the illustrious gaudissart-第4章

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〃Yes；　truly；〃　said　the　traveller；　complacently；　〃I　shall　become　a

shareholder　in　the　newspapers；　like　Finot；　one　of　my　friends；　the　son

of　a　hatter；　who　now　has　thirty　thousand　francs　income；　and　is　going

to　make　himself　a　peer　of　France。　When　one　thinks　of　that　little

Popinot；ah；　mon　Dieu！　I　forgot　to　tell　you　that　Monsieur　Popinot　was

named　minister　of　commerce　yesterday。　Why　shouldn't　I　be　ambitious

too？　Ha！　ha！　I　could　easily　pick　up　the　jargon　of　those　fellows　who

talk　in　the　chamber；　and　bluster　with　the　rest　of　them。　Now；　listen　to

me：



〃Gentlemen；〃　he　said；　standing　behind　a　chair；　〃the　Press　is　neither　a

tool　nor　an　article　of　barter：　it　is；　viewed　under　its　political

aspects；　an　institution。　We　are　bound；　in　virtue　of　our　position　as

legislators；　to　consider　all　things　politically；　and　therefore〃　（here

he　stopped　to　get　breath）〃and　therefore　we　must　examine　the　Press

and　ask　ourselves　if　it　is　useful　or　noxious；　if　it　should　be

encouraged　or　put　down；　taxed　or　free。　These　are　serious　questions。　I

feel　that　I　do　not　waste　the　time；　always　precious；　of　this　Chamber　by

examining　this　articlethe　Pressand　explaining　to　you　its

qualities。　We　are　on　the　verge　of　an　abyss。　Undoubtedly　the　laws　have

not　the　nap　which　they　ought　to　haveHein？〃　he　said；　looking　at

Jenny。　〃All　orators　put　France　on　the　verge　of　an　abyss。　They　either

say　that　or　they　talk　about　the　chariot　of　state；　or　convulsions；　or

political　horizons。　Don't　I　know　their　dodges？　I'm　up　to　all　the

tricks　of　all　the　trades。　Do　you　know　why？　Because　I　was　born　with　a

caul；　my　mother　has　got　it；　but　I'll　give　it　to　you。　You'll　see！　I

shall　soon　be　in　the　government。〃



〃You！〃



〃Why　shouldn't　I　be　the　Baron　Gaudissart；　peer　of　France？　Haven't　they

twice　elected　Monsieur　Popinot　as　deputy　from　the　fourth

arrondissement？　He　dines　with　Louis　Phillippe。　There's　Finot；　he　is

going　to　be；　they　say；　a　member　of　the　Council。　Suppose　they　send　me

as　ambassador　to　London？　I　tell　you　I'd　nonplus　those　English！　No　man

ever　got　the　better　of　Gaudissart；　the　illustrious　Gaudissart；　and

nobody　ever　will。　Yes；　I　say　it！　no　one　ever　outwitted　me；　and　no　one

canin　any　walk　of　life；　politics　or　impolitics；　here　or　elsewhere。

But；　for　the　time　being；　I　must　give　myself　wholly　to　the　capitalists；

to　the　'Globe；'　the　'Movement；'　the　'Children；'　and　my　article　Paris。〃



〃You　will　be　brought　up　with　a　round　turn；　you　and　your　newspapers。

I'll　bet　you　won't　get　further　than　Poitiers　before　the　police　will

nab　you。〃



〃What　will　you　bet？〃



〃A　shawl。〃



〃Done！　If　I　lose　that　shawl　I'll　go　back　to　the　article　Paris　and　the

hat　business。　But　as　for　getting　the　better　of　Gaudissartnever！

never！〃



And　the　illustrious　traveller　threw　himself　into　position　before

Jenny；　looked　at　her　proudly；　one　hand　in　his　waistcoat；　his　head　at

three…quarter　profile；an　attitude　truly　Napoleonic。



〃Oh；　how　funny　you　are！　what　have　you　been　eating　to…night？〃



Gaudissart　was　thirty…eight　years　of　age；　of　medium　height；　stout　and

fat　like　men　who　roll　about　continually　in　stage…coaches；　with　a　face

as　round　as　a　pumpkin；　ruddy　cheeks；　and　regular　features　of　the　type

which　sculptors　of　all　lands　adopt　as　a　model　for　statues　of

Abundance；　Law；　Force；　Commerce；　and　the　like。　His　protuberant　stomach

swelled　forth　in　the　shape　of　a　pear；　his　legs　were　small；　but　active

and　vigorous。　He　caught　Jenny　up　in　his　arms　like　a　baby　and　kissed

her。



〃Hold　your　tongue；　young　woman！〃　he　said。　〃What　do　you　know　about

Saint…Simonism；　antagonism；　Fourierism；　criticism；　heroic　enterprise；

or　woman's　freedom？　I'll　tell　you　what　they　are；ten　francs　for　each

subscription；　Madame　Gaudissart。〃



〃On　my　word　of　honor；　you　are　going　crazy；　Gaudissart。〃



〃More　and　more　crazy　about　YOU；〃　he　replied；　flinging　his　hat　upon　the

sofa。



The　next　morning　Gaudissart；　having　breakfasted　gloriously　with　Jenny；

departed　on　horseback　to　work　up　the　chief　towns　of　the　district　to

which　he　was　assigned　by　the　various　enterprises　in　whose　interests　he

was　now　about　to　exercise　his　great　talents。　After　spending　forty…five

days　in　beating　up　the　country　between　Paris　and　Blois；　he　remained

two　weeks　at　the　latter　place　to　write　up　his　correspondence　and　make

short　visits　to　the　various　market　towns　of　the　department。　The　night

before　he　left　Blois　for　Tours　he　indited　a　letter　to　Mademoiselle

Jenny　Courand。　As　the　conciseness　and　charm　of　this　epistle　cannot　be

equalled　by　any　narration　of　ours；　and　as；　moreover；　it　proves　the

legitimacy　of　the　tie　which　united　these　two　individuals；　we　produce

it　here：



　　〃My　dear　Jenny；You　will　lose　your　wager。　Like　Napoleon；

　　Gaudissart　the　illustrious　has　his　star；　but　NOT　his　Waterloo。　I

　　triumph　everywhere。　Life　insurance　has　done　well。　Between　Paris

　　and　Blois　I　lodged　two　millions。　But　as　I　get　to　the　centre　of

　　France　heads　become　infinitely　harder　and　millions　correspondingly

　　scarce。　The　article　Paris　keeps　up　its　own　little　jog…trot。　It　is

　　a　ring　on　the　finger。　With　all　my　well…known　cunning　I　spit　these

　　shop…keepers　like　larks。　I　got　off　one　hundred　and　sixty…two

　　Ternaux　shawls　at　Orleans。　I　am　sure　I　don't　know　what　they　will

　　do　with　them；　unless　they　return　them　to　the　backs　of　the　sheep。



　　〃As　to　the　article　journalthe　devil！　that's　a　horse　of　another

　　color。　Holy　saints！　how　one　has　to　warble　before　you　can　teach

　　these　bumpkins　a　new　tune。　I　have　only　made　sixty…two　'Movements'：

　　exactly　a　hundred　less　for　the　whole　trip　than　the　shawls　in　one

　　town。　Those　republican　rogues！　they　won't　subscribe。　They　talk；

　　they　talk；　they　share　your　opinions；　and　presently　you　are　all

　　agreed　that　every　existing　thing　must　be　overturned。　You　feel　sure

　　your　man　is　going　to　subscribe。　Not　a　bit　of　it！　If　he　owns　three

　　feet　of　ground；　enough　to　grow　ten　cabbages；　or　a　few　trees　to

　　slice　into　toothpicks；　the　fellow　begins　to　talk　of　consolidated

　　property；　taxes；　revenues；　indemnities；a　whole　lot　of　stuff；　and

　　I　have　wasted　my　time　and　breath　on　patriotism。　It's　a　bad

　　business！　Candidly；　the　'Movement'　does　not　move。　I　have　written

　　to　the　directors　and　told　them　so。　I　am　sorry　for　iton　account

　　of　my　political　opinions。



　　〃As　for　the　'Globe；'　that's　another　breed　altogether。　Just　set　to

　　work　and　talk　new　doctrines　to　people　you　fancy　are　fools　enough

　　to　believe　such　lies；why；　they　think　you　want　to　burn　their

　　houses　down！　It　is　vain　for　me　to　tell　them　that　I　speak　for

　　futurity；　for　posterity；　for　self…interest　properly　understood；

　　for　enterprise　where　nothing　can　be　lost；　that　man　has　preyed　upon

　　man　long　enough；　that　woman　is　a　slave；　that　the　great

　　providential　thought　should　be　made　to　triumph；　that　a　way　must　be

　　found　to　arrive　at　a　rational　co…ordination　of　the　social　fabric；

　　in　short；　the　whole　reverberation　of　my　sentences。　Well；　what　do

　　you　think？　when　I　open　upon　them　with　such　ideas　these　provincials

　　lock　their　cupboards　as　if　I　wanted　to　steal　their　spoons　and　beg

　　me　to　go　away！　Are　not　they　fools？　geese？　The　'Globe'　is　smashed。

　　I　said　to　the　proprietors；　'You　are　too　advanced；　you　go　ahead　too

　　fast：　you　ought　to　get　a　few　results；　the　provinces　like　results。'

　　However；　I　have　made　a　hundred　'Globes；'　and　I　must　say；

　　considering　the　thick…headedness　of　these　clodhoppers；　it　is　a

　　miracle。　But　to　do　it　I　had　to　make　them　such　a　lot　of　promises

　　that　I　am　sure　I　don't　know　how　the　globites；　globists；　globules；

　　or　whatever　they　call　themselves；　will　ever　get　out　of　them。　But

　　they　always　tell　me　they　can　make　the　world　a　great　deal　better

　　than　it　is；　so　I　go　ahead　and　prophesy　to　the　value　of　ten　francs

　　for　each　subscription。　There　was　one　farmer　who　thought　the　paper

　　was　agricultural　because　of　its　name。　I　Globed　HIM。　Bah！　he　gave

　　in　at　once；　he　had　a　projecting　forehead；　all　men　with　projecting

　　foreheads　are　ideologists。