the way of all flesh-第95章

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we　got　into　the　railway　carriage；　and　dozed　till　we　had　passed
Amiens。　　Then　waking　when　the　first　signs　of　morning　crispness　were
beginning　to　show　themselves；　I　saw　that　Ernest　was　already
devouring　every　object　we　passed　with　quick　sympathetic　curiousness。
There　was　not　a　peasant　in　a　blouse　driving　his　cart　betimes　along
the　road　to　market；　not　a　signalman's　wife　in　her　husband's　hat　and
coat　waving　a　green　flag；　not　a　shepherd　taking　out　his　sheep　to　the
dewy　pastures；　not　a　bank　of　opening　cowslips　as　we　passed　through
the　railway　cuttings；　but　he　was　drinking　it　all　in　with　an
enjoyment　too　deep　for　words。　　The　name　of　the　engine　that　drew　us
was　Mozart；　and　Ernest　liked　this　too。

We　reached　Paris　by　six；　and　had　just　time　to　get　across　the　town
and　take　a　morning　express　train　to　Marseilles；　but　before　noon　my
young　friend　was　tired　out　and　had　resigned　himself　to　a　series　of
sleeps　which　were　seldom　intermitted　for　more　than　an　hour　or　so
together。　　He　fought　against　this　for　a　time；　but　in　the　end
consoled　himself　by　saying　it　was　so　nice　to　have　so　much　pleasure
that　he　could　afford　to　throw　a　lot　of　it　away。　　Having　found　a
theory　on　which　to　justify　himself；　he　slept　in　peace。

At　Marseilles　we　rested；　and　there　the　excitement　of　the　change
proved；　as　I　had　half　feared　it　would；　too　much　for　my　godson's
still　enfeebled　state。　　For　a　few　days　he　was　really　ill；　but　after
this　he　righted。　　For　my　own　part　I　reckon　being　ill　as　one　of　the
great　pleasures　of　life；　provided　one　is　not　too　ill　and　is　not
obliged　to　work　till　one　is　better。　　I　remember　being　ill　once　in　a
foreign　hotel　myself　and　how　much　I　enjoyed　it。　　To　lie　there
careless　of　everything；　quiet　and　warm；　and　with　no　weight　upon　the
mind；　to　hear　the　clinking　of　the　plates　in　the　far…off　kitchen　as
the　scullion　rinsed　them　and　put　them　by；　to　watch　the　soft　shadows
come　and　go　upon　the　ceiling　as　the　sun　came　out　or　went　behind　a
cloud；　to　listen　to　the　pleasant　murmuring　of　the　fountain　in　the
court　below；　and　the　shaking　of　the　bells　on　the　horses'　collars　and
the　clink　of　their　hoofs　upon　the　ground　as　the　flies　plagued　them；
not　only　to　be　a　lotus…eater　but　to　know　that　it　was　one's　duty　to
be　a　lotus…eater。　　〃Oh；〃　I　thought　to　myself；　〃if　I　could　only　now；
having　so　forgotten　care；　drop　off　to　sleep　for　ever；　would　not　this
be　a　better　piece　of　fortune　than　any　I　can　ever　hope　for？〃

Of　course　it　would；　but　we　would　not　take　it　though　it　were　offered
us。　　No　matter　what　evil　may　befall　us；　we　will　mostly　abide　by　it
and　see　it　out。

I　could　see　that　Ernest　felt　much　as　I　had　felt　myself。　　He　said
little；　but　noted　everything。　　Once　only　did　he　frighten　me。　　He
called　me　to　his　bedside　just　as　it　was　getting　dusk　and　said　in　a
grave；　quiet　manner　that　he　should　like　to　speak　to　me。

〃I　have　been　thinking；〃　he　said；　〃that　I　may　perhaps　never　recover
from　this　illness；　and　in　case　I　do　not　I　should　like　you　to　know
that　there　is　only　one　thing　which　weighs　upon　me。　　I　refer；〃　he
continued　after　a　slight　pause；　〃to　my　conduct　towards　my　father　and
mother。　　I　have　been　much　too　good　to　them。　　I　treated　them　much　too
considerately；〃　on　which　he　broke　into　a　smile　which　assured　me　that
there　was　nothing　seriously　amiss　with　him。

On　the　walls　of　his　bedroom　were　a　series　of　French　Revolution
prints　representing　events　in　the　life　of　Lycurgus。　　There　was
〃Grandeur　d'ame　de　Lycurgue；〃　and　〃Lycurgue　consulte　l'oracle；〃　and
then　there　was　〃Calciope　a　la　Cour。〃　　Under　this　was　written　in
French　and　Spanish：　　〃Modele　de　grace　et　de　beaute；　la　jeune
Calciope　non　moins　sage　que　belle　avait　merite　l'estime　et
l'attachement　du　vertueux　Lycurgue。　　Vivement　epris　de　tant　de
charmes；　l'illustre　philosophe　la　conduisait　dans　le　temple　de
Junon；　ou　ils　s'unirent　par　un　serment　sacre。　　Apres　cette　auguste
ceremonie；　Lycurgue　s'empressa　de　conduire　sa　jeune　epouse　au　palais
de　son　frere　Polydecte；　Roi　de　Lacedemon。　　Seigneur；　lui　dit…il；　la
vertueuse　Calciope　vient　de　recevoir　mes　voeux　aux　pieds　des　autels；
j'ose　vous　prier　d'approuver　cette　union。　　Le　Roi　temoigna　d'abord
quelque　surprise；　mais　l'estime　qu'il　avait　pour　son　frere　lui
inspira　une　reponse　pleine　de　beinveillance。　　Il　s'approcha　aussitot
de　Calciope　qu'il　embrassa　tendrement；　combla　ensuite　Lycurgue　de
prevenances　et　parut　tres　satisfait。〃

He　called　my　attention　to　this　and　then　said　somewhat　timidly　that
he　would　rather　have　married　Ellen　than　Calciope。　　I　saw　he　was
hardening　and　made　no　hesitation　about　proposing　that　in　another　day
or　two　we　should　proceed　upon　our　journey。

I　will　not　weary　the　reader　by　taking　him　with　us　over　beaten
ground。　　We　stopped　at　Siena；　Cortona；　Orvieto；　Perugia　and　many
other　cities；　and　then　after　a　fortnight　passed　between　Rome　and
Naples　went　to　the　Venetian　provinces　and　visited　all　those　wondrous
towns　that　lie　between　the　southern　slopes　of　the　Alps　and　the
northern　ones　of　the　Apennines；　coming　back　at　last　by　the　S。
Gothard。　　I　doubt　whether　he　had　enjoyed　the　trip　more　than　I　did
myself；　but　it　was　not　till　we　were　on　the　point　of　returning　that
Ernest　had　recovered　strength　enough　to　be　called　fairly　well；　and
it　was　not　for　many　months　that　he　so　completely　lost　all　sense　of
the　wounds　which　the　last　four　years　had　inflicted　on　him　as　to　feel
as　though　there　were　a　scar　and　a　scar　only　remaining。

They　say　that　when　people　have　lost　an　arm　or　a　foot　they　feel　pains
in　it　now　and　again　for　a　long　while　after　they　have　lost　it。　　One
pain　which　he　had　almost　forgotten　came　upon　him　on　his　return　to
England；　I　mean　the　sting　of　his　having　been　imprisoned。　　As　long　as
he　was　only　a　small　shop…keeper　his　imprisonment　mattered　nothing；
nobody　knew　of　it；　and　if　they　had　known　they　would　not　have　cared；
now；　however；　though　he　was　returning　to　his　old　position　he　was
returning　to　it　disgraced；　and　the　pain　from　which　he　had　been　saved
in　the　first　instance　by　surroundings　so　new　that　he　had　hardly
recognised　his　own　identity　in　the　middle　of　them；　came　on　him　as
from　a　wound　inflicted　yesterday。

He　thought　of　the　high　resolves　which　he　had　made　in　prison　about
using　his　disgrace　as　a　vantage　ground　of　strength　rather　than
trying　to　make　people　forget　it。　　〃That　was　all　very　well　then；〃　he
thought　to　himself；　〃when　the　grapes　were　beyond　my　reach；　but　now
it　is　different。〃　　Besides；　who　but　a　prig　would　set　himself　high
aims；　or　make　high　resolves　at　all？

Some　of　his　old　friends；　on　learning　that　he　had　got　rid　of　his
supposed　wife　and　was　now　comfortably　off　again；　wanted　to　renew
their　acquaintance；　he　was　grateful　to　them　and　sometimes　tried　to
meet　their　advances　half　way；　but　it　did　not　do；　and　ere　long　he
shrank　back　into　himself；　pretending　not　to　know　them。　　An　infernal
demon　of　honesty　haunted　him　which　made　him　say　to　himself：　　〃These
men　know　a　great　deal；　but　do　not　know　allif　they　did　they　would
cut　meand　therefore　I　have　no　right　to　their　acquaintance。〃

He　thought　that　everyone　except　himself　was　sans　peur　et　sans
reproche。　　Of　course　they　must　be；　for　if　they　had　not　been；　would
they　not　have　been　bound　to　warn　all　who　had　anything　to　do　with
them　of　their　deficiencies？　　Well；　he　could　not　do　this；　and　he
would　not　have　people's　acquaintance　under　false　pretences；　so　he
gave　up　even　hankering　after　rehabilitation　and　fell　back　upon　his
old　tastes　for　music　and　literature。

Of　course　he　has　long　since　found　out　how　silly　all　this　was；　how
silly　I　mean　in　theory；　for　in　practice　it　worked　better　than　it
ought　to　have　done；　by　keeping　him　free　from　liaisons　which　would
have　tied　his　tongue　and　made　him　see　success　elsewhere　than　where
he　came　in　time　to　see　it。　　He　did　what　he　did　instinctively　and　for
no　other　reason　than　because　it　was　most　natural　to　him。　　So　far　as
he　thought　at　all；　he　thought　wrong；　but　what　he　did　was　right。　　I
said　something　of　this　kind　to　him　once　not　so　very　long　ago；　and
told　him　he　had　always　aimed　high。　　〃I　never　aimed　at　all；〃　he
replied　a　little　indignantly；　〃and　you　may　be　sure　I　should　have
aimed　low　enough　if　I　had　thought　I　had　got　the　chance。〃

I　suppose　after　all　that　no　one　whose　mind