she-第46章

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I　have　it；　for　he　is　in　the　very　jaws　of　death；　whence　
no　power　of　mine　can　draw　him。　And　if　he　die；　surely　
must　the　Hell　be　lived　through　once　moreonce　more　
must　I　face　the　weary　centuries；　and　wait；　and　wait　
till　the　time　in　its　fulness　shall　bring　my　beloved　
back　to　me。　And　then　thou　gavest　him　the　medicine；　and　
that　five　minutes　dragged　along　before　I　knew　if　he　
would　live　or　die；　and　I　tell　thee　that　all　the　sixty　
generations　that　are　gone　were　not　so　long　as　that　
five　minutes。　But　they　passed　at　length；　and　still　he　
showed　no　sign；　and　I　knew　that　if　the　drug　works　not　
then；　so　far　as　I　have　had　knowledge；　it　works　not　at　
all。　Then　thought　I　that　he　was　once　more　dead；　and　
all　the　tortures　of　all　the　years　gathered　themselves　
into　a　single　venomed　spear；　and　pierced　me　through　
and　through；　because　once　again　I　had　lost　
Kallikrates！　And　then；　when　all　was　done；　behold！　he　
sighed；　behold！　he　lived；　and　I　knew　that　he　would　
live；　for　none　die　on　whom　the　drug　takes　hold。　Think　
of　it　now；　my　Hollythink　of　the　wonder　of　it！　He　
will　sleep　for　twelve　hours；　and　then　the　fever　will　
have　left　him！〃

　_i_　She　_i_　stopped；　and　laid　her　hand　upon　the　
golden　head；　and　then　bent　down　and　kissed　the　brow　
with　a　chastened　abandonment　of　tenderness　that　would　
have　been　beautiful　to　behold　had　not　the　sight　cut　me　
to　the　heartfor　I　was　jealous！

CHAPTER　XVIII

GO；　WOMAN！

THEN　followed　a　silence　of　a　minute　or　so；　during　
which　_i_　She　_i_　appeared；　if　one　might　judge　from　
the　almost　angelic　rapture　of　her　facefor　she　looked　
angelic　sometimesto　be　plunged　in　a　happy　ecstasy。　
Suddenly；　however；　a　new　thought　struck　her；　and　her　
expression　became　the　very　reverse　of　angelic。

〃Almost　had　I　forgotten；〃　she　said；　〃that　woman；　
Ustane。　What　is　she　to　Kallikrateshis　servant；　or〃　
and　she　paused；　and　her　voice　trembled。

I　shrugged　my　shoulders。　〃I　understand　that　she　is　wed　
to　him　according　to　the　custom　of　the　Amahagger；〃　I　
answered；　〃but　I　know　not。〃

Her　face　grew　dark　as　a　thundercloud。　Old　as　she　was；　
Ayesha　had　not　outlived　jealousy。

〃Then　there　is　an　end；〃　she　said；　〃she　must　die；　even　
now！〃

〃For　what　crime？〃　I　asked；　horrified。　〃She　is　guilty　
of　naught　that　thou　art　not　guilty　of　thyself；　O　
Ayesha。　She　loves　the　man；　and　he　has　been　pleased　to　
accept　her　love：　where；　then；　is　her　Sin？〃

〃Truly；　O　Holly；　thou　art　foolish；〃　she　answered；　
almost　petulantly。　〃Where　is　her　sin？　Her　sin　is　that　
she　stands　between　me　and　my　desire。　Well　I　know　that　
I　can　take　him　from　herfor　dwells　there　a　man　upon　
this　earth；　O　Holly；　who　could　resist　me　if　I　put　out　
my　strength？　Men　are　faithful　for　so　long　only　as　
temptations　pass　them　by。　If　the　temptation　be　but　
strong　enough；　then　will　the　man　yield；　for　every　man；　
like　every　rope；　hath　his　breaking　strain；　and　passion　
is　to　men　what　gold　and　power　are　to　womenthe　weight　
upon　their　weakness。　Believe　me；　ill　will　it　go　with　
mortal　women　in　that　heaven　of　which　thou　speakest；　if　
only　the　spirits　be　more　fair；　for　their　lords　will　
never　turn　to　look　upon　them；　and　their　heaven　will　
become　their　hell。　For　man　can　be　bought　with　woman's　
beauty；　if　it　be　but　beautiful　enough；　and　woman's　
beauty　can　be　ever　bought　with　gold；　if　only　there　be　
gold　enough。　So　was　it　in　my　day；　and　so　it　will　be　to　
the　end　of　time。　The　world　is　a　great　mart；　my　Holly；　
where　all　things　are　for　sale　to　him　who　bids　the　
highest　in　the　currency　of　our　desires。〃

These　remarks；　which　were　as　cynical　as　might　have　
been　expected　from　a　woman　of　Ayesha's　age　and　
experience；　jarred　upon　me；　and　I　answered；　testily；　
that　in　our　heaven　there　was　no　marriage　or　giving　in　
marriage。

〃Else　would　it　not　be　heaven；　dost　thou　mean？〃　she　put　
in。　〃Fie　upon　thee；　Holly；　to　think　so　ill　of　us　poor　
women！　Is　it；　then；　marriage　that　marks　the　line　
between　thy　heaven　and　thy　hell？　But　enough　of　this。　
This　is　no　time　for　disputing　and　the　challenge　of　our　
wits。　Why　dost　thou　always　dispute？　Art　thou　also　a　
philosopher　of　these　latter　days？　As　for　this　woman；　
she　must　die；　for　though　I　can　take　her　lover　from　
her；　yet；　while　she　lived；　might　he　think　tenderly　of　
her；　and　that　I　cannot　away　with。　No　other　woman　shall　
dwell　in　my　lord's　thoughts；　my　empire　shall　be　all　my　
own。　She　hath　had　her　day；　let　her　be　content；　for　
better　is　an　hour　with　love　than　a　century　of　
lonelinessnow　the　night　shall　swallow　her。〃

〃Nay；　nay；〃　I　cried；　〃it　would　be　a　wicked　crime；　and　
from　a　crime　naught　comes　but　what　is　evil。　For　thine　
own　sake　do　not　this　deed。〃

〃Is　it；　then；　a　crime；　O　foolish　man；　to　put　away　that　
which　stands　between　us　and　our　ends？　Then　is　our　life　
one　long　crime；　my　Holly；　for　day　by　day　we　destroy　
that　we　may　live；　since　in　this　world　none　save　the　
strongest　can　endure。　Those　who　are　weak　must　perish；　
the　earth　is　to　the　strong；　and　the　fruits　thereof。　
For　every　tree　that　grows；　a　score　shall　wither；　that　
the　strong　ones　may　take　their　share。　We　run　to　place　
and　power　over　the　dead　bodies　of　those　who　fail　and　
fall；　ay；　we　win　the　food　we　eat　from　out　the　mouths　
of　starving　babes。　It　is　the　scheme　of　things。　Thou　
sayest；　too；　that　a　crime　breeds　evil；　but　therein　
thou　dost　lack　experience；　for　out　of　crimes　come　many　
good　things；　and　out　of　good　grows　much　evil。　The　
cruel　rage　of　the　tyrant　may　prove　a　blessing　to　
thousands　who　come　after　him；　and　the　sweet…
heartedness　of　a　holy　man　may　make　a　nation　slaves。　
Man　doeth　this　and　doeth　that　from　the　good　or　evil　of　
his　heart；　but　he　knoweth　not　to　what　end　his　moral　
sense　doth　prompt　him；　for　when　he　striketh　he　is　
blind　to　where　the　blow　shall　fall；　nor　can　he　count　
the　airy　threads　that　weave　the　web　of　circumstance。　
Good　and　evil；　love　and　hate；　night　and　day；　sweet　and　
bitter；　man　and　woman；　heaven　above　and　earth　beneath…
…all　these　things　are　necessary　one　to　the　other；　and　
who　knows　the　end　of　each？　I　tell　thee　that　there　is　a　
hand　of　Fate　that　twines　them　up　to　bear　the　burden　of　
its　purpose；　and　all　things　are　gathered　in　that　great　
rope　to　which　all　things　are　needful。　Therefore　doth　
it　not　become　us　to　say　this　thing　is　evil　and　this　
good；　or　the　dark　is　hateful　and　the　light　lovely；　for　
to　other　eyes　than　ours　the　evil　may　be　the　good　and　
the　darkness　more　beautiful　than　the　day；　or　all　alike　
be　fair。　Hearest　thou；　my　Holly？〃

I　felt　it　was　hopeless　to　argue　against　casuistry　of　
this　nature；　which；　if　it　were　carried　to　its　logical　
conclusion；　would　absolutely　destroy　all　morality；　as　
we　understand　it。　But　her　talk　gave　me　a　fresh　thrill　
of　fear；　for　what　may　not　be　possible　to　a　being　who；　
unconstrained　by　human　law；　is　also　absolutely　
unshackled　by　a　moral　sense　of　right　and　wrong；　which；　
however　partial　and　conventional　it　may　be；　is　yet　
based；　as　our　conscience　tells　us；　upon　the　great　wall　
of　individual　responsibility　that　marks　off　mankind　
from　the　beasts。

But　I　was　deeply　anxious　to　save　Ustane；　whom　I　liked　
and　respected；　from　the　dire　fate　that　overshadowed　
her　at　the　hands　of　her　mighty　rival。　So　I　made　one　
more　appeal。

〃Ayesha；〃　I　said；　〃thou　art　too　subtle　for　me；　but　
thou　thyself　hast　told　me　that　each　man　should　be　a　
law　unto　himself；　and　follow　the　teaching　of　his　
heart。　Hath　thy　heart　no　mercy　towards　her　whose　place　
thou　wouldst　take？　Bethink　thee；　as　thou　sayest
though　to　me　the　thing　is　incrediblehim　whom　thou　
desirest　has　returned　to　thee　after　many　ages；　and　but　
now　thou　hast；　as　thou　sayest　also；　wrung　him　from　the　
jaws　of　death。　Wilt　thou　celebrate　his　coming　by　the　
murder　of　one　who　loved　him；　and　whom　perchance　he　
lovedone；　at　the　least　who　saved　his　life　for　thee　
when　the　spears　of　thy　slaves　would　have　made　an　end　
thereof？　Thou　sayest　also　that　in　past　days　thou　didst　
grievously　wrong　this　man；　that　with　thine　own　hand　
thou　didst　slay　him　because　of　the　Egyptian　Amenartas　
whom　he　loved。〃

〃How　knowest　thou　that；　O　stranger？　How　knowest　thou　
that　name？　I　spoke　it　not　to　thee；〃　she　broke　in　with　
a　cry；　catching　at　my　arm。

〃Perchance　I　dreamed　it；〃　I　answered；　〃s