the ragged trousered philanthropists-第97章

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eing　them　coming　from　that　direction　should　think　they　had　been　there。　　But　all　the　same；　some　of　them　allowed　their　children　to　go　there　by　stealth；　by　night；　to　buy　some　of　this　charity…tainted　food。

Another　brilliant　scheme；　practical　and　statesmanlike；　so　different　from　the　wild　projects　of　demented　Socialists；　was　started　by　the　Rev。　Mr　Bosher；　a　popular　preacher；　the　Vicar　of　the　fashionable　Church　of　the　Whited　Sepulchre。　　He　collected　some　subscriptions　from　a　number　of　semi…imbecile　old　women　who　attended　his　church。　　With　some　of　this　money　he　bought　a　quantity　of　timber　and　opened　what　he　called　a　Labour　Yard；　where　he　employed　a　number　of　men　sawing　firewood。　　Being　a　clergyman；　and　because　he　said　he　wanted　it　for　a　charitable　purpose；　of　course　he　obtained　the　timber　very　cheaply　…　for　about　half　what　anyone　else　would　have　had　to　pay　for　it。

The　wood…sawing　was　done　piecework。　　A　log　of　wood　about　the　size　of　a　railway　sleeper　had　to　be　sawn　into　twelve　pieces；　and　each　of　these　had　to　be　chopped　into　four。　　For　sawing　and　chopping　one　log　in　this　manner　the　worker　was　paid　ninepence。　　One　log　made　two　bags　of　firewood；　which　were　sold　for　a　shilling　each　…　a　trifle　under　the　usual　price。　　The　men　who　delivered　the　bags　were　paid　three　half…pence　for　each　two　bags。

As　there　were　such　a　lot　of　men　wanting　to　do　this　work；　no　one　was　allowed　to　do　more　than　three　lots　in　one　day　…　that　came　to　two　shillings　and　threepence　…　and　no　one　was　allowed　to　do　more　than　two　days　in　one　week。

The　Vicar　had　a　number　of　bills　printed　and　displayed　in　shop　windows　calling　attention　to　what　he　was　doing；　and　informing　the　public　that　orders　could　be　sent　to　the　Vicarage　by　post　and　would　receive　prompt　attention　and　the　fuel　could　be　delivered　at　any　address　…　Messrs　Rushton　&　Co。　having　very　kindly　lent　a　handcart　for　the　use　of　the　men　employed　at　the　Labour　Yard。

As　a　result　of　the　appearance　of　this　bill；　and　of　the　laudatory　notices　in　the　columns　of　the　Ananias；　the　Obscurer；　and　the　Chloroform　…　the　papers　did　not　mind　giving　the　business　a　free　advertisement；　because　it　was　a　charitable　concern　…　many　persons　withdrew　their　custom　from　those　who　usually　supplied　them　with　firewood；　and　gave　their　orders　to　the　Yard；　and　they　had　the　satisfaction　of　getting　their　fuel　cheaper　than　before　and　of　performing　a　charitable　action　at　the　same　time。

As　a　remedy　for　unemployment　this　scheme　was　on　a　par　with　the　method　of　the　tailor　in　the　fable　who　thought　to　lengthen　his　cloth　by　cutting　a　piece　off　one　end　and　sewing　it　on　to　the　other；　but　there　was　one　thing　about　it　that　recommended　it　to　the　Vicar　…　it　was　self…supporting。　　He　found　that　there　would　be　no　need　to　use　all　the　money　he　had　extracted　from　the　semi…imbecile　old　ladies　for　timber；　so　he　bought　himself　a　Newfoundland　dog；　an　antique　set　of　carved　ivory　chessmen；　and　a　dozen　bottles　of　whisky　with　the　remainder　of　the　cash。

The　reverend　gentleman　hit　upon　yet　another　means　of　helping　the　poor。　He　wrote　a　letter　to　the　Weekly　Chloroform　appealing　for　cast…off　boots　　for　poor　children。　　This　was　considered　such　a　splendid　idea　that　the　　editors　of　all　the　local　papers　referred　to　it　in　leading　articles；　and　several　other　letters　were　written　by　prominent　citizens　extolling　the　wisdom　and　benevolence　of　the　profound　Bosher。　　Most　of　the　boots　that　were　sent　in　response　to　this　appeal　had　been　worn　until　they　needed　repair　…　in　a　very　large　proportion　of　instances；　until　they　were　beyond　repair。　　The　poor　people　to　whom　they　were　given　could　not　afford　to　have　them　mended　before　using　them；　and　the　result　was　that　the　boots　generally　began　to　fall　to　pieces　after　a　few　days'　wear。

This　scheme　amounted　to　very　little。　　It　did　not　increase　the　number　of　cast…off　boots；　and　most　of　the　people　who　‘cast　off'　their　boots　generally　gave　them　to　someone　or　other。　　The　only　difference　It　can　have　made　was　that　possibly　a　few　persons　who　usually　threw　their　boots　away　or　sold　them　to　second…hand　dealers　may　have　been　induced　to　send　them　to　Mr　Bosher　instead。　　But　all　the　same　nearly　everybody　said　it　was　a　splendid　idea：　its　originator　was　applauded　as　a　public　benefactor；　and　the　pettifogging　busybodies　who　amused　themselves　with　what　they　were　pleased　to　term　‘charitable　work'　went　into　imbecile　ecstasies　over　him。



Chapter　36

The　OBS


One　of　the　most　important　agencies　for　the　relief　of　distress　was　the　Organized　Benevolence　Society。　　This　association　received　money　from　many　sources。　　The　proceeds　of　the　fancy…dress　carnival；　the　collections　from　different　churches　and　chapels　which　held　special　services　in　aid　of　the　unemployed；　the　weekly　collections　made　by　the　employees　of　several　local　firms　and　business　houses；　the　proceeds　of　concerts；　bazaars；　and　entertainments；　donations　from　charitable　persons；　and　the　subscriptions　of　the　members。　　The　society　also　received　large　quantities　of　cast…off　clothing　and　boots；　and　tickets　of　admission　to　hospitals；　convalescent　homes　and　dispensaries　from　subscribers　to　those　institutions；　or　from　people　like　Rushton　&　Co。；　who　had　collecting…boxes　in　their　workshops　and　offices。

Altogether　during　the　last　year　the　Society　had　received　from　various　sources　about　three　hundred　pounds　in　hard　cash。　　This　money　was　devoted　to　the　relief　of　cases　of　distress。

The　largest　item　in　the　expenditure　of　the　Society　was　the　salary　of　the　General　Secretary；　Mr　Sawney　Grinder　…　a　most　deserving　case　…　who　was　paid　one　hundred　pounds　a　year。

After　the　death　of　the　previous　secretary　there　were　so　many　candidates　for　the　vacant　post　that　the　election　of　the　new　secretary　was　a　rather　exciting　affair。　　The　excitement　was　all　the　more　intense　because　it　was　restrained。　　A　special　meeting　of　the　society　was　held：　the　Mayor；　Alderman　Sweater；　presided；　and　amongst　those　present　were　Councillors　Rushton；　Didlum　and　Grinder；　Mrs　Starvem；　Rev。　Mr　Bosher；　a　number　of　the　rich；　semi…imbecile　old　women　who　had　helped　to　open　the　Labour　Yard；　and　several　other　‘ladies'。　　Some　of　these　were　the　district　visitors　already　alluded　to；　most　of　them　the　wives　of　wealthy　citizens　and　retired　tradesmen；　richly　dressed；　ignorant；　insolent；　overbearing　frumps；　who　…　after　filling　themselves　with　good　things　in　their　own　luxurious　homes　…　went　flouncing　into　the　poverty…stricken　dwellings　of　their　poor　‘sisters'　and　talked　to　them　of　‘religion'；　lectured　them　about　sobriety　and　thrift；　and　…　sometimes　…　gave　them　tickets　for　soup　or　orders　for　shillingsworths　of　groceries　or　coal。　　Some　of　these　overfed　females　…　the　wives　of　tradesmen；　for　instance　…　belonged　to　the　Organized　Benevolence　Society；　and　engaged　in　this　‘work'　for　the　purpose　of　becoming　acquainted　with　people　of　superior　social　position　…　one　of　the　members　was　a　colonel；　and　Sir　Graball　D'Encloseland　…　the　Member　of　Parliament　for　the　borough　…　also　belonged　to　the　Society　and　occasionally　attended　its　meetings。　　Others　took　up　district　visiting　as　a　hobby；　they　had　nothing　to　do；　and　being　densely　ignorant　and　of　inferior　mentality；　they　had　no　desire　or　capacity　for　any　intellectual　pursuit。　　So　they　took　up　this　work　for　the　pleasure　of　playing　the　grand　lady　and　the　superior　person　at　a　very　small　expense。　　Other　of　these　visiting　ladies　were　middle…aged；　unmarried　women　with　small　private　incomes　…　some　of　them　well…meaning；　compassionate；　gentle　creatures　who　did　this　work　because　they　sincerely　desired　to　help　others；　and　they　knew　of　no　better　way。　These　did　not　take　much　part　in　the　business　of　the　meetings；　they　paid　their　subscriptions　and　helped　to　distribute　the　cast…off　clothing　and　boots　to　those　who　needed　them；　and　occasionally　obtained　from　the　secretary　an　order　for　provisions　or　coal　or　bread　for　some　poverty…stricken　family；　but　the　poor；　toil…worn　women　whom　they　visited　welcomed　them　more　for　their　sisterly　sympathy　than　for　the　gifts　they　brought。　　Some　of　the　visiting　ladies　were　of　this　character　…　but　they　were　not　many。　　They　were　as　a　few　fragrant　flowers　amidst　a　dense　accumulation　of　noxious　weeds。　　They　were　examples　of　humility　and　kindness　shining　amidst　a　vile　and　loathsome　mass　of　hypocrisy；　arrogance；　and　cant。

When　the　Ch