unconscious comedians-第6章

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〃Madame；〃　said　the　intrepid　hoaxer；　showing　her　a　pair　of　women's

slippers；　〃these　belonged　formerly　to　the　Empress　Josephine。〃



He　felt　it　incumbent　on　him　to　return　change　for　the　Prince　de

Lamballe。



〃Those！〃　she　exclaimed；　〃they　were　made　this　year；　look　at　the　mark。〃



〃Don't　you　perceive　that　the　slippers　are　only　by　way　of　preface？〃

said　Leon；　〃though；　to　be　sure；　they　are　usually　the　conclusion　of　a

tale。〃



〃My　friend　here；〃　said　Bixiou；　motioning　to　Gazonal；　〃has　an　immense

family　interest　in　ascertaining　whether　a　young　lady　of　a　good　and

wealthy　house；　whom　he　wishes　to　marry；　has　ever　gone　wrong。〃



〃How　much　will　monsieur　give　for　the　information；〃　she　asked；　looking

at　Gazonal；　who　was　no　longer　surprised　by　anything。



〃One　hundred　francs；〃　he　said。



〃No；　thank　you！〃　she　said　with　a　grimace　of　refusal　worthy　of　a　macaw。



〃Then　say　how　much　you　want；　my　little　Madame　Nourrisson；〃　cried

Bixiou　catching　her　round　the　waist。



〃In　the　first　place；　my　dear　gentlemen；　I　have　never；　since　I've　been

in　the　business；　found　man　or　woman　to　haggle　over　happiness。

Besides；〃　she　said；　letting　a　cold　smile　flicker　on　her　lips；　and

enforcing　it　by　an　icy　glance　full　of　catlike　distrust；　〃if　it　doesn't

concern　your　happiness；　it　concerns　your　fortune；　and　at　the　height

where　I　find　you　lodging　no　man　haggles　over　a　'dot'　Come；〃　she

said；　〃out　with　it！　What　is　it　you　want　to　know；　my　lambs？〃



〃About　the　Beunier　family；〃　replied　Bixiou；　very　glad　to　find　out

something　in　this　indirect　manner　about　persons　in　whom　he　was

interested。



〃Oh！　as　for　that；〃　she　said；　〃one　louis　is　quite　enough。〃



〃Why？〃



〃Because　I　hold　all　the　mother's　jewels　and　she's　on　tenter…hooks

every　three　months；　I　can　tell　you！　It　is　hard　work　for　her　to　pay　the

interest　on　what　I've　lent　her。　Do　you　want　to　marry　there；

simpleton？〃　she　added；　addressing　Gazonal；　〃then　pay　me　forty　francs

and　I'll　talk　four　hundred　worth。〃



Gazonal　produced　a　forty…franc　gold…piece；　and　Madame　Nourrisson　gave

him　startling　details　as　to　the　secret　penury　of　certain　so…called

fashionable　women。　This　dealer　in　cast…off　clothes；　getting　lively　as

she　talked；　pictured　herself　unconsciously　while　telling　of　others。

Without　betraying　a　single　name　or　any　secret；　she　made　the　three　men

shudder　by　proving　to　them　how　little　so…called　happiness　existed　in

Paris　that　did　not　rest　on　the　vacillating　foundation　of　borrowed

money。　She　possessed；　laid　away　in　her　drawers；　the　secrets　of

departed　grandmothers；　living　children；　deceased　husbands；　dead

granddaughters；memories　set　in　gold　and　diamonds。　She　learned

appalling　stories　by　making　her　clients　talk　of　one　another；　tearing

their　secrets　from　them　in　moments　of　passion；　of　quarrels；　of　anger；

and　during　those　cooler　negotiations　which　need　a　loan　to　settle

difficulties。



〃Why　were　you　ever　induced　to　take　up　such　a　business？〃　asked　Gazonal。



〃For　my　son's　sake；〃　she　said　naively。



Such　women　almost　invariably　justify　their　trade　by　alleging　noble

motives。　Madame　Nourrisson　posed　as　having　lost　several　opportunities

for　marriage；　also　three　daughters　who　had　gone　to　the　bad；　and　all

her　illusions。　She　showed　the　pawn…tickets　of　the　Mont…de…Piete　to

prove　the　risks　her　business　ran；　declared　that　she　did　not　know　how

to　meet　the　〃end　of　the　month〃；　she　was　robbed；　she　said；ROBBED。



The　two　artists　looked　at　each　other　on　hearing　that　expression；　which

seemed　exaggerated。



〃Look　here；　my　sons；　I'll　show　you　how　we　are　DONE。　It　is　not　about

myself；　but　about　my　opposite　neighbour；　Madame　Mahuchet；　a　ladies'

shoemaker。　I　had　loaned　money　to　a　countess；　a　woman　who　has　too　many

passions　for　her　means；lives　in　a　fine　apartment　filled　with

splendid　furniture；　and　makes；　as　we　say；　a　devil　of　a　show　with　her

high　and　mighty　airs。　She　owed　three　hundred　francs　to　her　shoemaker；

and　was　giving　a　dinner　no　later　than　yesterday。　The　shoemaker；　who

heard　of　the　dinner　from　the　cook；　came　to　see　me；　we　got　excited；　and

she　wanted　to　make　a　row；　but　I　said：　'My　dear　Madame　Mahuchet；　what

good　will　that　do？　you'll　only　get　yourself　hated。　It　is　much　better

to　obtain　some　security；　and　you　save　your　bile。'　She　wouldn't　listen；

but　go　she　would；　and　asked　me　to　support　her；　so　I　went。　'Madame　is

not　at　home。''Up　to　that！　we'll　wait；'　said　Madame　Mahuchet；　'if　we

have　to　stay　all　night；'and　down　we　camped　in　the　antechamber。

Presently　the　doors　began　to　open　and　shut；　and　feet　and　voices　came

along。　I　felt　badly。　The　guests　were　arriving　for　dinner。　You　can　see

the　appearance　it　had。　The　countess　sent　her　maid　to　coax　Madame

Mahuchet：　'Pay　you　to…morrow！'　in　short；　all　the　snares！　Nothing　took。

The　countess；　dressed　to　the　nines；　went　to　the　dining…room。　Mahuchet

heard　her　and　opened　the　door。　Gracious！　when　she　saw　that　table

sparkling　with　silver；　the　covers　to　the　dishes　and　the　chandeliers

all　glittering　like　a　jewel…case；　didn't　she　go　off　like　soda…water

and　fire　her　shot：　'When　people　spend　the　money　of　others　they　should

be　sober　and　not　give　dinner…parties。　Think　of　your　being　a　countess

and　owing　three　hundred　francs　to　a　poor　shoemaker　with　seven

children！'　You　can　guess　how　she　railed；　for　the　Mahuchet　hasn't　any

education。　When　the　countess　tried　to　make　an　excuse　（'no　money'）

Mahuchet　screamed　out：　'Look　at　all　your　fine　silver；　madame；　pawn　it

and　pay　me！''Take　some　yourself；'　said　the　countess　quickly；

gathering　up　a　quantity　of　forks　and　spoons　and　putting　them　into　her

hands。　Downstairs　we　rattled！heavens！　like　success　itself。　No；

before　we　got　to　the　street　Mahuchet　began　to　cryshe's　a　kind　woman！

She　turned　back　and　restored　the　silver；　for　she　now　understood　that

countess'　povertyit　was　plated　ware！〃



〃And　she　forked　it　over；〃　said　Leon；　in　whom　the　former　Mistigris

occasionally　reappeared。



〃Ah！　my　dear　monsieur；〃　said　Madame　Nourrisson；　enlightened　by　the

slang；　〃you　are　an　artist；　you　write　plays；　you　live　in　the　rue　du

Helder　and　are　friends　with　Madame　Anatolia；　you　have　habits　that　I

know　all　about。　Come；　do　you　want　some　rarity　in　the　grand　style；

Carabine　or　Mousqueton；　Malaga　or　Jenny　Cadine？〃



〃Malaga；　Carabine！　nonsense！〃　cried　Leon　de　Lora。　〃It　was　we　who

invented　them。〃



〃I　assure　you；　my　good　Madame　Nourrisson；〃　said　Bixiou；　〃that　we　only

wanted　the　pleasure　of　making　your　acquaintance；　and　we　should　like

very　much　to　be　informed　as　to　how　you　ever　came　to　slip　into　this

business。〃



〃I　was　confidential　maid　in　the　family　of　a　marshal　of　France；　Prince

d'Ysembourg；〃　she　said；　assuming　the　airs　of　a　Dorine。　〃One　morning；

one　of　the　most　beplumed　countesses　of　the　Imperial　court　came　to　the

house　and　wanted　to　speak　to　the　marshal　privately。　I　put　myself　in

the　way　of　hearing　what　she　said。　She　burst　into　tears　and　confided　to

that　booby　of　a　marshalyes；　the　Conde　of　the　Republic　is　a　booby！

that　her　husband；　who　served　under　him　in　Spain；　had　left　her　without

means；　and　if　she　didn't　get　a　thousand　francs；　or　two　thousand；　that

day　her　children　must　go　without　food；　she　hadn't　any　for　the　morrow。

The　marshal；　who　was　always　ready　to　give　in　those　days；　took　two

notes　of　a　thousand　francs　each　out　of　his　desk；　and　gave　them　to　her。

I　saw　that　fine　countess　going　down　the　staircase　where　she　couldn't

see　me。　She　was　laughing　with　a　satisfaction　that　certainly　wasn't

motherly；　so　I　slipped　after　her　to　the　peristyle　where　I　heard　her

say　to　the　coachman；　'To　Leroy's。'　I　ran　round　quickly　to　Leroy's；　and

there；　sure　enough；　was　the　poor　mother。　I　got　there　in　time　to　see

her　order　and　pay　for　a　fifteen…hundred…franc　dress；　you　understand

that　in　those　days　people　were　made　to　pay　when　they　bought。　The　next

day　but　one　she　appeared　at　an　ambassador's　ball；　dressed　to　please

all　the　world　and　some　one　in　particular。　That　day　I　said　to　myself：

'I've　got　a　career！　When　I'm　no　longer　young　I'll　lend