the way of all flesh-第11章

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once　a　fortnight　at　which　prayer　was　part　of　the　entertainment。　　She
was　not　only　spiritually　minded；　but；　as　enthusiastic　Mrs　Allaby
used　to　exclaim；　she　was　a　thorough　woman　of　the　world　at　the　same
time　and　had　such　a　fund　of　strong　masculine　good　sense。　　She　too
had　daughters；　but；　as　she　used　to　say　to　Mrs　Allaby；　she　had　been
less　fortunate　than　Mrs　Allaby　herself；　for　one　by　one　they　had
married　and　left　her　so　that　her　old　age　would　have　been　desolate
indeed　if　her　Professor　had　not　been　spared　to　her。

Mrs　Cowey；　of　course；　knew　the　run　of　all　the　bachelor　clergy　in　the
University；　and　was　the　very　person　to　assist　Mrs　Allaby　in　finding
an　eligible　assistant　for　her　husband；　so　this　last　named　lady　drove
over　one　morning　in　the　November　of　1825；　by　arrangement；　to　take　an
early　dinner　with　Mrs　Cowey　and　spend　the　afternoon。　　After　dinner
the　two　ladies　retired　together；　and　the　business　of　the　day　began。
How　they　fenced；　how　they　saw　through　one　another；　with　what　loyalty
they　pretended　not　to　see　through　one　another；　with　what　gentle
dalliance　they　prolonged　the　conversation　discussing　the　spiritual
fitness　of　this　or　that　deacon；　and　the　other　pros　and　cons
connected　with　him　after　his　spiritual　fitness　had　been　disposed　of；
all　this　must　be　left　to　the　imagination　of　the　reader。　　Mrs　Cowey
had　been　so　accustomed　to　scheming　on　her　own　account　that　she　would
scheme　for　anyone　rather　than　not　scheme　at　all。　　Many　mothers
turned　to　her　in　their　hour　of　need　and；　provided　they　were
spiritually　minded；　Mrs　Cowey　never　failed　to　do　her　best　for　them；
if　the　marriage　of　a　young　Bachelor　of　Arts　was　not　made　in　Heaven；
it　was　probably　made；　or　at　any　rate　attempted；　in　Mrs　Cowey's
drawing…room。　　On　the　present　occasion　all　the　deacons　of　the
University　in　whom　there　lurked　any　spark　of　promise　were
exhaustively　discussed；　and　the　upshot　was　that　our　friend　Theobald
was　declared　by　Mrs　Cowey　to　be　about　the　best　thing　she　could　do
that　afternoon。

〃I　don't　know　that　he's　a　particularly　fascinating　young　man；　my
dear；〃　said　Mrs　Cowey；　〃and　he's　only　a　second　son；　but　then　he's
got　his　fellowship；　and　even　the　second　son　of　such　a　man　as　Mr
Pontifex　the　publisher　should　have　something　very　comfortable。〃

〃Why　yes；　my　dear；〃　rejoined　Mrs　Allaby　complacently；　〃that's　what
one　rather　feels。〃



CHAPTER　X



The　interview；　like　all　other　good　things　had　to　come　to　an　end；　the
days　were　short；　and　Mrs　Allaby　had　a　six　miles'　drive　to
Crampsford。　　When　she　was　muffled　up　and　had　taken　her　seat；　Mr
Allaby's　factotum；　James；　could　perceive　no　change　in　her
appearance；　and　little　knew　what　a　series　of　delightful　visions　he
was　driving　home　along　with　his　mistress。

Professor　Cowey　had　published　works　through　Theobald's　father；　and
Theobald　had　on　this　account　been　taken　in　tow　by　Mrs　Cowey　from　the
beginning　of　his　University　career。　　She　had　had　her　eye　upon　him
for　some　time　past；　and　almost　as　much　felt　it　her　duty　to　get　him
off　her　list　of　young　men　for　whom　wives　had　to　be　provided；　as　poor
Mrs　Allaby　did　to　try　and　get　a　husband　for　one　of　her　daughters。
She　now　wrote　and　asked　him　to　come　and　see　her；　in　terms　that
awakened　his　curiosity。　　When　he　came　she　broached　the　subject　of　Mr
Allaby's　failing　health；　and　after　the　smoothing　away　of　such
difficulties　as　were　only　Mrs　Cowey's　due；　considering　the　interest
she　had　taken；　it　was　allowed　to　come　to　pass　that　Theobald　should
go　to　Crampsford　for　six　successive　Sundays　and　take　the　half　of　Mr
Allaby's　duty　at　half　a　guinea　a　Sunday；　for　Mrs　Cowey　cut　down　the
usual　stipend　mercilessly；　and　Theobald　was　not　strong　enough　to
resist。

Ignorant　of　the　plots　which　were　being　prepared　for　his　peace　of
mind　and　with　no　idea　beyond　that　of　earning　his　three　guineas；　and
perhaps　of　astonishing　the　inhabitants　of　Crampsford　by　his　academic
learning；　Theobald　walked　over　to　the　Rectory　one　Sunday　morning
early　in　Decembera　few　weeks　only　after　he　had　been　ordained。　　He
had　taken　a　great　deal　of　pains　with　his　sermon；　which　was　on　the
subject　of　geologythen　coming　to　the　fore　as　a　theological
bugbear。　　He　showed　that　so　far　as　geology　was　worth　anything　at
alland　he　was　too　liberal　entirely　to　pooh…pooh　itit　confirmed
the　absolutely　historical　character　of　the　Mosaic　account　of　the
Creation　as　given　in　Genesis。　　Any　phenomena　which　at　first　sight
appeared　to　make　against　this　view　were　only　partial　phenomena　and
broke　down　upon　investigation。　　Nothing　could　be　in　more　excellent
taste；　and　when　Theobald　adjourned　to　the　rectory；　where　he　was　to
dine　between　the　services；　Mr　Allaby　complimented　him　warmly　upon
his　debut；　while　the　ladies　of　the　family　could　hardly　find　words
with　which　to　express　their　admiration。

Theobald　knew　nothing　about　women。　　The　only　women　he　had　been
thrown　in　contact　with　were　his　sisters；　two　of　whom　were　always
correcting　him；　and　a　few　school　friends　whom　these　had　got　their
father　to　ask　to　Elmhurst。　　These　young　ladies　had　either　been　so
shy　that　they　and　Theobald　had　never　amalgamated；　or　they　had　been
supposed　to　be　clever　and　had　said　smart　things　to　him。　　He　did　not
say　smart　things　himself　and　did　not　want　other　people　to　say　them。
Besides；　they　talked　about　musicand　he　hated　musicor　pictures
and　he　hated　picturesor　booksand　except　the　classics　he　hated
books。　　And　then　sometimes　he　was　wanted　to　dance　with　them；　and　he
did　not　know　how　to　dance；　and　did　not　want　to　know。

At　Mrs　Cowey's　parties　again　he　had　seen　some　young　ladies　and　had
been　introduced　to　them。　　He　had　tried　to　make　himself　agreeable；
but　was　always　left　with　the　impression　that　he　had　not　been
successful。　　The　young　ladies　of　Mrs　Cowey's　set　were　by　no　means
the　most　attractive　that　might　have　been　found　in　the　University；
and　Theobald　may　be　excused　for　not　losing　his　heart　to　the　greater
number　of　them；　while　if　for　a　minute　or　two　he　was　thrown　in　with
one　of　the　prettier　and　more　agreeable　girls　he　was　almost
immediately　cut　out　by　someone　less　bashful　than　himself；　and
sneaked　off；　feeling　as　far　as　the　fair　sex　was　concerned；　like　the
impotent　man　at　the　pool　of　Bethesda。

What　a　really　nice　girl　might　have　done　with　him　I　cannot　tell；　but
fate　had　thrown　none　such　in　his　way　except　his　youngest　sister
Alethea；　whom　he　might　perhaps　have　liked　if　she　had　not　been　his
sister。　　The　result　of　his　experience　was　that　women　had　never　done
him　any　good　and　he　was　not　accustomed　to　associate　them　with　any
pleasure；　if　there　was　a　part　of　Hamlet　in　connection　with　them　it
had　been　so　completely　cut　out　in　the　edition　of　the　play　in　which
he　was　required　to　act　that　he　had　come　to　disbelieve　in　its
existence。　　As　for　kissing；　he　had　never　kissed　a　woman　in　his　life
except　his　sisterand　my　own　sisters　when　we　were　all　small
children　together。　　Over　and　above　these　kisses；　he　had　until　quite
lately　been　required　to　imprint　a　solemn　flabby　kiss　night　and
morning　upon　his　father's　cheek；　and　this；　to　the　best　of　my　belief；
was　the　extent　of　Theobald's　knowledge　in　the　matter　of　kissing；　at
the　time　of　which　I　am　now　writing。　　The　result　of　the　foregoing　was
that　he　had　come　to　dislike　women；　as　mysterious　beings　whose　ways
were　not　as　his　ways；　nor　their　thoughts　as　his　thoughts。

With　these　antecedents　Theobald　naturally　felt　rather　bashful　on
finding　himself　the　admired　of　five　strange　young　ladies。　　I
remember　when　I　was　a　boy　myself　I　was　once　asked　to　take　tea　at　a
girls'　school　where　one　of　my　sisters　was　boarding。　　I　was　then
about　twelve　years　old。　　Everything　went　off　well　during　tea…time；
for　the　Lady　Principal　of　the　establishment　was　present。　　But　there
came　a　time　when　she　went　away　and　I　was　left　alone　with　the　girls。
The　moment　the　mistress's　back　was　turned　the　head　girl；　who　was
about　my　own　age；　came　up；　pointed　her　finger　at　me；　made　a　face　and
said　solemnly；　〃A　na…a…sty　bo…o…y！〃　　All　the　girls　followed　her　in
rotation　making　the　same　gesture　and　the　same　reproach　upon　my　being
a　boy。　　It　gave　me　a　great　scare。　　I　believe　I　cried；　and　I　know　it
was　a　long　time　before　I　could　again　face　a　girl　without　a　strong
desire　to　run　away。

Theobal