resurrection(复活)-第40章
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Nekhludoff blew his nose； gave himself a shake； and； trying to
appear calm； said：
〃It's so inconvenient through these nets； nothing can be heard。〃
Again the inspector considered for a moment。
〃Ah； well； she can be brought out here for awhile。 Mary
Karlovna；〃 turning to the warder； 〃lead Maslova out。〃
A minute later Maslova came out of the side door。 Stepping
softly； she came up close to Nekhludoff； stopped； and looked up
at him from under her brows。 Her black hair was arranged in
ringlets over her forehead in the same way as it had been two
days ago； her face； though unhealthy and puffy； was attractive；
and looked perfectly calm； only the glittering black eyes glanced
strangely from under the swollen lids。
〃You may talk here；〃 said the inspector； and shrugging his
shoulders he stepped aside with a look of surprise。 Nekhludoff
moved towards a seat by the wall。
Maslova cast a questioning look at the inspector； and then；
shrugging her shoulders in surprise； followed Nekhludoff to the
bench； and having arranged her skirt； sat down beside him。
〃I know it is hard for you to forgive me；〃 he began； but stopped。
His tears were choking him。 〃But though I can't undo the past； I
shall now do what is in my power。 Tell me〃
〃How have you managed to find me？〃 she said； without answering
his question； neither looking away from him nor quite at him；
with her squinting eyes。
〃O God； help me！ Teach me what to do；〃 Nekhludoff thought；
looking at her changed face。 〃I was on the jury the day before
yesterday；〃 he said。 〃You did not recognise me？〃
〃No； I did not； there was not time for recognitions。 I did not
even look；〃 she said。
〃There was a child； was there not？〃 he asked。
〃Thank God！ he died at once；〃 she answered； abruptly and
viciously。
〃What do you mean？ Why？〃
〃I was so ill myself； I nearly died；〃 she said； in the same quiet
voice； which Nekhludoff had not expected and could not
understand。
〃How could my aunts have let you go？〃
〃Who keeps a servant that has a baby？ They sent me off as soon as
they noticed。 But why speak of this？ I remember nothing。 That's
all finished。〃
〃No； it is not finished； I wish to redeem my sin。〃
〃There's nothing to redeem。 What's been has been and is passed；〃
she said； and； what he never expected； she looked at him and
smiled in an unpleasantly luring； yet piteous； manner。
Maslova never expected to see him again； and certainly not here
and not now； therefore； when she first recognised him； she could
not keep back the memories which she never wished to revive。 In
the first moment she remembered dimly that new； wonderful world
of feeling and of thought which had been opened to her by the
charming young man who loved her and whom she loved； and then his
incomprehensible cruelty and the whole string of humiliations and
suffering which flowed from and followed that magic joy。 This
gave her pain； and； unable to understand it； she did what she was
always in the habit of doing； she got rid of these memories by
enveloping them in the mist of a depraved life。 In the first
moment； she associated the man now sitting beside her with the
lad she had loved； but feeling that this gave her pain； she
dissociated them again。 Now； this well…dressed； carefully…got…up
gentleman with perfumed beard was no longer the Nekhludoff whom
she had loved but only one of the people who made use of
creatures like herself when they needed them； and whom creatures
like herself had to make use of in their turn as profitably as
they could； and that is why she looked at him with a luring smile
and considered silently how she could best make use of him。
〃That's all at an end；〃 she said。 〃Now I'm condemned to Siberia；〃
and her lip trembled as she was saying this dreadful word。
〃I knew； I was certain you were not guilty；〃 said Nekhludoff。
〃Guilty！ of course not； as if I could be a thief or a robber。〃
She stopped； considering in what way she could best get something
out of him。
〃They say here that all depends on the advocate；〃 she began。 〃A
petition should be handed in； only they say it's expensive。〃
〃Yes； most certainly；〃 said Nekhludoff。 〃I have already spoken to
an advocate。〃
〃No money ought to be spared； it should be a good one；〃 she said。
〃I shall do all that is possible。〃
They were silent； and then she smiled again in the same way。
〃And I should like to ask you 。 。 。 a little money if you can 。 。
。 not much； ten roubles； I do not want more；〃 she said； suddenly。
〃Yes； yes；〃 Nekhludoff said； with a sense of confusion； and felt
for his purse。
She looked rapidly at the inspector； who was walking up and down
the room。 〃Don't give it in front of him； he'd take it away。〃
Nekhludoff took out his purse as soon as the inspector had turned
his back； but had no time to hand her the note before the
inspector faced them again； so he crushed it up in his hand。
〃This woman is dead；〃 Nekhludoff thought； looking at this once
sweet； and now defiled； puffy face； lit up by an evil glitter in
the black； squinting eyes which were now glancing at the hand in
which he held the note； then following the inspector's movements；
and for a moment he hesitated。 The tempter that had been speaking
to him in the night again raised its voice； trying to lead him
out of the realm of his inner into the realm of his outer life；
away from the question of what he should do to the question of
what the consequences would be； and what would he practical。
〃You can do nothing with this woman；〃 said the voice； 〃you will
only tie a stone round your neck； which will help to drown you
and hinder you from being useful to others。
Is it not better to give her all the money that is here； say
good…bye； and finish with her forever？〃 whispered the voice。
But here he felt that now； at this very moment； something most
important was taking place in his soulthat his inner life was；
as it were； wavering in the balance； so that the slightest effort
would make it sink to this side or the other。 And he made this
effort by calling to his assistance that God whom he had felt in
his soul the day before； and that God instantly responded。 He
resolved to tell her everything nowat once。
〃Katusha； I have come to ask you to forgive me； and you have
given me no answer。 Have you forgiven me？ Will you ever forgive
me？〃 he asked。
She did not listen to him； but looked at his hand and at the
inspector； and when the latter turned she hastily stretched out
her hand； grasped the note； and hid it under her belt。
〃That's odd； what you are saying there；〃 she said； with a smile
of contempt； as it seemed to him。
Nekhludoff felt that there was in her soul one who was his enemy
and who was protecting her； such as she was now； and preventing
him from getting at her heart。 But； strange to say； this did not
repel him； but drew him nearer to her by some fresh； peculiar
power。 He knew that he must waken her soul； that this was
terribly difficult； but the very difficulty attracted him。 He now
felt towards her as he had never felt towards her or any one else
before。 There was nothing personal in this feeling： he wanted
nothing from her for himself； but only wished that she might not
remain as she now was； that she might awaken and become again
what she had been。
〃Katusha； why do you speak like that？ I know you； I remember
youand the old days in Papovo。〃
〃What's the use of recalling what's past？〃 she remarked； drily。
〃I am recalling it in order to put it right； to atone for my sin；
Katusha；〃 and he was going to say that he would marry her； but；
meeting her eyes； he read in them something so dreadful； so
coarse； so repellent； that he could not go on。
At this moment the visitors began to go。 The inspector came up to
Nekhludoff and said that the time was up。
〃Good…bye； I have still much to say to you； but you see it is
impossible to do so now；〃 said Nekhludoff； and held out his hand。
〃I shall come again。〃
〃I think you have said all。〃
She took his hand but did not press it。
〃No； I shall try to see you again； somewhere where we can talk；
and then I shall tell you what I have to say…something very
important。〃
〃Well； then； come； wh
