novel notes-第5章

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〃That　letter　worried　me。　　I　began　to　wonder　if；　after　all；　I　had　chosen　the　right　girl。　　Suppose　Hannah　was　not　all　I　thought　her！　What　a　terrible　thing　it　would　be　for　Josiah。　　What　data；　sufficient　to　reason　upon；　had　I　possessed？　　How　did　I　know　that　Hannah　was　not　a　lazy；　ill…tempered　girl；　a　continual　thorn　in　the　side　of　her　poor；　overworked　mother；　and　a　perpetual　blister　to　her　younger　brothers　and　sisters？　　How　did　I　know　she　had　been　well　brought　up？　Her　father　might　be　a　precious　old　fraud：　　most　seemingly　pious　men　are。　　She　may　have　learned　from　him　only　hypocrisy。

〃Then　also；　how　did　I　know　that　Juliana's　merry　childishness　would　not　ripen　into　sweet；　cheerful　womanliness？　　Her　father；　for　all　I　knew　to　the　contrary；　might　be　the　model　of　what　a　retired　sea…　captain　should　be；　with　possibly　a　snug　little　sum　safely　invested　somewhere。　　And　Juliana　was　his　only　child。　　What　reason　had　I　for　rejecting　this　fair　young　creature's　love　for　Josiah？

〃I　took　her　photo　from　my　desk。　　I　seemed　to　detect　a　reproachful　look　in　the　big　eyes。　　I　saw　before　me　the　scene　in　the　little　far…　away　home　when　the　first　tidings　of　Josiah's　marriage　fell　like　a　cruel　stone　into　the　hitherto　placid　waters　of　her　life。　　I　saw　her　kneeling　by　her　father's　chair；　while　the　white…haired；　bronzed　old　man　gently　stroked　the　golden　head；　shaking　with　silent　sobs　against　his　breast。　　My　remorse　was　almost　more　than　I　could　bear。

〃I　put　her　aside　and　took　up　Hannahmy　chosen　one。　　She　seemed　to　be　regarding　me　with　a　smile　of　heartless　triumph。　　There　began　to　take　possession　of　me　a　feeling　of　positive　dislike　to　Hannah。

〃I　fought　against　the　feeling。　　I　told　myself　it　was　prejudice。　　But　the　more　I　reasoned　against　it　the　stronger　it　became。　　I　could　tell　that；　as　the　days　went　by；　it　would　grow　from　dislike　to　loathing；　from　loathing　to　hate。　　And　this　was　the　woman　I　had　deliberately　selected　as　a　life　companion　for　Josiah！

〃For　weeks　I　knew　no　peace　of　mind。　　Every　letter　that　arrived　I　dreaded　to　open；　fearing　it　might　be　from　Josiah。　　At　every　knock　I　started　up；　and　looked　about　for　a　hiding…place。　　Every　time　I　came　across　the　heading；　'Domestic　Tragedy；'　in　the　newspapers；　I　broke　into　a　cold　perspiration。　　I　expected　to　read　that　Josiah　and　Hannah　had　murdered　each　other；　and　died　cursing　me。

〃As　the　time　went　by；　however；　and　I　heard　nothing；　my　fears　began　to　assuage；　and　my　belief　in　my　own　intuitive　good　judgment　to　return。　　Maybe；　I　had　done　a　good　thing　for　Josiah　and　Hannah；　and　they　were　blessing　me。　　Three　years　passed　peacefully　away；　and　I　was　beginning　to　forget　the　existence　of　the　Hacketts。

〃Then　he　came　again。　　I　returned　home　from　business　one　evening　to　find　him　waiting　for　me　in　the　hall。　　The　moment　I　saw　him　I　knew　that　my　worst　fears　had　fallen　short　of　the　truth。　　I　motioned　him　to　follow　me　to　my　study。　　He　did　so；　and　seated　himself　in　the　identical　chair　on　which　he　had　sat　three　years　ago。　　The　change　in　him　was　remarkable；　he　looked　old　and　careworn。　　His　manner　was　that　of　resigned　hopelessness。

〃We　remained　for　a　while　without　speaking；　he　twirling　his　hat　as　at　our　first　interview；　I　making　a　show　of　arranging　papers　on　my　desk。　At　length；　feeling　that　anything　would　be　more　bearable　than　this　silence；　I　turned　to　him。

〃'Things　have　not　been　going　well　with　you；　I'm　afraid；　Josiah？'　I　said。

〃'No；　sir；'　he　replied　quietly；　'I　can't　say　as　they　have；　altogether。　　That　Hannah　of　yours　has　turned　out　a　bit　of　a　teaser。'

〃There　was　no　touch　of　reproach　in　his　tones。　　He　simply　stated　a　melancholy　fact。

〃'But　she　is　a　good　wife　to　you　in　other　ways；'　I　urged。　　'She　has　her　faults；　of　course。　　We　all　have。　　But　she　is　energetic。　　Come　now；　you　will　admit　she's　energetic。'

〃I　owed　it　to　myself　to　find　some　good　in　Hannah；　and　this　was　the　only　thing　I　could　think　of　at　that　moment。

〃'Oh　yes；　she's　that；'　he　assented。　　'A　little　too　much　so　for　our　sized　house；　I　sometimes　think。'

〃'You　see；'　he　went　on；　'she's　a　bit　cornery　in　her　temper；　Hannah　is；　and　then　her　mother's　a　bit　trying；　at　times。'

〃'Her　mother！'　I　exclaimed；　'but　what's　SHE　got　to　do　with　you？'

〃'Well；　you　see；　sir；'　he　answered；　'she's　living　with　us　nowever　since　the　old　man　went　off。'

〃'Hannah's　father！　　Is　he　dead；　then？'

〃'Well；　not　exactly；　sir；'　he　replied。　　'He　ran　off　about　a　twelvemonth　ago　with　one　of　the　young　women　who　used　to　teach　in　the　Sunday　School；　and　joined　the　Mormons。　　It　came　as　a　great　surprise　to　every　one。'

〃I　groaned。　　'And　his　business；'　I　inquired'the　timber　business；　who　carries　that　on？'

〃'Oh；　that！'　answered　Josiah。　　'Oh；　that　had　to　be　sold　to　pay　his　debtsleastways；　to　go　towards　'em。'

〃I　remarked　what　a　terrible　thing　it　was　for　his　family。　　I　supposed　the　home　was　broken　up；　and　they　were　all　scattered。

〃'No；　sir；'　he　replied　simply；　'they　ain't　scattered　much。　　They're　all　living　with　us。'

〃'But　there；'　he　continued；　seeing　the　look　upon　my　face；　'of　course；　all　this　has　nothing　to　do　with　you　sir。　　You've　got　troubles　of　your　own；　I　daresay；　sir。　　I　didn't　come　here　to　worry　you　with　mine。　　That　would　be　a　poor　return　for　all　your　kindness　to　me。'

〃'What　has　become　of　Julia？'　I　asked。　　I　did　not　feel　I　wanted　to　question　him　any　more　about　his　own　affairs。

〃A　smile　broke　the　settled　melancholy　of　his　features。　　'Ah；'　he　said；　in　a　more　cheerful　tone　than　he　had　hitherto　employed；　'it　does　one　good　to　think　about　HER；　it　does。　　She's　married　to　a　friend　of　mine　now；　young　Sam　Jessop。　　I　slips　out　and　gives　'em　a　call　now　and　then；　when　Hannah　ain't　round。　　Lord；　it's　like　getting　a　glimpse　of　heaven　to　look　into　their　little　home。　　He　often　chaffs　me　about　it；　Sam　does。　　〃Well；　you　WAS　a　sawny…headed　chunk；　Josiah；　YOU　was；〃　he　often　says　to　me。　　We're　old　chums；　you　know；　sir；　Sam　and　me；　so　he　don't　mind　joking　a　bit　like。'

〃Then　the　smile　died　away；　and　he　added　with　a　sigh；　'Yes；　I've　often　thought　since；　sir；　how　jolly　it　would　have　been　if　you　could　have　seen　your　way　to　making　it　Juliana。'

〃I　felt　I　must　get　him　back　to　Hannah　at　any　cost。　　I　said；　'I　suppose　you　and　your　wife　are　still　living　in　the　old　place？'

〃'Yes；'　he　replied；　'if　you　can　call　it　living。　　It's　a　hard　struggle　with　so　many　of　us。'

〃He　said　he　did　not　know　how　he　should　have　managed　if　it　had　not　been　for　the　help　of　Julia's　father。　　He　said　the　captain　had　behaved　more　like　an　angel　than　anything　else　he　knew　of。

〃'I　don't　say　as　he's　one　of　your　clever　sort；　you　know；　sir；'　he　explained。　　'Not　the　man　as　one　would　go　to　for　advice；　like　one　would　to　you；　sir；　but　he's　a　good　sort　for　all　that。'

〃'And　that　reminds　me；　sir；'　he　went　on；　'of　what　I've　come　here　about。　　You'll　think　it　very　bold　of　me　to　ask；　sir；　but'

〃I　interrupted　him。　　'Josiah；'　I　said；　'I　admit　that　I　am　much　to　blame　for　what　has　come　upon　you。　　You　asked　me　for　my　advice；　and　I　gave　it　you。　　Which　of　us　was　the　bigger　idiot；　we　will　not　discuss。　The　point　is　that　I　did　give　it；　and　I　am　not　a　man　to　shirk　my　responsibilities。　　What；　in　reason；　you　ask；　and　I　can　grant；　I　will　give　you。'

〃He　was　overcome　with　gratitude。　　'I　knew　it；　sir；'　he　said。　　'I　knew　you　would　not　refuse　me。　　I　said　so　to　Hannah。　　I　said；　〃I　will　go　to　that　gentleman　and　ask　him。　　I　will　go　to　him　and　ask　him　for　his　advice。'〃

〃I　said；　'His　what？'

〃'His　advice；'　repeated　Josiah；　apparently　surprised　at　my　tone；　'on　a　little　matter　as　I　can't　quite　make　up　my　mind　about。'

〃I　thought　at　first　he　was　trying　to　be　sarcastic；　but　he　wasn't。　That　man　sat　there；　and　wrestled　with　me　for　my　advice　as　to　whether　he　should　invest　a　thousand　dollars　which　Julia's　father　had　offered　to　lend　him；　in　the　purchase　of　a　laundry　business　or　a　bar。　　He　hadn't　had　enough　of　it　（my　advice；　I　mean）；　he　wanted　it　again；　and　he　spun　me　reasons　why　I　should　give　it　him。　　The　choice　of　a　wife　was　a　different　thing　altogether；　he　argued。　　Perhaps　he　ought　NOT　to　have　asked　me　for　my　opinion　as　to　that。　　But　advice　as　to　which　of　two　trades　a　man　would　do　best　to　select；　surely　any　business　man　could　give。　　He　said　he　had　just　been　reading　again　my　little　book；　How　to　be　Happy；　etc。；　and　if　the　gentleman　who　wrote　t