resurrection(复活)-第12章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


say　something　very　different　and　far　more　important　than　what
their　mouths　uttered。　Their　lips　puckered；　and　they　felt　a　kind
of　dread　of　something　that　made　them　part　quickly。　These
relations　continued　between　Nekhludoff　and　Katusha　during　the
whole　time　of　his　first　visit　to　his　aunts'。　They　noticed　it；　and
became　frightened；　and　even　wrote　to　Princess　Elena　Ivanovna；
Nekhludoff's　mother。　His　aunt；　Mary　Ivanovna；　was　afraid　Dmitri
would　form　an　intimacy　with　Katusha；　but　her　fears　were
groundless；　for　Nekhludoff；　himself　hardly　conscious　of　it；　loved
Katusha；　loved　her　as　the　pure　love；　and　therein　lay　his
safetyhis　and　hers。　He　not　only　did　not　feel　any　desire　to
possess　her；　but　the　very　thought　of　it　filled　him　with　horror。
The　fears　of　the　more　poetical　Sophia　Ivanovna；　that　Dmitri；　with
his　thoroughgoing；　resolute　character；　having　fallen　in　love　with
a　girl；　might　make　up　his　mind　to　marry　her；　without　considering
either　her　birth　or　her　station；　had　more　ground。

Had　Nekhludoff　at　that　time　been　conscious　of　his　love　for
Katusha；　and　especially　if　he　had　been　told　that　he　could　on　no
account　join　his　life　with　that　of　a　girl　in　her　position；　it
might　have　easily　happened　that；　with　his　usual　straight…
forwardness；　he　would　have　come　to　the　conclusion　that　there
could　be　no　possible　reason　for　him　not　to　marry　any　girl
whatever；　as　long　as　he　loved　her。　But　his　aunts　did　not
　mention　their　fears　to　him；　and；　when　he　left；　he　was　still
unconscious　of　his　love　for　Katusha。　He　was　sure　that　what　he
felt　for　Katusha　was　only　one　of　the　manifestations　of　the　joy　of
life　that　filled　his　whole　being；　and　that　this　sweet；　merry
little　girl　shared　this　joy　with　him。　Yet；　when　he　was　going
away；　and　Katusha　stood　with　his　aunts　in　the　porch；　and　looked
after　him；　her　dark；　slightly…squinting　eyes　filled　with　tears；
he　felt；　after　all；　that　he　was　leaving　something　beautiful；
precious；　something　which　would　never　reoccur。　And　he　grew　very
sad。

〃Good…bye；　Katusha；〃　he　said；　looking　across　Sophia　Ivanovna's
cap　as　he　was　getting　into　the　trap。　〃Thank　you　for　everything。〃

〃Good…bye；　Dmitri　Ivanovitch；〃　she　said；　with　her　pleasant；
tender　voice；　keeping　back　the　tears　that　filled　her　eyesand
ran　away　into　the　hall；　where　she　could　cry　in　peace。


CHAPTER　XIII。

LIFE　IN　THE　ARMY。

After　that　Nekhludoff　did　not　see　Katusha　for　more　than　three
years。　When　he　saw　her　again　he　had　just　been　promoted　to　the
rank　of　officer　and　was　going　to　join　his　regiment。　On　the　way　he
came　to　spend　a　few　days　with　his　aunts；　being　now　a　very
different　young　man　from　the　one　who　had　spent　the　summer　with
them　three　years　before。　He　then　had　been　an　honest；　unselfish
lad；　ready　to　sacrifice　himself　for　any　good　cause；　now　he　was
depraved　and　selfish；　and　thought　only　of　his　own　enjoyment。　Then
God's　world　seemed　a　mystery　which　he　tried　enthusiastically　and
joyfully　to　solve；　now　everything　in　life　seemed　clear　and
simple；　defined　by　the　conditions　of　the　life　he　was　leading。
Then　he　had　felt　the　importance　of；　and　had　need　of　intercourse
with；　nature；　and　with　those　who　had　lived　and　thought　and　felt
before　himphilosophers　and　poets。　What　he　now　considered
necessary　and　important　were　human　institutions　and　intercourse
with　his　comrades。　Then　women　seemed　mysterious　and
charmingcharming　by　the　very　mystery　that　enveloped　them；　now
the　purpose　of　women；　all　women　except　those　of　his　own　family
and　the　wives　of　his　friends；　was　a　very　definite　one：　women　were
the　best　means　towards　an　already　experienced　enjoyment。　Then
money　was　not　needed；　and　he　did　not　require　even　one…third　of
what　his　mother　allowed　him；　but　now　this　allowance　of　1；500
roubles　a　month　did　not　suffice；　and　he　had　already　had　some
unpleasant　talks　about　it　with　his　mother。

Then　he　had　looked　on　his　spirit　as　the　I；　now　it　was　his　healthy
strong　animal　I　that　he　looked　upon　as　himself。

And　all　this　terrible　change　had　come　about　because　he　had　ceased
to　believe　himself　and　had　taken　to　believing　others。　This　he　had
done　because　it　was　too　difficult　to　live　believing　one's　self；
believing　one's　self；　one　had　to　decide　every　question　not　in
favour　of　one's　own　animal　life；　which　is　always　seeking　for　easy
gratifications；　but　almost　in　every　case　against　it。　Believing
others　there　was　nothing　to　decide；　everything　had　been　decided
already；　and　decided　always　in　favour　of　the　animal　I　and　against
the　spiritual。　Nor　was　this　all。　Believing　in　his　own　self　he　was
always　exposing　himself　to　the　censure　of　those　around　him；
believing　others　he　had　their　approval。　So；　when　Nekhludoff　had
talked　of　the　serious　matters　of　life；　of　God；　truth；　riches；　and
poverty；　all　round　him　thought　it　out　of　place　and　even　rather
funny；　and　his　mother　and　aunts　called　him；　with　kindly　irony；
notre　cher　philosophe。　But　when　he　read　novels；　told　improper
anecdotes；　went　to　see　funny　vaudevilles　in　the　French　theatre
and　gaily　repeated　the　jokes；　everybody　admired　and　encouraged
him。　When　he　considered　it　right　to　limit　his　needs；　wore　an　old
overcoat；　took　no　wine；　everybody　thought　it　strange　and　looked
upon　it　as　a　kind　of　showing　off；　but　when　he　spent　large　sums　on
hunting；　or　on　furnishing　a　peculiar　and　luxurious　study　for
himself；　everybody　admired　his　taste　and　gave　him　expensive
presents　to　encourage　his　hobby。　While　he　kept　pure　and　meant　to
remain　so　till　he　married　his　friends　prayed　for　his　health；　and
even　his　mother　was　not　grieved　but　rather　pleased　when　she　found
out　that　he　had　become　a　real　man　and　had　gained　over　some　French
woman　from　his　friend。　（As　to　the　episode　with　Katusha；　the
princess　could　not　without　horror　think　that　he　might　possibly
have　married　her。）　In　the　same　way；　when　Nekhludoff　came　of　age；
and　gave　the　small　estate　he　had　inherited　from　his　father　to　the
peasants　because　he　considered　the　holding　of　private　property　in
land　wrong；　this　step　filled　his　mother　and　relations　with　dismay
and　served　as　an　excuse　for　making　fun　of　him　to　all　his
relatives。　He　was　continually　told　that　these　peasants；　after
they　had　received　the　land；　got　no　richer；　but；　on　the　contrary；
poorer；　having　opened　three　public…houses　and　left　off　doing　any
work。　But　when　Nekhludoff　entered　the　Guards　and　spent　and
gambled　away　so　much　with　his　aristocratic　companions　that　Elena
Ivanovna；　his　mother；　had　to　draw　on　her　capital；　she　was　hardly
pained；　considering　it　quite　natural　and　even　good　that　wild　oats
should　be　sown　at　an　early　age　and　in　good　company；　as　her　son
was　doing。　At　first　Nekhludoff　struggled；　but　all　that　he　had
considered　good　while　he　had　faith　in　himself　was　considered　bad
by　others；　and　what　he　had　considered　evil　was　looked　upon　as
good　by　those　among　whom　he　lived；　and　the　struggle　grew　too
hard。　And　at　last　Nekhludoff　gave　in；　i。e。；　left　off　believing
himself　and　began　believing　others。　At　first　this　giving　up　of
faith　in　himself　was　unpleasant；　but　it　did　not　long　continue　to
be　so。　At　that　time　he　acquired　the　habit　of　smoking；　and
drinking　wine；　and　soon　got　over　this　unpleasant　feeling　and　even
felt　great　relief。

Nekhludoff；　with　his　passionate　nature；　gave　himself　thoroughly
to　the　new　way　of　life　so　approved　of　by　all　those　around；　and　he
entirely　stifled　the　inner　voice　which　demanded　something
different。　This　began　after　he　moved　to　St。　Petersburg；　and
reached　its　highest　point　when　he　entered　the　army。

Military　life　in　general　depraves　men。　It　places　them　in
conditions　of　complete　idleness；　i。e。；　absence　of　all　useful
work；　frees　them　of　their　common　human　duties；　which　it　replaces
by　merely　conventional　ones　to　the　honour　of　the　regiment；　the
uniform；　the　flag；　and；　while　giving　them　on　the　one　hand
absolute　power　over　other　men；　also　puts　them　into　conditions　of
servile　obedience　to　those　of　higher　rank　than　themselves。

But　when；　to　the　usual　depraving　influence　of　military　service
with　its　honours；　uniforms；　flags；　its　permitted　violence　and
murder；　there　is　added　the　depraving　influence　of　riches　and
nearness　to　and　intercourse　with　members　of　the　Imperial　family；
as　is　the　case　in　the　chosen　regiment　of　the　Guards　in　which