fantastic fables-第13章

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dream　and　took　to　the　water；　greatly　to　the　surprise　of　the　man…



and…brother。







〃I　never　befo'　seen　such　a　cyclone　as　dat；〃　he　exclaimed　as　soon　as　



he　had　recovered　his　breath。　　〃It　done　carry　away　de　ruf　of　my　



house！〃















At　the　Pole















AFTER　a　great　expenditure　of　life　and　treasure　a　Daring　Explorer　



had　succeeded　in　reaching　the　North　Pole；　when　he　was　approached　by　



a　Native　Galeut　who　lived　there。







〃Good　morning；〃　said　the　Native　Galeut。　　〃I'm　very　glad　to　see　you；　



but　why　did　you　come　here？〃







〃Glory；〃　said　the　Daring　Explorer；　curtly。







〃Yes；　yes；　I　know；〃　the　other　persisted；　〃but　of　what　benefit　to　



man　is　your　discovery？　　To　what　truths　does　it　give　access　which　



were　inaccessible　before？　…　facts；　I　mean；　having　a　scientific　



value？〃







〃I'll　be　Tom　scatted　if　I　know；〃　the　great　man　replied；　frankly；　



〃you　will　have　to　ask　the　Scientist　of　the　Expedition。〃







But　the　Scientist　of　the　Expedition　explained　that　he　had　been　so　



engrossed　with　the　care　of　his　instruments　and　the　study　of　his　



tables　that　he　had　found　no　time　to　think　of　it。















The　Optimist　and　the　Cynic















A　MAN　who　had　experienced　the　favours　of　fortune　and　was　an　



Optimist；　met　a　man　who　had　experienced　an　optimist　and　was　a　



Cynic。　　So　the　Cynic　turned　out　of　the　road　to　let　the　Optimist　



roll　by　in　his　gold　carriage。







〃My　son；〃　said　the　Optimist；　stopping　the　gold　carriage；　〃you　look　



as　if　you　had　not　a　friend　in　the　world。〃







〃I　don't　know　if　I　have　or　not；〃　replied　the　Cynic；　〃for　you　have　



the　world。〃















The　Poet　and　the　Editor















〃MY　dear　sir；〃　said　the　editor　to　the　man；　who　had　called　to　see　



about　his　poem；　〃I　regret　to　say　that　owing　to　an　unfortunate　



altercation　in　this　office　the　greater　part　of　your　manuscript　is　



illegible；　a　bottle　of　ink　was　upset　upon　it；　blotting　out　all　but　



the　first　line　…　that　is　to　say　…　〃







〃'The　autumn　leaves　were　falling；　falling。'







〃Unluckily；　not　having　read　the　poem；　I　was　unable　to　supply　the　



incidents　that　followed；　otherwise　we　could　have　given　them　in　our　



own　words。　　If　the　news　is　not　stale；　and　has　not　already　appeared　



in　the　other　papers；　perhaps　you　will　kindly　relate　what　occurred；　



while　I　make　notes　of　it。







〃'The　autumn　leaves　were　falling；　falling；'







〃Go　on。〃







〃What！〃　said　the　poet；　〃do　you　expect　me　to　reproduce　the　entire　



poem　from　memory？〃







〃Only　the　substance　of　it　…　just　the　leading　facts。　　We　will　add　



whatever　is　necessary　in　the　way　of　amplification　and　



embellishment。　　It　will　detain　you　but　a　moment。







〃'The　autumn　leaves　were　falling；　falling　…　'







〃Now；　then。〃







There　was　a　sound　of　a　slow　getting　up　and　going　away。　　The　



chronicler　of　passing　events　sat　through　it；　motionless；　with　



suspended　pen；　and　when　the　movement　was　complete　Poesy　was　



represented　in　that　place　by　nothing　but　a　warm　spot　on　the　wooden　



chair。















The　Taken　Hand















A　SUCCESSFUL　Man　of　Business；　having　occasion　to　write　to　a　Thief；　



expressed　a　wish　to　see　him　and　shake　hands。







〃No；〃　replied　the　Thief；　〃there　are　some　things　which　I　will　not　



take　…　among　them　your　hand。〃







〃You　must　use　a　little　strategy；〃　said　a　Philosopher　to　whom　the　



Successful　Man　of　Business　had　reported　the　Thief's　haughty　reply。　　



〃Leave　your　hand　out　some　night；　and　he　will　take　it。〃







So　one　night　the　Successful　Man　of　Business　left　his　hand　out　of　



his　neighbour's　pocket；　and　the　Thief　took　it　with　avidity。















An　Unspeakable　Imbecile















A　JUDGE　said　to　a　Convicted　Assassin：







〃Prisoner　at　the　bar；　have　you　anything　to　say　why　the　death…



sentence　should　not　be　passed　upon　you？〃







〃Will　what　I　say　make　any　difference？〃　asked　the　Convicted　



Assassin。







〃I　do　not　see　how　it　can；〃　the　Judge　answered；　reflectively。　　〃No；　



it　will　not。〃







〃Then；〃　said　the　doomed　one；　〃I　should　just　like　to　remark　that　you　



are　the　most　unspeakable　old　imbecile　in　seven　States　and　the　



District　of　Columbia。〃















A　Needful　War















THE　people　of　Madagonia　had　an　antipathy　to　the　people　of　Novakatka　



and　set　upon　some　sailors　of　a　Novakatkan　vessel；　killing　two　and　



wounding　twelve。　　The　King　of　Madagonia　having　refused　either　to　



apologise　or　pay；　the　King　of　Novakatka　made　war　upon　him；　saying　



that　it　was　necessary　to　show　that　Novakatkans　must　not　be　



slaughtered。　　In　the　battles　which　ensued　the　people　of　Madagonia　



slaughtered　two　thousand　Novakatkans　and　wounded　twelve　thousand。　　



But　the　Madagonians　were　unsuccessful；　which　so　chagrined　them　that　



never　thereafter　in　all　their　land　was　a　Novakatkan　secure　in　



property　or　life。















The　Mine　Owner　and　the　Jackass















WHILE　the　Owner　of　a　Silver　Mine　was　on　his　way　to　attend　a　



convention　of　his　species　he　was　accosted　by　a　Jackass；　who　said：







〃By　an　unjust　discrimination　against　quadrupeds　I　am　made　



ineligible　to　a　seat　in　your　convention；　so　I　am　compelled　to　seek　



representation　through　you。〃







〃It　will　give　me　great　pleasure；　sir；〃　said　the　Owner　of　a　Silver　



Mine；　〃to　serve　one　so　closely　allied　to　me　in　…　in　…　well；　you　



know；〃　he　added；　with　a　significant　gesture　of　his　two　hands　upward　



from　the　sides　of　his　head。　　〃What　do　you　want？〃







〃Oh；　nothing　…　nothing　at　all　for　myself　individually；〃　replied　the　



Donkey；　〃but　his　country's　welfare　should　be　a　patriot's　supreme　



care。　　If　Americans　are　to　retain　the　sacred　liberties　for　which　



their　fathers　strove；　Congress　must　declare　our　independence　of　



European　dictation　by　maintaining　the　price　of　mules。〃















The　Dog　and　the　Physician















A　DOG　that　had　seen　a　Physician　attending　the　burial　of　a　wealthy　



patient；　said：　〃When　do　you　expect　to　dig　it　up？〃







〃Why　should　I　dig　it　up？〃　the　Physician　asked。







〃When　I　bury　a　bone；〃　said　the　Dog；　〃it　is　with　an　intention　to　



uncover　it　later　and　pick　it。〃







〃The　bones　that　I　bury；〃　said　the　Physician；　〃are　those　that　I　can　



no　longer　pick。〃















The　Party　Manager　and　the　Gentleman















A　PARTY　Manager　said　to　a　Gentleman　whom　he　saw　minding　his　own　



business：







〃How　much　will　you　pay　for　a　nomination　to　office？〃







〃Nothing；〃　the　Gentleman　replied。







〃But　you　will　contribute　something　to　the　campaign　fund　to　assist　



in　your　election；　will　you　not？〃　asked　the　Party　Manager；　winking。







〃Oh；　no；〃　said　the　Gentleman；　gravely。　　〃If　the　people　wish　me　to　



work　for　them；　they　must　hire　me　without　solicitation。　　I　am　very　



comfortable　without　office。〃







〃But；〃　urged　the　Party　Manager；　〃an　election　is　a　thing　to　be　



desired。　　It　is　a　high　honour　to　be　a　servant　of　the　people。〃







〃If　servitude　is　a　high　honour；〃　the　Gentleman　said；　〃it　would　be　



indecent　for　me　to　seek　it；　and　if　obtained　by　my　own　exertion　it　



would　be　no　honour。〃







〃Well；〃　persisted　the　Party　Manager；　〃you　will　at　least；　I　hope；　



indorse　the　party　platform。〃







The　Gentleman　replied：　〃It　is　improbable　that　its　authors　have　



accurately　expressed　my　views　without　consulting　me；　and　if　I　



indorsed　their　work　without　approving　it　I　should　be　a　liar。〃







〃You　are　a　detestable　hypocrite　and　an　idiot！〃　shouted　the　Party　



Manager。







〃Even　your　good　opinion　of　my　fitness；〃　replied　the　Gentleman；　



〃shall　not　persuade　me。〃















The　Legislator　and　the　Citizen















AN　ex…Legislator　asked　a　Most　Respectable　Citizen　for　a　letter　to　



the　Governor　rec