the idle thoughts of an idle fellow[1].(一个浪子的随想)-第19章
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And to think that the surly brute was once an innocent puppy； all legs
and head； full of fun and play； and burning with ambition to become a big；
good dog and bark like mother。
Ah me！ life sadly changes us all。 The world seems a vast horrible
grinding machine； into which what is fresh and bright and pure is pushed
at one end； to come out old and crabbed and wrinkled at the other。
Look even at Pussy Sobersides； with her dull； sleepy glance； her grave；
slow walk； and dignified； prudish airs； who could ever think that once she
was the blue…eyed； whirling； scampering； head…over…heels； mad little
firework that we call a kitten？
What marvelous vitality a kitten has。 It is really something very
beautiful the way life bubbles over in the little creatures。 They rush about；
and mew； and spring； dance on their hind legs； embrace everything with
their front ones； roll over and over； lie on their backs and kick。 They don't
know what to do with themselves； they are so full of life。
Can you remember； reader； when you and I felt something of the same
sort of thing？ Can you remember those glorious days of fresh young
manhoodhow； when coming home along the moonlit road； we felt too
full of life for sober walking； and had to spring and skip； and wave our
arms； and shout till belated farmers' wives thoughtand with good reason；
toothat we were mad； and kept close to the hedge； while we stood and
laughed aloud to see them scuttle off so fast and made their blood run cold
with a wild parting whoop； and the tears came； we knew not why？ Oh； that
magnificent young LIFE！ that crowned us kings of the earth； that rushed
through every tingling vein till we seemed to walk on air； that thrilled
through our throbbing brains and told us to go forth and conquer the whole
world； that welled up in our young hearts till we longed to stretch out our
arms and gather all the toiling men and women and the little children to
our breast and love them allall。 Ah！ they were grand days； those deep；
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
full days； when our coming life； like an unseen organ； pealed strange；
yearnful music in our ears； and our young blood cried out like a war…horse
for the battle。 Ah； our pulse beats slow and steady now； and our old joints
are rheumatic； and we love our easy…chair and pipe and sneer at boys'
enthusiasm。 But oh for one brief moment of that god…like life again！
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
ON BEING SHY。
All great literary men are shy。 I am myself； though I am told it is
hardly noticeable。
I am glad it is not。 It used to be extremely prominent at one time； and
was the cause of much misery to myself and discomfort to every one about
memy lady friends especially complained most bitterly about it。
A shy man's lot is not a happy one。 The men dislike him； the women
despise him； and he dislikes and despises himself。 Use brings him no relief；
and there is no cure for him except time； though I once came across a
delicious recipe for overcoming the misfortune。 It appeared among the
〃answers to correspondents〃 in a small weekly journal and ran as follows
I have never forgotten it： 〃Adopt an easy and pleasing manner； especially
toward ladies。〃
Poor wretch！ I can imagine the grin with which he must have read that
advice。 〃Adopt an easy and pleasing manner； especially toward ladies；〃
forsooth！ Don't you adopt anything of the kind； my dear young shy friend。
Your attempt to put on any other disposition than your own will infallibly
result in your becoming ridiculously gushing and offensively familiar。 Be
your own natural self； and then you will only be thought to be surly and
stupid。
The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the
torture it inflicts upon him。 He is able； to a certain extent； to communicate
his misery。 He frightens other people as much as they frighten him。 He
acts like a damper upon the whole room； and the most jovial spirits
become in his presence depressed and nervous。
This is a good deal brought about by misunderstanding。 Many people
mistake the shy man's timidity for overbearing arrogance and are awed
and insulted by it。 His awkwardness is resented as insolent carelessness；
and when； terror…stricken at the first word addressed to him； the blood
rushes to his head and the power of speech completely fails him； he is
regarded as an awful example of the evil effects of giving way to passion。
But； indeed； to be misunderstood is the shy man's fate on every
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
occasion； and whatever impression he endeavors to create； he is sure to
convey its opposite。 When he makes a joke； it is looked upon as a
pretended relation of fact and his want of veracity much condemned。 His
sarcasm is accepted as his literal opinion and gains for him the reputation
of being an ass； while if； on the other hand； wishing to ingratiate himself；
he ventures upon a little bit of flattery； it is taken for satire and he is hated
ever afterward。
These and the rest of a shy man's troubles are always very amusing to
other people； and have afforded material for comic writing from time
immemorial。 But if we look a little deeper we shall find there is a pathetic；
one might almost say a tragic； side to the picture。 A shy man means a
lonely mana man cut off from all companionship； all sociability。 He
moves about the world； but does not mix with it。 Between him and his
fellow…men there runs ever an impassable barriera strong； invisible wall
that； trying in vain to scale； he but bruises himself against。 He sees the
pleasant faces and hears the pleasant voices on the other side； but he
cannot stretch his hand across to grasp another hand。 He stands watching
the merry groups； and he longs to speak and to claim kindred with them。
But they pass him by； chatting gayly to one another； and he cannot stay
them。 He tries to reach them； but his prison walls move with him and hem
him in on every side。 In the busy street； in the crowded room； in the grind
of work； in the whirl of pleasure； amid the many or amid the few
wherever men congregate together； wherever the music of human speech
is heard and human thought is flashed from human eyes； there； shunned
and solitary； the shy man； like a leper； stands apart。 His soul is full of love
and longing； but the world knows it not。 The iron mask of shyness is
riveted before his face； and the man beneath is never seen。 Genial words
and hearty greetings are ever rising to his lips； but they die away in
unheard whispers behind the steel clamps。 His heart aches for the weary
brother； but his sympathy is dumb。 Contempt and indignation against
wrong choke up his throat； and finding no safety…valve whence in
passionate utterance they may bu
