my discovery of england-第3章

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It　was　my　first　experience　of　travelling　with　a　fellow　passenger　in　a　compartment　of　an　English　train；　and　I　admit　now　that　I　was　as　yet　ignorant　of　the　proper　method　of　conduct。　Later　on　I　became　fully　conversant　with　the　rule　of　travel　as　understood　in　England。　　I　should　have　known；　of　course；　that　I　must　on　no　account　speak　to　the　man。　But　I　should　have　let　down　the　window　a　little　bit　in　such　a　way　as　to　make　a　strong　draught　on　his　ear。　　Had　this　failed　to　break　down　his　reserve　I　should　have　placed　a　heavy　valise　in　the　rack　over　his　head　so　balanced　that　it　might　fall　on　him　at　any　moment。　Failing　this　again；　I　could　have　blown　rings　of　smoke　at　him　or　stepped　on　his　feet　under　the　pretence　of　looking　out　of　the　window。　Under　the　English　rule　as　long　as　he　bears　this　in　silence　you　are　not　supposed　to　know　him。　In　fact；　he　is　not　supposed　to　be　there。　You　and　he　each　presume　the　other　to　be　a　mere　piece　of　empty　space。　But　let　him　once　be　driven　to　say；　〃Oh；　I　beg　your　pardon；　I　wonder　if　you　would　mind　my　closing　the　window；〃　and　he　is　lost。　After　that　you　are　entitled　to　tell　him　anything　about　the　corn　crop　that　you　care　to。

But　in　the　present　case　I　knew　nothing　of　this；　and　after　three　hours　of　charming　silence　I　found　myself　in　London。



II。　I　Am　Interviewed　by　the　Press

IMMEDIATELY　upon　my　arrival　in　London　I　was　interviewed　by　the　Press。　I　was　interviewed　in　all　twenty　times。　I　am　not　saying　this　in　any　spirit　of　elation　or　boastfulness。　I　am　simply　stating　it　as　a　factinterviewed　twenty　times；　sixteen　times　by　men　and　twice　by　women。　But　as　I　feel　that　the　results　of　these　interviews　were　not　all　that　I　could　have　wished；　I　think　it　well　to　make　some　public　explanation　of　what　happened。

The　truth　is　that　we　do　this　thing　so　differently　over　in　America　that　I　was　for　the　time　being　completely　thrown　off　my　bearings。　The　questions　that　I　had　every　right　to　expect　after　many　years　of　American　and　Canadian　interviews　failed　to　appear。

I　pass　over　the　fact　that　being　interviewed　for　five　hours　is　a　fatiguing　process。　I　lay　no　claim　to　exemption　for　that。　But　to　that　no　doubt　was　due　the　singular　discrepancies　as　to　my　physical　appearance　which　I　detected　in　the　London　papers。

The　young　man　who　interviewed　me　immediately　after　breakfast　described　me　as　〃a　brisk；　energetic　man；　still　on　the　right　side　of　forty；　with　energy　in　every　movement。〃

The　lady　who　wrote　me　up　at　11。30　reported　that　my　hair　was　turning　grey；　and　that　there　was　〃a　peculiar　languor〃　in　my　manner。

And　at　the　end　the　boy　who　took　me　over　at　a　quarter　to　two　said；　〃The　old　gentleman　sank　wearily　upon　a　chair　in　the　hotel　lounge。　His　hair　is　almost　white。〃

The　trouble　is　that　I　had　not　understood　that　London　reporters　are　supposed　to　look　at　a　man's　personal　appearance。　In　America　we　never　bother　with　that。　We　simply　describe　him　as　a　〃dynamo。〃　For　some　reason　or　other　it　always　pleases　everybody　to　be　called　a　〃dynamo；〃　and　the　readers；　at　least　with　us；　like　to　read　about　people　who　are　〃dynamos；〃　and　hardly　care　for　anything　else。

In　the　case　of　very　old　men　we　sometimes　call　them　〃battle…horses〃　or　〃extinct　volcanoes；〃　but　beyond　these　three　classes　we　hardly　venture　on　description。　So　I　was　misled。　I　had　expected　that　the　reporter　would　say：　〃As　soon　as　Mr。　Leacock　came　across　the　floor　we　felt　we　were　in　the　presence　of　a　'dynamo'　（or　an　'extinct　battle…horse'　as　the　case　may　be）。〃　Otherwise　I　would　have　kept　up　those　energetic　movements　all　the　morning。　But　they　fatigue　me；　and　I　did　not　think　them　necessary。　But　I　let　that　pass。

The　more　serious　trouble　was　the　questions　put　to　me　by　the　reporters。　Over　in　our　chief　centres　of　population　we　use　another　set　altogether。　I　am　thinking　here　especially　of　the　kind　of　interview　that　I　have　given　out　in　Youngstown；　Ohio；　and　Richmond；　Indiana；　and　Peterborough；　Ontario。　In　all　these　placesfor　example；　in　Youngstown；　Ohiothe　reporter　asks　as　his　first　question；　〃What　is　your　impression　of　Youngstown？〃

In　London　they　don't。　They　seem　indifferent　to　the　fate　of　their　city。　Perhaps　it　is　only　English　pride。　For　all　I　know　they　may　have　been　burning　to　know　this；　just　as　the　Youngstown；　Ohio；　people　are；　and　were　too　proud　to　ask。　In　any　case　I　will　insert　here　the　answer　I　had　written　out　in　my　pocket…book　（one　copy　for　each　paperthe　way　we　do　it　in　Youngstown）；　and　which　read：

〃London　strikes　me　as　emphatically　a　city　with　a　future。　Standing　as　she　does　in　the　heart　of　a　rich　agricultural　district　with　railroad　connection　in　all　directions；　and　resting；　as　she　must；　on　a　bed　of　coal　and　oil；　I　prophesy　that　she　will　one　day　be　a　great　city。〃

The　advantage　of　this　is　that　it　enables　the　reporter　to　get　just　the　right　kind　of　heading：　PROPHESIES　BRIGHT　FUTURE　FOR　LONDON。　　Had　that　been　used　my　name　would　have　stood　higher　there　than　it　does　to…dayunless　the　London　people　are　very　different　from　the　people　in　Youngstown；　which　I　doubt。　As　it　is　they　don't　know　whether　their　future　is　bright　or　is　as　dark　as　mud。　But　it's　not　my　fault。　The　reporters　never　asked　me。

If　the　first　question　had　been　handled　properly　it　would　have　led　up　by　an　easy　and　pleasant　transition　to　question　two；　which　always　runs：　〃Have　you　seen　our　factories？〃　To　which　the　answer　is：

〃I　have。　I　was　taken　out　early　this　morning　by　a　group　of　your　citizens　（whom　I　cannot　thank　enough）　in　a　Ford　car　to　look　at　your　pail　and　bucket　works。　At　eleven…thirty　I　was　taken　out　by　a　second　group　in　what　was　apparently　the　same　car　to　see　your　soap　works。　I　understand　that　you　are　the　second　nail…making　centre　east　of　the　Alleghenies；　and　I　am　amazed　and　appalled。　This　afternoon　I　am　to　be　taken　out　to　see　your　wonderful　system　of　disposing　of　sewerage；　a　thing　which　has　fascinated　me　from　childhood。〃

Now　I　am　not　offering　any　criticism　of　the　London　system　of　interviewing；　but　one　sees　at　once　how　easy　and　friendly　for　all　concerned　this　Youngstown　method　is；　how　much　better　it　works　than　the　London　method　of　asking　questions　about　literature　and　art　and　difficult　things　of　that　sort。　I　am　sure　that　there　must　be　soap　works　and　perhaps　a　pail　factory　somewhere　in　London。　　But　during　my　entire　time　of　residence　there　no　one　ever　offered　to　take　me　to　them。　As　for　the　sewerageoh；　well；　I　suppose　we　are　more　hospitable　in　America。　Let　it　go　at　that。

I　had　my　answer　all　written　and　ready；　saying：

〃I　understand　that　London　is　the　second　greatest　hop…consuming；　the　fourth　hog…killing；　and　the　first　egg…absorbing　centre　in　the　world。〃

But　what　I　deplore　still　more；　and　I　think　with　reason；　is　the　total　omission　of　the　familiar　interrogation：　〃What　is　your　impression　of　our　women？〃

That's　where　the　reporter　over　on　our　side　hits　the　nail　every　time。　That　is　the　point　at　which　we　always　nudge　him　in　the　ribs　and　buy　him　a　cigar；　and　at　which　youth　and　age　join　in　a　sly　jest　together。　Here　again　the　sub…heading　comes　in　so　nicely：　THINKS　YOUNGSTOWN　WOMEN　CHARMING。　And　they　are。　They　are；　everywhere。　But　I　hate　to　think　that　I　had　to　keep　my　impression　of　London　women　unused　in　my　pocket　while　a　young　man　asked　me　whether　I　thought　modern　literature　owed　more　to　observation　and　less　to　inspiration　than　some　other　kind　of　literature。

Now　that's　exactly　the　kind　of　question；　the　last　one；　that　the　London　reporters　seem　to　harp　on。　They　seemed　hipped　about　literature；　and　their　questions　are　too　difficult。　One　asked　me　whether　the　American　drama　was　structurally　inferior　to　the　French。　I　don't　call　that　fair。　I　told　him　I　didn't　know；　that　I　used　to　know　the　answer　to　it　when　I　was　at　college；　but　that　I　had　forgotten　it；　and　that；　anyway；　I　am　too　well　off　now　to　need　to　remember　it。

That　question　is　only　one　of　a　long　list　that　they　asked　me　about　art　and　literature。　I　missed　nearly　all　of　them；　except　one　as　to　whether　I　thought　Al　Jolson　or　Frank　Tinney　was　the　higher　artist；　and　even　that　one　was　asked　by　an　American　who　is　wasting　himself　on　the　London　Press。

I　don't　want　to　speak　in　anger。　But　I　say　it　frankly；　the　atmosphere　of　these　young　men　is　not　healthy；　and　I　felt　that　I　didn't　want　to　see　them　any　more。

Had　there　been　a　reporter　of　the　kind　we　have　at　home　in　Montreal　or　To