on the significance of science and art-第13章

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conscience　led　me；　without　reflecting　where　they　would　bring　me　out。
And　I　have　been　rewarded　for　this　boldness。

All　the　complicated；　broken；　tangled；　and　incoherent　phenomena　of
life　surrounding　me；　have　suddenly　become　clear；　and　my　position　in
the　midst　of　these　phenomena；　which　was　formerly　strange　and
burdensome；　has　become；　all　at　once；　natural；　and　easy　to　bear。

In　this　new　position；　my　activity　was　defined　with　perfect　accuracy；
not　at　all　as　it　had　previously　presented　itself　to　me；　but　as　a　new
and　much　more　peaceful；　loving；　and　joyous　activity。　　The　very　thing
which　had　formerly　terrified　me；　now　began　to　attract　me。　　Hence　I
think；　that　the　man　who　will　honestly　put　to　himself　the　question；
〃What　is　to　be　done？〃　and；　replying　to　this　query；　will　not　lie　to
himself；　but　will　go　whither　his　reason　leads；　has　already　solved
the　problem。

There　is　only　one　thing　that　can　hinder　him　in　his　search　for　an
issue；an　erroneously　lofty　idea　of　himself　and　of　his　position。
This　was　the　case　with　me；　and　then　another；　arising　from　the　first
answer　to　the　question：　　〃What　is　to　be　done？〃　consisted　for　me　in
this；　that　it　was　necessary　for　me　to　repent；　in　the　full　sense　of
that　word；i。e。；　to　entirely　alter　my　conception　of　my　position　and
my　activity；　to　confess　the　hurtfulness　and　emptiness　of　my
activity；　instead　of　its　utility　and　gravity；　to　confess　my　own
ignorance　instead　of　culture；　to　confess　my　immorality　and　harshness
in　the　place　of　my　kindness　and　morality；　instead　of　my　elevation；
to　acknowledge　my　lowliness。　　I　say；　that　in　addition　to　not　lying
to　myself；　I　had　to　repent；　because；　although　the　one　flows　from　the
other；　a　false　conception　of　my　lofty　importance　had　so　grown　up
with　me；　that；　until　I　sincerely　repented　and　cut　myself　free　from
that　false　estimate　which　I　had　formed　of　myself；　I　did　not　perceive
the　greater　part　of　the　lie　of　which　I　had　been　guilty　to　myself。
Only　when　I　had　repented；　that　is　to　say；　when　I　had　ceased　to　look
upon　myself　as　a　regular　man；　and　had　begun　to　regard　myself　as　a
man　exactly　like　every　one　else；only　then　did　my　path　become　clear
before　me。　　Before　that　time　I　had　not　been　able　to　answer　the
question：　　〃What　is　to　be　done？〃　because　I　had　stated　the　question
itself　wrongly。

As　long　as　I　did　not　repent；　I　put　the　question　thus：　　〃What　sphere
of　activity　should　I　choose；　I；　the　man　who　has　received　the
education　and　the　talents　which　have　fallen　to　my　shame？　　How；　in
this　fashion；　make　recompense　with　that　education　and　those　talents；
for　what　I　have　taken；　and　for　what　I　still　take；　from　the　people？〃
This　question　was　wrong；　because　it　contained　a　false
representation；　to　the　effect　that　I　was　not　a　man　just　like　them；
but　a　peculiar　man　called　to　serve　the　people　with　those　talents　and
with　that　education　which　I　had　won　by　the　efforts　of　forty　years。

I　propounded　the　query　to　myself；　but；　in　reality；　I　had　answered　it
in　advance；　in　that　I　had　in　advance　defined　the　sort　of　activity
which　was　agreeable　to　me；　and　by　which　I　was　called　upon　to　serve
the　people。　　I　had；　in　fact；　asked　myself：　　〃In　what　manner　could　I；
so　very　fine　a　writer；　who　had　acquired　so　much　learning　and
talents；　make　use　of　them　for　the　benefit　of　the　people？〃

But　the　question　should　have　been　put　as　it　would　have　stood　for　a
learned　rabbi　who　had　gone　through　the　course　of　the　Talmud；　and　had
learned　by　heart　the　number　of　letters　in　all　the　holy　books；　and
all　the　fine　points　of　his　art。　　The　question　for　me；　as　for　the
rabbi；　should　stand　thus：　　〃What　am　I；　who　have　spent；　owing　to　the
misfortune　of　my　surroundings；　the　year's　best　fitted　for　study　in
the　acquisition　of　grammar；　geography；　judicial　science；　poetry；
novels　and　romances；　the　French　language；　pianoforte　playing；
philosophical　theories；　and　military　exercises；　instead　of　inuring
myself　to　labor；　what　am　I；　who　have　passed　the　best　years　of　my
life　in　idle　occupations　which　are　corrupting　to　the　soul；what　am
I　to　do　in　defiance　of　these　unfortunate　conditions　of　the　past；　in
order　that　I　may　requite　those　people　who　during　the　whole　time　have
fed　and　clothed；　yes；　and　who　even　now　continue　to　feed　and　clothe
me？〃　　Had　the　question　then　stood　as　it　stands　before　me　now；　after
I　have　repented；〃What　am　I；　so　corrupt　a　man；　to　do？〃　the　answer
would　have　been　easy：　　〃To　strive；　first　of　all；　to　support　myself
honestly；　that　is；　to　learn　not　to　live　upon　others；　and　while　I　am
learning；　and　when　I　have　learned　this；　to　render　aid　on　all
possible　occasions　to　the　people；　with　my　hands；　and　my　feet；　and　my
brain；　and　my　heart；　and　with　every　thing　to　which　the　people　should
present　a　claim。〃

And　therefore　I　say；　that　for　the　man　of　our　circle；　in　addition　to
not　lying　to　himself　or　to　others；　repentance　is　also　necessary；　and
that　he　should　scrape　from　himself　that　pride　which　has　sprung　up　in
us；　in　our　culture；　in　our　refinements；　in　our　talents；　and　that　he
should　confess　that　he　is　not　a　benefactor　of　the　people　and　a
distinguished　man；　who　does　not　refuse　to　share　with　the　people　his
useful　acquirements；　but　that　he　should　confess　himself　to　be　a
thoroughly　guilty；　corrupt；　and　good…for…nothing　man；　who　desires　to
reform　himself　and　not　to　behave　benevolently　towards　the　people；
but　simply　to　cease　wounding　and　insulting　them。

I　often　hear　the　questions　of　good　young　men　who　sympathize　with　the
renunciatory　part　of　my　writings；　and　who　ask；　〃Well；　and　what　then
shall　I　do？　　What　am　I　to　do；　now　that　I　have　finished　my　course　in
the　university；　or　in　some　other　institution；　in　order　that　I　may　be
of　use？〃　　Young　men　ask　this；　and　in　the　depths　of　their　soul　it　is
already　decided　that　the　education　which　they　have　received
constitutes　their　privilege　and　that　they　desire　to　serve　the　people
precisely　by　means　of　thus　superiority。　　And　hence；　one　thing　which
they　will　in　no　wise　do；　is　to　bear　themselves　honestly　and
critically　towards　that　which　they　call　their　culture；　and　ask
themselves；　are　those　qualities　which　they　call　their　culture　good
or　bad？　　If　they　will　do　this；　they　will　infallibly　be　led　to　see
the　necessity　of　renouncing　their　culture；　and　the　necessity　of
beginning　to　learn　all　over　again；　and　this　is　the　one　indispensable
thing。　　They　can　in　no　wise　solve　the　problem；　〃What　to　do？〃　because
this　question　does　not　stand　before　them　as　it　should　stand。　　The
question　must　stand　thus：　　〃In　what　manner　am　I；　a　helpless；　useless
man；　who；　owing　to　the　misfortune　of　my　conditions；　have　wasted　my
best　years　of　study　in　conning　the　scientific　Talmud　which　corrupts
soul　and　body；　to　correct　this　mistake；　and　learn　to　serve　the
people？〃　　But　it　presents　itself　to　them　thus：　　〃How　am　I；　a　man　who
has　acquired　so　much　very　fine　learning；　to　turn　this　very　fine
learning　to　the　use　of　the　people？〃　　And　such　a　man　will　never
answer　the　question；　〃What　is　to　be　done？〃　until　he　repents。　　And
repentance　is　not　terrible；　just　as　truth　is　not　terrible；　and　it　is
equally　joyful　and　fruitful。　　It　is　only　necessary　to　accept　the
truth　wholly；　and　to　repent　wholly；　in　order　to　understand　that　no
one　possesses　any　rights；　privileges；　or　peculiarities　in　the　matter
of　this　life　of　ours；　but　that　there　are　no　ends　or　bounds　to
obligation；　and　that　a　man's　first　and　most　indubitable　duty　is　to
take　part　in　the　struggle　with　nature　for　his　own　life　and　for　the
lives　of　others。

And　this　confession　of　a　man's　obligation　constitutes　the　gist　of
the　third　answer　to　the　question；　〃What　is　to　be　done？〃

I　tried　not　to　lie　to　myself：　　I　tried　to　cast　out　from　myself　the
remains　of　my　false　conceptions　of　the　importance　of　my　education
and　talents；　and　to　repent；　but　on　the　way　to　a　decision　of　the
question；　〃What　to　do？〃　a　fresh　difficulty　arose。　　There　are　so　many
different　occupations；　that　an　indication　was　necessary　as　to　the
precise　one　which　was　to　be　adopted。　　And　the　answer　to　this
question　was　furnished　me　by　sincere　repentance　for　the　evil　in
which　I　had　lived。

〃What　to　do？　　Precisely　what　to　do？〃　all　ask；　and　that　is　what　I
also　asked　so　long　as；　under　the　influence　of　my　exalted　idea　of　any
own　importance；　I　did