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  shredder。 My head ached from a bination of hangover and 
  anxiety�察�causing my empty stomach to protest with threatening 
  waves of nausea。 I was standing in the very back of the room 
  with assorted C´list reporters and others who didn¨t rank high 
  enough to warrant a seat�察�keeping one eye on Miranda and the 
  other scoping out the least humiliating places to be sick if 
  the need arose。You remind me of myself when I was your age。 
  You remind me of myself when I was your age。 You remind me of 
  myself when I was your age 。 The words kept reverberating over 
  and over�察�keeping tune to the steady and persistent pounding 
  of my forehead。

  Miranda managed not to address me for nearly an hour�察�but 
  after that she was off and running。 Even though I was standing 
  in the same room she was�察�she called my Cell Phone to request 
  a Pellegrino。 From that moment on�察�the phone rang in ten´ to 
  twelve´minute increments�察�each request sending another shock 
  of pain directly to my head。Brrring。 ^Get Mr。 Tomlinson on his 
  air phone on the jet。 ̄ ��B´DAD didn¨t answer on his air phone 
  when I tried calling it sixteen times。��Brrring。 ^Remind all 
  theRunway editors in Paris that just because they¨re here does 
  not mean they can neglect their responsibilities at Home!I 
  want everything in by original deadline� 院。�The couple ofRunway 
  editors I had gotten in touch with at their various hotels in 
  Paris had simply laughed at me and hung up。��Brrring。 ^Get me a 
  regular American turkey sandwich immediately!I¨m tiring of all 
  this ham。 ̄ ��I walked more than two miles in painful boots and 
  with an upset stomach�察�but there was no turkey to be found 
  anywhere。 I¨m convinced she knew�察�since she¨d never once 
  before asked for a turkey sandwich while in America!even 
  though�察�of course�察�they¨re available on every street 
  corner。��Brrring。 ^I expect dossiers prepared on the three best 
  chefs you¨ve found thus far to be waiting in my suite by the 
  time we return from this show。 ̄ ��Emily hacked and whined and 
  bitched but promised that she¨d fax over whatever information 
  she had on the candidates so far and I could make them into 
  ^dossiers。 ̄��Brrring� �Brrring� �Brrring� �You remind me of myself 
  when I was your age 。

  Too nauseated and crippled to watch the parade of anorexic 
  models�察�I ducked outside for a quick cigarette。 Naturally�察�the 
  moment I flicked on my lighter�察�my Cell Phone shrilled again。 
  ^Ahn´dre´ah� �Ahn´dre´ah� �Where are you�拭�Where the hell are you 
  right now�拭�

  I tossed out my still unlit cigarette and raced back inside�察�
  my stomach churning so violently that I knew I would be 
  sick!it was just a matter of when and where。

  ^I¨m right in the back of the room�察�Miranda�察院�I said�察�sliding 
  through the door and pressing my back against the wall。 ^Right 
  to the left of the door。 Do you see me�拭�

  I watched as she swiveled her head back and forth until her 
  eyes finally rested on mine。 I was about to hang up the phone�察�
  but she was still stage whispering into it。 ^Don¨t move�察�do 
  you hear me�拭�Do not move� �One would think that my assistant 
  would understand she¨s here to assist me�察�not to gallivant 
  around outside when I need her。 This is unacceptable�察�
  Ahn´dre´ah� 院�By the time she¨d made it to the back of the room 
  and positioned herself in front of me�察�a woman in a glimmering 
  floor´length silver gown with an empire waist and slight flare 
  was sashaying through the reverent crowds�察�and the music 
  switched from some sort of bizarre Gregorian chants to all´out 
  heavy metal。 My head began pounding almost in tune to the 
  change in music。 Miranda didn¨t stop hissing when she reached 
  me�察�but she did�察�finally�察�flip her Cell Phone closed。 I did 
  the same。

  ^Ahn´dre´ah�察�we have a very serious problem here。You have a 
  very serious problem。 I just received a call from Mr。 
  Tomlinson。 It seems Annabelle brought it to his attention that 
  the twins¨ passports expired last week。 ̄ She stared at me�察�but 
  all I could do was concentrate on not throwing up。

  ^Oh�察�really�拭院�was all I could manage�察�but that clearly wasn¨t 
  the right response。 Her hand tightened around her bag and her 
  eyes began to bulge with anger。

  ^Oh�察�really�拭�she mimicked in a hyena´like howl。 People were 
  beginning to stare at us。 ^Oh�察�really�拭�That¨s all you have to 
  say�拭 �Oh�察�really�拭�  ̄

  ^No�察�uh�察�of course not�察�Miranda。 I didn¨t mean it like that。 
  Is there something I can do to help�拭�

  ^Is there something I can do to help�拭�she mimicked again�察�this 
  time in a whiny child¨s voice。 If she had been any other 
  person on earth�察�I would have reached out and slapped her 
  face。 ^You damn well better believe it�察�Ahn´dre´ah。 Since 
  you¨re clearly unable to stay on top of these things in 
  advance�察�you¨ll need to figure out how to renew them in time 
  for their flight tonight。 I will not have my own daughters 
  miss this party tomorrow night�察�do you understand me�拭�

  Did I understand her�拭�Hmm。 A very good question indeed。 I was 
  thoroughly unable to understand how it was my fault that her 
  ten´year´olds had expired passports when they�察�theoretically�察�
  had two parents�察�a stepfather�察�and a full´time nanny to 
  oversee such things�察�but I also understood it didn¨t matter。 
  If she thought it was my fault�察�it was。 I understood that she 
  would never understand when I told her that those girls were 
  not getting on that plane tonight。 There was virtually nothing 
  I couldn¨t find�察�fix�察�or arrange�察�but securing federal 
  documents while in a foreign country in less than three hours 
  was not happening。 Period。 She had finally made her very first 
  request of me in a full year that I could not 
  acmodate!regardless of how much she barked or demanded or 
  intimidated�察�it was not happening。You remind me of myself when 
  I was your age 。

  Fuck her。 Fuck Paris and fashion shows and marathon games of 
  ^I¨m so fat。 ̄ Fuck all the people who believed that Miranda¨s 
  behavior was justified because she could pair a talented 
  photographer with some expensive clothes and walk away with 
  some pretty magazine pages。 Fuck her for even thinking that I 
  was anything like her。 And most of all�察�fuck her for being 
  right。 What the hell was I standing here for�察�getting abused 
  and belittled and humiliated by this joyless she´devil�拭�So 
  maybe�察�just maybe�察�I�察�too�察�could be sitting at this very same 
  event thirty years from now�察�acpanied only by an assistant 
  who loathes me�察�surrounded by armies of people who pretend 
  they like me because they have to。

  I yanked out my Cell Phone and punched in a number and watched 
  as Miranda became increasingly more livid。

  ^Ahn´dre´ah� 院�she hissed�察�much too ladylike to ever make a 
  scene。 ^What do you think you¨re doing�拭�I¨m telling you that 
  my daughters need passports immediately�察�and you decide it¨s a 
  good time to chat on your phone�拭�Are you under the very 
  mistaken impression that¨s why I brought you to Paris�拭�

  My mother picked up on the third ring�察�but I didn¨t even say 
  hello。

  ^Mom�察�I¨m getting on the next flight I can。 I¨ll call you when 
  I get to JFK。 I¨m ing Home。 ̄ I clicked the phone shut 
  before she could respond and looked up to see Miranda�察�who 
  appeared genuinely surprised。 I felt a smile break through the 
  headache and nausea when I realized that I¨d rendered her 
  momentarily speechless。 Unfortunately�察�she recovered quickly。 
  There¨s a small chance I wouldn¨t have gotten fired if I¨d 
  immediately pleaded and explained and lost the defiant 
  attitude�察�but I couldn¨t seem to muster one single�察�tiny shred 
  of self´control。

  ^Ahn´dre´ah�察�you realize what you¨re doing�察�do you not�拭�You do 
 �

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