the hand of ethelberta-第39章

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Picotee；　and　what　would　be　the　best　thing　to　do'

'Ah；　well　you　may；　Berta。　　I　am　so　uneasy　about　this　life　you　have
led　us　into；　and　full　of　fear　that　your　plans　may　break　down；　if
they　do；　whatever　will　become　of　us？　　I　know　you　are　doing　your
best；　but　I　cannot　help　thinking　that　the　coming　to　London　and
living　with　you　was　wild　and　rash；　and　not　well　weighed　afore　we　set
about　it。　　You　should　have　counted　the　cost　first；　and　not　advised
it。　　If　you　break　down；　and　we　are　all　discovered　living　so　queer
and　unnatural；　right　in　the　heart　of　the　aristocracy；　we　should　be
the　laughing…stock　of　the　country：　　it　would　kill　me；　and　ruin　us
allutterly　ruin　us！'

'O　mother；　I　know　all　that　so　well！'　exclaimed　Ethelberta；　tears　of
anguish　filling　her　eyes。　　'Don't　depress　me　more　than　I　depress
myself　by　such　fears；　or　you　will　bring　about　the　very　thing　we
strive　to　avoid！　　My　only　chance　is　in　keeping　in　good　spirits；　and
why　don't　you　try　to　help　me　a　little　by　taking　a　brighter　view　of
things？'

'I　know　I　ought　to；　my　dear　girl；　but　I　cannot。　　I　do　so　wish　that　I
never　let　you　tempt　me　and　the　children　away　from　the　Lodge。　　I
cannot　think　why　I　allowed　myself　to　be　so　persuadedcannot　think！
You　are　not　to　blameit　is　I。　　I　am　much　older　than　you；　and　ought
to　have　known　better　than　listen　to　such　a　scheme。　　This　undertaking
seems　too　bigthe　bills　frighten　me。　　I　have　never　been　used　to
such　wild　adventure；　and　I　can't　sleep　at　night　for　fear　that　your
tale…telling　will　go　wrong；　and　we　shall　all　be　exposed　and　shamed。
A　story…teller　seems　such　an　impossible　castle…in…the…air　sort　of　a
trade　for　getting　a　living　byI　cannot　think　how　ever　you　came　to
dream　of　such　an　unheard…of　thing。'

'But　it　is　NOT　a　castle　in　the　air；　and　it　DOES　get　a　living！'　said
Ethelberta；　her　lip　quivering。

'Well；　yes；　while　it　is　just　a　new　thing；　but　I　am　afraid　it　cannot
lastthat's　what　I　fear。　　People　will　find　you　out　as　one　of　a
family　of　servants；　and　their　pride　will　be　stung　at　having　gone　to
hear　your　romancing；　then　they　will　go　no　more；　and　what　will　happen
to　us　and　the　poor　little　ones？'

'We　must　all　scatter　again！'

'If　we　could　get　as　we　were　once；　I　wouldn't　mind　that。　　But　we
shall　have　lost　our　character　as　simple　country　folk　who　know
nothing；　which　are　the　only　class　of　poor　people　that　squires　will
give　any　help　to；　and　I　much　doubt　if　the　girls　would　get　places
after　such　a　discoveryit　would　be　so　awkward　and　unheard…of。'

'Well；　all　I　can　say　is；'　replied　Ethelberta；　'that　I　will　do　my
best。　　All　that　I　have　is　theirs　and　yours　as　much　as　mine；　and
these　arrangements　are　simply　on　their　account。　　I　don't　like　my
relations　being　my　servants；　but　if　they　did　not　work　for　me；　they
would　have　to　work　for　others；　and　my　service　is　much　lighter　and
pleasanter　than　any　other　lady's　would　be　for　them；　so　the
advantages　are　worth　the　risk。　　If　I　stood　alone；　I　would　go　and
hide　my　head　in　any　hole；　and　care　no　more　about　the　world　and　its
ways。　　I　wish　I　was　well　out　of　it；　and　at　the　bottom　of　a　quiet
graveanybody　might　have　the　world　for　me　then！　　But　don't　let　me
disturb　you　longer；　it　is　getting　late。'

Ethelberta　then　wished　her　mother　good…night；　and　went　away。　　To
attempt　confidences　on　such　an　ethereal　matter　as　love　was　now
absurd；　her　hermit　spirit　was　doomed　to　dwell　apart　as　usual；　and
she　applied　herself　to　deep　thinking　without　aid　and　alone。　　Not
only　was　there　Picotee's　misery　to　disperse；　it　became　imperative　to
consider　how　best　to　overpass　a　more　general　catastrophe。



24。　ETHELBERTA'S　HOUSE　（continued）　…　THE　BRITISH　MUSEUM

Mrs。　Chickerel；　in　deploring　the　risks　of　their　present　speculative
mode　of　life；　was　far　from　imagining　that　signs　of　the　foul　future
so　much　dreaded　were　actually　apparent　to　Ethelberta　at　the　time　the
lament　was　spoken。　　Hence　the　daughter's　uncommon　sensitiveness　to
prophecy。　　It　was　as　if　a　dead…reckoner　poring　over　his　chart　should
predict　breakers　ahead　to　one　who　already　beheld　them。

That　her　story…telling　would　prove　so　attractive　Ethelberta　had　not
ventured　to　expect　for　a　moment；　that　having　once　proved　attractive
there　should　be　any　falling…off　until　such　time　had　elapsed　as　would
enable　her　to　harvest　some　solid　fruit　was　equally　a　surprise。
Future　expectations　are　often　based　without　hesitation　upon　one
happy　accident；　when　the　only　similar　condition　remaining　to
subsequent　sets　of　circumstances　is　that　the　same　person　forms　the
centre　of　them。　　Her　situation　was　so　peculiar；　and　so　unlike　that
of　most　public　people；　that　there　was　hardly　an　argument　explaining
this　triumphant　opening　which　could　be　used　in　forecasting　the
close；　unless；　indeed；　more　strategy　were　employed　in　the　conduct　of
the　campaign　than　Ethelberta　seemed　to　show　at　present。

There　was　no　denying　that　she　commanded　less　attention　than　at
first：　　the　audience　had　lessened；　and；　judging　by　appearances；
might　soon　be　expected　to　be　decidedly　thin。　　In　excessive　lowness
of　spirit；　Ethelberta　translated　these　signs　with　the　bias　that　a
lingering　echo　of　her　mother's　dismal　words　naturally　induced；
reading　them　as　conclusive　evidence　that　her　adventure　had　been
chimerical　in　its　birth。　　Yet　it　was　very　far　less　conclusive　than
she　supposed。　　Public　interest　might　without　doubt　have　been　renewed
after　a　due　interval；　some　of　the　falling…off　being　only　an　accident
of　the　season。　　Her　novelties　had　been　hailed　with　pleasure；　the
rather　that　their　freshness　tickled　than　that　their　intrinsic　merit
was　appreciated；　and；　like　many　inexperienced　dispensers　of　a　unique
charm；　Ethelberta；　by　bestowing　too　liberally　and　too　frequently；
was　destroying　the　very　element　upon　which　its　popularity　depended。
Her　entertainment　had　been　good　in　its　conception；　and　partly　good
in　its　execution；　yet　her　success　had　but　little　to　do　with　that
goodness。　　Indeed；　what　might　be　called　its　badness　in　a　histrionic
sensethat　is；　her　look　sometimes　of　being　out　of　place；　the　sight
of　a　beautiful　woman　on　a　platform；　revealing　tender　airs　of
domesticity　which　showed　her　to　belong　by　character　to　a　quiet
drawing…roomhad　been　primarily　an　attractive　feature。　　But　alas；
custom　was　staling　this　by　improving　her　up　to　the　mark　of　an　utter
impersonator；　thereby　eradicating　the　pretty　abashments　of　a　poetess
out　of　her　sphere；　and　more　than　one　well…wisher　who　observed
Ethelberta　from　afar　feared　that　it　might　some　day　come　to　be　said
of　her　that　she　had

　　　　　'Enfeoffed　herself　to　popularity：
　　　　　　That；　being　daily　swallowed　by　men's　eyes；
　　　　　　They　surfeited　with　honey；　and　began
　　　　　　To　loathe　the　taste　of　sweetness；　whereof　a　little
　　　　　　More　than　a　little　is　by　much　too　much。'

But　this　in　its　extremity　was　not　quite　yet。

We　discover　her　one　day；　a　little　after　this　time；　sitting　before　a
table　strewed　with　accounts　and　bills　from　different　tradesmen　of
the　neighbourhood；　which　she　examined　with　a　pale　face；　collecting
their　totals　on　a　blank　sheet。　　Picotee　came　into　the　room；　but
Ethelberta　took　no　notice　whatever　of　her。　　The　younger　sister；　who
subsisted　on　scraps　of　notice　and　favour；　like　a　dependent　animal；
even　if　these　were　only　an　occasional　glance　of　the　eye；　could　not
help　saying　at　last；　'Berta；　how　silent　you　are。　　I　don't　think　you
know　I　am　in　the　room。'

'I　did　not　observe　you；'　said　Ethelberta。　　'I　am　very　much　engaged：
these　bills　have　to　be　paid。'

'What；　and　cannot　we　pay　them？'　said　Picotee；　in　vague　alarm。

'O　yes；　I　can　pay　them。　　The　question　is；　how　long　shall　I　be　able
to　do　it？'

'That　is　sad；　and　we　are　going　on　so　nicely；　too。　　It　is　not　true
that　you　have　really　decided　to　leave　off　story…telling　now　the
people　don't　crowd　to　hear　it　as　they　did？'

'I　think　I　shall　leave　off。'

'And　begin　again　next　year？'

'That　is　very　doubtful。'

'I'll　tell　you　what　you　might　do；'　said　Picotee；　her　face　kindling
with　a　sense　of　great　originality。　　'You　might　travel　about　to
country　towns　and　tell　your　story　splendidly。'

'A　man　in　my　position　might　perhaps　do　it　with　impunity；　but　I　could
not　without　losing　ground　in　other　domains。　　A　woman　may　drive　to
Mayfair　from　her　house　in