　Mr。　Leacock's　lecture　is　not　of　a　character　which；has　not；　so　to　speak；　the　kind　of　value；　in　short；　is　not　a　lecture　of　that　class。〃

Here　he　paused　and　choked　back　a　sob。

〃Had　our　poor　friend　been　spared　to　us　for　another　six　years　he　would　have　rounded　out　the　century。　But　it　was　not　to　be。　For　two　or　three　years　past　he　has　noted　that　somehow　his　strength　was　failing；　that；　for　some　reason　or　other；　he　was　no　longer　what　he　had　been。　　Last　month　he　began　to　droop。　Last　week　he　began　to　sink。　Speech　left　him　last　Tuesday。　This　morning　he　passed；　and　he　has　gone　now；　we　trust；　in　safety　to　where　there　are　no　lectures。〃

The　audience　were　now　nearly　in　tears。

The　chairman　made　a　visible　effort　towards　firmness　and　control。

〃But　yet；〃　he　continued；　〃our　committee　felt　that　in　another　sense　it　was　our　duty　to　go　on　with　our　arrangements。　I　think；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　that　the　war　has　taught　us　all　that　it　is　always　our　duty　to　'carry　on；'　no　matter　how　hard　it　may　be；　no　matter　with　what　reluctance　we　do　it；　and　whatever　be　the　difficulties　and　the　dangers；　we　must　carry　on　to　the　end：　for　after　all　there　is　an　end　and　by　resolution　and　patience　we　can　reach　it。

〃I　will；　therefore；　invite　Mr。　Leacock　to　deliver　to　us　his　humorous　lecture；　the　title　of　which　I　have　forgotten；　but　I　understand　it　to　be　the　same　lecture　which　he　has　already　given　thirty　or　forty　times　in　England。〃

But　contrast　with　this　melancholy　man　the　genial　and　pleasing　person　who　introduced　me；　all　upside　down；　to　a　metropolitan　audience。

He　was　so　brisk；　so　neat；　so　sure　of　himself　that　it　didn't　seem　possible　that　he　could　make　any　kind　of　a　mistake。　I　thought　it　unnecessary　to　coach　him。　He　seemed　absolutely　all　right。

〃It　is　a　great　pleasure；〃he　said；　with　a　charming；　easy　appearance　of　being　entirely　at　home　on　the　platform；〃to　welcome　here　tonight　our　distinguished　Canadian　fellow　citizen；　Mr。　Learoyd〃he　turned　half　way　towards　me　as　he　spoke　with　a　sort　of　gesture　of　welcome；　admirably　executed。　If　only　my　name　had　been　Learoyd　instead　of　Leacock　it　would　have　been　excellent。

〃There　are　many　of　us；〃　he　continued；　〃who　have　awaited　Mr。　Learoyd's　coming　with　the　most　pleasant　anticipations。　We　seemed　from　his　books　to　know　him　already　as　an　old　friend。　In　fact　I　think　I　do　not　exaggerate　when　I　tell　Mr。　Learoyd　that　his　name　in　our　city　has　long　been　a　household　word。　I　have　very；　very　great　pleasure；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　in　introducing　to　you　Mr。　Learoyd。〃

As　far　as　I　know　that　chairman　never　knew　his　error。　At　the　close　of　my　lecture　he　said　that　he　was　sure　that　the　audience　〃were　deeply　indebted　to　Mr。　Learoyd；〃　and　then　with　a　few　words　of　rapid；　genial　apology　buzzed　off；　like　a　humming　bird；　to　other　avocations。　　But　I　have　amply　forgiven　him：　anything　for　kindness　and　geniality；　it　makes　the　whole　of　life　smooth。　If　that　chairman　ever　comes　to　my　home　town　he　is　hereby　invited　to　lunch　or　dine　with　me；　as　Mr。　Learoyd　or　under　any　name　that　he　selects。

Such　a　man　is；　after　all；　in　sharp　contrast　to　the　kind　of　chairman　who　has　no　native　sense　of　the　geniality　that　ought　to　accompany　his　office。　There　is；　for　example；　a　type　of　man　who　thinks　that　the　fitting　way　to　introduce　a　lecturer　is　to　say　a　few　words　about　the　finances　of　the　society　to　which　he　is　to　lecture　（for　money）　and　about　the　difficulty　of　getting　members　to　turn　out　to　hear　lectures。

Everybody　has　heard　such　a　speech　a　dozen　times。　But　it　is　the　paid　lecturer　sitting　on　the　platform　who　best　appreciates　it。　It　runs　like　this：

〃Now；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　before　I　invite　the　lecturer　of　the　eve