classic mystery and detective stories-第87章

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〃What　is　life　after　all　but　one　long　death？〃　he　went　on；　with

sudden　violence。　　〃Our　pleasures；　our　hopes；　our　youth　are　all

dying；　ambition　dies；　and　even　desire　at　last；　our　passions　and

tastes　will　die；　or　will　live　only　to　mourn　their　dead　opportunity。

The　happiness　of　love　dies　with　the　loss　of　the　loved；　and；　worst

of　all；　love　itself　grows　old　in　our　hearts　and　dies。　　Why　should

we　shrink　only　from　the　one　death　which　can　free　us　from　all　the

others？〃



〃It　is　not　true；　Alan！〃　I　cried；　hotly。　　〃What　you　say　is　not　true。

There　are　many　things　even　here　which　are　living　and　shall　live；

and　if　it　were　otherwise；　in　everything；　life　that　ends　in　death　is

better　than　no　life　at　all。〃



〃You　say　that；〃　he　answered；　〃because　for　you　these　things　are　yet

living。　　To　leave　life　now；　therefore；　while　it　is　full　and　sweet；

untainted　by　death；　surely　that　is　not　a　fate　to　fear。　　Better；　a

thousand　times　better；　to　see　the　cord　cut　with　one　blow　while　it

is　still　whole　and　strong；　and　to　launch　out　straight　into　the

great　ocean；　than　to　sit　watching　through　the　slow　years；　while

strand　after　strand；　thread　by　thread；　loosens　and　unwinds　itself；

each　with　its　own　separate　pang　breaking；　bringing　the　bitterness

of　death　without　its　release。



His　manner；　the　despairing　ring　in　his　voice；　alarmed　me　even　more

than　his　words。　　Clinging　to　his　arm　with　both　hands；　while　the

tears　sprang　to　my　eyes



〃Alan；〃　I　cried；　〃don't　say　such　things；don't　talk　like　that。

You　are　making　me　miserable。〃



He　stopped　short　at　my　words；　with　bent　head；　his　features　hidden

in　the　shadow　thus　cast　upon　them；nothing　in　his　motionless　form

to　show　what　was　passing　within　him。　　Then　he　looked　up；　and　turned

his　face　to　the　moonlight　and　to　me；　laying　his　hand　on　one　of

mine。



〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　he　said；　〃it　is　all　right；　my　little　David。　　You

have　driven　the　evil　spirit　away。〃　　And　lifting　my　hand；　he　pressed

it　gently　to　his　lips。　　Then　drawing　it　within　his　arm；　he　went　on；

as　he　walked　forward；　〃And　even　when　it　was　on　me　at　its　worst；　I

was　not　meditating　suicide；　as　I　think　you　imagine。　　I　am　a　very

average　specimen　of　humanity；neither　brave　enough　to　defy　the

possibilities　of　eternity　nor　cowardly　enough　to　shirk　those　of

time。　　No；　I　was　only　trying　idiotically　to　persuade　a　girl　of

eighteen　that　life　was　not　worth　living；　and　more　futilely　still；

myself；　that　I　did　not　wish　her　to　live。　　I　am　afraid；　that　in　my

mind　philosophy　and　fact　have　but　small　connection　with　each　other；

and　though　my　theorizing　for　your　welfare　may　be　true　enough；　yet；

I　cannot　help　it；　Evie；it　would　go　terribly　hard　with　me　if

anything　were　to　happen　to　you。〃



His　voice　trembled　as　he　finished。　　My　fear　had　gone　with　his

return　to　his　natural　manner；　but　my　bewilderment　remained。



〃Why　SHOULD　there　anything　happen　to　me？〃　I　asked。



〃That　is　just　it；〃　he　answered；　after　a　pause；　looking　straight　in

front　of　him　and　drawing　his　hand　wearily　over　his　brow。　　〃I　know

of　no　reason　why　there　should。〃　　Then　giving　a　sigh；　as　if　finally

to　dismiss　from　his　mind　a　worrying　subject〃I　have　acted　for　the

best；〃　he　said；　〃and　may　God　forgive　me　if　I　have　done　wrong。〃



There　was　a　little　silence　after　that；　and　then　he　began　to　talk

again；　steadily　and　quietly。　　The　subject　was　deep　enough　still；　as

deep　as　any　that　we　had　touched　upon；　but　both　voice　and　sentiment

were　calm；　bringing　peace　to　my　spirit；　and　soon　making　me　forget

the　wonder　and　fear　of　a　few　moments　before。　　Very　openly　did　he

talk　as　we　passed　on　across　the　long　trunk　shadows　and　through　the

glades　of　silver　light；　and　I　saw　farther　then　into　the　most　sacred

recesses　of　his　soul　than　I　have　ever　done　before　or　since。



When　we　reached　home　the　moon　had　already　set；　but　some　of　her

beams　seemed　to　have　been　left　behind　within　my　heart；　so　pure　and

peaceful　was　the　light　which　filled　it。



The　same　feeling　continued　with　me　all　through　that　evening。　　After

dinner　some　of　the　party　played　and　sang。　　As　it　was　Sunday；　and

Lucy　was　rigid　in　her　views；　the　music　was　of　a　sacred　character。

I　sat　in　a　low　armchair　in　a　dark　corner　of　the　room；　my　mind　too

dreamy　to　think；　and　too　passive　to　dream。　　I　hardly　interchanged

three　words　with　Alan；　who　remained　in　a　still　darker　spot；

invisible　and　silent　the　whole　time。　　Only　as　we　left　the　room　to

go　to　bed；　I　heard　Lucy　ask　him　if　he　had　a　headache。　　I　did　not

hear　his　answer；　and　before　I　could　see　his　face　he　had　turned　back

again　into　the　drawing…room。





V





It　was　early；　and　when　first　I　got　to　my　room　I　felt　little

inclined　for　sleep。　　I　wandered　to　the　window；　and　drawing　aside

the　curtains；　looked　out　upon　the　still；　starlit　sky。　　At　least　I

should　rest　quiet　to…night。　　The　air　was　very　clear；　and　the　sky

seemed　full　of　stars。　　As　I　stood　there　scraps　of　schoolroom

learning　came　back　to　my　mind。　　That　the　stars　were　all　suns；

surrounded　perhaps　in　their　turn　by　worlds　as　large　or　larger　than

our　own。　　Worlds　beyond　worlds；　and　others　farther　still；　which　no

man　might　number　or　even　descry。　　And　about　the　distance　of　those

wonderful　suns　too；that　one；　for　instance；　at　which　I　was

looking；what　was　it　that　I　had　been　told？　　That　our　world　was　not

yet　peopled；　perhaps　not　yet　formed；　when　the　actual　spot　of　light

which　now　struck　my　sight　first　started　from　the　star's　surface！

While　it　flashed　along；　itself　the　very　symbol　of　speed；　the　whole

of　mankind　had　had　time　to　be　born；　and　live；　and　die！



My　gaze　dropped；　and　fell　upon　the　dim；　half…seen　outline　of　the

Dead　Stone。　　That　woman　too。　　While　that　one　ray　speeded　towards　me

her　life　had　been　lived　and　ended；　and　her　body　had　rotted　away

into　the　ground。　　How　close　together　we　all　were！　　Her　life　and

mine；　our　joys；　sufferings；　deathsall　crowded　together　into　the

space　of　one　flash　of　light！　　And　yet　there　was　nothing　there　but　a

horrible　skeleton　of　dead　bones；　while　I！



I　stopped　with　a　shudder；　and　turned　back　into　the　room。　　I　wished

that　Alan　had　not　told　me　what　lay　under　the　stone；　I　wished　that　I

had　never　asked　him。　　It　was　a　ghastly　thing　to　think　about；　and

spoilt　all　the　beauty　of　the　night　to　me。



I　got　quickly　into　bed；　and　soon　dropped　asleep。　　I　do　not　know　how

long　I　slept；　but　when　I　woke　it　was　with　the　consciousness　again

of　that　haunting　wind。



It　was　worse　than　ever。　　The　world　seemed　filled　with　its　din。

Hurling　itself　passionately　against　the　house；　it　gathered　strength

with　every　gust；　till　it　seemed　as　if　the　old　walls　must　soon　crash

in　ruins　round　me。　　Gust　upon　gust；　blow　upon　blow；　swelling；

lessening；　never　ceasing。　　The　noise　surrounded　me；　it　penetrated

my　inmost　being；　as　all…pervading　as　silence　itself；　and　wrapping

me　in　a　solitude　even　more　complete。　　There　was　nothing　left　in　the

world　but　the　wind　and　I；　and　then　a　weird　intangible　doubt　as　to

my　own　identity　seized　me。　　The　wind　was　real；　the　wind　with　its

echoes　of　passion　and　misery　from　the　eternal　abyss；　but　was　there

anything　else？　　What　was；　and　what　had　been；　the　world　of　sense　and

of　knowledge；　my　own　consciousness；　my　very　self；all　seemed

gathered　up　and　swept　away　in　that　one　sole…existent　fury　of　sound。



I　pulled　myself　together；　and　getting　out　of　bed；　groped　my　way　to

the　table　which　stood　between　the　bed　and　the　fireplace。　　The

matches　were　there；　and　my　half…burnt　candle；　which　I　lit。　　The

wind　penetrating　the　rattling　casement　circled　round　the　room；　and

the　flame　of　my　candle　bent　and　flared　and　shrank　before　it；

throwing　strange　moving　lights　and　shadows　in　every　corner。　　I

stood　there　shivering　in　my　thin　nightdress；　half　stunned　by　the

cataract　of　noise　beating　on　the　walls　outside；　and　peered

anxiously　around　me。　　The　room　was　not　the　same。　　Something　was

changed。　　What　was　it？　　How　the　shadows　leaped　and　fell；　dancing　in

time　to　the　wind's　music。　　Everything　seemed　alive。　　I　turned　my

h