we two-第106章
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however； more for the living than for the dead； for the man who was struggling with all his might to restrain his emotion； painfully spurring on his exhausted powers to fulfill the duty in hand。 More than once Erica thought he would have fainted； and she was fully prepared for the small crowd of friends who gathered round her afterward； begging her to persuade him to rest。 The worst of it was that she could see no prospect of rest for him； though she knew how sorely he longed for it。 He spoke of it as they drove home。
〃I've an almost intolerable longing for quiet；〃 he said to her。 〃Do you remember Mill's passage about the two main constituents of a satisfied life excitement and tranquillity？ How willingly would I change places today with that Tyrolese fellow whom we saw last year！〃
〃Oh！ If we could but go to the Tyrol again！〃 exclaimed Erica； but Raeburn shook his head。
〃Out of the question just now； my child； but next week when this blasphemy trial is over； I must try to get a few days' holiday that is to say； if I don't find myself in prison。〃
She sighed the sigh of one who is burdened almost beyond endurance。 For recent events had proved to her； only too plainly； that her confidence that no jury would be found to convict a man under the old blasphemy laws was quite mistaken。
That evening； however； her thoughts were a little diverted from her father。 For the first time for many months she had a letter from Rose。 It was to announce her engagement to Captain Golightly。 Rose seemed very happy； but there was an undertone of regret about the letter which was uncomfortably suggestive of her flirtation with Tom。 Also there were sentences which； to Erica； were enigmatical； about 〃having been so foolish last summer；〃 and wishing that she 〃could live that Brighton time over again。〃 All she could do was to choose the time and place for telling Tom with discrimination。 No opportunity presented itself till late in the evening when she went down as usual to say good night to him； taking Rose's letter with her。 Tom was in his 〃den；〃 a small room consecrated to the goddess of disorder books； papers； electric batteries； crucibles； chemicals； new temperance beverages； and fishing rods were gathered together in wild confusion。 Tom himself was stirring something in a pipkin over the gas stove when Erica came in。
〃An unfallible cure for the drunkard's craving after alcohol；〃 he said； looking up at her with a smile。 〃'A thing of my own invention；' to quote the knight in 'Through the Looking Glass。' Try some？〃
〃No； thank you；〃 said Erica； recoiling a little from the very odoriferous contents of the pipkin。 〃I have had a letter from Rose this evening。〃
Tom started visibly。
〃What； has Mr。 Fane…Smith relented？〃 he asked。
〃Rose had something special to tell me；〃 said Erica； unfolding the letter。
But Tom just took it from her hands without ceremony； and began to read it。 A dark flush came over his face Erica saw that much； but afterward would not look at him； feeling that it was hardly fair。 Presently he gave her the letter once more。
〃Thank you；〃 he said in a voice so cold and bitter that she could hardly believe it to be his。 〃As you probably see； I have been a fool。 I shall know better how to trust a woman in the future。〃
〃Oh； Tom；〃 she cried。 〃Don't let it〃
He interrupted her。
〃I don't wish to talk；〃 he said。 〃Least of all to one who has adopted the religion which Miss Fane…Smith has been brought up in a religion which of necessity debases and degrades its votaries。〃
Her eyes filled with tears； but she new that Christianity would in this case be better vindicated by silence than by words however eloquent。 She just kissed him and wished him good night。 But as she reached the door； his heart smote him。
〃I don't say it has debased you；〃 he said； 〃but that that is its natural tendency。 You are better than your creed。〃
〃He meant that by way of consolation；〃 thought Erica to herself as she went slowly upstairs fighting with her tears。
But of course the consolation had been merely a sharper stab； for to tell a Christian that he is better than his creed is the one intolerable thing。
What had been the extent of the understanding with Rose； Erica never learned； but she feared that it must have been equivalent to a promise in Tom's eyes； and much more serious than mere flirtation in Rose's； otherwise the regret in the letter was； from one of Rose's way of thinking； inexplicable。 From that time there was a marked change in Tom； Erica was very unhappy about him； but there was little to be done except； indeed； to share all his interests as much as she could； and to try to make the home life pleasant。 But this was by no means easy。 To begin with； Raeburn himself was more difficult than ever to work with； and Tom； who was in a hard； cynical mood； called him overbearing where； in former times； he would merely have called him decided。 The very best of men are occasionally irritable when they are nearly worked to death； and under the severe strain of those days； Raeburn's philosophic calm more than once broke down； and the quick Highland temper； usually kept in admirable restraint； made itself felt。
It was not； however； for two or three days after Haeberlein's funeral that he showed any other symptoms of illness。 One evening they were all present at a meeting at the East End at which Donovan Farrant was also speaking。 Raeburn's voice had somewhat recovered； and he was speaking with great force and fluency when； all at once in the middle of a sentence； he came to a dead pause。 For half a minute he stood motionless； before him were the densely packed rows of listening faces； but what they had come there to hear he had not the faintest notion。 His mind was exactly like a sheet of white paper； all recollection of the subject he had been speaking on was entirely obliterated。 Some men would have pleaded illness and escaped； others would have blundered on。 But Raeburn； who never lost his presence of mind； just turned to the audience and said quietly： 〃Will some one have the goodness to tell me what I was saying？ My memory has played me a trick。〃
〃Taxation！〃 shouted the people。
A short…hand writer close to the platform repeated his last sentence； and Raeburn at once took the cue and finished his speech with perfect ease。 Every one felt； however； that it was an uncomfortable incident； and； though to the audience Raeburn chose to make a joke of it； he knew well enough that it boded no good。
〃You ought to take a rest；〃 said Donovan to him when the meeting was over。
〃I own to needing it；〃 said Raeburn。 〃Pogson's last bit of malice will； I hope； be quashed in a few days and； after that； rest may be possible。 He is of opinion that 'there are mony ways of killing a dog though ye dinna hang him；' and； upon my word； he's not far wrong。〃
He was besieged here by two or three people who wanted to ask his advice； and Donovan turned to Erica。
〃He has been feeling all this talk about Herr Haeberlein； people say the most atrocious things about him just because he gave him shelter at the last；〃 she said。 〃Really sometimes the accusations are so absurd that we ourselves can't help laughing at them。 But though I don't believe in being 'done to death by slanderous tongues；' there is no doubt that the constant friction of these small annoyances does tell on my father very perceptibly。 After all； you know the very worst form of torture is merely the perpetual falling of a drop of water on the victim's head。〃
〃I suppose since last summer this sort of thing has been on the increase？〃
〃Indeed it has；〃 she replied。 〃It is worse； I think； than you have any idea of。 You read your daily paper and your weekly review； but every malicious； irritating word put forth by every local paper in England； Scotland； or Ireland comes to us； not to speak of all that we get from private sources。〃
On their way home they did all in their power to persuade Raeburn to take an immediate holiday； but he only shook his head。
〃'Dree out the inch when ye have thol'd the span；'〃 he said； leaning back wearily in the cab but taking care to give the conversation an abrupt turn before relapsing into sil
