roughing it-第77章

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went　away　for　a　week　and　left　me　the　post　of　chief　editor。　　It　destroyed
me。　　The　first　day；　I　wrote　my　〃leader〃　in　the　forenoon。　　The　second　day；
I　had　no　subject　and　put　it　off　till　the　afternoon。　　The　third　day　I　put
it　off　till　evening；　and　then　copied　an　elaborate　editorial　out　of　the
〃American　Cyclopedia；〃　that　steadfast　friend　of　the　editor；　all　over　this
land。　　The　fourth　day　I　〃fooled　around〃　till　midnight；　and　then　fell　back
on　the　Cyclopedia　again。　　The　fifth　day　I　cudgeled　my　brain　till
midnight；　and　then　kept　the　press　waiting　while　I　penned　some　bitter
personalities　on　six　different　people。　　The　sixth　day　I　labored　in
anguish　till　far　into　the　night　and　brought　forthnothing。　　The　paper
went　to　press　without　an　editorial。　　The　seventh　day　I　resigned。　　On　the
eighth；　Mr。　Goodman　returned　and　found　six　duels　on　his　handsmy
personalities　had　borne　fruit。

Nobody；　except　he　has　tried　it；　knows　what　it　is　to　be　an　editor。　　It　is
easy　to　scribble　local　rubbish；　with　the　facts　all　before　you；　it　is　easy
to　clip　selections　from　other　papers；　it　is　easy　to　string　out　a
correspondence　from　any　locality；　but　it　is　unspeakable　hardship　to　write
editorials。　　Subjects　are　the　troublethe　dreary　lack　of　them；　I　mean。
Every　day；　it　is　drag；　drag；　dragthink；　and　worry　and　sufferall　the
world　is　a　dull　blank；　and　yet　the　editorial　columns　must　be　filled。
Only　give　the　editor　a　subject；　and　his　work　is　doneit　is　no　trouble　to
write　it　up；　but　fancy　how　you　would　feel　if　you　had　to　pump　your　brains
dry　every　day　in　the　week；　fifty…two　weeks　in　the　year。　　It　makes　one　low
spirited　simply　to　think　of　it。　　The　matter　that　each　editor　of　a　daily
paper　in　America　writes　in　the　course　of　a　year　would　fill　from　four　to
eight　bulky　volumes　like　this　book！　　Fancy　what　a　library　an　editor's
work　would　make；　after　twenty　or　thirty　years'　service。　　Yet　people　often
marvel　that　Dickens；　Scott；　Bulwer；　Dumas；　etc。；　have　been　able　to
produce　so　many　books。　　If　these　authors　had　wrought　as　voluminously　as
newspaper　editors　do；　the　result　would　be　something　to　marvel　at；　indeed。
How　editors　can　continue　this　tremendous　labor；　this　exhausting
consumption　of　brain　fibre　（for　their　work　is　creative；　and　not　a　mere
mechanical　laying…up　of　facts；　like　reporting）；　day　after　day　and　year
after　year；　is　incomprehensible。　　Preachers　take　two　months'　holiday　in
midsummer；　for　they　find　that　to　produce　two　sermons　a　week　is　wearing；
in　the　long　run。　　In　truth　it　must　be　so；　and　is　so；　and　therefore；　how
an　editor　can　take　from　ten　to　twenty　texts　and　build　upon　them　from　ten
to　twenty　painstaking　editorials　a　week　and　keep　it　up　all　the　year
round；　is　farther　beyond　comprehension　than　ever。　　Ever　since　I　survived
my　week　as　editor；　I　have　found　at　least　one　pleasure　in　any　newspaper
that　comes　to　my　hand；　it　is　in　admiring　the　long　columns　of　editorial；
and　wondering　to　myself　how　in　the　mischief　he　did　it！

Mr。　Goodman's　return　relieved　me　of　employment；　unless　I　chose　to　become
a　reporter　again。　　I　could　not　do　that；　I　could　not　serve　in　the　ranks
after　being　General　of　the　army。　　So　I　thought　I　would　depart　and　go
abroad　into　the　world　somewhere。　　Just　at　this　juncture；　Dan；　my
associate　in　the　reportorial　department；　told　me；　casually；　that　two
citizens　had　been　trying　to　persuade　him　to　go　with　them　to　New　York　and
aid　in　selling　a　rich　silver　mine　which　they　had　discovered　and　secured
in　a　new　mining　district　in　our　neighborhood。　　He　said　they　offered　to
pay　his　expenses　and　give　him　one　third　of　the　proceeds　of　the　sale。
He　had　refused　to　go。　　It　was　the　very　opportunity　I　wanted。　　I　abused
him　for　keeping　so　quiet　about　it；　and　not　mentioning　it　sooner。　　He　said
it　had　not　occurred　to　him　that　I　would　like　to　go；　and　so　he　had
recommended　them　to　apply　to　Marshall；　the　reporter　of　the　other　paper。
I　asked　Dan　if　it　was　a　good；　honest　mine；　and　no　swindle。　　He　said　the
men　had　shown　him　nine　tons　of　the　rock；　which　they　had　got　out　to　take
to　New　York；　and　he　could　cheerfully　say　that　he　had　seen　but　little　rock
in　Nevada　that　was　richer；　and　moreover；　he　said　that　they　had　secured　a
tract　of　valuable　timber　and　a　mill…site；　near　the　mine。　　My　first　idea
was　to　kill　Dan。　　But　I　changed　my　mind；　notwithstanding　I　was　so　angry；
for　I　thought　maybe　the　chance　was　not　yet　lost。　　Dan　said　it　was　by　no
means　lost；　that　the　men　were　absent　at　the　mine　again；　and　would　not　be
in　Virginia　to　leave　for　the　East　for　some　ten　days；　that　they　had
requested　him　to　do　the　talking　to　Marshall；　and　he　had　promised　that　he
would　either　secure　Marshall　or　somebody　else　for　them　by　the　time　they
got　back；　he　would　now　say　nothing　to　anybody　till　they　returned；　and
then　fulfil　his　promise　by　furnishing　me　to　them。

It　was　splendid。　　I　went　to　bed　all　on　fire　with　excitement；　for　nobody
had　yet　gone　East　to　sell　a　Nevada　silver　mine；　and　the　field　was　white
for　the　sickle。　　I　felt　that　such　a　mine　as　the　one　described　by　Dan
would　bring　a　princely　sum　in　New　York；　and　sell　without　delay　or
difficulty。　　I　could　not　sleep；　my　fancy　so　rioted　through　its　castles　in
the　air。　　It　was　the　〃blind　lead〃　come　again。

Next　day　I　got　away；　on　the　coach；　with　the　usual　eclat　attending
departures　of　old　citizens；for　if　you　have　only　half　a　dozen　friends
out　there　they　will　make　noise　for　a　hundred　rather　than　let　you　seem　to
go　away　neglected　and　unregrettedand　Dan　promised　to　keep　strict　watch
for　the　men　that　had　the　mine　to　sell。

The　trip　was　signalized　but　by　one　little　incident；　and　that　occurred
just　as　we　were　about　to　start。　　A　very　seedy　looking　vagabond　passenger
got　out　of　the　stage　a　moment　to　wait　till　the　usual　ballast　of　silver
bricks　was　thrown　in。　　He　was　standing　on　the　pavement；　when　an　awkward
express　employee；　carrying　a　brick　weighing　a　hundred　pounds；　stumbled
and　let　it　fall　on　the　bummer's　foot。　　He　instantly　dropped　on　the　ground
and　began　to　howl　in　the　most　heart…breaking　way。　　A　sympathizing　crowd
gathered　around　and　were　going　to　pull　his　boot　off；　but　he　screamed
louder　than　ever　and　they　desisted；　then　he　fell　to　gasping；　and　between
the　gasps　ejaculated　〃Brandy！　　for　Heaven's　sake；　brandy！〃　　They　poured
half　a　pint　down　him；　and　it　wonderfully　restored　and　comforted　him。
Then　he　begged　the　people　to　assist　him　to　the　stage；　which　was　done。
The　express　people　urged　him　to　have　a　doctor　at　their　expense；　but　he
declined；　and　said　that　if　he　only　had　a　little　brandy　to　take　along　with
him；　to　soothe　his　paroxyms　of　pain　when　they　came　on；　he　would　be
grateful　and　content。　　He　was　quickly　supplied　with　two　bottles；　and　we
drove　off。　　He　was　so　smiling　and　happy　after　that；　that　I　could　not
refrain　from　asking　him　how　he　could　possibly　be　so　comfortable　with　a
crushed　foot。

〃Well；〃　said　he；　〃I　hadn't　had　a　drink　for　twelve　hours；　and　hadn't　a
cent　to　my　name。　　I　was　most　perishingand　so；　when　that　duffer　dropped
that　hundred…pounder　on　my　foot；　I　see　my　chance。　　Got　a　cork　leg；　you
know！〃　and　he　pulled　up　his　pantaloons　and　proved　it。

He　was　as　drunk　as　a　lord　all　day　long；　and　full　of　chucklings　over　his
timely　ingenuity。

One　drunken　man　necessarily　reminds　one　of　another。　　I　once　heard　a
gentleman　tell　about　an　incident　which　he　witnessed　in　a　Californian　bar…
room。　　He　entitled　it　〃Ye　Modest　Man　Taketh　a　Drink。〃　　It　was　nothing　but
a　bit　of　acting；　but　it　seemed　to　me　a　perfect　rendering；　and　worthy　of
Toodles　himself。　　The　modest　man；　tolerably　far　gone　with　beer　and　other
matters；　enters　a　saloon　（twenty…five　cents　is　the　price　for　anything　and
everything；　and　specie　the　only　money　used）　and　lays　down　a　half　dollar；
calls　for　whiskey　and　drinks　it；　the　bar…keeper　makes　change　and　lays　the
quarter　in　a　wet　place　on　the　counter；　the　modest　man　fumbles　at　it　with
nerveless　fingers；　but　it　slips　and　the　water　holds　it；　he　contemplates
it；　and　tries　again；　same　result；　observes　that　people　are　interested　in
what　he　is　at；　blushes；　fumbles　at　the　quarter　againblushesputs　his
forefinger　carefully；　slowly　down；　to　make　sure　of　his　aimpushes　the
coin　toward　the　bar…keeper；　and　says　with　a　sigh：

〃Gimme　a　cigar！〃

Naturally；　another　gentleman　p