autobiography of a pocket-handkerchief-第35章

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alas！　that　bearded　men；〃Tom's　face　was　covered　with　hair〃Alas；
alas！　that　bearded　men　should　be　brought　to　weep　over　the　contrarieties
of　womanly　caprice。〃

Here　Tom　bowed　his　head；　and　after　a　grunting　sob　or　two；　he　raised
his　handkerchief　in　a　very　pathetic　manner　to　his　face；　and　THOUGHT
to　himself〃Well；　if　she　stand　THAT；　the　Lord　only　knows　what　I　shall
say　next。〃

As　for　Julia；　she　was　amused；　though　at　first　she　had　been　a　little
frightened。　The　girl　had　a　good　deal　of　spirit；　and　she　had　tant　soit　peu
of　mother　Eve's　love　of　mischief　in　her。　She　determined　to　〃make
capital〃　out　of　the　affair；　as　the　Americans　say；　in　shop…keeping　slang。

｛tant　soit　peu　=　an　ever　so　tiny　amount｝

〃What　is　the　'yes；'　of　which　you　speak；〃　she　inquired；　〃and；　on　which
you　seem　to　lay　so　much　stress？〃

〃That　'yes'　has　been　my　bane　and　antidote；〃　answered　Tom；　rallying　for
a　new　and　still　more　desperate　charge。　〃When　first　pronounced　by　your
rubicund　lips；　it　thrilled　on　my　amazed　senses　like　a　beacon　of　light〃

〃Mr。　ThurstonMr。　Thurstonwhat　DO　you　mean？〃

〃Ah；　d…n　it；〃　thought　Tom；　〃I　should　have　said　HUMID　light'how　the
deuce　did　I　come　to　forget　that　wordit　would　have　rounded　the
sentence　beautifully。〃

〃What　do　I　mean；　angel　of　'humid　light；'〃　answered　Tom；　aloud；　〃I　mean
all　I　say；　and　lots　of　feeling　besides。　When　the　heart　is　anguished　with
unutterable　emotion；　it　speaks　in　accents　that　deaden　all　the　nerves；　and
thrill　the　ears。〃　Tom　was　getting　to　be　animated；　and　when　that　was　the
case；　his　ideas　flowed　like　a　torrent　after　a　thunder…shower；　or　in
volumes；　and　a　little　muddily。　〃What　do　I　mean；　indeed；　I　mean　to　have
YOU；〃　he　THOUGHT；　〃and　at　least；　eighty　thousand　dollars；　or
dictionaries；　Webster's　inclusive；　were　made　in　vain。〃

〃This　is　very　extraordinary；　Mr。　Thurston；〃　rejoined　Julia；　whose　sense
of　womanly　propriety　began　to　take　the　alarm；　〃and　I　must　insist　on　an
explanation。　Your　language　would　seem　to　inferreally；　I　do　not　know；
what　it　does　NOT　seem　to　infer。　Will　you　have　the　goodness　to　explain
what　you　mean　by　that　'yes？'〃

〃Simply；　loveliest　and　most　benign　of　your　sex；　that　once　already；　in
answer　to　a　demand　of　your　hand；　you　deigned　to　reply　with　that
energetic　and　encouraging　monosyllable；　yesdear　and　categorical
affirmative〃　exclaimed　Tom；　going　off　again　at　half…cock；　highly
impressed　with　the　notion　that　rhapsody；　instead　of　music；　was　the　food
of　love〃Yes；　dear　and　categorical　affirmative；　with　what　ecstasy　did
not　my　drowsy　ears　drink　in　the　melodious　soundswhat　extravagance
of　delight　my　throbbing　heart　echo　its　notes；　on　the　wings　of　the　unseen
windsin　short；　what　considerable　satisfaction　your　consent　gave　my
pulsating　mind！〃

〃Consent！Consent　is　a　strong　WORD；　Mr。　Thurston！〃

〃It　is；　indeed；　adorable　Julia；　and　it　is　also　a　strong　THING。　I've　known
terrible　consequences　arise　from　the　denial　of　a　consent；　not　half　as
explicit　as　your　own。〃

〃Consequences！may　I　ask；　sir；　to　what　consequences　you　allude？〃

〃The　consequences；　Miss　Monsonthat　is；　the　consequences　of　a
violated　troth；　I　meanthey　may　be　divided　into　three　parts〃　here；
Tom　got　up；　brushed　his　knees；　each　in　succession；　with　his　pocket…
handkerchief；　and　began　to　count　on　his　fingers；　like　a　lawyer　who　is
summing　up　an　argument〃Yes；　Miss　Julia；　into　three　parts。　First　come
the　pangs　of　unrequited　love；　on　these　I　propose　to　enlarge　presently。
Next　come　the　legal　effects；　always　supposing　that　the　wronged　party
can　summon　heart　enough　to　carry　on　a　suit；　with　bruised　affections〃
〃hang　it；〃　thought　Tom；　〃why　did　I　not　think　of　that　word　'bruised'　while
on　my　knees；　it　would　tell　like　a　stiletto〃　〃Yes；　Miss　Julia；　if　'bruised
affections'　would　permit　the　soul　to　descend　to　such　preliminaries。　The
last　consequence　is；　the　despair　of　hope　deferred。〃

〃All　this　is　so　extraordinary；　Mr。　Thurston；　that　I　insist　on　knowing　why
you　have　presumed　to　address　such　language　to　meyes；　sir；　INSIST
on　knowing　your　reason。〃

Tom　was　dumbfounded。　Now；　that　he　was　up；　and　looking　about　him；
he　had　an　opportunity　of　perceiving　that　his　mistress　was　offended；　and
that　he　had　somewhat　overdone　the　sublime；　poetical　and　affecting。
With　a　sudden　revulsion　of　feeling　and　tactics；　he　determined　to　throw
himself；　at　once；　into　the　penitent　and　candid。

〃Ah；　Miss　Monson；〃　he　cried；　somewhat　more　naturally〃I　see　I　have
offended　and　alarmed　you。　But；　impute　it　all　to　love。　The　strength　of　my
passion　is　such；　that　I　became　desperate；　and　was　resolved　to　try　any
expedient　that　I　thought　might　lead　to　success。〃

〃That　might　be　pardoned；　sir；　were　it　not　for　the　extraordinary　character
of　the　expedient。　Surely；　you　have　never　seen　in　me　any　taste　for　the
very　extraordinary　images　and　figures　of　speech　you　have　used；　on　this
occasion。〃

〃This　handkerchief；〃said　Tom；　taking　me　from　the　sofa〃this
handkerchief　must　bear　all　the　blame。　But　for　this；　I　should　not　have
dreamt　of　running　so　much　on　the　high…pressure　principle；　but　love；　you
know；　Miss　Julia；　is　a　calculation；　like　any　other　great　event　of　life；　and
must　be　carried　on　consistently。〃

〃And；　pray；　sir；　how　can　that　handkerchief　have　brought　about　any　such
result？〃

〃Ah！　Miss　Monson；　you　ask　me　to　use　a　most　killing　frankness！　Had　we
not　better　remain　under　the　influence　of　the　poetical　star？〃

〃If　you　wish　to　ensure　my　respect；　or　esteem；　Mr。　Thurston；　it　is
necessary　to　deal　with　me　in　perfect　sincerity。　Nothing　but　truth　will　ever
be　pleasing　to　me。〃

〃Hang　it；〃　THOUGHT　Tom；　again；　〃who　knows？　She　is　whimsical；　and
may　really　like　to　have　the　truth。　It's　quite　clear　her　heart　is　as　insensible
to　eloquence　and　poetry；　as　a　Potter's　Field　wall；　and　it　might　answer　to
try　her　with　a　little　truth。　Your　80；000　girls　get　SUCH　notions　in　their
heads；　that　there's　no　analogy；　as　one　might　say；　between　them　and　the
rest　of　the　species。　Miss　Julia；〃　continuing　aloud；　〃my　nature　is　all　plain…
dealing；　and　I　am　delighted　to　find　a　congenial　spirit。　You　must　have
observed　something　very　peculiar　in　my　language；　at　the　commencement
of　this　exceedingly　interesting　dialogue？〃

〃I　will　not　deny　it；　Mr。　Thurston；　your　language　was；　to　say　the　least；
VERY　peculiar。〃

〃Lucid；　but　ambiguous；　pathetic；　but　amusing；　poetical；　but
comprehensive；　prosaical；　but　full　of　emphasis。　That's　my　nature。　Plain…
dealing；　too；　is　my　nature；　and　I　adore　the　same　quality　in　others；　most
especially　in　those　I　could　wish　to　marry。〃

〃Does　this　wish；　then；　extend　to　the　plural　number？〃　asked　Julia；　smiling
a　little　maliciously。

〃Certainly；　when　the　heart　is　devoted　to　virtuous　intentions；　it　wishes　for
a　union　with　virtue；　where…ever　it　is　to　be　found。　Competence　and　virtue
are　my　mottoes；　Miss　Julia。〃

〃This　shows　that　you　are；　in　truth；　a　lover　of　plain…dealing；　Mr。
Thurstonand　now；　as　to　the　handkerchief？〃

〃Why；　Miss　Julia；　perceiving　that　you　are　sincere；　I　shall　be　equally
frank。　You　own　this　handkerchief？〃

〃Certainly；　sir。　I　should　hardly　use　an　article　of　dress　that　is　the　property
of　another。〃

〃Independent；　and　the　fruit　of　independence。　Well；　Miss　Monson；　it
struck　me　that　the　mistress　of　such　a　handkerchief　MUST　like　poetry
that　is；　flights　of　the　imaginationthat　is；　eloquence　and　pathos；　as　it
might　be　engrafted　on　passion　and　sentiment。〃

〃I　believe　I　understand　you；　sir；　you　wish　to　say　that　common　sense
seemed　misapplied　to　the　owner　of　such　a　handkerchief。〃

〃Far　from　that；　adorable　young　lady；　but；　that　poetry；　and　eloquence；
and　flights　of　imagination；　seem　well　applied。　A　very　simple　calculation
will　demonstrate　what　I　mean。　But；　possibly；　you　do　not　wish　to　hear
the　calculationladies；　generally；　dislike　figures？〃

〃I　am　an　exception；　Mr。　Thurston；　I　beg　you　will　lay　the　whole　matter
before　me；　therefore；　without　reserve。〃

〃It　is　simply　this；　ma'am。　This　handkerchief　cost　every　cent　of　100〃

〃One　hundred　and　twenty…five；〃　said　Julia　quickly。

〃Bless　me；〃　THOUGHT　Tom；　〃what　a　rich　old　d…l　her　father　must　be。
I　will　not　give　her　up；　and　as　poetry　and　sentiment　do　not　seem　to　be
favorites；　here　goes　for　franknesssome　women　are　furious　for　plain
matter…of…fact　fellows；　and　this　mu