the way of all flesh-第79章

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find　you　75　pounds　or　even　if　necessary　so　far　as　100　pounds　to　pay
your　passage　money。　　Once　in　the　colony　you　must　be　dependent　upon
your　own　exertions。

〃May　Heaven　prosper　them　and　you；　and　restore　you　to　us　years　hence
a　respected　member　of　society。Your　affectionate　father；　T。
PONTIFEX。〃


Then　there　was　a　postscript　in　Christina's　writing。


〃My　darling；　darling　boy；　pray　with　me　daily　and　hourly　that　we　may
yet　again　become　a　happy；　united；　God…fearing　family　as　we　were
before　this　horrible　pain　fell　upon　us。Your　sorrowing　but　ever
loving　mother；　〃C。　P。〃


This　letter　did　not　produce　the　effect　on　Ernest　that　it　would　have
done　before　his　imprisonment　began。　　His　father　and　mother　thought
they　could　take　him　up　as　they　had　left　him　off。　　They　forgot　the
rapidity　with　which　development　follows　misfortune；　if　the　sufferer
is　young　and　of　a　sound　temperament。　　Ernest　made　no　reply　to　his
father's　letter；　but　his　desire　for　a　total　break　developed　into
something　like　a　passion。　　〃There　are　orphanages；〃　he　exclaimed　to
himself；　〃for　children　who　have　lost　their　parentsoh！　why；　why；
why；　are　there　no　harbours　of　refuge　for　grown　men　who　have　not　yet
lost　them？〃　　And　he　brooded　over　the　bliss　of　Melchisedek　who　had
been　born　an　orphan；　without　father；　without　mother；　and　without
descent。



CHAPTER　LXVIII



When　I　think　over　all　that　Ernest　told　me　about　his　prison
meditations；　and　the　conclusions　he　was　drawn　to；　it　occurs　to　me
that　in　reality　he　was　wanting　to　do　the　very　last　thing　which　it
would　have　entered　into　his　head　to　think　of　wanting。　　I　mean　that
he　was　trying　to　give　up　father　and　mother　for　Christ's　sake。　　He
would　have　said　he　was　giving　them　up　because　he　thought　they
hindered　him　in　the　pursuit　of　his　truest　and　most　lasting
happiness。　　Granted；　but　what　is　this　if　it　is　not　Christ？　　What　is
Christ　if　He　is　not　this？　　He　who　takes　the　highest　and　most　self…
respecting　view　of　his　own　welfare　which　it　is　in　his　power　to
conceive；　and　adheres　to　it　in　spite　of　conventionality；　is　a
Christian　whether　he　knows　it　and　calls　himself　one；　or　whether　he
does　not。　　A　rose　is　not　the　less　a　rose　because　it　does　not　know
its　own　name。

What　if　circumstances　had　made　his　duty　more　easy　for　him　than　it
would　be　to　most　men？　　That　was　his　luck；　as　much　as　it　is　other
people's　luck　to　have　other　duties　made　easy　for　them　by　accident　of
birth。　　Surely　if　people　are　born　rich　or　handsome　they　have　a　right
to　their　good　fortune。　　Some　I　know；　will　say　that　one　man　has　no
right　to　be　born　with　a　better　constitution　than　another；　others
again　will　say　that　luck　is　the　only　righteous　object　of　human
veneration。　　Both；　I　daresay；　can　make　out　a　very　good　case；　but
whichever　may　be　right　surely　Ernest　had　as　much　right　to　the　good
luck　of　finding　a　duty　made　easier　as　he　had　had　to　the　bad　fortune
of　falling　into　the　scrape　which　had　got　him　into　prison。　　A　man　is
not　to　be　sneered　at　for　having　a　trump　card　in　his　hand；　he　is　only
to　be　sneered　at　if　he　plays　his　trump　card　badly。

Indeed；　I　question　whether　it　is　ever　much　harder　for　anyone　to　give
up　father　and　mother　for　Christ's　sake　than　it　was　for　Ernest。　　The
relations　between　the　parties　will　have　almost　always　been　severely
strained　before　it　comes　to　this。　　I　doubt　whether　anyone　was　ever
yet　required　to　give　up　those　to　whom　he　was　tenderly　attached　for　a
mere　matter　of　conscience：　　he　will　have　ceased　to　be　tenderly
attached　to　them　long　before　he　is　called　upon　to　break　with　them；
for　differences　of　opinion　concerning　any　matter　of　vital　importance
spring　from　differences　of　constitution；　and　these　will　already　have
led　to　so　much　other　disagreement　that　the　〃giving　up〃　when　it
comes；　is　like　giving　up　an　aching　but　very　loose　and　hollow　tooth。
It　is　the　loss　of　those　whom　we　are　not　required　to　give　up　for
Christ's　sake　which　is　really　painful　to　us。　　Then　there　is　a　wrench
in　earnest。　　Happily；　no　matter　how　light　the　task　that　is　demanded
from　us；　it　is　enough　if　we　do　it；　we　reap　our　reward；　much　as
though　it　were　a　Herculean　labour。

But　to　return；　the　conclusion　Ernest　came　to　was　that　he　would　be　a
tailor。　　He　talked　the　matter　over　with　the　chaplain；　who　told　him
there　was　no　reason　why　he　should　not　be　able　to　earn　his　six　or
seven　shillings　a　day　by　the　time　he　came　out　of　prison；　if　he　chose
to　learn　the　trade　during　the　remainder　of　his　termnot　quite　three
months；　the　doctor　said　he　was　strong　enough　for　this；　and　that　it
was　about　the　only　thing　he　was　as　yet　fit　for；　so　he　left　the
infirmary　sooner　than　he　would　otherwise　have　done　and　entered　the
tailor's　shop；　overjoyed　at　the　thoughts　of　seeing　his　way　again；
and　confident　of　rising　some　day　if　he　could　only　get　a　firm
foothold　to　start　from。

Everyone　whom　he　had　to　do　with　saw　that　he　did　not　belong　to　what
are　called　the　criminal　classes；　and　finding　him　eager　to　learn　and
to　save　trouble　always　treated　him　kindly　and　almost　respectfully。
He　did　not　find　the　work　irksome：　　it　was　far　more　pleasant　than
making　Latin　and　Greek　verses　at　Roughborough；　he　felt　that　he　would
rather　be　here　in　prison　than　at　Roughborough　againyes；　or　even　at
Cambridge　itself。　　The　only　trouble　he　was　ever　in　danger　of　getting
into　was　through　exchanging　words　or　looks　with　the　more　decent…
looking　of　his　fellow…prisoners。　　This　was　forbidden；　but　he　never
missed　a　chance　of　breaking　the　rules　in　this　respect。

Any　man　of　his　ability　who　was　at　the　same　time　anxious　to　learn
would　of　course　make　rapid　progress；　and　before　he　left　prison　the
warder　said　he　was　as　good　a　tailor　with　his　three　months'
apprenticeship　as　many　a　man　was　with　twelve。　　Ernest　had　never
before　been　so　much　praised　by　any　of　his　teachers。　　Each　day　as　he
grew　stronger　in　health　and　more　accustomed　to　his　surroundings　he
saw　some　fresh　advantage　in　his　position；　an　advantage　which　he　had
not　aimed　at；　but　which　had　come　almost　in　spite　of　himself；　and　he
marvelled　at　his　own　good　fortune；　which　had　ordered　things　so
greatly　better　for　him　than　he　could　have　ordered　them　for　himself。

His　having　lived　six　months　in　Ashpit　Place　was　a　case　in　point。
Things　were　possible　to　him　which　to　others　like　him　would　be
impossible。　　If　such　a　man　as　Towneley　were　told　he　must　live
henceforth　in　a　house　like　those　in　Ashpit　Place　it　would　be　more
than　he　could　stand。　　Ernest　could　not　have　stood　it　himself　if　he
had　gone　to　live　there　of　compulsion　through　want　of　money。　　It　was
only　because　he　had　felt　himself　able　to　run　away　at　any　minute　that
he　had　not　wanted　to　do　so；　now；　however；　that　he　had　become
familiar　with　life　in　Ashpit　Place　he　no　longer　minded　it；　and　could
live　gladly　in　lower　parts　of　London　than　that　so　long　as　he　could
pay　his　way。　　It　was　from　no　prudence　or　forethought　that　he　had
served　this　apprenticeship　to　life　among　the　poor。　　He　had　been
trying　in　a　feeble　way　to　be　thorough　in　his　work：　　he　had　not　been
thorough；　the　whole　thing　had　been　a　fiasco；　but　he　had　made　a
little　puny　effort　in　the　direction　of　being　genuine；　and　behold；　in
his　hour　of　need　it　had　been　returned　to　him　with　a　reward　far
richer　than　he　had　deserved。　　He　could　not　have　faced　becoming　one
of　the　very　poor　unless　he　had　had　such　a　bridge　to　conduct　him　over
to　them　as　he　had　found　unwittingly　in　Ashpit　Place。　　True；　there
had　been　drawbacks　in　the　particular　house　he　had　chosen；　but　he
need　not　live　in　a　house　where　there　was　a　Mr　Holt　and　he　should　no
longer　be　tied　to　the　profession　which　he　so　much　hated；　if　there
were　neither　screams　nor　scripture　readings　he　could　be　happy　in　a
garret　at　three　shillings　a　week；　such　as　Miss　Maitland　lived　in。

As　he　thought　further　he　remembered　that　all　things　work　together
for　good　to　them　that　love　God；　was　it　possible；　he　asked　himself；
that　he　too；　however　imperfectly；　had　been　trying　to　love　him？　　He
dared　not　answer　Yes；　but　he　would　try　hard　that　it　should　be　so。
Then　there　came　into　his　mind　that　noble　air　of　Handel's：　　〃Great
God；　who　yet　but　darkly　known；〃　and　he　felt　it　as　he　had　never　felt
it　before。　　He　had　lost　his　faith　in　Christianity；　but　his　faith　in
somethinghe　kn