the water-babies-第23章

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Only　they　could　not　find　out　what　it　was。

Suffumigation　of　the　liver　of　the　fish　*　*　*

Only　they　had　forgotten　its　name；　so　Dr。　Gray　could　not　well　procure　them　a　specimen。

Metallic　tractors。　Holloway's　Ointment。　Electro…biology。　Valentine　Greatrakes　his　Stroking　Cure。　Spirit…rapping。　Holloway's　Pills。　Table…turning。　Morison's　Pills。　Homoeopathy。　Parr's　Life　Pills。　Mesmerism。　Pure　Bosh。　Exorcisms；　for　which　the　read　Maleus　Maleficarum；　Nideri　Formicarium；　Delrio；　Wierus；　etc。

But　could　not　get　one　that　mentioned　water…babies。

Hydropathy。　Madame　Rachel's　Elixir　of　Youth。　The　Poughkeepsie　Seer　his　Prophecies。　The　distilled　liquor　of　addle　eggs。　Pyropathy。

As　successfully　employed　by　the　old　inquisitors　to　cure　the　malady　of　thought；　and　now　by　the　Persian　Mollahs　to　cure　that　of　rheumatism。

Geopathy；　or　burying　him。　Atmopathy；　or　steaming　him。　Sympathy；　after　the　method　of　Basil　Valentine　his　Triumph　of　Antimony；　and　Kenelm　Digby　his　Weapon…salve；　which　some　call　a　hair　of　the　dog　that　bit　him。　Hermopathy；　or　pouring　mercury　down　his　throat　to　move　the　animal　spirits。　Meteoropathy；　or　going　up　to　the　moon　to　look　for　his　lost　wits；　as　Ruggiero　did　for　Orlando　Furioso's：　　only；　having　no　hippogriff；　they　were　forced　to　use　a　balloon；　and；　falling　into　the　North　Sea；　were　picked　up　by　a　Yarmouth　herring…boat；　and　came　home　much　the　wiser；　and　all　over　scales。

Antipathy；　or　using　him　like　〃a　man　and　a　brother。〃

Apathy；　or　doing　nothing　at　all。

With　all　other　ipathies　and　opathies　which　Noodle　has　invented；　and　Foodle　tried；　since　black…fellows　chipped　flints　at　Abbeville　…　which　is　a　considerable　time　ago；　to　judge　by　the　Great　Exhibition。


But　nothing　would　do；　for　he　screamed　and　cried　all　day　for　a　water…baby；　to　come　and　drive　away　the　monsters；　and　of　course　they　did　not　try　to　find　one；　because　they　did　not　believe　in　them；　and　were　thinking　of　nothing　but　Bumpsterhausen's　blue　follicles；　having；　as　usual；　set　the　cart　before　the　horse；　and　taken　the　effect　for　the　cause。

So　they　were　forced　at　last　to　let　the　poor　professor　ease　his　mind　by　writing　a　great　book；　exactly　contrary　to　all　his　old　opinions；　in　which　he　proved　that　the　moon　was　made　of　green　cheese；　and　that　all　the　mites　in　it　（which　you　may　see　sometimes　quite　plain　through　a　telescope；　if　you　will　only　keep　the　lens　dirty　enough；　as　Mr。　Weekes　kept　his　voltaic　battery）　are　nothing　in　the　world　but　little　babies；　who　are　hatching　and　swarming　up　there　in　millions；　ready　to　come　down　into　this　world　whenever　children　want　a　new　little　brother　or　sister。

Which　must　be　a　mistake；　for　this　one　reason：　　that；　there　being　no　atmosphere　round　the　moon　（though　some　one　or　other　says　there　is；　at　least　on　the　other　side；　and　that　he　has　been　round　at　the　back　of　it　to　see；　and　found　that　the　moon　was　just　the　shape　of　a　Bath　bun；　and　so　wet　that　the　man　in　the　moon　went　about　on　Midsummer…　day　in　Macintoshes　and　Cording's　boots；　spearing　eels　and　sneezing）；　that；　therefore；　I　say；　there　being　no　atmosphere；　there　can　be　no　evaporation；　and　therefore　the　dew…point　can　never　fall　below　71。5　degrees　below　zero　of　Fahrenheit：　　and；　therefore；　it　cannot　be　cold　enough　there　about　four　o'clock　in　the　morning　to　condense　the　babies'　mesenteric　apophthegms　into　their　left　ventricles；　and；　therefore；　they　can　never　catch　the　hooping…cough；　and　if　they　do　not　have　hooping…cough；　they　cannot　be　babies　at　all；　and；　therefore；　there　are　no　babies　in　the　moon。　…　Q。E。D。

Which　may　seem　a　roundabout　reason；　and　so；　perhaps；　it　is：　　but　you　will　have　heard　worse　ones　in　your　time；　and　from　better　men　than　you　are。

But　one　thing　is　certain；　that；　when　the　good　old　doctor　got　his　book　written；　he　felt　considerably　relieved　from　Bumpsterhausen's　blue　follicles；　and　a　few　things　infinitely　worse；　to　wit；　from　pride　and　vain…glory；　and　from　blindness　and　hardness　of　heart；　which　are　the　true　causes　of　Bumpsterhausen's　blue　follicles；　and　of　a　good　many　other　ugly　things　besides。　　Whereon　the　foul　flood…　water　in　his　brains　ran　down；　and　cleared　to　a　fine　coffee　colour；　such　as　fish　like　to　rise　in；　till　very　fine　clean　fresh…run　fish　did　begin　to　rise　in　his　brains；　and　he　caught　two　or　three　of　them　（which　is　exceedingly　fine　sport；　for　brain　rivers）；　and　anatomised　them　carefully；　and　never　mentioned　what　he　found　out　from　them；　except　to　little　children；　and　became　ever　after　a　sadder　and　a　wiser　man；　which　is　a　very　good　thing　to　become；　my　dear　little　boy；　even　though　one　has　to　pay　a　heavy　price　for　the　blessing。



CHAPTER　V



〃Stern　Lawgiver！　yet　thou　dost　wear　The　Godhead's　most　benignant　grace；　Nor　know　we　anything　so　fair　As　is　the　smile　upon　thy　face：　Flowers　laugh　before　thee　on　their　beds　And　fragrance　in　thy　footing　treads；　Thou　dost　preserve　the　stars　from　wrong；　And　the　most　ancient　heavens；　through　Thee；　are　fresh　and　strong。〃

WORDSWORTH；　Ode　to　Duty。


What　became　of　little　Tom？

He　slipped　away　off　the　rocks　into　the　water；　as　I　said　before。　But　he　could　not　help　thinking　of　little　Ellie。　　He　did　not　remember　who　she　was；　but　he　knew　that　she　was　a　little　girl；　though　she　was　a　hundred　times　as　big　as　he。　　That　is　not　surprising：　　size　has　nothing　to　do　with　kindred。　　A　tiny　weed　may　be　first　cousin　to　a　great　tree；　and　a　little　dog　like　Vick　knows　that　Lioness　is　a　dog　too；　though　she　is　twenty　times　larger　than　herself。　　So　Tom　knew　that　Ellie　was　a　little　girl；　and　thought　about　her　all　that　day；　and　longed　to　have　had　her　to　play　with；　but　he　had　very　soon　to　think　of　something　else。　　And　here　is　the　account　of　what　happened　to　him；　as　it　was　published　next　morning；　in　the　Water…proof　Gazette；　on　the　finest　watered　paper；　for　the　use　of　the　great　fairy；　Mrs。　Bedonebyasyoudid；　who　reads　the　news　very　carefully　every　morning；　and　especially　the　police　cases；　as　you　will　hear　very　soon。

He　was　going　along　the　rocks　in　three…fathom　water；　watching　the　pollock　catch　prawns；　and　the　wrasses　nibble　barnacles　off　the　rocks；　shells　and　all；　when　he　saw　a　round　cage　of　green　withes；　and　inside　it；　looking　very　much　ashamed　of　himself；　sat　his　friend　the　lobster；　twiddling　his　horns；　instead　of　thumbs。

〃What；　have　you　been　naughty；　and　have　they　put　you　in　the　lock…　up？〃　asked　Tom。

The　lobster　felt　a　little　indignant　at　such　a　notion；　but　he　was　too　much　depressed　in　spirits　to　argue；　so　he　only　said；　〃I　can't　get　out。〃

〃Why　did　you　get　in？〃

〃After　that　nasty　piece　of　dead　fish。〃　　He　had　thought　it　looked　and　smelt　very　nice　when　he　was　outside；　and　so　it　did；　for　a　lobster：　　but　now　he　turned　round　and　abused　it　because　he　was　angry　with　himself。

〃Where　did　you　get　in？〃

〃Through　that　round　hole　at　the　top。〃

〃Then　why　don't　you　get　out　through　it？〃

〃Because　I　can't：〃　and　the　lobster　twiddled　his　horns　more　fiercely　than　ever；　but　he　was　forced　to　confess。

〃I　have　jumped　upwards；　downwards；　backwards；　and　sideways；　at　least　four　thousand　times；　and　I　can't　get　out：　　I　always　get　up　underneath　there；　and　can't　find　the　hole。〃

Tom　looked　at　the　trap；　and　having　more　wit　than　the　lobster；　he　saw　plainly　enough　what　was　the　matter；　as　you　may　if　you　will　look　at　a　lobster…pot。

〃Stop　a　bit；〃　said　Tom。　　〃Turn　your　tail　up　to　me；　and　I'll　pull　you　through　hindforemost；　and　then　you　won't　stick　in　the　spikes。〃

But　the　lobster　was　so　stupid　and　clumsy　that　he　couldn't　hit　the　hole。　　Like　a　great　many　fox…hunters；　he　was　very　sharp　as　long　as　he　was　in　his　own　country；　but　as　soon　as　they　get　out　of　it　they　lose　their　heads；　and　so　the　lobster；　so　to　speak；　lost　his　tail。

Tom　reached　and　clawed　down　the　hole　after　him；　till　he　caught　hold　of　him；　and　then；　as　was　to　be　expected；　the　clumsy　lobster　pulled　him　in　head　foremost。

〃Hullo！　here　is　a　pretty　business；〃　said　Tom。　　〃Now　take　your　great　claws；　and　break　the　points　off　those　spikes；　and　then　we　shall　both　get　out　easily。〃

〃Dear　me；　I　never　thought　of　that；〃　said　the　lobster；　〃and　after　all　the　experience　of　life　that　I　have　had！〃

You　see；　experience　is　of　very　little　good　unless　a　man；　or　a　lobster；　has　wit　enough　to　make　use　of　it。　　For　a　good　many　people；　like　old　Polonius；　have　seen　all　the　world；　and　yet　remain　little　better