resurrection(复活)-第83章

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he　instinctively　put　on　his　hat　and　left　the　hospital。

〃What　am　I　to　do　now？　Am　I　still　bound　to　her？　Has　this　action　of
hers　not　set　me　free？〃　And　as　he　put　these　questions　to　himself
he　knew　at　once　that　if　he　considered　himself　free；　and　threw　her
up；　he　would　be　punishing　himself；　and　not　her；　which　was　what　he
wished　to　do；　and　he　was　seized　with　fear。

〃No；　what　has　happened　cannot　alterit　can　only　strengthen　my
resolve。　Let　her　do　what　flows　from　the　state　her　mind　is　in。　If
it　is　carrying　on　with　the　medical　assistant；　let　her　carry　on
with　the　medical　assistant；　that　is　her　business。　I　must　do　what
my　conscience　demands　of　me。　And　my　conscience　expects　me　to
sacrifice　my　freedom。　My　resolution　to　marry　her；　if　only　in
form；　and　to　follow　wherever　she　may　be　sent；　remains
unalterable。〃　Nekhludoff　said　all　this　to　himself　with　vicious
obstinacy　as　he　left　the　hospital　and　walked　with　resolute　steps
towards　the　big　gates　of　the　prison。　He　asked　the　warder　on　duty
at　the　gate　to　inform　the　inspector　that　he　wished　to　see
Maslova。　The　warder　knew　Nekhludoff；　and　told　him　of　an　important
change　that　had　taken　place　in　the　prison。　The　old　inspector　had
been　discharged；　and　a　new；　very　severe　official　appointed　in　his
place。

〃They　are　so　strict　nowadays；　it's　just　awful；〃　said　the　jailer。
〃He　is　in　here；　they　will　let　him　know　directly。〃

The　new　inspector　was　in　the　prison　and　soon　came　to　Nekhludoff。
He　was　a　tall；　angular　man；　with　high　cheek　bones；　morose；　and
very　slow　in　his　movements。

〃Interviews　are　allowed　in　the　visiting　room　on　the　appointed
days；〃　he　said；　without　looking　at　Nekhludoff。

〃But　I　have　a　petition　to　the　Emperor；　which　I　want　signed。〃

〃You　can　give　it　to　me。〃

〃I　must　see　the　prisoner　myself。　I　was　always　allowed　to　before。〃

〃That　was　so；　before；〃　said　the　inspector；　with　a　furtive　glance
at　Nekhludoff。

〃I　have　a　permission　from　the　governor；〃　insisted　Nekhludoff；　and
took　out　his　pocket…book。

〃Allow　me；〃　said　the　inspector；　taking　the　paper　from　Nekhludoff
with　his　long；　dry；　white　fingers；　on　the　first　of　which　was　a
gold　ring；　still　without　looking　him　in　the　eyes。　He　read　the
paper　slowly。　〃Step　into　the　office；　please。〃

This　time　the　office　was　empty。　The　inspector　sat　down　by　the
table　and　began　sorting　some　papers　that　lay　on　it；　evidently
intending　to　be　present　at　the　interview。

When　Nekhludoff　asked　whether　he　might　see　the　political
prisoner；　Doukhova；　the　inspector　answered；　shortly；　that　he
could　not。　〃Interviews　with　political　prisoners　are　not
permitted；〃　he　said；　and　again　fixed　his　attention　on　his　papers。
With　a　letter　to　Doukhova　in　his　pocket；　Nekhludoff　felt　as　if　he
had　committed　some　offence；　and　his　plans　had　been　discovered　and
frustrated。

When　Maslova　entered　the　room　the　inspector　raised　his　head；　and；
without　looking　at　either　her　or　Nekhludoff；　remarked：　〃You　may
talk；〃　and　went　on　sorting　his　papers。　Maslova　had　again　the
white　jacket；　petticoat　and　kerchief　on。　When　she　came　up　to
Nekhludoff　and　saw　his　cold；　hard　look；　she　blushed　scarlet；　and
crumbling　the　hem　of　her　jacket　with　her　hand；　she　cast　down　her
eyes。　Her　confusion；　so　it　seemed　to　Nekhludoff；　confirmed　the
hospital　doorkeeper's　words。

Nekhludoff　had　meant　to　treat　her　in　the　same　way　as　before；　but
could　not　bring　himself　to　shake　hands　with　her；　so　disgusting
was　she　to　him　now。

〃I　have　brought　you　had　news；〃　he　said；　in　a　monotonous　voice；
without　looking　at　her　or　taking　her　hand。　〃The　Senate　has
refused。〃

〃I　knew　it　would；〃　she　said；　in　a　strange　tone；　as　if　she　were
gasping　for　breath。

Formerly　Nekhludoff　would　have　asked　why　she　said　she　knew　it
would；　now　he　only　looked　at　her。　Her　eyes　were　full　of　tears。
But　this　did　not　soften　him；　it　roused　his　irritation　against　her
even　more。

The　inspector　rose　and　began　pacing　up　and　down　the　room。

In　spite　of　the　disgust　Nekhludoff　was　feeling　at　the　moment；　he
considered　it　right　to　express　his　regret　at　the　Senate's
decision。

〃You　must　not　despair；〃　he　said。　〃The　petition　to　the　Emperor　may
meet　with　success；　and　I　hope…〃

〃I'm　not　thinking　of　that；〃　she　said；　looking　piteously　at　him
with　her　wet；　squinting　eyes。

〃What　is　it；　then？〃

〃You　have　been　to　the　hospital；　and　they　have　most　likely　told
you　about　me〃

〃What　of　that？　That　is　your　affair；〃　said　Nekhludoff　coldly；　and
frowned。　The　cruel　feeling　of　wounded　pride　that　had　quieted　down
rose　with　renewed　force　when　she　mentioned　the　hospital。

〃He；　a　man　of　the　world；　whom　any　girl　of　the　best　families　would
think　it　happiness　to　marry；　offered　himself　as　a　husband　to　this
woman；　and　she　could　not　even　wait；　but　began　intriguing　with　the
medical　assistant；〃　thought　he；　with　a　look　of　hatred。

〃Here；　sign　this　petition；〃　he　said；　taking　a　large　envelope　from
his　pocket；　and　laying　the　paper　on　the　table。　She　wiped　the
tears　with　a　corner　of　her　kerchief；　and　asked　what　to　write　and
where。

He　showed　her；　and　she　sat　down　and　arranged　the　cuff　of　her
right　sleeve　with　her　left　hand；　he　stood　behind　her；　and
silently　looked　at　her　back；　which　shook　with　suppressed　emotion；
and　evil　and　good　feelings　were　fighting　in　his　breastfeelings
of　wounded　pride　and　of　pity　for　her　who　was　sufferingand　the
last　feeling　was　victorious。

He　could　not　remember　which　came　first；　did　the　pity　for　her
first　enter　his　heart；　or　did　he　first　remember　his　own　sinshis
own　repulsive　actions；　the　very　same　for　which　he　was　condemning
her？　Anyhow；　he　both　felt　himself　guilty　and　pitied　her。

Having　signed　the　petition　and　wiped　her　inky　finger　on　her
petticoat；　she　got　up　and　looked　at　him。

〃Whatever　happens；　whatever　comes　of　it；　my　resolve　remains
unchanged；〃　said　Nekhludoff。　The　thought　that　he　had　forgiven　her
heightened　his　feeling　of　pity　and　tenderness　for　her；　and　he
wished　to　comfort　her。　〃I　will　do　what　I　have　said；　wherever　they
take　you　I　shall　be　with　you。〃

〃What's　the　use？〃　she　interrupted　hurriedly；　though　her　whole
face　lighted　up。

Think　what　you　will　want　on　the　way〃

〃I　don't　know　of　anything　in　particular；　thank　you。〃

The　inspector　came　up；　and　without　waiting　for　a　remark　from　him
Nekhludoff　took　leave；　and　went　out　with　peace；　joy；　and　love
towards　everybody　in　his　heart　such　as　he　had　never　felt　before。
The　certainty　that　no　action　of　Maslova　could　change　his　love　for
her　filled　him　with　joy　and　raised　him　to　a　level　which　he　had
never　before　attained。　Let　her　intrigue　with　the　medical
assistant；　that　was　her　business。　He　loved　her　not　for　his　own
but　for　her　sake　and　for　God's。

And　this　intrigue；　for　which　Maslova　was　turned　out　of　the
hospital；　and　of　which　Nekhludoff　believed　she　was　really　guilty；
consisted　of　the　following：

Maslova　was　sent　by　the　head　nurse　to　get　some　herb　tea　from　the
dispensary　at　the　end　of　the　corridor；　and　there；　all　alone；　she
found　the　medical　assistant；　a　tall　man；　with　a　blotchy　face；　who
had　for　a　long　time　been　bothering　her。　In　trying　to　get　away
from　him　Maslova　gave　him　such　a　push　that　he　knocked　his　head
against　a　shelf；　from　which　two　bottles　fell　and　broke。　The　head
doctor；　who　was　passing　at　that　moment；　heard　the　sound　of
breaking　glass；　and　saw　Maslova　run　out；　quite　red；　and　shouted
to　her：

〃Ah；　my　good　woman；　if　you　start　intriguing　here；　I'll　send　you
about　your　business。　What　is　the　meaning　of　it？〃　he　went　on；
addressing　the　medical　assistant；　and　looking　at　him　over　his
spectacles。

The　assistant　smiled；　and　began　to　justify　himself。　The　doctor
gave　no　heed　to　him；　but；　lifting　his　head　so　that　he　now　looked
through　his　spectacles；　he　entered　the　ward。　He　told　the
inspector　the　same　day　to　send　another　more　sedate
assistant…nurse　in　Maslova's　place。　And　this　was　her　〃intrigue〃
with　the　medical　assistant。

Being　turned　out　for　a　love　intrigue　was　particularly　painful　to
Maslova；　because　the　relations　with　men；　which　had　long　been
repulsive　to　her；　had　become　specially　disgusting　after　meeting
Nekhludoff。　The　thought　that；　judging　her　by　her　past　and　present
position；　every　man；　the　blotchy　assistant　among　them；　considered
he　had　a　right　to　offend　her；　and　was　s