three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第32章
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accent； occasionally relieved by German modifications； taxes the
intelligence。 For the first hour it was difficult to rid one's self of the
conviction that the man was choking。 Every moment we expected him to
die on our hands。 In the course of the morning we grew accustomed to
him； and rid ourselves of the instinct to throw him on his back every time
he opened his mouth； and tear his clothes from him。 Later； we came to
understand a part of what he said； and this led to the discovery of his
second failing。
It would seem he had lately invented a hair…restorer； which he had
persuaded a local chemist to take up and advertise。 Half his time he had
been pointing out to us； not the beauties of Prague； but the benefits likely
to accrue to the human race from the use of this concoction； and the
conventional agreement with which； under the impression he was waxing
eloquent concerning views and architecture； we had met his enthusiasm he
had attributed to sympathetic interest in this wretched wash of his。
The result was that now there was no keeping him away from the
subject。 Ruined palaces and crumbling churches he dismissed with curt
reference as mere frivolities； encouraging a morbid taste for the decadent。
His duty； as he saw it； was not to lead us to dwell upon the ravages of time；
but rather to direct our attention to the means of repairing them。 What
had we to do with broken…headed heroes； or bald…headed saints？ Our
interest should be surely in the living world； in the maidens with their
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flowing tresses； or the flowing tresses they might have； by judicious use of
〃Kophkeo；〃 in the young men with their fierce moustachesas pictured on
the label。
Unconsciously； in his own mind； he had divided the world into two
sections。 The Past （〃Before Use〃）； a sickly； disagreeable…looking；
uninteresting world。 The Future （〃After Use〃） a fat； jolly； God… bless…
everybody sort of world； and this unfitted him as a guide to scenes of
mediaeval history。
He sent us each a bottle of the stuff to our hotel。 It appeared that in
the early part of our converse with him we had； unwittingly； clamoured for
it。 Personally； I can neither praise it nor condemn it。 A long series of
disappointments has disheartened me； added to which a permanent
atmosphere of paraffin； however faint； is apt to cause remark； especially in
the case of a married man。 Now； I never try even the sample。
I gave my bottle to George。 He asked for it to send to a man he knew
in Leeds。 I learnt later that Harris had given him his bottle also； to send
to the same man。
A suggestion of onions has clung to this tour since we left Prague。
George has noticed it himself。 He attributes it to the prevalence of garlic
in European cooking。
It was in Prague that Harris and I did a kind and friendly thing to
George。 We had noticed for some time past that George was getting too
fond of Pilsener beer。 This German beer is an insidious drink； especially
in hot weather； but it does not do to imbibe too freely of it。 It does not
get into your head； but after a time it spoils your waist。 I always say to
myself on entering Germany：
〃Now； I will drink no German beer。 The white wine of the country；
with a little soda…water； perhaps occasionally a glass of Ems or potash。
But beer； neveror； at all events； hardly ever。〃
It is a good and useful resolution； which I recommend to all travellers。
I only wish I could keep to it myself。 George； although I urged him；
refused to bind himself by any such hard and fast limit。 He said that in
moderation German beer was good。
〃One glass in the morning；〃 said George； 〃one in the evening； or even
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two。 That will do no harm to anyone。〃
Maybe he was right。 It was his half…dozen glasses that troubled
Harris and myself。
〃We ought to do something to stop it；〃 said Harris； 〃it is becoming
serious。〃
〃It's hereditary； so he has explained to me；〃 I answered。 〃It seems his
family have always been thirsty。〃
〃There is Apollinaris water；〃 replied Harris； 〃which； I believe； with a
little lemon squeezed into it； is practically harmless。 What I am thinking
about is his figure。 He will lose all his natural elegance。〃
We talked the matter over； and； Providence aiding us； we fixed upon a
plan。 For the ornamentation of the town a new statue had just been cast。
I forget of whom it was a statue。 I only remember that in the essentials it
was the usual sort of street statue； representing the usual sort of gentleman；
with the usual stiff neck； riding the usual sort of horsethe horse that
always walks on its hind legs； keeping its front paws for beating time。
But in detail it possessed individuality。 Instead of the usual sword or
baton； the man was holding； stretched out in his hand； his own plumed hat；
and the horse； instead of the usual waterfall for a tail； possessed a
somewhat attenuated appendage that somehow appeared out of keeping
with his ostentatious behaviour。 One felt that a horse with a tail like that
would not have pranced so much。
It stood in a small square not far from the further end of the
Karlsbrucke； but it stood there only temporarily。 Before deciding finally
where to fix it； the town authorities had resolved； very sensibly； to judge
by practical test where it would look best。 Accordingly； they had made
three rough copies of the statuemere wooden profiles； things that would
not bear looking at closely； but which； viewed from a little distance；
produced all the effect that was necessary。 One of these they had set up
at the approach to the Franz…Josefsbrucke； a second stood in the open
space behind the theatre； and the third in the centre of the Wenzelsplatz。
〃If George is not in the secret of this thing；〃 said Harriswe were
walking by ourselves for an hour； he having remained behind in the hotel
to write a letter to his aunt；〃if he has not observed these statues； then by
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their aid we will make a better and a thinner man of him； and that this very
evening。〃
So during dinner we sounded him； judiciously； and finding him
ignorant of the matter； we took him out； and led him by side… streets to the
place where stood the real statue。 George was for looking at it and
passing on； as is his way with statues； but we insisted on his pulling up
and viewing the thing conscientiously。 We walked him round that statue
four times； and showed it to him from eve
