hard cash-第131章

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〃Oh；　fie！〃　said　Eliza　to　one；　〃you　know　you　were　at　the　head　of　it。〃

She　pointed　out　two　as　the　leaders。　The　Archbold　instantly　had　them　seized　by　the　otherswho；　with　treachery　equal　to　their　cowardice；　turned　eagerly　against　their　fellow…culprits；　to　make　friends　with　Powerand；　inviting　all　the　sensible　maniacs　who　had　been　tanked；　to　assist　or　inspect；　she　bared　her　own　statuesque　arms；　and；　ably　aided；　soon　plunged　the　offenders；　screaming；　crying；　and　whining；　like　spaniel　bitches　whipped；　under　the　dirty　water。　They　swallowed　some；　and　appreciated　their　own　acts。　Then　she　forced　them　to　walk　twice　round　the　yard　with　their　wet　clothes　clinging　to　them；　hooted　by　the　late　victims。

〃There；〃　said　Alfred；　〃let　that　teach　you　men　will　not　own　hyaenas　in　petticoats　for　women。〃

Poor　Alfred　took　all　the　credit　of　this　performance；　but　in　fact；　when　the　Archbold　invited　him　to　bear　a　hand；　he　showed　the　white　feather。

_〃I_　won't　touch　the　blackguardesses；〃　said　he；　haughtily　turning　it　off　on　the　score　of　contempt。　_〃You_　give　it　them！　Again；　again！　Brava！〃

Mosaic　retribution　completed；　Mrs。　Archbold　told　the　nurses　if　ever　〃tanking　recurred　she　would　bundle　the　whole　female　staff　into　the　street；　and　then　have　them　indicted　by　the　Commissioners。〃

These　virtuous　acts　did　Edith　Archbold　for　love　for　a　young　man。　Whether　mad　women　or　sane；　women　pregnant；　or　the　reverse；　were　tanked　or　not；　she　cared　at　heart　no　more　than　whether　sheep　were　washed　or　no　in　Ettrick's　distant　dale。　She　was　retiring　with　a　tender　look　at　Alfred；　and　her　pulse　secretly　unaccelerated　by　sheep…washing　of　she…wolves；　when　her　grateful　favourite　appealed　to　her　again：

〃Dear　Mrs。　Archbold；　shall　we　punish　and　not　comfort？　This　poor　Mrs。　Dale！〃

The　Archbold　could　have　boxed　his　ears。　〃Dear　boy；〃　she　murmured　tenderly；　〃you　teach　us　all　our　duty。〃　She　visited　the　tanked　one；　found　her　in　a　cold　room　after　it；　shivering　like　ague；　and　her　teeth　chattering。　Mrs。　Archbold　had　her　to　the　fire；　and　got　her　warm　clothes　and　a　pint　of　wine；　and　probably　saved　her　life　and　her　child'sfor　love　of　a　young　man。

Why　I　think　Mrs。　Dale　would　otherwise　have　left　this　shifting　scene；　Mrs。　Carey；　the　last　woman　in　her　condition　they　tanked　and　then　turned　into　a　flagged　cell　that　only　wanted　one　frog　of　a　grotto；　was　found　soon　after　moribund；　on　which　they　bundled　her　out　of　the　asylum　to　die。　She　did　die　next　day；　at　home；　but　murdered　by　the　asylum；　and　they　told　the　Commissioners　she　died　through　her　friends　taking　her　away　from　the　asylum　too　soon。　The　Commissioners　had　nothing　to　do　but　believe　this；　and　did　believe　it。　Inspectors　who　visit　a　temple　of　darkness；　lies；　cunning；　and　hypocrisy；　four　times　a　year；　know　mighty　little　of　what　goes　on　there　the　odd　three　hundred　and　sixty…one　days；　five　hours；　forty…eight　minutes；　and　fifty…seven　seconds。*

*　Arithmetic　of　my　boyhood。　I　hear　the　world　revolves　some　minutes　quicker　now。

〃Now；　Alfred；〃　said　Mrs。　Archbold；　〃I　can't　be　everywhere；　or　know　everything；　so　you　come　to　me　when　anything　grieves　you；　and　let　me　be　the　agent　of　your　humanity。〃

She　said　this　so　charmingly　he　was　surprised　into　kissing　her　fair　hand；　then　blushed；　and　thanked　her　warmly。　Thus　she　established　a　chain　between　them。　When　he　let　too　long　elapse　without　appealing　to　her；　she　would　ask　his　advice　about　the　welfare　of　this　or　that　patient；　and　so　she　cajoled　him　by　the　two　foibles　she　had　discerned　in　himhis　vanity　and　his　humanity。

Besides　Alfred；　there　were　two　patients　in　Drayton　House　who　had　never　been　insane；　a　young　man；　and　an　old　woman；　of　whom　anon。　There　were　also　three　ladies　and　one　gentleman；　who　had　been　deranged；　but　had　recovered　years　ago。　This　little　incident；　Recovery；　is　followed　in　a　public　asylum　by　instant　discharge；　but；　in　a　private　one；　Money；　not　Sanity；　is　apt　to　settle　the　question　of　egress。　The　gentleman's　case　was　scarce　credible　in　the　nineteenth　century：　years　ago；　being　undeniably　cracked；　he　had　done　what　Dr。　Wycherley　told　Alfred　was　a　sure　sign　of　sanity：　_i。e。；_　he　had　declared　himself　insane；　and　had　even　been　so　reasonable　as　to　sign　his　own　order　and　certificates；　and　so　imprison　himself　illegally；　but　with　perfect　ease；　no　remonstrance　against　that　illegality　from　the　guardians　of　the　law！　When　he　got　what　plain　men　call　sane；　he　naturally　wanted　to　be　free；　and　happening　to　remember　he　alone　had　signed　the　order　of　imprisonment；　and　the　imaginary　doctor's　certificates；　he　claimed　his　discharge　from　illegal　confinement。　Answer：　〃First　obtain　a　legal　order　for　your　discharge。〃　On　this　he　signed　an　order　for　his　discharge。　〃That　is　not　a　legal　order。〃〃It　is　as　legal　as　the　order　on　which　I　am　here。〃　〃Granted；　but；　legally　or　not；　the　asylum　has　got　you；　the　open　air　has　not　got　you。　Possession　is　ninety…nine　points　of　Lunacy　law。　Die　your　own　illegal　prisoner；　and　let　your　kinsfolk　eat　your　land；　and　drink　your　consols；　and　bury　you　in　a　pauper's　shroud〃　All　that　Alfred　could　do　for　these　victims　was　to　promise　to　try　and　get　them　out　some　day；　D。V。　But　there　was　a　weak…minded　youth；　Francis　Beverley；　who　had　the　honour　to　be　under　the　protection　of　the　Lord　Chancellor。　Now　a　lunatic　or　a　Softy；　protected　by　that　functionary；　is　literally　a　lamb　protected　by　a　wolf；　and　that　wolf　_ex　officio_　the　cruellest；　cunningest　old　mangler　and　fleecer　of　innocents　in　Christendom。　Chancery　lunatics　are　the　richest　class；　yet　numbers　of　them　are　flung　among　pauper　and　even　criminal　lunatics；　at　a　few　pounds　a　year；　while　their　committees　bag　four…fifths　of　the　money　that　has　been　assigned　to　keep　the　patient　in　comfort。

Unfortunately　the　protection　of　the　Chancellor　extends　to　Life　and　Reason；　as　well　as　Fleece；　with　the　following　result：

In　public　asylums　about　forty　per　cent。　are　said　to　be　cured。

In　private　ones　twenty…five　per　cent；　at　least；　most　of　them　poorish。

Of　Chancery　Lunatics　not　five　per　cent。

Finally；　one…third　of　all　the　Chancery　Lunatics　do　every　six　years　exchange　the　living　tombs　they　are　fleeced　and　bullied　in　for　dead　tombs　where　they　rest；　and　go　from　the　sham　protection　of　the　Lord　Chancellor　of　England　to　the　real　protection　of　their　Creator　and　their　Judge。

These　statistics　have　been　long　before　the　world；　and　are　dead　figures　to　the　Skimmer　of　things；　but　tell　a　dark　tale　to　the　Reader　of　things；　so　dark；　that　I　pray　Heaven　to　protect　me；　and　all　other　weak　inoffensive　persons；　from　the　protection　of　my　Lord　Chancellor　in　this　kind。

Beverley　was　so　unfortunate　as　to　exist　before　the　date　of　the　above　petition：　and　suffered　the　consequences。

He　was　an　aristocrat　by　birth；　noble　on　both　sides　of　his　house；　and　unluckily　had　money。　But　for　that　he　would　have　been　a　labouring　man；　and　free。　My　Lord　Protector　committed　him　with　six　hundred　pounds　a　year　maintenance　money　to　the　care　of　his　committee；　the　Honourable　Fynes　Beverley。

Now　this　corporate；　yet　honourable　individual；　to　whom　something　was　committed；　and　so　Chancery　Lane　called　him　in　its　own　sweet　French　the　thing　committed；　was　a　gentleman　of　birth；　breeding；　and　intelligence。　He　undertook　to　take　care　of　his　simple　cousin；　and　what　he　did　take　care　of　was　himself。

　　　　　THE　SUB…LETTING　SWINDLE。

I。　The　Honourable　Fynes　Beverley；　Anglo…French　committee；　or　crown　tenant；　sub…let　soft　Francis　for　L。　300　a　year；　pocketed　L。　300；　and　washed　his　hands　of　Frank。

2。　Mr。　Heselden；　the　sub…tenant；　sub…let　the　Softy　of　high　degree　for　L。　150；　pocketed　the　surplus；　and　washed　his　hands　of　him。

3。　The　L。　150　man　sub…let　him　to　Dr。　Wolf　at　L。　60　a　year；　pouched　the　surplus；　and　washed　his　hands　of　him。

And　now　what　on　earth　was　left　for　poor　Dr。　Wolf　to　do？　Could　he　sub…embezzle　a　Highlander's　breeks？　Could　he　subtract　more　than　her　skin　from　off　the　singed　cat？　Could　he　peel　the　core　of　a　rotten　apple？　Could　he　pare　a　grated　cheese　rind？　Could　he　flay　a　skinned　flint？　Could　he　fleece　a　hog　after　Satan　had　shaved　it　as　clean　as　a　bantam's　egg？

Let　no　man　dare　to　limit　genius；　least　of　all　the　genius　of　extortion。

Dr。　Wolf　screwed　comparatively　more　out　of　young　Frank　than　did　any　of　the　preceding　screws。　He　turned　him　into　a　servant　of　all　work　and　half　starved　him；　money