three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第30章
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He replied： 〃A kuss。〃
I said： 〃You have nothing to complain of。 It is somewhat confusing。
A 'kuss' sounds as if it ought to be a cushion； but it is not； it is a kiss； while
a 'kissen' is a cushion。 You muddled up the two wordspeople have done
it before。 I don't know much about this sort of thing myself； but you
asked for a twenty mark kiss； and from your description of the girl some
people might consider the price reasonable。 Anyhow； I should not tell
Harris。 If I remember rightly； he also has an aunt。〃
George agreed with me it would be better not。
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CHAPTER VIII
Mr。 and Miss Jones； of ManchesterThe benefits of cocoaA hint to
the Peace SocietyThe window as a mediaeval argumentThe favourite
Christian recreationThe language of the guideHow to repair the
ravages of timeGeorge tries a bottleThe fate of the German beer
drinkerHarris and I resolve to do a good actionThe usual sort of statue…
…Harris and his friendsA pepperless ParadiseWomen and towns。
We were on our way to Prague； and were waiting in the great hall of
the Dresden Station until such time as the powers…that…be should permit us
on to the platform。 George； who had wandered to the bookstall； returned
to us with a wild look in his eyes。 He said：
〃I've seen it。〃
I said； 〃Seen what？〃
He was too excited to answer intelligently。 He said
〃It's here。 It's coming this way； both of them。 If you wait； you'll see
it for yourselves。 I'm not joking； it's the real thing。〃
As is usual about this period； some paragraphs； more or less serious；
had been appearing in the papers concerning the sea… serpent； and I
thought for the moment he must be referring to this。 A moment's reflection；
however； told me that here； in the middle of Europe； three hundred miles
from the coast； such a thing was impossible。 Before I could question him
further； he seized me by the arm。
〃Look！〃 he said； 〃now am I exaggerating？〃
I turned my head and saw what； I suppose； few living Englishmen
have ever seen beforethe travelling Britisher according to the
Continental idea； accompanied by his daughter。 They were coming
towards us in the flesh and blood； unless we were dreaming； alive and
concretethe English 〃Milor〃 and the English 〃Mees；〃 as for generations
they have been portrayed in the Continental comic press and upon the
Continental stage。 They were perfect in every detail。 The man was tall
and thin； with sandy hair； a huge nose； and long Dundreary whiskers。
Over a pepper…and…salt suit he wore a light overcoat； reaching almost to
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his heels。 His white helmet was ornamented with a green veil； a pair of
opera…glasses hung at his side； and in his lavender…gloved hand he carried
an alpenstock a little taller than himself。 His daughter was long and
angular。 Her dress I cannot describe： my grandfather； poor gentleman；
might have been able to do so； it would have been more familiar to him。 I
can only say that it appeared to me unnecessarily short； exhibiting a pair of
anklesif I may be permitted to refer to such pointsthat； from an artistic
point of view； called rather for concealment。 Her hat made me think of
Mrs。 Hemans； but why I cannot explain。 She wore side…spring boots
〃prunella；〃 I believe； used to be the trade namemittens； and pince…nez。
She also carried an alpenstock （there is not a mountain within a hundred
miles of Dresden） and a black bag strapped to her waist。 Her teeth stuck
out like a rabbit's； and her figure was that of a bolster on stilts。
Harris rushed for his camera； and of course could not find it； he never
can when he wants it。 Whenever we see Harris scuttling up and down
like a lost dog； shouting； 〃Where's my camera？ What the dickens have I
done with my camera？ Don't either of you remember where I put my
camera？〃then we know that for the first time that day he has come across
something worth photographing。 Later on； he remembered it was in his
bag； that is where it would be on an occasion like this。
They were not content with appearance； they acted the thing to the
letter。 They walked gaping round them at every step。 The gentleman
had an open Baedeker in his hand； and the lady carried a phrase book。
They talked French that nobody could understand； and German that they
could not translate themselves！ The man poked at officials with his
alpenstock to attract their attention； and the lady； her eye catching sight of
an advertisement of somebody's cocoa； said 〃Shocking！〃 and turned the
other way。
Really； there was some excuse for her。 One notices； even in England；
the home of the proprieties； that the lady who drinks cocoa appears；
according to the poster； to require very little else in this world； a yard or so
of art muslin at the most。 On the Continent she dispenses； so far as one
can judge； with every other necessity of life。 Not only is cocoa food and
drink to her； it should be clothes also； according to the idea of the cocoa
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manufacturer。 But this by the way。
Of course； they immediately became the centre of attraction。 By
being able to render them some slight assistance； I gained the advantage of
five minutes' conversation with them。 They were very affable。 The
gentleman told me his name was Jones； and that he came from Manchester；
but he did not seem to know what part of Manchester； or where
Manchester was。 I asked him where he was going to； but he evidently
did not know。 He said it depended。 I asked him if he did not find an
alpenstock a clumsy thing to walk about with through a crowded town； he
admitted that occasionally it did get in the way。 I asked him if he did not
find a veil interfere with his view of things； he explained that you only
wore it when the flies became troublesome。 I enquired of the lady if she
did not find the wind blow cold； she said she had noticed it； especially at
the corners。 I did not ask these questions one after another as I have here
put them down； I mixed them up with general conversation； and we parted
on good terms。
I have pondered much upon the apparition； and have come to a definite
opinion。 A man I met later at Frankfort； and to whom I described the pair；
said he had seen them himself in Paris； three weeks after the termination
of the Fashoda incident； while a traveller for some English steel works
whom we met in Strassburg remembered having seen them in Berlin
during the excitement caused by the Transvaal question。 My conclusion
is that they were actors out of work； hired to do this thing in the interest of
international pe
