the way of all flesh-第51章

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CHAPTER　XLIV



I　may　spare　the　reader　more　details　about　my　hero's　school　days。　　He
rose；　always　in　spite　of　himself；　into　the　Doctor's　form；　and　for
the　last　two　years　or　so　of　his　time　was　among　the　praepostors；
though　he　never　rose　into　the　upper　half　of　them。　　He　did　little；
and　I　think　the　Doctor　rather　gave　him　up　as　a　boy　whom　he　had
better　leave　to　himself；　for　he　rarely　made　him　construe；　and　he
used　to　send　in　his　exercises　or　not；　pretty　much　as　he　liked。　　His
tacit；　unconscious　obstinacy　had　in　time　effected　more　even　than　a
few　bold　sallies　in　the　first　instance　would　have　done。　　To　the　end
of　his　career　his　position　inter　pares　was　what　it　had　been　at　the
beginning；　namely；　among　the　upper　part　of　the　less　reputable　class…
…whether　of　seniors　or　juniorsrather　than　among　the　lower　part　of
the　more　respectable。

Only　once　in　the　whole　course　of　his　school　life　did　he　get　praise
from　Dr　Skinner　for　any　exercise；　and　this　he　has　treasured　as　the
best　example　of　guarded　approval　which　he　has　ever　seen。　　He　had　had
to　write　a　copy　of　Alcaics　on　〃The　dogs　of　the　monks　of　St　Bernard；〃
and　when　the　exercise　was　returned　to　him　he　found　the　Doctor　had
written　on　it：　　〃In　this　copy　of　Alcaicswhich　is　still　excessively
badI　fancy　that　I　can　discern　some　faint　symptoms　of　improvement。〃
Ernest　says　that　if　the　exercise　was　any　better　than　usual　it　must
have　been　by　a　fluke；　for　he　is　sure　that　he　always　liked　dogs；
especially　St　Bernard　dogs；　far　too　much　to　take　any　pleasure　in
writing　Alcaics　about　them。

〃As　I　look　back　upon　it；〃　he　said　to　me　but　the　other　day；　with　a
hearty　laugh；　〃I　respect　myself　more　for　having　never　once　got　the
best　mark　for　an　exercise　than　I　should　do　if　I　had　got　it　every
time　it　could　be　got。　　I　am　glad　nothing　could　make　me　do　Latin　and
Greek　verses；　I　am　glad　Skinner　could　never　get　any　moral　influence
over　me；　I　am　glad　I　was　idle　at　school；　and　I　am　glad　my　father
overtasked　me　as　a　boyotherwise；　likely　enough　I　should　have
acquiesced　in　the　swindle；　and　might　have　written　as　good　a　copy　of
Alcaics　about　the　dogs　of　the　monks　of　St　Bernard　as　my　neighbours；
and　yet　I　don't　know；　for　I　remember　there　was　another　boy；　who　sent
in　a　Latin　copy　of　some　sort；　but　for　his　own　pleasure　he　wrote　the
following　…


The　dogs　of　the　monks　of　St　Bernard　go
To　pick　little　children　out　of　the　snow；
And　around　their　necks　is　the　cordial　gin
Tied　with　a　little　bit　of　bob…bin。


I　should　like　to　have　written　that；　and　I　did　try；　but　I　couldn't。
I　didn't　quite　like　the　last　line；　and　tried　to　mend　it；　but　I
couldn't。〃

I　fancied　I　could　see　traces　of　bitterness　against　the　instructors
of　his　youth　in　Ernest's　manner；　and　said　something　to　this　effect。

〃Oh；　no；〃　he　replied；　still　laughing；　〃no　more　than　St　Anthony　felt
towards　the　devils　who　had　tempted　him；　when　he　met　some　of　them
casually　a　hundred　or　a　couple　of　hundred　years　afterwards。　　Of
course　he　knew　they　were　devils；　but　that　was　all　right　enough；
there　must　be　devils。　　St　Anthony　probably　liked　these　devils　better
than　most　others；　and　for　old　acquaintance　sake　showed　them　as　much
indulgence　as　was　compatible　with　decorum。

〃Besides；　you　know；〃　he　added；　〃St　Anthony　tempted　the　devils　quite
as　much　as　they　tempted　him；　for　his　peculiar　sanctity　was　a　greater
temptation　to　tempt　him　than　they　could　stand。　　Strictly　speaking；
it　was　the　devils　who　were　the　more　to　be　pitied；　for　they　were　led
up　by　St　Anthony　to　be　tempted　and　fell；　whereas　St　Anthony　did　not
fall。　　I　believe　I　was　a　disagreeable　and　unintelligible　boy；　and　if
ever　I　meet　Skinner　there　is　no　one　whom　I　would　shake　hands　with；
or　do　a　good　turn　to　more　readily。〃

At　home　things　went　on　rather　better；　the　Ellen　and　Mother　Cross
rows　sank　slowly　down　upon　the　horizon；　and　even　at　home　he　had
quieter　times　now　that　he　had　become　a　praepostor。　　Nevertheless　the
watchful　eye　and　protecting　hand　were　still　ever　over　him　to　guard
his　comings　in　and　his　goings　out；　and　to　spy　out　all　his　ways。　　Is
it　wonderful　that　the　boy；　though　always　trying　to　keep　up
appearances　as　though　he　were　cheerful　and　contentedand　at　times
actually　being　sowore　often　an　anxious；　jaded　look　when　he　thought
none　were　looking；　which　told　of　an　almost　incessant　conflict
within？

Doubtless　Theobald　saw　these　looks　and　knew　how　to　interpret　them；
but　it　was　his　profession　to　know　how　to　shut　his　eyes　to　things
that　were　inconvenientno　clergyman　could　keep　his　benefice　for　a
month　if　he　could　not　do　this；　besides　he　had　allowed　himself　for　so
many　years　to　say　things　he　ought　not　to　have　said；　and　not　to　say
the　things　he　ought　to　have　said；　that　he　was　little　likely　to　see
anything　that　he　thought　it　more　convenient　not　to　see　unless　he　was
made　to　do　so。

It　was　not　much　that　was　wanted。　　To　make　no　mysteries　where　Nature
has　made　none；　to　bring　his　conscience　under　something　like
reasonable　control；　to　give　Ernest　his　head　a　little　more；　to　ask
fewer　questions；　and　to　give　him　pocket　money　with　a　desire　that　it
should　be　spent　upon　menus　plaisirs　。　。　。

〃Call　that　not　much　indeed；〃　laughed　Ernest；　as　I　read　him　what　I
have　just　written。　　〃Why　it　is　the　whole　duty　of　a　father；　but　it　is
the　mystery…making　which　is　the　worst　evil。　　If　people　would　dare　to
speak　to　one　another　unreservedly；　there　would　be　a　good　deal　less
sorrow　in　the　world　a　hundred　years　hence。〃

To　return；　however；　to　Roughborough。　　On　the　day　of　his　leaving；
when　he　was　sent　for　into　the　library　to　be　shaken　hands　with；　he
was　surprised　to　feel　that；　though　assuredly　glad　to　leave；　he　did
not　do　so　with　any　especial　grudge　against　the　Doctor　rankling　in
his　breast。　　He　had　come　to　the　end　of　it　all；　and　was　still　alive；
nor；　take　it　all　round；　more　seriously　amiss　than　other　people。　　Dr
Skinner　received　him　graciously；　and　was　even　frolicsome　after　his
own　heavy　fashion。　　Young　people　are　almost　always　placable；　and
Ernest　felt　as　he　went　away　that　another　such　interview　would　not
only　have　wiped　off　all　old　scores；　but　have　brought　him　round　into
the　ranks　of　the　Doctor's　admirers　and　supportersamong　whom　it　is
only　fair　to　say　that　the　greater　number　of　the　more　promising　boys
were　found。

Just　before　saying　good…bye　the　Doctor　actually　took　down　a　volume
from　those　shelves　which　had　seemed　so　awful　six　years　previously；
and　gave　it　to　him　after　having　written　his　name　in　it；　and　the
words　＇Greek　text＇；　which　I　believe　means　〃with　all　kind　wishes　from
the　donor。〃　　The　book　was　one　written　in　Latin　by　a　German
Schomann：　　〃De　comitiis　Atheniensibus〃not　exactly　light　and
cheerful　reading；　but　Ernest　felt　it　was　high　time　he　got　to
understand　the　Athenian　constitution　and　manner　of　voting；　he　had
got　them　up　a　great　many　times　already；　but　had　forgotten　them　as
fast　as　he　had　learned　them；　now；　however；　that　the　Doctor　had　given
him　this　book；　he　would　master　the　subject　once　for　all。　　How
strange　it　was！　　He　wanted　to　remember　these　things　very　badly；　he
knew　he　did；　but　he　could　never　retain　them；　in　spite　of　himself
they　no　sooner　fell　upon　his　mind　than　they　fell　off　it　again；　he
had　such　a　dreadful　memory；　whereas；　if　anyone　played　him　a　piece　of
music　and　told　him　where　it　came　from；　he　never　forgot　that；　though
he　made　no　effort　to　retain　it；　and　was　not　even　conscious　of　trying
to　remember　it　at　all。　　His　mind　must　be　badly　formed　and　he　was　no
good。

Having　still　a　short　time　to　spare；　he　got　the　keys　of　St　Michael's
church　and　went　to　have　a　farewell　practice　upon　the　organ；　which　he
could　now　play　fairly　well。　　He　walked　up　and　down　the　aisle　for　a
while　in　a　meditative　mood；　and　then；　settling　down　to　the　organ；
played　〃They　loathed　to　drink　of　the　river〃　about　six　times　over；
after　which　he　felt　more　composed　and　happier；　then；　tearing　himself
away　from　the　instrument　he　loved　so　well；　he　hurried　to　the
station。

As　the　train　drew　out　he　looked　down　from　a　high　embankment　on　to
the　little　house　his　aunt　had　taken；　and　where　it　might　be　said　she
had　died　through　her　desire　to　do　him　a　kindness。　　There　were　the
two　well…known　bow　windows；　out　of　which　he　had　often　stepped　to　run
across　the　l