a prince of bohemia-第5章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
longed so much to hold it to my heart； to my lips。 No； I did not
ask； I am so afraid of displeasing you。 Do you know one thing？
Though I am cruelly sure that anything I do is a matter of perfect
indifference to you； I am none the less extremely timid in my
conduct： the woman that belongs to you； whatever her title to call
herself yours； must not incur so much as the shadow of blame。 In
so far as love comes from the angels in heaven； from whom are no
secrets hid； my love is as pure as the purest； wherever I am I
feel that I am in your presence； and I try to do you honor。
〃 'All that you said about my manner of dress impressed me very
much； I began to understand how far above others are those that
come of a noble race。 There was still something of the opera girl
in my gowns； in my way of dressing my hair。 In a moment I saw the
distance between me and good taste。 Next time you will receive a
duchess； you shall not know me again！ Ah！ how good you have been
to your Claudine！ How many and many a time I have thanked you for
telling me those things！ What interest lay in those few words！ You
have taken thought for that thing belonging to you called
Claudine？ /This/ imbecile would never have opened my eyes； he
thinks that everything I do is right； and besides； he is much too
humdrum； too matter…of…fact to have any feeling for the beautiful。
〃 'Tuesday is very slow of coming for my impatient mind！ On
Tuesday I shall be with you for several hours。 Ah！ when it comes I
will try to think that the hours are months； that it will be so
always。 I am living in hope of that morning now； as I shall live
upon the memory of it afterwards。 Hope is memory that craves； and
recollection； memory sated。 What a beautiful life within life
thought makes for us in this way！
〃 'Sometimes I dream of inventing new ways of tenderness all my
own； a secret which no other woman shall guess。 A cold sweat
breaks out over me at the thought that something may happen to
prevent this morning。 Oh； I would break with /him/ for good； if
need was； but nothing here could possibly interfere； it would be
from your side。 Perhaps you may decide to go out； perhaps to go to
see some other woman。 Oh！ spare me this Tuesday for pity's sake。
If you take it from me； Charles； you do not know what /he/ will
suffer； I should drive him wild。 But even if you do not want me；
or you are going out； let me come； all the same； to be with you
while you dress； only to see you； I ask no more than that； only to
show you that I love you without a thought of self。
〃 'Since you gave me leave to love you； for you gave me leave；
since I am yours； since that day I loved and love you with the
whole strength of my soul； and I shall love you for ever； for once
having loved /you/； no one could； no one ought to love another。
And； you see； when those eyes that ask nothing but to see you are
upon you； you will feel that in your Claudine there is a something
divine； called into existence by you。
〃 'Alas！ with you I can never play the coquette。 I am like a
mother with her child； I endure anything from you； I； that was
once so imperious and proud。 I have made dukes and princes fetch
and carry for me； aides…de…camp； worth more than all the court of
Charles X。 put together； have done my errands； yet I am treating
you as my spoilt child。 But where is the use of coquetry？ It would
be pure waste。 And yet； monsieur； for want of coquetry I shall
never inspire love in you。 I know it； I feel it； yet I do as
before； feeling a power that I cannot withstand； thinking that
this utter self…surrender will win me the sentiment innate in all
men （so /he/ tells me） for the thing that belongs to them。
〃/Wednesday/。
〃 'Ah！ how darkly sadness entered my heart yesterday when I found
that I must give up the joy of seeing you。 One single thought held
me back from the arms of Death！It was thy will！ To stay away was
to do thy will； to obey an order from thee。 Oh！ Charles； I was so
pretty； I looked a lovelier woman for you than that beautiful
German princess whom you gave me for an example； whom I have
studied at the Opera。 And yetyou might have thought that I had
overstepped the limits of my nature。 You have left me no
confidence in myself； perhaps I am plain after all。 Oh！ I loathe
myself； I dream of my radiant Charles Edward； and my brain turns。
I shall go mad； I know I shall。 Do not laugh； do not talk to me of
the fickleness of women。 If we are inconstant； /you/ are strangely
capricious。 You take away the hours of love that made a poor
creature's happiness for ten whole days； the hours on which she
drew to be charming and kind to all that came to see her！ After
all； you were the source of my kindness to /him/； you do not know
what pain you give him。 I wonder what I must do to keep you； or
simply to keep the right to be yours sometimes。 。 。 。 When I think
that you never would come here to me！ 。 。 。 With what delicious
emotion I would wait upon you！There are other women more favored
than I。 There are women to whom you say； 'I love you。' To me you
have never said more than 'You are a good girl。' Certain speeches
of yours； though you do not know it； gnaw at my heart。 Clever men
sometimes ask me what I am thinking。 。 。 。 I am thinking of my
self…abasementthe prostration of the poorest outcast in the
presence of the Saviour。
〃There are still three more pages； you see。 La Palferine allowed me to
take the letter； with the traces of tears that still seemed hot upon
it！ Here was proof of the truth of his story。 Marcas； a shy man enough
with women； was in ecstacies over a second which he read in his corner
before lighting his pipe with it。
〃 'Why； any woman in love will write that sort of thing！' cried La
Palferine。 'Love gives all women intelligence and style； which proves
that here in France style proceeds from the matter and not from the
words。 See now how well this is thought out； how clear…headed
sentiment is'and with that he reads us another letter； far superior
to the artificial and labored productions which we novelists write。
〃One day poor Claudine heard that La Palferine was in a critical
position； it was a question of meeting a bill of exchange。 An unlucky
idea occurred to her； she put a tolerably large sum in gold into an
exquisitely embroidered purse and went to him。
〃 'Who has taught you as to be so bold as to meddle with my household
affairs？' La Palferine cried angrily。 'Mend my socks and work slippers
for me； if it amuses you。 So！you will play the duchess； and you turn
the story of Danae against the aristocracy。'
〃He emptied the purse into his hand as he spoke； and made as though he
would fling the money in her face。 Claudine； in her terror； did not
guess that he was joking； she shrank back； stumbled over a chair； and
fell with her head against the corner of the marble chimney…piece。 She
thought she should have died。 When she could speak； poor woman； as she
lay on the bed； all that she said was； 'I deserved it； Charles！'
〃For a moment La Palferine was in despair； his anguish revived
Claudine。 She rejoiced in the mishap； she took advantage of her
suffering to compel La Palferine to take the money and release him
from an awkward position。 Then followed a variation on La Fontaine's
fable； in which a man blesses the thieves that brought him a sudden
impulse of tenderness from his wife。 And while we are upon this
subject； another saying will paint the man for you。
〃Claudine went home again； made up some kind of tale as best she could
to account for her bruised forehead； and fell dangerously ill。 An
abscess formed in the head。 The doctorBianchon； I believeyes； it
was Bianchonwanted to cut off her hair。 The Duchesse de Berri's hair
is not more beautiful than Claudine's； she would not hear of it； she
told Bianchon in confidence that she could not allow it to be cut
without leave from the Comte de Palferine。 Bianchon went to Charles
Edward。 Charles Edward heard him with much seriousness。 The doctor had
explained the case at length； an
