she-第26章
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done forever with these earthy thoughts and miserable
desires； no longer； like those corpse candles； to be
tossed this way and that； by forces beyond our
control； or which； if we can theoretically control
them； we are at times driven by the exigencies of our
nature to obey！ Yes； to cast them off； to have done
with the foul and thorny places of the world； and；
like to those glittering points above me； to rest on
high wrapped forever in the brightness of our better
selves； that even now shines in us as fire faintly
shines within those lurid balls； and lay down our
littleness in that wide glory of our dreams； that
invisible but surrounding good； from which all truth
and beauty comes！
These and many such thoughts passed through my mind
that night。 They come to torment us all at times。 I
say to torment； for； alas！ thinking can only serve to
measure out the helplessness of thought。 What is the
use of our feeble crying in the awful silences of
space！ Can our dim intelligence read the secrets of
that star…strewn sky？ Does any answer come out of it？
Never any at all； nothing but echoes and fantastic
visions。 And yet we believe that there is an answer；
and that upon a time a new Dawn will come blushing
down the ways of our enduring night。 We believe it；
for its reflected beauty even now shines up
continually in our hearts from beneath the horizon of
the grave； and we call it Hope。 Without Hope we should
suffer moral death； and by the help of Hope we yet may
climb to heaven； or at the worst； if she also prove
but a kindly mockery given to hold us from despair； be
gently lowered into the abysses of eternal sleep。
Then I fell to reflecting upon the undertaking on
which we were bent； and what a wild one it was； and
yet how strangely the story seemed to fit in with what
had been written centuries ago upon the sherd。 Who was
this extraordinary woman； queen over a people
apparently as extraordinary as herself； and reigning
amidst the vestiges of a lost civilization？ And what
was the meaning of this story of the Fire that gave
unending life？ Could it be possible that any fluid or
essence should exist which might so fortify these
fleshy walls that they should from age to age resist
the mines and batterings of decay？ It was possible；
though not probable。 The indefinite continuation of
life would not； as poor Vincey said； be so marvellous
a thing as the production of life and its temporary
endurance。 And if it were true； what then？ The person
who found it could no doubt rule the world。 He could
accumulate all the wealth in the world； and all the
power； and all the wisdom that is power。 He might give
a lifetime to the study of each art or science。 Well；
if that were so； and this _i_ She _i_ were practically
immortal； which I did not for one moment believe； how
was it that； with all these things at her feet； she
preferred to remain in a cave among a society of
cannibals？ This surely settled the question。 The whole
story was monstrous； and only worthy of the
superstitious days in which it was written。 At any
rate I was very sure that I would not attempt to
attain unending life。 I had had far too many worries
and disappointments and secret bitternesses during my
forty odd years of existence to wish that this state
of affairs should be continued indefinitely。 And yet I
suppose that my life has been； comparatively speaking；
a happy one。
And then； reflecting that at the present moment there
was far more likelihood of our earthly careers being
cut exceedingly short than of their being unduly
prolonged； I at last managed to get to sleep； a fact
for which anybody who reads this narrative； if anybody
ever does； may very probably be thankful。
When I woke again it was just dawning； and the guard
and bearers were moving about like ghosts through the
dense morning mists； getting ready for our start。 The
fire had died quite down； and I rose and stretched
myself； shivering in every limb from the damp cold of
the dawn。 Then I looked at Leo。 He was sitting up；
holding his hands to his head； and I saw that his face
was flushed and his eye bright； and yet yellow round
the pupil。
〃Well； Leo；〃 I said； 〃how do you feel？〃
〃I feel as though I were going to die；〃 he answered；
hoarsely。 〃My head is splitting； my body is trembling；
and I am as sick as a cat。〃
I whistled； or if I did not whistle I felt inclined
toLeo had got a sharp attack of fever。 I went to
Job； and asked him for the quinine； of which
fortunately we had still a good supply； only to find
that Job himself was not much better。 He complained of
pains across the back； and dizziness； and was almost
incapable of helping himself。 Then I did the only
thing it was possible to do under the circumstances
gave them both about ten grains of quinine； and took a
slightly smaller dose myself as a matter of
precaution。 After that I found Billali； and explained
to him how matters stood； asking at the same time what
he thought had best be done。 He came with me； and
looked at Leo and Job （whom； by the way； he had named
the Pig； on account of his fatness； round face； and
small eyes）。
〃Ah；〃 he said； when we were out of earshot； 〃the
fever！ I thought so。 The Lion has it badly； but he is
young； and he may live。 As for the Pig； his attack is
not so bad； it is the little fever which he has； that
always begins with pains across the back； it will
spend itself upon his fat。〃
〃Can they go on； my father？〃 I asked。
〃Nay； my son； they must go on。 If they stop here they
will certainly die； also； they will be better in the
litters than on the ground。 By to…night； if all goes
well； we shall be across the marsh and in good air。
Come； let us lift them into the litters and start； for
it is very bad to stand still in this morning fog。 We
can eat our meal as we go。〃
This we accordingly did； and with a heavy heart I once
more set out upon our strange journey。 For the first
three hours all went as well as could be expected； and
then an accident happened that nearly lost us the
pleasure of the company of our venerable friend
Billali； whose litter was leading the cavalcade。 We
were going through a particularly dangerous stretch of
quagmire； in which the bearers sometimes sank up to
their knees。 Indeed； it was a mystery to me how they
contrived to carry the heavy litters at all over such
ground as that which we were traversing； though the
two spare hands； as well as the four regular ones； had
of course to put their shoulders to the pole。
Presently； as we blundered and floundered along； there
was a sharp cry； then a storm of exclamations； and；
last of all； a most tremendous splash； and the whole
caravan halted。
I jumped out of my litter and ran forward。 About
twenty yards ahead was the edge of one of those sullen
peaty pools of which I have spoken； the path we were
following running along the top of its bank； that； as
it happened； was a steep one。 Looking towards this
pool； to my horror I saw that Billali's litter was
floating on it； and as for Billali himself； he was
nowhere to be seen。 To make matters clear I may as
well explain at once what had happened。 One of。
Billali's bearers had unfortunately trodden on a
basking snake； which had bitten him in the leg；
whereon he had； not unnaturally； let go of the pole；
and then； finding that he was tumbling down the bank；
grasped at the litter to save himself。 The result of
this was what might have been expected。 The litter was
pulled over the edge of the bank； the bearers let go；
and the whole thing； including Billali and the man who
had been bitten； rolled into the slimy pool。 When I
got to the edge of the water neither of them were to
be seen； and； indeed； the unfortunate bearer never was
seen again。 Either he struck his head against
something； or got wedged in the mud； or possibly the
snake…bite paralyzed him。 At any rate； he vanished。
But though Billali was not to be seen； his whereabouts
was clear enough from the agitation of the floating
litter； in the bearing cloth and curtains of which he
