生命不能承受之轻-第2章

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in　our　lives　to　come。
Was　it　better　to　be　with　Tereza　or　to　remain　alone？
There　is　no　means　of　testing　which　decision　is　better；　because　there　is　no　basis　for　comparison。　We　live　everything　as　it　comes；　without　warning；　like　an　actor　going　on　cold。　And　what　can　life　be　worth　if　the　first　rehearsal　for　life　is　life　itself？　That　is　why　life　is　always　like　a　sketch。　No；　sketch　is　not　quite　the　word；　because　a　sketch　is　an　outline　of　something；　the　groundwork　for　a　picture；　whereas　the　sketch　that　is　our　life　is　a　sketch　for　nothing；　an　outline　with　no　picture。
Einmal　ist　keinmal；　says　Tomas　to　himself。　What　happens　but　once；　says　the　German　adage；　might　as　well　not　have　happened　at　all。　If　we　have　only　one　life　to　live；we　might　as　well　not　have　lived　at　all。

4
But　then　one　day　at　the　hospital；　during　a　break　between　operations；　a　nurse　called　him　to　the　telephone。　He　heard　Tereza's　voice　coming　from　the　receiver。　She　had　phoned　him　from　the　railway　station。　He　was　overjoyed。　Unfortunately；　he　had　something　on　that　evening　and　could　not　invite　her　to　his　place　until　the　next　day。　The　moment　he　hung　up；　he　reproached　himself　for　not　telling　her　to　go　straight　there。　He　had　time　enough　to　cancel　his　plans；　after　all！　He　tried　to　imagine　what　Tereza　would　do　in　Prague　during　the　thirty…six　long　hours　before　they　were　to　meet；　and　had　half　a　mind　to　jump　into　his　car　and　drive　through　the　streets　looking　for　her。
She　arrived　the　next　evening；　a　handbag　dangling　from　her　shoulder；　looking　more　elegant　than　before。　She　had　a　thick　book　under　her　arm。　It　was　Anna　Karenina。　She　seemed　in　a　good　mood；　even　a　little　boisterous；　and　tried　to　make　him　think　she　had　just　happened　to　drop　in；　things　had　just　worked　out　that　way：　she　was　in　Prague　on　business；　perhaps　（at　this　point　she　became　rather　vague）　to　find　a　job。
Later；　as　they　lay　naked　and　spent　side　by　side　on　the　bed；　he　asked　her　where　she　was　staying。　It　was　night　by　then；　and　he　offered　to　drive　her　there。　Embarrassed；　she　answered　that　she　still　had　to　find　a　hotel　and　had　left　her　suitcase　at　the　station。
Only　two　days　ago；　he　had　feared　that　if　he　invited　her　to　Prague　she　would　offer　him　up　her　life。　When　she　told　him　her　suitcase　was　at　the　station；　he　immediately　realized　that　the　suitcase　contained　her　life　and　that　she　had　left　it　at　the　station　only　until　she　could　offer　it　up　to　him。
The　two　of　them　got　into　his　car；　which　was　parked　in　front　of　the　house；　and　drove　to　the　station。　There　he　claimed　the　suitcase　（it　was　large　and　enormously　heavy）　and　took　it　and　her　home。
How　had　he　come　to　make　such　a　sudden　decision　when　for　nearly　a　fortnight　he　had　wavered　so　much　that　he　could　not　even　bring　himself　to　send　a　postcard　asking　her　how　she　was？
He　himself　was　surprised。　He　had　acted　against　his　principles。　Ten　years　earlier；　when　he　had　divorced　his　wife；　he　celebrated　the　event　the　way　others　celebrate　a　marriage。　He　understood　he　was　not　born　to　live　side　by　side　with　any　woman　and　could　be　fully　himself　only　as　a　bachelor。　He　tried　to　design　his　life　in　such　a　way　that　no　woman　could　move　in　with　a　suitcase。　That　was　why　his　flat　had　only　the　one　bed。　Even　though　it　was　wide　enough；　Tomas　would　tell　his　mistresses　that　he　was　unable　to　fall　asleep　with　anyone　next　to　him；　and　drive　them　home　after　midnight。　And　so　it　was　not　the　flu　that　kept　him　from　sleeping　with　Tereza　on　her　first　visit。　The　first　night　he　had　slept　in　his　large　armchair；　and　the　rest　of　that　week　he　drove　each　night　to　the　hospital；　where　he　had　a　cot　in　his　office。
But　this　time　he　fell　asleep　by　her　side。　When　he　woke　up　the　next　morning；　he　found　Tereza；　who　was　still　asleep；　holding　his　hand。　Could　they　have　been　hand　in　hand　all　night？　It　was　hard　to　believe。
And　while　she　breathed　the　deep　breath　of　sleep　and　held　his　hand　（firmly：　he　was　unable　to　disengage　it　from　her　grip）；　the　enormously　heavy　suitcase　stood　by　the　bed。
He　refrained　from　loosening　his　hand　from　her　grip　for　fear　of　waking　her；　and　turned　carefully　on　his　side　to　observe　her　better。
Again　it　occurred　to　him　that　Tereza　was　a　child　put　in　a　pitch…daubed　bulrush　basket　and　sent　downstream。　He　couldn't　very　well　let　a　basket　with　a　child　in　it　float　down　a　stormy　river！　If　the　Pharaoh's　daughter　hadn't　snatched　the　basket　carrying　little　Moses　from　the　waves；　there　would　have　been　no　Old　Testament；　no　civilization　as　we　now　know　it！　How　many　ancient　myths　begin　with　the　rescue　of　an　abandoned　child！　If　Polybus　hadn't　taken　in　the　young　Oedipus；　Sophocles　wouldn't　have　written　his　most　beautiful　tragedy！
Tomas　did　not　realize　at　the　time　that　metaphors　are　dangerous。　Metaphors　are　not　to　be　trifled　with。　A　single　metaphor　can　give　birth　to　love。
5
He　lived　a　scant　two　years　with　his　wife；　and　they　had　a　son。　At　the　divorce　proceedings；　the　judge　awarded　the　infant　to　its　mother　and　ordered　Tomas　to　pay　a　third　of　his　salary　for　its　support。　He　also　granted　him　the　right　to　visit　the　boy　every　other　week。
But　each　time　Tomas　was　supposed　to　see　him；　the　boy's　mother　found　an　excuse　to　keep　him　away。　He　soon　realized　that　bringing　them　expensive　gifts　would　make　things　a　good　deal　easier；　that　he　was　expected　to　bribe　the　mother　for　the　son's　love。　He　saw　a　future　of　quixotic　attempts　to　inculcate　his　views　in　the　boy；　views　opposed　in　every　way　to　the　mother's。　The　very　thought　of　it　exhausted　him。　When；　one　Sunday；　the　boy's　mother　again　canceled　a　scheduled　visit；　Tomas　decided　on　the　spur　of　the　moment　never　to　see　him　again。
Why　should　he　feel　more　for　that　child；　to　whom　he　was　bound　by　nothing　but　a　single　improvident　night；　than　for　any　other？　He　would　be　scrupulous　about　paying　support；　he　just　didn't　want　anybody　making　him　fight　for　his　son　in　the　name　of　paternal　sentiments！
Needless　to　say；　he　found　no　sympathizers。　His　own　parents　condemned　him　roundly：　if　Tomas　refused　to　take　an　interest　in　his　son；　then　they；　Tomas's　parents；　would　no　longer　take　an　interest　in　theirs。　They　made　a　great　show　of　maintaining　good　relations　with　their　daughter…in…law　and　trumpeted　their　exemplary　stance　and　sense　of　justice。
Thus　in　practically　no　time　he　managed　to　rid　himself　of　wife；　son；　mother；　and　father。　The　only　thing　they　bequeathed　to　him　was　a　fear　of　women。　Tomas　desired　but　feared　them。　Needing　to　create　a　compromise　between　fear　and　desire；　he　devised　what　he　called　erotic　friendship。　He　would　tell　his　mistresses：　the　only　relationship　that　can　make　both　partners　happy　is　one　in　which　sentimentality　has　no　place　and　neither　partner　makes　any　claim　on　the　life　and　freedom　of　the　other。
To　ensure　that　erotic　friendship　never　grew　into　the　aggression　of　love；　he　would　meet　each　of　his　long…term　mistresses　only　at　intervals。　He　considered　this　method　flawless　and　propagated　it　among　his　friends：　The　important　thing　is　to　abide　by　the　rule　of　threes。　Either　you　see　a　woman　three　times　in　quick　succession　and　then　never　again；　or　you　maintain　relations　over　the　years　but　make　sure　that　the　rendezvous　are　at　least　three　weeks　apart。　
The　rule　of　threes　enabled　Tomas　to　keep　intact　his　liaisons　with　some　women　while　continuing　to　engage　in　short…term　affairs　with　many　others。　He　was　not　always　understood。　The　woman　who　understood　him　best　was　Sabina。　She　was　a　painter。　The　reason　I　like　you；　she　would　say　to　him；　is　you're　the　complete　opposite　of　kitsch。　In　the　kingdom　of　kitsch　you　would　be　a　monster。　
It　was　Sabina　he　turned　to　when　he　needed　to　find　a　job　for　Tereza　in　Prague。　Following　the　unwritten　rules　of　erotic　friendship；　Sabina　promised　to　do　everything　in　her　power；　and　before　long　she　had　in　fact　located　a　place　for　Tereza　in　the　darkroom　of　an　illustrated　weekly。　Although　her　new　job　did　not　require　any　particular　qualifications；　it　raised　her　status　from　waitress　to　member　of　the　press。　When　Sabina　herself　introduced　Tereza　to　everyone　on　the　weekly；　Tomas　knew　he　had　never　had　a　better　friend　as　a　mistress　than　Sabina。
6
The　unwritten　contract　of　erotic　friendship　stipulated　that　Tomas　should　exclude　all　love　from　his　life。　The　moment　he　violated　that　clause　of　the　contract；　his　other　mistresses　would　assume　inferior　status　and　become　ripe　for　insurrection。
Accordingly；　he　rented　a　r