we two-第43章

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own　child。　　The　woman's　dormant　motherhood　sprung　into　life。　　Yes；　he　was　her　own　child　after　all。　　She　did　not　really　want　to　hurt　him；　but　a　sort　of　demon　was　inside　her；　the　demon　of　drink　and　sometimes　it　made　her　almost　mad。　　She　looked　down　now　with　love…cleared　eyes　at　the　little　crying　child　who　still　clung　to　her　ragged　skirt。　　She　stooped　and　picked　him　up；　and　wrapped　a　bit　of　her　shawl　round　him。　　Presently　after　a　fearful　struggle；　she　turned　away　from　the　public…house　and　carried　the　child　home　to　bed。

The　jeering　chorus　was　soon　checked；　for　the　shutters　were　taken　down；　and　the　doors　thrown　wide；　and　light；　and　cheerfulness；　and　shelter；　and　the　drink　they　were　all　craving　for；　were　temptingly　displayed　to　draw　in　the　waiting　idlers。

But　the　woman　had　gone　home；　and　one　rather　surly　looking　man　still　leaned　against　the　wall　looking　up　the　street　where　Tom　and　Erica　had　disappeared。

〃Blowed　if　that　ain't　a　bit　of　pluck！〃　he　said　to　himself；　and　therewith　fell　into　a　reverie。

Tom　talked　of　temperance　work；　about　which　he　was　very　eager；　all　the　way　to　Guilford　Terrace。　Erica；　on　reaching　home；　went　at　once　to　her　father's　room。　　She　found　him　propped　up　with　pillows　in　his　arm　chair；　he　was　still　only　well　enough　to　attempt　the　lightest　of　light　literature；　and　was　looking　at　some　old　volumes　of　〃Punch〃　which　the　Osmonds　had　sent　across。

〃You　look　tired；　Eric！〃　he　exclaimed。　　〃Was　there　a　good　attendance？〃

〃Very；〃　she　replied；　but　so　much　less　brightly　than　usual　that　Raeburn　at　once　divined　that　something　had　annoyed　her。

〃Was　Mr。　Masterman　dull？〃

〃Not　dull；〃　she　replied；　hesitatingly。　　Then；　with　more　than　her　usual　vehemence；　〃Father；　I　can't　endure　him！　　I　wish　we　didn't　have　such　men　on　our　side！　　He　is　so　flippant；　so　vulgar！〃

〃Of　course　he　never　was　a　model　of　refinement；〃　said　Raeburn；　〃but　he　is　effective　very　effective。　　It　is　impossible　that　you　should　like　his　style；　he　is；　compared　with　you；　what　a　theatrical　poster　is　to　a　delicate　tete…de…greuze。　　How　did　he　specially　offend　you　tonight？〃

〃It　was　all　hateful　from　the　very　beginning；〃　said　Erica。　　〃And　sprinkled　all　through　with　doubtful　jests；　which　of　course　pleased　the　people。　　One　despicable　one　about　the　Entry　into　Jerusalem；　which　I　believe　he　must　have　got　from　Strauss。　　I'm　sure　Strauss　quotes　it。〃

〃You　see　what　displeases　an　educated　mind；　wins　a　rough；　uncultured　one。　　We　may　not　altogether　like　it；　but　we　must　put　up　with　it。　　We　need　our　Moodys　and　Sankeys　as　well　as　the　Christians。〃

〃But；　father；　he　seems　to　me　so　unfair。〃

Raeburn　looked　grave。

〃My　dear；〃　he　said；　after　a　minute's　thought；　〃you　are　not　in　the　least　bound　to　go　to　hear　Mr。　Masterman　again　unless　you　like。　　But　remember　this；　Eric；　we　are　only　a　struggling　minority；　and　let　me　quote　to　you　one　of　our　Scottish　proverbs：　'Hawks　shouldna　pick　out　hawks'　een。'　　You　are　still　a　hawk；　are　you　not？〃

〃Of　course；〃　she　said；　earnestly。

〃Well；　then　be　leal　to　your　brother　hawks。〃

A　cloud　of　perplexed　thought　stole　over　Erica's　face。　　Raeburn　noted　it　and　did　his　best　to　divert　her　attention。

〃Come；〃　he　said；　〃let　us　have　a　chapter　of　Mark　Twain　to　enliven　us。〃

But　even　Mark　Twain　was　inadequate　to　check　the　thought…struggle　which　had　begun　in　Erica's　brain。　　Desperate　earnestness　would　not　be　conquered　even　by　the　most　delightful　of　all　humorous　fiction。

During　the　next　few　days　this　thought…struggle　raged。　　So　great　was　Erica's　fear　of　having　biased　either　one　way　or　the　other　that　she　would　not　even　hint　at　her　perplexity　either　to　her　father　or　to　Charles　Osmond。　　And　now　the　actual　thoroughness　of　her　character　seemed　a　hindrance。

She　had　imagination；　quick　perception　of　the　true　and　beautiful；　and　an　immense　amount　of　steady　common　sense。　　At　the　same　time　she　was　almost　as　keen　and　quite　as　slow　of　conviction　as　her　father。　　Honestly　dreading　to　allow　her　poetic　faculty　due　play；　she　kept　her　imagination　rigidly　within　the　narrowest　bounds。　　She　was　thus　honestly　handicapped　in　the　race；　the　honesty　was；　however；　a　little　mistaken　and　one…sided；　for　not　the　most　vivid　imagination　could　be　considered　as　a　set…off　to　the　great；　the　incalculable　counter…influence　of　her　whole　education　and　surroundings。　　How　she　got　through　that　black　struggle　was　sometimes　a　mystery　to　her。　　At　last；　one　evening；　when　the　load　had　grown　intolerable；　she　shut　herself　into　her　own　room；　and；　forgetful　of　all　her　logical　arguments；　spoke　to　the　unknown　God。　　Her　hopelessness；　her　desperation；　drove　her　as　a　last　resource　to　cry　to　the　possibly　Existent。

She　stood　by　the　open　window　of　her　little　room；　with　her　arms　on　the　window　sill；　looking　out　into　the　summer　night；　just　as　years　before　she　had　stood　when　making　up　her　mind　to　exile　and　sacrifice。　　Then　the　wintery　heavens　had　been　blacker　and　the　stars　brighter；　now　both　sky　and　stars　were　dimmer　because　more　light。　　Over　the　roofs　of　the　Guilford　Square　houses　she　could　see　Charles'　Wain　and　the　Pole…star；　but　only　faintly。

〃God！〃　she　cried；　〃I　have　no　reason　to　think　that　Thou　art　except　that　there　is　such　fearful　need　of　Thee。　　I　can　see　no　single　proof　in　the　world　that　Thou　art　here。　　But　if　what　Christ　said　was　true；　then　Thou　must　care　that　I　should　know　Thee；　for　I　must　be　Thy　child。　　Oh；　God；　if　Thou　art　oh；　Father；　if　Thou　art　help　us　to　know　Thee！　　Show　us　what　is　true！〃

She　waited　and　waited；　hoping　for　some　sort　of　answer；　some　thought；　some　conviction。　　But　she　found；　as　many　have　found　before　her；　that　〃the　heavens　were　as　brass。〃

〃Of　course　it　was　no　use！〃　she　exclaimed；　impatiently；　yet　with　a　blankness　of　disappointment　which　in　itself　proved　the　reality　of　her　expectations。

Just　then　she　heard　Tom's　voice　at　the　foot　of　the　stairs　calling；；　it　seemed　like　the　seal　to　her　impatient　〃of　course。〃　　There　was　no　Unseen；　no　Eternal　of　course　not！　　But　there　was　a　busy　every…day　life　to　be　lived。

〃All　right；〃　she　returned　impatiently；　to　Tom's　repeated　calls；　〃don't　make　such　a　noise　or　else　you'll　disturb　father。〃

〃He　is　wide　awake；〃　said　Tom；　〃and　talking　to　the　professor。　　Just　look　here；　I　couldn't　help　fetching　you　down　did　you　ever　see　such　a　speech　in　your　life？　　A　regular　brick　he　must　be！〃

He　held　an　evening　paper　in　his　hand。　　Erica　remembered　that　the　debate　was　to　be　on　a　question　affecting　all　free…thinkers。　　During　the　discussion　of　this；　some　one　had　introduced　a　reference　to　the　Hyde　Park　meeting　and　to　Mr。　Raeburn；　and　had　been　careful　not　to　lose　the　opportunity　of　making　a　spiteful　and　misleading　remark　about　the　apostle　of　atheism。　　Tom　hurried　her　through　this；　however；　to　the　speech　that　followed　it。

〃Wait　a　minute；〃　she　said。　　〃Who　is　Mr。　Farrant？　　I　never　heard　of　him　before。〃

〃Member　for　Greyshot；　elected　last　spring；　don't　you　remember？　　One　of　the　by…elections。　　Licked　the　Tories　all　to　fits。　　This　is　his　maiden　speech；　and　that　makes　it　all　the　more　plucky　of　him　to　take　up　the　cudgels　in　our　defense。　　Here！　　Let　me　read　it　to　you。〃

With　the　force　of　one　who　is　fired　with　a　new　and　hearty　admiration；　he　read　the　report。　　The　speech　was　undoubtedly　a　fine　one；　it　was　a　grand　protest　against　intolerance；　a　plea　for　justice。　　The　speaker　had　not　hesitated　for　an　instant　to　raise　his　voice　in　behalf　of　a　very　unpopular　cause；　and　his　generous　words；　even　when　read　through　the　medium　of　an　indifferent　newspaper　report；　awoke　a　strange　thrill　in　Erica's　heart。　　The　utter　disregard　of　self；　the　nobility　of　the　whole　speech　struck　her　immensely。　　The　man　who　had　dared　to　stand　up　for　the　first　time　in　Parliament　and　speak　thus；　must　be　one　in　a　thousand。　　Presently　came　the　most　daring　and　disinterested　touch　of　all。

〃The　honorable　member　for　Rilchester　made　what　I　can　not　but　regard　as　a　most　misleading　and　unnecessary　remark　with　reference　to　the　recent　occurrence　in　Hyde　Park；　and　to　Mr。　Raeburn。　　I　listened　to　it　with　pain；　for；　if　there　can　be　degrees　in　the　absolute　evil　of　injustice　and　lack　of　charity；　it　seems　to　me　that　the　highest　degree　is　reached　in　that　uncharitableness　which　tries　to　blacken　the　character　of　an　opponent。　　Since　the　subject　has　been　introduced；　the　House　will；　I　hope；　bear　with　me　if　for　the　s