the way of all flesh-第103章

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as　believing　in　the　cow　jumping　over　the　moon　more　than　he　used　to；
or　more；　probably；　than　nine…tenths　of　the　clergy　themselveswho
know　as　well　as　he　does　that　their　outward　and　visible　symbols　are
out　of　datebut　because　he　knows　the　baffling　complexity　of　the
problem　when　it　comes　to　deciding　what　is　actually　to　be　done。
Also；　now　that　he　has　seen　them　more　closely；　he　knows　better　the
nature　of　those　wolves　in　sheep's　clothing；　who　are　thirsting　for
the　blood　of　their　victim；　and　exulting　so　clamorously　over　its
anticipated　early　fall　into　their　clutches。　　The　spirit　behind　the
Church　is　true；　though　her　lettertrue　onceis　now　true　no　longer。
The　spirit　behind　the　High　Priests　of　Science　is　as　lying　as　its
letter。　　The　Theobalds；　who　do　what　they　do　because　it　seems　to　be
the　correct　thing；　but　who　in　their　hearts　neither　like　it　nor
believe　in　it；　are　in　reality　the　least　dangerous　of　all　classes　to
the　peace　and　liberties　of　mankind。　　The　man　to　fear　is　he　who　goes
at　things　with　the　cocksureness　of　pushing　vulgarity　and　self…
conceit。　　These　are　not　vices　which　can　be　justly　laid　to　the　charge
of　the　English　clergy。

Many　of　the　farmers　came　up　to　Ernest　when　service　was　over；　and
shook　hands　with　him。　　He　found　every　one　knew　of　his　having　come
into　a　fortune。　　The　fact　was　that　Theobald　had　immediately　told　two
or　three　of　the　greatest　gossips　in　the　village；　and　the　story　was
not　long　in　spreading。　　〃It　simplified　matters；〃　he　had　said　to
himself；　〃a　good　deal。〃　　Ernest　was　civil　to　Mrs　Goodhew　for　her
husband's　sake；　but　he　gave　Miss　Wright　the　cut　direct；　for　he　knew
that　she　was　only　Charlotte　in　disguise。

A　week　passed　slowly　away。　　Two　or　three　times　the　family　took　the
sacrament　together　round　Christina's　death…bed。　　Theobald's
impatience　became　more　and　more　transparent　daily；　but　fortunately
Christina　（who　even　if　she　had　been　well　would　have　been　ready　to
shut　her　eyes　to　it）　became　weaker　and　less　coherent　in　mind　also；
so　that　she　hardly；　if　at　all；　perceived　it。　　After　Ernest　had　been
in　the　house　about　a　week　his　mother　fell　into　a　comatose　state
which　lasted　a　couple　of　days；　and　in　the　end　went　away　so
peacefully　that　it　was　like　the　blending　of　sea　and　sky　in　mid…ocean
upon　a　soft　hazy　day　when　none　can　say　where　the　earth　ends　and　the
heavens　begin。　　Indeed　she　died　to　the　realities　of　life　with　less
pain　than　she　had　waked　from　many　of　its　illusions。

〃She　has　been　the　comfort　and　mainstay　of　my　life　for　more　than
thirty　years；〃　said　Theobald　as　soon　as　all　was　over；　〃but　one　could
not　wish　it　prolonged；〃　and　he　buried　his　face　in　his　handkerchief
to　conceal　his　want　of　emotion。

Ernest　came　back　to　town　the　day　after　his　mother's　death；　and
returned　to　the　funeral　accompanied　by　myself。　　He　wanted　me　to　see
his　father　in　order　to　prevent　any　possible　misapprehension　about
Miss　Pontifex's　intentions；　and　I　was　such　an　old　friend　of　the
family　that　my　presence　at　Christina's　funeral　would　surprise　no
one。　　With　all　her　faults　I　had　always　rather　liked　Christina。　　She
would　have　chopped　Ernest　or　any　one　else　into　little　pieces　of
mincemeat　to　gratify　the　slightest　wish　of　her　husband；　but　she
would　not　have　chopped　him　up　for　any　one　else；　and　so　long　as　he
did　not　cross　her　she　was　very　fond　of　him。　　By　nature　she　was　of　an
even　temper；　more　willing　to　be　pleased　than　ruffled；　very　ready　to
do　a　good…natured　action；　provided　it　did　not　cost　her　much
exertion；　nor　involve　expense　to　Theobald。　　Her　own　little　purse　did
not　matter；　any　one　might　have　as　much　of　that　as　he　or　she　could
get　after　she　had　reserved　what　was　absolutely　necessary　for　her
dress。　　I　could　not　hear　of　her　end　as　Ernest　described　it　to　me
without　feeling　very　compassionate　towards　her；　indeed　her　own　son
could　hardly　have　felt　more　so；　I　at　once；　therefore；　consented　to
go　down　to　the　funeral；　perhaps　I　was　also　influenced　by　a　desire　to
see　Charlotte　and　Joey；　in　whom　I　felt　interested　on　hearing　what　my
godson　had　told　me。

I　found　Theobald　looking　remarkably　well。　　Every　one　said　he　was
bearing　it　so　beautifully。　　He　did　indeed　once　or　twice　shake　his
head　and　say　that　his　wife　had　been　the　comfort　and　mainstay　of　his
life　for　over　thirty　years；　but　there　the　matter　ended。　　I　stayed
over　the　next　day　which　was　Sunday；　and　took　my　departure　on　the
following　morning　after　having　told　Theobald　all　that　his　son　wished
me　to　tell　him。　　Theobald　asked　me　to　help　him　with　Christina's
epitaph。

〃I　would　say；〃　said　he；　〃as　little　as　possible；　eulogies　of　the
departed　are　in　most　cases　both　unnecessary　and　untrue。　　Christina's
epitaph　shall　contain　nothing　which　shall　be　either　the　one　or　the
other。　　I　should　give　her　name；　the　dates　of　her　birth　and　death；
and　of　course　say　she　was　my　wife；　and　then　I　think　I　should　wind　up
with　a　simple　texther　favourite　one　for　example；　none　indeed　could
be　more　appropriate；　'Blessed　are　the　pure　in　heart　for　they　shall
see　God。'〃

I　said　I　thought　this　would　be　very　nice；　and　it　was　settled。　　So
Ernest　was　sent　to　give　the　order　to　Mr　Prosser；　the　stonemason　in
the　nearest　town；　who　said　it　came　from　〃the　Beetitudes。〃



CHAPTER　LXXXIV



On　our　way　to　town　Ernest　broached　his　plans　for　spending　the　next
year　or　two。　　I　wanted　him　to　try　and　get　more　into　society　again；
but　he　brushed　this　aside　at　once　as　the　very　last　thing　he　had　a
fancy　for。　　For　society　indeed　of　all　sorts；　except　of　course　that
of　a　few　intimate　friends；　he　had　an　unconquerable　aversion。　　〃I
always　did　hate　those　people；〃　he　said；　〃and　they　always　have　hated
and　always　will　hate　me。　　I　am　an　Ishmael　by　instinct　as　much　as　by
accident　of　circumstances；　but　if　I　keep　out　of　society　I　shall　be
less　vulnerable　than　Ishmaels　generally　are。　　The　moment　a　man　goes
into　society；　he　becomes　vulnerable　all　round。〃

I　was　very　sorry　to　hear　him　talk　in　this　way；　for　whatever　strength
a　man　may　have　he　should　surely　be　able　to　make　more　of　it　if　he　act
in　concert　than　alone。　　I　said　this。

〃I　don't　care；〃　he　answered；　〃whether　I　make　the　most　of　my　strength
or　not；　I　don't　know　whether　I　have　any　strength；　but　if　I　have　I
dare　say　it　will　find　some　way　of　exerting　itself。　　I　will　live　as　I
like　living；　not　as　other　people　would　like　me　to　live；　thanks　to　my
aunt　and　you　I　can　afford　the　luxury　of　a　quiet　unobtrusive　life　of
self…indulgence；〃　said　he　laughing；　〃and　I　mean　to　have　it。　　You
know　I　like　writing；〃　he　added　after　a　pause　of　some　minutes；　〃I
have　been　a　scribbler　for　years。　　If　I　am　to　come　to　the　fore　at　all
it　must　be　by　writing。〃

I　had　already　long　since　come　to　that　conclusion　myself。

〃Well；〃　he　continued；　〃there　are　a　lot　of　things　that　want　saying
which　no　one　dares　to　say；　a　lot　of　shams　which　want　attacking；　and
yet　no　one　attacks　them。　　It　seems　to　me　that　I　can　say　things　which
not　another　man　in　England　except　myself　will　venture　to　say；　and
yet　which　are　crying　to　be　said。〃

I　said：　　〃But　who　will　listen？　　If　you　say　things　which　nobody　else
would　dare　to　say　is　not　this　much　the　same　as　saying　what　everyone
except　yourself　knows　to　be　better　left　unsaid　just　now？〃

〃Perhaps；〃　said　he；　〃but　I　don't　know　it；　I　am　bursting　with　these
things；　and　it　is　my　fate　to　say　them。〃

I　knew　there　would　be　no　stopping　him；　so　I　gave　in　and　asked　what
question　he　felt　a　special　desire　to　burn　his　fingers　with　in　the
first　instance。

〃Marriage；〃　he　rejoined　promptly；　〃and　the　power　of　disposing　of　his
property　after　a　man　is　dead。　　The　question　of　Christianity　is
virtually　settled；　or　if　not　settled　there　is　no　lack　of　those
engaged　in　settling　it。　　The　question　of　the　day　now　is　marriage　and
the　family　system。〃

〃That；〃　said　I　drily；　〃is　a　hornet's　nest　indeed。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　he　no　less　drily；　〃but　hornet's　nests　are　exactly　what　I
happen　to　like。　　Before；　however；　I　begin　to　stir　up　this　particular
one　I　propose　to　travel　for　a　few　years；　with　the　especial　object　of
finding　out　what　nations　now　existing　are　the　best；　comeliest　and
most　lovable；　and　also　what　nations　have　been　so　in　times　past。　　I
want　to　find　out　how　these　people　live；　and　have　lived；　and　what
their　customs　are。

〃I