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twelfth night; or what you will(及噴屈匚)-及2嫗

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SIR TOBY。 Why�察 �he   has three   thousand ducats   a   year。   MARIA。 Ay�察  �but 

he'll have but a year in all these ducats�察�he's a very fool and a prodigal。 

SIR TOBY。   Fie   that   you'll   say  so�   �He   plays   o'   th'   viol´de´gamboys�察  �and 

speaks three or four languages word for word without book�察�and hath all 

the   good   gifts   of   nature。   MARIA。   He   hath   indeed�察  �almost   natural�察  �for�察�

besides that he's a fool�察�he's a great quarreller�察�and but that he hath the gift 

of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling�察�'tis thought among the 

prudent   he   would   quickly   have   the   gift   of   a   grave。   SIR   TOBY。   By   this 

hand�察�they are scoundrels and subtractors that say so of him。 Who are they�拭�

MARIA。  They   that   add�察  �moreover�察  �he's   drunk   nightly   in   your   company。 

SIR TOBY。 With drinking healths to my niece�察�I'll drink to her as long as 

there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria。 He's a coward and a 

coystrill that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o' th' toe like a 

parish´top。   What�察  �wench�   �Castiliano   vulgo�   �for   here   comes   Sir   Andrew 

Agueface。 

       Enter SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK 

       AGUECHEEK。   Sir   Toby   Belch�   �How   now�察         �Sir   Toby   Belch�   �SIR 

TOBY。 Sweet Sir Andrew� �AGUECHEEK。 Bless you�察�fair shrew。 MARIA。 

And you too�察�sir。 SIR TOBY。 Accost�察�Sir Andrew�察�accost。 AGUECHEEK。 



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                       TWELFTH NIGHT�察�OR�察�WHAT YOU WILL 



What's that�拭�SIR TOBY。 My niece's chambermaid。 AGUECHEEK。 Good 

Mistress Accost�察�I desire better acquaintance。 MARIA。 My name is Mary�察�

sir。 AGUECHEEK。 Good Mistress Mary Accost´ SIR Toby。 You mistake�察�

knight。 'Accost' is front her�察�board her�察�woo her�察�assail her。 AGUECHEEK。 

By   my    troth�察  �I  would   not  undertake   her   in   this  company。   Is  that  the 

meaning of 'accost'�拭�MARIA。 Fare you well�察�gentlemen。 SIR TOBY。 An 

thou let part so�察�Sir Andrew�察�would thou mightst never draw sword again� �

AGUECHEEK。   An   you   part   so�察  �mistress�察  �I   would   I   might   never   draw 

sword again。 Fair lady�察�do you think you have fools in hand�拭�MARIA。 Sir�察�

I have not you by th' hand。 AGUECHEEK。 Marry�察�but you shall have�察�and 

here's my hand。 MARIA。 Now�察�sir�察�thought is free。 I pray you�察�bring your 

hand     to  th'  buttry´bar    and   let  it  drink。   AGUECHEEK。           Wherefore�察�

sweetheart�拭�What's your metaphor�拭�MARIA。 It's dry�察�sir。 AGUECHEEK。 

Why�察�I   think   so�察  �I   am not such   an   ass but   I can   keep   my  hand   dry。  But 

what's your jest�拭�MARIA。 A dry jest�察�sir。 AGUECHEEK。 Are you full of 

them�拭�MARIA。 Ay�察�sir�察�I have them at my fingers' ends�察�marry�察�now I let 

go your hand�察�I am barren。 Exit MARIA SIR TOBY。 O knight�察�thou lack'st 

a cup of canary� �When did I see thee so put down�拭�AGUECHEEK。 Never 

in   your   life�察 �I  think�察 �unless  you   see   canary   put   me   down。    Methinks 

sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has�察�but 

I   am   great   eater   of   beef�察  �and   I   believe   that   does   harm   to   my   wit。   SIR 

TOBY。 No question。 AGUECHEEK。 An I thought that�察�I'd forswear it。 I'll 

ride   home   to´morrow�察  �Sir   Toby。   SIR   TOBY。   Pourquoi�察  �my   dear   knight�拭�

AGUECHEEK。 What is 'pourquoi'´ do or not do�拭�I would I had bestowed 

that time in the tongues that I have in fencing�察�dancing�察�and bear´baiting。 

Oh�察  �had   I   but   followed   the   arts�   �SIR   TOBY。   Then   hadst   thou   had   an 

excellent head of hair。 AGUECHEEK。 Why�察�would that have mended my 

hair�拭�SIR TOBY。 Past question�察�for thou seest it will not curl by nature。 

AGUECHEEK。 But it becomes me well enough�察�does't not�拭�SIR TOBY。 

Excellent�察�it hangs like flax on a distaff�察�and I hope to see a huswife take 

thee between her legs and spin it off。 AGUECHEEK。 Faith�察�I'll home to´ 

morrow�察�Sir Toby。 Your niece will not be seen�察�or if she be�察�it's four to one 

she'll none of me�察�the Count himself here hard by woos her。 SIR TOBY。 

She'll none o' th' Count�察�she'll not match above her degree�察�neither in estate�察�



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years�察   �nor   wit�察  �I  have   heard    her   swear't。   Tut�察  �there's  life  in't�察 �man。 

AGUECHEEK。 I'll stay a month longer。 I am a fellow o' th' strangest mind 

i'   th'   world�察  �I   delight   in   masques   and   revels   sometimes   altogether。   SIR 

TOBY。 Art   thou   good   at   these   kickshawses�察  �knight�拭�AGUECHEEK。 As 

any man in Illyria�察�whatsoever he be�察�under the degree of my betters�察�and 

yet I will not compare with an old man。 SIR TOBY。 What is thy excellence 

in a galliard�察�knight�拭�AGUECHEEK。 Faith�察�I can cut a caper。 SIR TOBY。 

And I can cut the mutton to't。 AGUECHEEK。 And I think I have the back´ 

trick   simply   as   strong   as   any   man   in   Illyria。   SIR   TOBY。   Wherefore   are 

these things hid�拭�Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before 'em�拭�Are they 

like   to   take   dust�察  �like   Mistress   Mall's   picture�拭  �Why   dost   thou   not   go   to 

church in a galliard and come home in a coranto�拭�My very walk should be 

a jig�察�I would not so much as make water but in a sink´a´pace。 What dost 

thou mean�拭�Is it a world to hide virtues in�拭�I did think�察�by the excellent 

constitution      of  thy   leg�察 �it  was    form'd    under    the   star  of  a   galliard。 

AGUECHEEK。            Ay�察  �'tis  strong�察 �and   it  does   indifferent    well   in  flame´ 

colour'd stock。 Shall we set about some revels�拭�SIR TOBY。 What shall we 

do else�拭�Were we not born under Taurus�拭�AGUECHEEK。 Taurus�拭�That's 

sides and heart。 SIR TOBY。 No�察�sir�察�it is legs and thighs。 Let me see the 

caper。 Ha�察�higher� �Ha�察�ha�察�excellent� �Exeunt 



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                       TWELFTH NIGHT�察�OR�察�WHAT YOU WILL 



                      SCENE IV。 The DUKE'S palace 



     Enter VALENTINE�察�and VIOLA in man's attire 

       VALENTINE。          If  the  Duke    continue     these   favours    towards    you�察�

Cesario�察�you are like to be much advanc'd�察�he hath known you but three 

days�察�and already you are no stranger。 VIOLA。 You either fear his humour 

or my negligence�察�that you call in question the continuance of his love。 Is 

he inconstant�察�sir�察�in his favours�拭�VALENTINE。 No�察�believe me。 

       Enter DUKE�察�CURIO�察�and ATTENDANTS 

       VIOLA。      I  thank   you。   Here    comes    the   Count。    DUKE。     Who     saw 

Cesario�察  �ho�拭  �VIOLA。   On   your   attendance�察  �my   lord�察 �here。   DUKE。   Stand 

you awhile aloof。 Cesario�察�Thou know'st no less but all�察�I have unclasp'd 

To thee the book even of my secret soul。 Therefore�察�good youth�察�address 

thy gait unto her�察�Be not denied access�察�stand at her doors�察�And tell them 

there thy fixed foot shall grow Till thou have audience。 VIOLA。 Sure�察�my 

noble lord�察�If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow As it is spoke�察�she never 

will   admit   me。   DUKE。   Be   clamorous   and   leap   all   civil   bounds�察  �Rather 

than make unprofited return。 VIOLA。 Say I do speak with her�察�my  lord�察�

what then�拭  �DUKE。   O�察  �then   unfold   the  passion   of   my  love�察  �Surprise   her 

with discourse of my dear faith� �It shall become thee well to act my woes�此�

She   will   attend   it   better   in   thy   youth   Than   in   a   nuncio's   of   more   grave 

aspect。 VIOLA。 I think not so�察�my lord。 DUKE。 Dear lad�察�believe it�察�For 

they shall yet belie thy happy years That say thou art a man�此�Diana's lip Is 

not   more   smooth   and   rubious�察  �thy   small   pipe   Is   as   the   maiden's   organ�察�

shrill   and   sound�察   �And    all  is  semblative    a  woman's      part。  I  know    thy 

constellation is right apt For this affair。 Some four or five attend him´ All�察�

if you will�察�for I myself am best When least in company。 Pro

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