autobiography of a pocket-handkerchief-第36章

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favorites；　here　goes　for　franknesssome　women　are　furious　for　plain
matter…of…fact　fellows；　and　this　must　be　one　of　the　number。　One
hundred　and　twenty…five　dollars　is　a　great　deal　of　money；〃　he　added；
aloud；　〃and　the　interest；　at　7　per　cent；　will　come　to　1。75。　Including　first
cost　and　washing；　the　annual　expense　of　this　handkerchief　may　be　set
down　at　2。　But；　the　thing　will　not　last　now　five　years；　if　one　includes
fashion；　wear　and　tear；　&c。；　and　this　will　bring　the　whole　expense　up　to
27　per　annum。　We　will　suppose　your　fortune　to　be　50；000；　Miss
Julia〃

Here　Tom　paused；　and　cast　a　curious　glance　at　the　young　lady；　in　the
hope　of　hearing　something　explicit。　Julia　could　hardly　keep　her
countenance；　but　she　was　resolved　to　go　to　the　bottom　of　all　this　plain…
dealing。

〃Well；　sir；〃　she　answered；　〃we　will　suppose　it；　as　you　say；　50；000。〃

〃The　interest；　then；　would　be　3；500。　Now　27　multiplied　by　130〃
here　Tom　took　out　his　pencil　and　began　to　cypher〃make　just　3510；　or
rather　more　than　the　whole　amount　of　the　interest。　Well；　when　you
come　to　deduct　taxes；　charges；　losses　and　other　things；　the　best
invested　estate　of　3；500　per　annum；　will　not　yield　more　than　3；000；
nett。　Suppose　a　marriage；　and　the　husband　has　ONLY　1；000　for　his
pocket；　this　would　bring　down　the　ways　and　means　to　2；000　per
annum；　or　less　than　a　hundredth　part　of　the　expense　of　keeping　ONE
pocket…handkerchief；　and　when　you　come　to　include　rent；　fuel；
marketing；　and　other　necessaries；　you　see；　my　dear　Miss　Monson；　there
is　a　great　deal　of　poetry　in　paying　so　much　for　a　pocket…handkerchief。〃

〃I　believe　I　understand　you；　sir；　and　shall　endeavor　to　profit　by　the
lesson。　As　I　am　wanted；　you　will　now　excuse　me；　Mr。　Thurstonmy
father's　step　is　in　the　hall〃　so　Julia；　in　common　with　all　other
Manhattanese；　called　a　passage；　or　entry；　five　feet　wide〃　and　to　him　I
must　refer　you。〃

This　was　said　merely　as　an　excuse　for　quitting　the　room。　But　Tom
received　it　literally　and　figuratively；　at　the　same　time。



CHAPTER　XVIII。

Accustomed　to　think　of　marrying　as　his　means　of　advancement；　he
somewhat　reasonably　supposed　〃refer　you　to　my　father〃　meant　consent；
so　far　as　the　young　lady　was　concerned；　and　he　determined　to　improve
the　precious　moments。　Fortunately　for　his　ideas；　Mr。　Monson　did　not
enter　the　room　immediately；　which　allowed　the　gentleman　an
opportunity　for　a　little　deliberation。　As　usual；　his　thoughts　took　the
direction　of　a　mental　soliloquy；　much　in　the　following　form。

〃This　is　getting　on　famously；〃　thought　Tom。　〃Refer　you　to　my　father
well；　that　is　compact　and　comprehensive；　at　the　same　time。　I　wish　her
dandruff　had　got　up　when　I　mentioned　only　50；000。　Seriously；　that　is
but　a　small　sum　to　make　one's　way　on。　If　I　had　a　footing　of　my　own；　in
society；　50；000　MIGHT　do；　but；　when　a　fellow　has　to　work　his　way
by　means　of　dinners；　horses；　and　et　ceteras；　it's　a　small　allowance。　It's
true；　the　Monsons　will　give　me　connections；　and　connections　are
almostnot　quiteas　good　as　money　to　get　a　chap　along　withbut；　the
d…l　of　the　matter　is；　that　connections　eat　and　drink。　I　dare　say　the
Monson　set　will　cost　me　a　good　500　a　year；　though　they　will　save
something　in　the　way　of　the　feed　they　must　give　in　their　turns。　I　wish　I
had　tried　her　with　a　higher　figure；　for；　after　all；　it　may　have　been　only
modestysome　women　are　as　modest　as　the　d…l。　But　here　comes　old
Monson；　and　I　must　strike　while　the　iron　is　hot。〃

｛dandruff　=　danderbut　while　〃dander〃　can　mean　dandruff　as　well　as
temper；　the　reverse　is　not　true｝

〃Good　morning；　Mr。　Thurston；〃　said　the　father；　looking　a　little　surprised
at　seeing　such　a　guest　at　three　o'clock。　〃What；　alone　with　my　daughter's
fine　pocket…handkerchief？　You　must　find　that　indifferent　company。〃

〃Not　under　the　circumstances；　sir。　Every　thing　is　agreeable　to　us　that
belongs　to　an　object　we　love。〃

〃Love？　That　is　a　strong　term；　Mr。　Thurstonone　that　I　hope　you　have
uttered　in　pure　gallantry。〃

〃Not　at　all；　sir；〃　cried　Tom；　falling　on　his　knees；　as　a　school　boy　reads
the　wrong　paragraph　in　the　confusion　of　not　having　studied　his　lesson
well〃adorable　and　angelicI　beg　your　pardon；　Mr。　Monson；〃rising；
and　again　brushing　his　knees　with　some　care〃my　mind　is　in　such　a
state　of　confusion；　that　I　scarcely　know　what　I　say。〃

〃Really；　I　should　think　so；　or　you　could　never　mistake　me　for　a　young
girl　of　twenty。　Will　you　have　the　goodness　to　explain　this　matter　to　me？〃

〃Yes；　sirI'm　referred。〃

〃Referred？　Pray；　what　may　that　mean　in　particular？〃

〃Only；　sir；　that　I'm　referredI　do　not　ask　a　dollar；　sir。　Her　lovely　mind
and　amiable　person　are　all　I　seek；　and　I　only　regret　that　she　is　so　rich。　I
should　be　the　happiest　fellow　in　the　world；　Mr。　Monson；　if　the　angelic
Julia　had　not　a　cent。〃

〃The　angelic　Julia　must　be　infinitely　indebted　to　you；　Mr。　Thurston；　but
let　us　take　up　this　affair　in　order。　What　am　I　to　understand；　sir；　by　your
being　referred？〃

〃That　Miss　Julia；　in　answer　to　my　suit；　has　referred　me　to　you；　sir。〃

〃Then；　so　far　as　she　herself　is　concerned；　you　wish　me　to　understand
that　she　accepts　you？〃

〃Certainlyshe　accepted；　some　time　since；　with　as　heavenly　a　'yes'　as
ever　came　from　the　ruby　lips　of　love。〃

〃Indeed！　This　is　so　new　to　me；　sir；　that　you　must　permit　me　to　see　my
daughter　a　moment；　ere　I　give　a　definite　answer。〃

Hereupon　Mr。　Monson　left　the　room；　and　Tom　began　to　THINK　again。

〃Well；〃　he　thought；　〃things　DO　go　on　swimmingly　at　last。　This　is　the　first
time　I　could　ever　get　at　a　father；　though　I've　offered　to　six…and…twenty
girls。　One　does　something　like　a　living　business　with　a　father。　I　don't
know　but　I　rather　overdid　it　about　the　dollar；　though　it's　according　to
rule　to　seem　disinterested　at　first；　even　if　you　quarrel　like　furies；
afterwards；　about　the　stuff。　Let　me　seehad　I　best　begin　to　screw　him
up　in　this　interview；　or　wait　for　the　next？　A　few　hints；　properly　thrown
out；　may　be　useful　at　once。　Some　of　these　old　misers　hold　on　to　every
thing　till　they　die；　fancying　it　a　mighty　pleasant　matter　to　chaps　that　can't
support　themselves　to　support　THEIR　daughters　by　industry；　as　they
call　it。　I'm　as　industrious　as　a　young　fellow　can　be；　and　I　owe　six
months'　board；　at　this　very　moment。　NonoI'll　walk　into　him　at　once；
and　give　him　what　Napoleon　used　to　call　a　demonstration。〃

The　door　opened；　and　Mr。　Monson　entered；　his　face　a　little　flushed；
and　his　eye　a　little　severe。　Still　he　was　calm　in　tone　and　manner。　Julia
had　told　him　all　in　ten　words。

〃Now；　Mr。　Thurston；　I　believe　I　understand　this　matter；〃　said　the　father；
in　a　very　business…like　manner；　〃you　wish　to　marry　my　daughter？〃

〃Exactly；　sir；　and　she　wishes　to　marry　methat　is；　as　far　as　comports
with　the　delicacy　of　the　female　bosom。〃

〃A　very　timely　reservation。　And　you　are　referred？〃

〃Yes；　Mr。　Monson；　those　cheering　words　have　solaced　my　earsI　am
referred。　The　old　chap；〃　aside；　〃likes　a　little　humbug；　as　well　as　a　girl。〃

〃And　you　will　take　her　without　a　cent；　you　say？〃

〃Did　I；　sir？　I　believe　I　didn't　exactly　say　thatDOLLAR　was　the　word　I
mentioned。　CENTS　could　hardly　be　named　between　you　and　me。〃

〃Dollar　let　it　be；　then。　Now；　sir；　you　have　my　consent　on　a　single
condition。〃

〃Name　it；　sir。　Name　five　or　six；　at　once；　my　dear　Mr。　Monson；　and　you
shall　see　how　I　will　comply。〃

〃One　will　answer。　How　much　fortune　do　you　think　will　be　necessary　to
make　such　a　couple　happy；　at　starting　in　the　world？　Name　such　a　sum
as　will　comport　with　your　own　ideas。〃

〃How　much；　sir？　Mr。　Monson；　you　are　a　model　of　generosity！　You
mean；　to　keep　a　liberal　and　gentlemanly　establishment；　as　would
become　your　son…in…law？〃

〃I　dosuch　a　fortune　as　will　make　you　both　easy　and　comfortable。〃

〃Horses　and　carriages；　of　course？　Every　thing　on　a　genteel　and　liberal
scale？〃

〃On　such　a　scale　as　will　insure　the　happiness　of　man　and　wife。〃

〃Mutual　esteemconjugal　felicityand　all　that。　l　suppose　you　include
dinners；　sir；　and　a　manly　competition　with　one's　fellow　citizens；　in　real
New　York　form？〃

〃I　mean　all　that　can　properly　belong　to　the　expenses　of　a　gentleman　and
lady。〃

〃Yes；　sirexceedingly　liberalliberal　as　the　rosy　dawn。　Why；　sir；
meeting　your　proposition　in