the illustrious gaudissart-第3章

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manufactured　products　of　the　intellect　have　developed　a　spice；　a

ginger；　all　their　own。　From　this　have　come　premiums；　forestalled

dividends；　and　that　conscription　of　noted　names　which　is　levied

without　the　knowledge　of　the　unfortunate　writers　who　bear　them；　and

who　thus　find　themselves　actual　co…operators　in　more　enterprises　than

there　are　days　in　the　year；　for　the　law；　we　may　remark；　takes　no

account　of　the　theft　of　a　patronymic。　Worse　than　all　is　the　rape　of

ideas　which　these　caterers　for　the　public　mind；　like　the　slave…

merchants　of　Asia；　tear　from　the　paternal　brain　before　they　are　well

matured；　and　drag　half…clothed　before　the　eyes　of　their　blockhead　of　a

sultan；　their　Shahabaham；　their　terrible　public；　which；　if　they　don't

amuse　it；　will　cut　off　their　heads　by　curtailing　the　ingots　and

emptying　their　pockets。



This　madness　of　our　epoch　reacted　upon　the　illustrious　Gaudissart；　and

here　follows　the　history　of　how　it　happened。　A　life…insurance　company

having　been　told　of　his　irresistible　eloquence　offered　him　an　unheard…

of　commission；　which　he　graciously　accepted。　The　bargain　concluded　and

the　treaty　signed；　our　traveller　was　put　in　training；　or　we　might　say

weaned；　by　the　secretary…general　of　the　enterprise；　who　freed　his　mind

of　its　swaddling…clothes；　showed　him　the　dark　holes　of　the　business；

taught　him　its　dialect；　took　the　mechanism　apart　bit　by　bit；　dissected

for　his　instruction　the　particular　public　he　was　expected　to　gull；

crammed　him　with　phrases；　fed　him　with　impromptu　replies；　provisioned

him　with　unanswerable　arguments；　and；　so　to　speak；　sharpened　the　file

of　the　tongue　which　was　about　to　operate　upon　the　life　of　France。



The　puppet　amply　rewarded　the　pains　bestowed　upon　him。　The　heads　of

the　company　boasted　of　the　illustrious　Gaudissart；　showed　him　such

attention　and　proclaimed　the　great　talents　of　this　perambulating

prospectus　so　loudly　in　the　sphere　of　exalted　banking　and　commercial

diplomacy；　that　the　financial　managers　of　two　newspapers　（celebrated

at　that　time　but　since　defunct）　were　seized　with　the　idea　of　employing

him　to　get　subscribers。　The　proprietors　of　the　〃Globe；〃　an　organ　of

Saint…Simonism；　and　the　〃Movement；〃　a　republican　journal；　each　invited

the　illustrious　Gaudissart　to　a　conference；　and　proposed　to　give　him

ten　francs　a　head　for　every　subscriber；　provided　he　brought　in　a

thousand；　but　only　five　francs　if　he　got　no　more　than　five　hundred。

The　cause　of　political　journalism　not　interfering　with　the　pre…

accepted　cause　of　life　insurance；　the　bargain　was　struck；　although

Gaudissart　demanded　an　indemnity　from　the　Saint…Simonians　for　the

eight　days　he　was　forced　to　spend　in　studying　the　doctrines　of　their

apostle；　asserting　that　a　prodigious　effort　of　memory　and　intellect

was　necessary　to　get　to　the　bottom　of　that　〃article〃　and　to　reason

upon　it　suitably。　He　asked　nothing；　however；　from　the　republicans。　In

the　first　place；　he　inclined　in　republican　ideas；the　only　ones；

according　to　guadissardian　philosophy；　which　could　bring　about　a

rational　equality。　Besides　which　he　had　already　dipped　into　the

conspiracies　of　the　French　〃carbonari〃；　he　had　been　arrested；　and

released　for　want　of　proof；　and　finally；　as　he　called　the　newspaper

proprietors　to　observe；　he　had　lately　grown　a　mustache；　and　needed

only　a　hat　of　certain　shape　and　a　pair　of　spurs　to　represent；　with　due

propriety；　the　Republic。







CHAPTER　II



For　one　whole　week　this　commanding　genius　went　every　morning　to　be

Saint…Simonized　at　the　office　of　the　〃Globe；〃　and　every　afternoon　he

betook　himself　to　the　life…insurance　company；　where　he　learned　the

intricacies　of　financial　diplomacy。　His　aptitude　and　his　memory　were

prodigious；　so　that　he　was　able　to　start　on　his　peregrinations　by　the

15th　of　April；　the　date　at　which　he　usually　opened　the　spring

campaign。　Two　large　commercial　houses；　alarmed　at　the　decline　of

business；　implored　the　ambitious　Gaudissart　not　to　desert　the　article

Paris；　and　seduced　him；　it　was　said；　with　large　offers；　to　take　their

commissions　once　more。　The　king　of　travellers　was　amenable　to　the

claims　of　his　old　friends；　enforced　as　they　were　by　the　enormous

premiums　offered　to　him。



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〃Listen；　my　little　Jenny；〃　he　said　in　a　hackney…coach　to　a　pretty

florist。



All　truly　great　men　delight　in　allowing　themselves　to　be　tyrannized

over　by　a　feeble　being；　and　Gaudissart　had　found　his　tyrant　in　Jenny。

He　was　bringing　her　home　at　eleven　o'clock　from　the　Gymnase；　whither

he　had　taken　her；　in　full　dress；　to　a　proscenium　box　on　the　first

tier。



〃On　my　return；　Jenny；　I　shall　refurnish　your　room　in　superior　style。

That　big　Matilda；　who　pesters　you　with　comparisons　and　her　real　India

shawls　imported　by　the　suite　of　the　Russian　ambassador；　and　her　silver

plate　and　her　Russian　prince；who　to　my　mind　is　nothing　but　a　humbug；

won't　have　a　word　to　say　THEN。　I　consecrate　to　the　adornment　of　your

room　all　the　'Children'　I　shall　get　in　the　provinces。〃



〃Well；　that's　a　pretty　thing　to　say！〃　cried　the　florist。　〃Monster　of　a

man！　Do　you　dare　to　talk　to　me　of　your　children？　Do　you　suppose　I　am

going　to　stand　that　sort　of　thing？〃



〃Oh；　what　a　goose　you　are；　my　Jenny！　That's　only　a　figure　of　speech　in

our　business。〃



〃A　fine　business；　then！〃



〃Well；　but　listen；　if　you　talk　all　the　time　you'll　always　be　in　the

right。〃



〃I　mean　to　be。　Upon　my　word；　you　take　things　easy！〃



〃You　don't　let　me　finish。　I　have　taken　under　my　protection　a

superlative　idea；a　journal；　a　newspaper；　written　for　children。　In

our　profession；　when　travellers　have　caught；　let　us　suppose；　ten

subscribers　to　the　'Children's　Journal；'　they　say；　'I've　got　ten

Children；'　just　as　I　say　when　I　get　ten　subscriptions　to　a　newspaper

called　the　'Movement；'　'I've　got　ten　Movements。'　Now　don't　you　see？〃



〃That's　all　right。　Are　you　going　into　politics？　If　you　do　you'll　get

into　Saint…Pelagie；　and　I　shall　have　to　trot　down　there　after　you。　Oh！

if　one　only　knew　what　one　puts　one's　foot　into　when　we　love　a　man；　on

my　word　of　honor　we　would　let　you　alone　to　take　care　of　yourselves；

you　men！　However；　if　you　are　going　away　to…morrow　we　won't　talk　of

disagreeable　things；that　would　be　silly。〃



The　coach　stopped　before　a　pretty　house；　newly　built　in　the　Rue

d'Artois；　where　Gaudissart　and　Jenny　climbed　to　the　fourth　story。　This

was　the　abode　of　Mademoiselle　Jenny　Courand；　commonly　reported　to　be

privately　married　to　the　illustrious　Gaudissart；　a　rumor　which　that

individual　did　not　deny。　To　maintain　her　supremacy；　Jenny　kept　him　to

the　performance　of　innumerable　small　attentions；　and　threatened

continually　to　turn　him　off　if　he　omitted　the　least　of　them。　She　now

ordered　him　to　write　to　her　from　every　town；　and　render　a　minute

account　of　all　his　proceedings。



〃How　many　'Children'　will　it　take　to　furnish　my　chamber？〃　she　asked；

throwing　off　her　shawl　and　sitting　down　by　a　good　fire。



〃I　get　five　sous　for　each　subscriber。〃



〃Delightful！　And　is　it　with　five　sous　that　you　expect　to　make　me　rich？

Perhaps　you　are　like　the　Wandering　Jew　with　your　pockets　full　of

money。〃



〃But；　Jenny；　I　shall　get　a　thousand　'Children。'　Just　reflect　that

children　have　never　had　a　newspaper　to　themselves　before。　But　what　a

fool　I　am　to　try　to　explain　matters　to　you；you　can't　understand　such

things。〃



〃Can't　I？　Then　tell　me；tell　me；　Gaudissart；　if　I'm　such　a　goose　why

do　you　love　me？〃



〃Just　because　you　are　a　goose；a　sublime　goose！　Listen；　Jenny。　See

here；　I　am　going　to　undertake　the　'Globe；'　the　'Movement；'　the

'Children；'　the　insurance　business；　and　some　of　my　old　articles　Paris；

instead　of　earning　a　miserable　eight　thousand　a　year；　I'll　bring　back

twenty　thousand　at　least　from　each　trip。〃



〃Unlace　me；　Gaudissart；　and　do　it　right；　don't　tighten　me。〃



〃Yes；　truly；〃　said　the　traveller；　complacently；　〃I　shall　become　a

shareholder　in　the　newspapers；　like　Finot；　one　of