the grey room(灰房间)-第14章
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profession； loved sport； and professed conservative principles。
Experience stood in place of high qualifications； but he kept in touch with
medical progress； to the extent of reading about it and availing himself of
improved methods and preparations when opportunity offered。 He
examined the dead man very carefully； indicated how his posture might be
rendered more normal； and satisfied himself that human power was
incapable of restoring the vanished life。 He could discover no visible
indication of violence and no apparent excuse for Tom May's sudden end。
He listened with attention to the little that Henry Lennox could tell him；
and then went to see Mary May and her father。
The young wife had grown more collected； but she was dazed rather
than reconciled to her fate； her mind had not yet absorbed the full extent of
her sorrow。 She talked incessantly and dwelt on trivialities； as people
will under a weight of events too large to measure or discuss。
〃I am going to write to Tom's father；〃 she said。 〃This will be an
awful blow to him。 He was wrapped up in Tom。 And to think that I was
troubling about his letter！ He will never see the sea he loved so much
again。 He always hated that verse in the Bible that says there will be no
more sea。 I was asleep so near him last night。 Yet I never heard him cry
out or anything。〃
Mannering talked gently to her。
〃Be sure he did not cry out。 He felt no pain； no shock … I am sure of
that。 To die is no hardship to the dead； remember。 He is at peace； Mary。
You must come and see him presently。 Your father will call you soon。
There is just a look of wonder in his face … no fear； no suffering。 Keep
that in mind。〃
〃He could not have felt fear。 He knew of nothing that a brave man
might fear； except doing wrong。 Nobody knows how good he was but
me。 His father loved him fiercely； passionately； but he never knew how
good he was； because Tom did not think quite like old Mr。 May。 I must
write and say that Tom is dangerously ill； and cannot recover。 That will
break it to him。 Tom was the only earthly affection he had。 It will be
terrible when he comes。〃
They left her； and； after they had gone； she rose； fell on her knees； and
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so remained； motionless and tearless； for a long time。 Through her own
desolation； as yet unrealized； there still persisted the thought of her
husband's father。 It seemed that her mind could dwell on his isolation；
while powerless to present the truth of her husband's death to her。 By
some strange mental operation； not unbeneficent； she saw his grief more
vividly than as yet she felt her own。 She rose presently； quick…eared to
wait the call； and went to her desk in the window。 Then she wrote a letter
to her father…in…law； and pictured his ministering at that moment to his
church。 Her inclination was to soften the blow； yet she knew that could
only be a cruel kindness。 She told him； therefore； that his son must die。
Then she remembered that he was so near。 A telegram must go rather
than a letter； and he would be at Chadlands before nightfall。 She
destroyed her letter and set about a telegram。 Jane Bond came in； and
she asked her to dispatch the telegram as quickly as possible。 Her old
nurse； an elderly spinster； to whom Mary was the first consideration in
existence； had brought her a cup of soup and some toast。 It had seemed
to Jane the right thing to do。
Mary thanked her and drank a little。 She passed through a mental
phase as of dreaming … a sensation familiar in sleep； but she knew that this
was not a sleeping but a waking experience。 She waited for her father；
yet dreaded to hear him return。 She thought of human footsteps and the
difference between them。 She remembered that she would never hear
Tom's long stride again。
It often broke into a run； she remembered； as he approached her； and
she would often run toward him； too … to banish the space that separated
them。 She blamed herself bitterly that she had decreed to sleep in her old
nursery。 She had loved it so； and the small bed that had held her from
childhood； yet； if she had slept with him； this might not have happened。
〃To think that only a wall separated us！〃 she kept saying to herself。
〃And I sleeping and dreaming of him； and he dying only a few yards
away。〃
Death was no disaster for Tom； so the doctor had said。 What
worthless wisdom！ And perhaps not even wisdom。 Who knows what a
disaster death may be？ And who would ever know what he had felt at
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the end； or what his mind had suffered if time had been given him to
understand that he was going to die？ She worked herself into agony； lost
self…control at last and wept； with Jane Bond's arms round her。
〃And I was so troubled； because I thought he had been called back to
his ship！〃 she said。
〃He's called to a better place than a ship； dear love；〃 sobbed Jane。
After they left her； Sir Walter and Dr。 Mannering had entered the Grey
Room for a moment and； standing there； spoke together。
〃I have a strange consciousness that I am living over the past again；〃
declared the physician。 〃Things were just so when that poor woman；
Nurse Forrester … you remember。〃
〃Yes。 I felt the same when Caunter was breaking open the door。 I
faced the worst from the beginning； for the moment I heard what he had
done； I somehow knew that my unfortunate son…in…law was dead。 I
directly negatived his suggestion last night； and never dreamed that he
would have gone on with it when he knew my wish。〃
〃Doubtless he did not realize how much in earnest you were on the
subject。 This may well prove as impossible to understand as the nurse's
death。 I do not say it will； but I suspect it will。 A perfectly healthy
creature cut off in a moment and nothing to show us why … absolutely
nothing。〃
〃A death without a cause … a negation of science surely？〃
〃There is a cause； but I do not think this dreadful tragedy will reveal
it；〃 answered the doctor。 〃I pray it may； however； for all our sakes；〃 he
continued。 〃It is impossible to say how deeply I feel this for her； but also
for you； and myself； too。 He was one of the best； a good sportsman and a
good man。〃
〃And a great loss to the Service；〃 added Sir Walter。 〃I have not
considered all this means yet。 My thoughts are centred on Mary。〃
〃You must let me spare you all I can； my friend。 There will be an
inquest； of course； and an inquiry。 Also a po
