east lynne-第138章
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iss Carlyle was not given to。 Her face and lips were twitching； but she kept a studied silence。 Mr。 Carlyle knit his brow and went into the chamber。 They shut him in。
He walked gently at once to the bed； in his straightforward manner。
〃I am grieved； Madame Vine〃
The words faltered on his tongue。 He was a man as little given to show emotion as man can well be。 Did he think； as Joyce had once done； that it was a ghost he saw？ Certain it is that his face and lips turned the hue of death； and he backed a few steps from the bed。 The falling hair； the sweet； mournful eyes； the hectic which his presence brought to her cheeks； told too plainly of the Lady Isabel。
〃Archibald！〃
She put out her trembling hand。 She caught him ere he had drawn quite beyond her reach。 He looked at her； he looked round the room； as does one awaking from a dream。
〃I could not die without your forgiveness；〃 she murmured； her eyes falling before him as she thought of her past。 〃Do you turn from me？ Bear with me a little minute！ Only say you forgive me； and I shall die in peace！〃
〃Isabel？〃 he spoke； not knowing in the least what he said。 〃Are you are youwere you Madame Vine？〃
〃Oh； forgiveforgive me！ I did not die。 I got well from the accident； but it changed me dreadfully。 Nobody knew me； and I came here as Madame Vine。 I could not stay away； Archibald； forgive me！〃
His mind was in a whirl； his ideas had gone wool…gathering。 The first clear thought that came thumping through his brain was； that he must be a man of two wives。 She noticed his perplexed silence。
〃I could not stay away from you and my children。 The longing for you was killing me；〃 she reiterated； wildly； like one talking in a fever。 〃I never knew a moment's peace after the mad act I was guilty of； in quitting you。 Not an hour had I departed when my repentance set in； and even then I would have retraced and come back； but I did not know how。 See what it has done for me！〃 tossing up her gray hair； holding out her attenuated wrists。 〃Oh； forgiveforgive me！ My sin was great； but my punishment was greater。 It has been as one long scene of mortal agony。〃
〃Why did you go？〃 asked Mr。 Carlyle。
〃Did you not know？〃
〃No。 It has always been a mystery to me。〃
〃I went out of love for you。〃
A shade of disdain crossed his lips。 She was equivocating to him on her death…bed。
〃Do not look in that way；〃 she panted。 〃My strength is nearly gone you must perceive that it isand I do not； perhaps； express myself clearly。 I loved you dearly； and I grew suspicious of you。 I thought you were false and deceitful to me； that your love was all given to another； and in my sore jealousy； I listened to the temptings of that bad man； who whispered to me of revenge。 It was not so； was it？〃
Mr。 Carlyle had regained his calmness； outwardly； at any rate。 He stood by the side of the bed； looking down upon her； his arms crossed upon his chest； and his noble form raised to its full height。
〃Was it so？〃 she feverishly repeated。
〃Can you ask it； knowing me as you did then； as you must have known me since？ I never was false to you in thought； in word； or in deed。〃
〃Oh； Archibald； I was madI was mad！ I could not have done it in anything but madness。 Surely you will forget and forgive！〃
〃I cannot forget。 I have already forgiven！〃
〃Try and forget the dreadful time that has passed since that night！〃 she continued； the tears falling on her cheeks； as she held up to him one of her poor hot hands。 〃Let your thoughts go back to the days when you first knew me； when I was here； Isabel Vane； a happy girl with my father。 At times I have lost myself in a moment's happiness in thinking of it。 Do you remember how you grew to love me； though you thought you might not tell it to meand how gentle you were with me； when papa diedand the hundred pound note？ Do you remember coming to Castle Marling？and my promise to be your wifeand the first kiss you left upon my lips？ And； oh； Archibald！ Do you remember the loving days after I was your wifehow happy we were with each other？ Do you remember when Lucy was born； we thought I should have died； and your joy； your thankfulness that God restored me？ Do you remember all this？
Aye。 He did remember it。 He took the poor hand into his； and unconsciously played with its wasted fingers。
〃Have you any reproach to cast to me？〃 he gently said； bending his head a little。
〃Reproach to you！ To you； who must be almost without reproach in the sight of Heaven！ You； who were everlasting to meever anxious for my welfare！ When I think of what you were； and are； and how I quitted you； I could sink into the earth with remorse and shame。 My own sin； I have surely expiated； I cannot expiate the shame I entailed upon you； and upon our children。〃
Never。 He felt it as keenly now as he had felt it then。
〃Think what it has been for me！〃 she resumed； and he was obliged to bend his ear to catch her gradually weakening tones。 〃To live in this house with your wifeto see your love for herto watch the envied caresses that once were mine！ I never loved you so passionately as I have done since I lost you。 Think what it was to watch William's decaying strength； to be alone with him in his dying hour； and not to be able to say he is my child as well as yours！ When he lay dead； and the news went forth to the household； it was /her/ petty grief you soothed； not mine； his mother's。 God alone knows how I have lived through it all； it as been to me as the bitterness of death。〃
〃Why did you come back？〃 was the response of Mr。 Carlyle。
〃I have told you。 I could not live； wanting you and my children。〃
〃It was wrong； wrong in all ways。〃
〃Wickedly wrong。 You cannot think worse of it than I have done。 But the consequences and the punishment would be mine alone； as long as I guarded against discovery。 I never thought to stop here to die； but death seems to have come on me with a leap； like it came to my mother。〃
A pause of labored hard breathing。 Mr。 Carlyle did not interrupt it。
〃All wrong； all wrong；〃 she resumed； 〃this interview with you； among the rest。 And yetI hardly know； it cannot hurt the new ties you have formed； for I am as one dead now to this world； hovering on the brink of the next。 But you /were/ my husband； Archibald； and； the last few days； I have longed for your forgiveness with a fevered longing。 Oh！ that the past could be blotted out！ That I could wake up and find it but a hideous dream； that I were here as in old days； in health and happiness； your ever loving wife。 Do you wish it； that the dark past had never had place？〃
She put the question in a sharp； eager tone； gazing up to him with an anxious gaze； as though the answer must be one of life or death。
〃For your sake I wish it。〃 Calm enough were the words spoken； and her eyes fell again； and a deep sigh came forth。
〃I am going to William。 But Lucy and Archibald will be left。 Oh； do you never be unkind to them！ I pray you； visit not their mother's sin upon their heads！ Do not in your love for your later children； lose your love for them！〃
〃Have you seen anything in my conduct that could give rise to fears of this？〃 he returned； reproach mingled in his sad tone。 〃The children are dear to me； as you once were。〃
〃As I once was。 Aye； and as I might have been now。〃
〃Indeed you might；〃 he answered； with emotion。 〃The fault was not mine。〃
〃Archibald； I am on the very threshold of the next world。 Will you not bless mewill you not say a word of love to me before I pass it！ Let what I am； I say； be blotted for the moment from your memory； think of me； if you can； as the innocent； timid child whom you made your wife。 Only a word of love。 My heart is breaking for it。〃
He leaned over her； he pushed aside the hair from her brow with his gentle hand； his tears dropping on her face。 〃You nearly broke mine； when you left me； Isabel；〃 he whispered。
〃May God bless you； and take you to His rest in Heaven！ May He so deal with me； as I now fully and freely forgive you。〃
What was he about to do？ Lower and lower bent his head； until his breath nearly mingled with hers。 To kiss her？ He best knew。 But； suddenly； his face grew red with a scarlet flush； and he lifted it again。 Did the form of one； then in
