the autobiography of a quack-第4章

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Altogether　a　most　nasty　den。

As　I　came　in；　the　little　Quaker　woman　got　up　and　said：　‘‘I　took　the　liberty　of　sending　for　thee　to　look　at　this　poor　woman。　I　am　afraid　she　has　the　smallpox。　Will　thee　be　so　kind　as　to　look　at　her？''　And　with　this　she　held　down　the　candle　toward　the　bed。

‘‘Good　gracious！''　I　said　hastily；　seeing　how　the　creature　was　speckled　‘‘I　didn't　understand　this；　or　I　would　not　have　come。　I　have　important　cases　which　I　cannot　subject　to　the　risk　of　contagion。　Best　let　her　alone；　miss；''　I　added；　‘‘or　send　her　to　the　smallpox　hospital。''

Upon　my　word；　I　was　astonished　at　the　little　woman's　indignation。　She　said　just　those　things　which　make　you　feel　as　if　somebody　had　been　calling　you　names　or　kicking　youWas　I　really　a　doctor？　and　so　on。　It　did　not　gain　by　being　put　in　the　ungrammatical　tongue　of　Quakers。　However；　I　never　did　fancy　smallpox；　and　what　could　a　fellow　get　by　doctoring　wretches　like　these？　So　I　held　my　tongue　and　went　away。　About　a　week　afterwards　I　met　Evans；　the　dispensary　　man；　a　very　common　fellow；　who　was　said　to　be　frank。

‘‘Helloa！''　says　he。　‘‘Doctor；　you　made　a　nice　mistake　about　that　darky　at　No。　709　Bedford　street　the　other　night。　She　had　nothing　but　measles；　after　all。''

‘‘Of　course　I　knew；''　said　I；　laughing；　‘‘but　you　don't　think　I　was　going　in　for　dispensary　trash；　do　you？''

‘‘I　should　think　not；''　said　Evans。

I　learned　afterwards　that　this　Miss　Barker　had　taken　an　absurd　fancy　to　the　man　because　he　had　doctored　the　darky　and　would　not　let　the　Quakeress　pay　him。　The　end　was；　when　I　wanted　to　get　a　vacancy　in　the　Southwark　Dispensary；　where　they　do　pay　the　doctors；　Miss　Barker　was　malignant　enough　to　take　advantage　of　my　oversight　by　telling　the　whole　story　to　the　board；　so　that　Evans　got　in；　and　I　was　beaten。

You　may　be　pretty　sure　that　I　found　rather　slow　the　kind　of　practice　I　have　described；　and　began　to　look　about　for　chances　of　bettering　myself。　In　this　sort　of　locality　rather　risky　cases　turned　up　now　and　then；　and　as　soon　as　I　got　to　be　known　as　a　reliable　man；　I　began　to　get　the　peculiar　sort　of　practice　I　wanted。　Notwithstanding　all　my　efforts；　I　found　myself；　at　the　close　of　three　years；　with　all　my　means　spent；　and　just　able　to　live　meagerly　from　hand　to　mouth；　which　by　no　means　suited　a　man　of　my　refined　tastes。

Once　or　twice　I　paid　a　visit　to　my　aunt；　and　was　able　to　secure　moderate　aid　by　overhauling　her　concealed　hoardings。　But　as　to　these　changes　of　property　I　was　careful；　and　did　not　venture　to　secure　the　large　amount　I　needed。　As　to　the　Bible；　it　was　at　this　time　hidden；　and　I　judged　it；　therefore；　to　be　her　chief　place　of　deposit。　Banks　she　utterly　distrusted。

Six　months　went　by；　and　I　was　worse　off　than　evertwo　months　in　arrears　of　rent；　and　numerous　other　debts　to　cigar…shops　and　liquor…dealers。　Now　and　then　some　good　job；　such　as　a　burglar　with　a　cut　head；　helped　me　for　a　while；　but；　on　the　whole；　I　was　like　Slider　Downeyhylle　in　Neal's　‘‘Charcoal　Sketches；''　and　kept　going　‘‘downer　and　downer''　the　more　I　tried　not　to。　Something　had　to　be　done。

It　occurred　to　me；　about　this　time；　that　if　I　moved　into　a　more　genteel　locality　I　might　get　a　better　class　of　patients；　and　yet　keep　the　best　of　those　I　now　had。　To　do　this　it　was　necessary　to　pay　my　rent；　and　the　more　　so　because　I　was　in　a　fair　way　to　have　no　house　at　all　over　my　head。　But　here　fortune　interposed。　I　was　caught　in　a　heavy　rainstorm　on　Seventh　Street；　and　ran　to　catch　an　omnibus。　As　I　pulled　open　the　door　I　saw　behind　me　the　Quaker　woman；　Miss　Barker。　I　laughed　and　jumped　in。　She　had　to　run　a　little　before　the　'bus　again　stopped。　She　got　pretty　wet。　An　old　man　in　the　corner；　who　seemed　in　the　way　of　taking　charge　of　other　people's　manners；　said　to　me：　‘‘Young　man；　you　ought　to　be　ashamed　to　get　in　before　the　lady；　and　in　this　pour；　too！''

I　said　calmly；　‘‘But　you　got　in　before　her。''

He　made　no　reply　to　this　obvious　fact；　as　he　might　have　been　in　the　bus　a　half…hour。　A　large；　well…dressed　man　near　by　said；　with　a　laugh；　‘‘Rather　neat；　that；''　and；　turning；　tried　to　pull　up　a　window…sash。　In　the　effort　something　happened；　and　he　broke　the　glass；　cutting　his　hand　in　half　a　dozen　places。　While　he　was　using　several　quite　profane　phrases；　I　caught　his　hand　and　said；　‘‘I　am　a　surgeon；''　and　tied　my　handkerchief　around　the　bleeding　palm。

The　guardian　of　manners　said；　‘‘I　hope　you　are　not　much　hurt；　but　there　was　no　reason　why　you　should　swear。''

On　this　my　patient　said；　‘‘Go　to　；''　which　silenced　the　monitor。

I　explained　to　the　wounded　man　that　the　cuts　should　be　looked　after　at　once。　The　matter　was　arranged　by　our　leaving　the　'bus；　and；　as　the　rain　had　let　up；　walking　to　his　house。　This　was　a　large　and　quite　luxurious　dwelling　on　Fourth　street。　There　I　cared　for　his　wounds；　which；　as　I　had　informed　him；　required　immediate　attention。　It　was　at　this　time　summer；　and　his　wife　and　niece；　the　only　other　members　of　his　family；　were　absent。　On　my　second　visit　I　made　believe　to　remove　some　splinters　of　glass　which　I　brought　with　me。　He　said　they　showed　how　shamefully　thin　was　that　omnibus　window…　pane。　To　my　surprise；　my　patient；　at　the　end　of　the　month；for　one　wound　was　long　in　healing；presented　me　with　one　hundred　dollars。　This　paid　my　small　rental；　and　as　Mr。　Poynter　allowed　me　to　refer　to　him；　I　was　able　to　get　a　better　office　and　bedroom　on　Spruce　street。　I　saw　no　more　of　my　patient　until　winter；　although　I　learned　that　he　was　a　stock…broker；　not　in　the　very　best　repute；　but　of　a　well…known　family。

Meanwhile　my　move　had　been　of　small　use。　I　was　wise　enough；　however；　to　keep　up　my　　connection　with　my　former　clients；　and　contrived　to　live。　It　was　no　more　than　that。　One　day　in　December　I　was　overjoyed　to　see　Mr。　Poynter　enter。　He　was　a　fat　man；　very　pale；　and　never；　to　my　remembrance；　without　a　permanent　smile。　He　had　very　civil　ways；　and　now　at　once　I　saw　that　he　wanted　something。

I　hated　the　way　that　man　saw　through　me。　He　went　on　without　hesitation；　taking　me　for　granted。　He　began　by　saying　he　had　confidence　in　my　judgment；　and　when　a　man　says　that　you　had　better　look　out。　He　said　he　had　a　niece　who　lived　with　him；　a　brother's　child；　that　she　was　out　of　health　and　ought　not　to　marry；　which　was　what　she　meant　to　do。　She　was　scared　about　her　health；　because　she　had　a　cough；　and　had　lost　a　brother　of　consumption。　I　soon　came　to　understand　that；　for　reasons　unknown　to　me；　my　friend　did　not　wish　his　niece　to　marry。　His　wife；　he　also　informed　me；　was　troubled　as　to　the　niece's　health。　Now；　he　said；　he　wished　to　consult　me　as　to　what　he　should　do。　I　suspected　at　once　that　he　had　not　told　me　all。

I　have　often　wondered　at　the　skill　with　which　I　managed　this　rather　delicate　matter。　I　knew　I　was　not　well　enough　known　to　be　of　direct　use；　and　was　also　too　young　　to　have　much　weight。　I　advised　him　to　get　Professor　C。

Then　my　friend　shook　his　head。　He　said　in　reply；　‘‘But　suppose；　doctor；　he　says　there　is　nothing　wrong　with　the　girl？''

Then　I　began　to　understand　him。

‘‘Oh；''　I　said；　‘‘you　get　a　confidential　written　opinion　from　him。　You　can　make　it　what　you　please　when　you　tell　her。''

He　said　no。　It　would　be　best　for　me　to　ask　the　professor　to　see　Miss　Poynter；　might　mention　my　youth；　and　so　on；　as　a　reason。　I　was　to　get　his　opinion　in　writing。

‘‘Well？''　said　I。

‘‘After　that　I　want　you　to　write　me　a　joint　opinion　to　meet　the　caseall　the　needs　of　the　case；　you　see。''

I　saw；　but　hesitated　as　to　how　much　would　make　it　worth　while　to　pull　his　hot　chestnuts　out　of　the　fireone　never　knows　how　hot　the　chestnuts　are。


Then　he　said；　‘‘Ever　take　a　chance　in　stocks？''

I　said；　‘‘No。''

He　said　that　he　would　lend　me　a　little　money　and　see　what　he　could　do　with　it。　And　here　was　his　receipt　from　me　for　one　thousand　dollars；　and　here；　too；　was　my　order　to　　buy　shares　of　P。　T。　Y。　Would　I　please　to　Sign　it？　I　did。

I　was　to　call　in　two　days　at　his　house；　and　meantime　I　could　think　it　over。　It　seemed　to　me　a　pretty　weak　plan。　Suppose　the　young　womanwell；　supposing　is　awfully　destructive　of　enterprise；　and　as　for　me；　I　had　only　to　misunderstand　the　professor's　opinion。　I　went　to　the　house；　and　talked　to　Mr。　Poynter　about　his　gout。　Then　Mrs。　Poynter　came　in；　and　began