the idle thoughts of an idle fellow[1].(一个浪子的随想)-第20章
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passionate utterance they may burst forth； they only turn in again and
harm him。 All the hate and scorn and love of a deep nature such as the shy
man is ever cursed by fester and corrupt within； instead of spending
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
themselves abroad； and sour him into a misanthrope and cynic。
Yes； shy men； like ugly women； have a bad time of it in this world； to
go through which with any comfort needs the hide of a rhinoceros。 Thick
skin is； indeed； our moral clothes； and without it we are not fit to be seen
about in civilized society。 A poor gasping； blushing creature； with
trembling knees and twitching hands； is a painful sight to every one； and if
it cannot cure itself； the sooner it goes and hangs itself the better。
The disease can be cured。 For the comfort of the shy； I can assure them
of that from personal experience。 I do not like speaking about myself； as
may have been noticed； but in the cause of humanity I on this occasion
will do so； and will confess that at one time I was； as the young man in the
Bab Ballad says； 〃the shyest of the shy；〃 and 〃whenever I was introduced
to any pretty maid； my knees they knocked together just as if I was
afraid。〃 Now； I wouldnay； haveon this very day before yesterday I did
the deed。 Alone and entirely by myself （as the school…boy said in
translating the 〃Bellum Gallicum〃） did I beard a railway refreshment…
room young lady in her own lair。 I rebuked her in terms of mingled
bitterness and sorrow for her callousness and want of condescension。 I
insisted； courteously but firmly； on being accorded that deference and
attention that was the right of the traveling Briton； and at the end I looked
her full in the face。 Need I say more？
True； immediately after doing so I left the room with what may
possibly have appeared to be precipitation and without waiting for any
refreshment。 But that was because I had changed my mind； not because I
was frightened； you understand。
One consolation that shy folk can take unto themselves is that shyness
is certainly no sign of stupidity。 It is easy enough for bull…headed clowns
to sneer at nerves； but the highest natures are not necessarily those
containing the greatest amount of moral brass。 The horse is not an inferior
animal to the cock…sparrow； nor the deer of the forest to the pig。 Shyness
simply means extreme sensibility； and has nothing whatever to do with
self…consciousness or with conceit； though its relationship to both is
continually insisted upon by the poll…parrot school of philosophy。
Conceit； indeed； is the quickest cure for it。 When it once begins to
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
dawn upon you that you are a good deal cleverer than any one else in this
world； bashfulness becomes shocked and leaves you。 When you can look
round a roomful of people and think that each one is a mere child in
intellect compared with yourself you feel no more shy of them than you
would of a select company of magpies or orang…outangs。 Conceit is the
finest armor that a man can wear。 Upon its smooth； impenetrable surface
the puny dagger…thrusts of spite and envy glance harmlessly aside。
Without that breast…plate the sword of talent cannot force its way through
the battle of life； for blows have to be borne as well as dealt。 I do not； of
course； speak of the conceit that displays itself in an elevated nose and a
falsetto voice。 That is not real conceitthat is only playing at being
conceited； like children play at being kings and queens and go strutting
about with feathers and long trains。 Genuine conceit does not make a man
objectionable。 On the contrary； it tends to make him genial； kind…hearted；
and simple。 He has no need of affectationhe is far too well satisfied with
his own character； and his pride is too deep…seated to appear at all on the
outside。 Careless alike of praise or blame； he can afford to be truthful。 Too
far； in fancy； above the rest of mankind to trouble about their petty
distinctions； he is equally at home with duke or costermonger。 And valuing
no one's standard but his own； he is never tempted to practice that
miserable pretense that less self…reliant people offer up as an hourly
sacrifice to the god of their neighbor's opinion。
The shy man； on the other hand； is humblemodest of his own
judgment and over…anxious concerning that of others。 But this in the case
of a young man is surely right enough。 His character is unformed。 It is
slowly evolving itself out of a chaos of doubt and disbelief。 Before the
growing insight and experience the diffidence recedes。 A man rarely
carries his shyness past the hobbledehoy period。 Even if his own inward
strength does not throw it off； the rubbings of the world generally smooth
it down。 You scarcely ever meet a really shy manexcept in novels or on
the stage； where； by the bye； he is much admired； especially by the
women。
There； in that supernatural land； he appears as a fair…haired and
saintlike young manfair hair and goodness always go together on the
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
stage。 No respectable audience would believe in one without the other。 I
knew an actor who mislaid his wig once and had to rush on to play the
hero in his own hair； which was jet…black； and the gallery howled at all his
noble sentiments under the impression that he was the villain。 Hethe shy
young manloves the heroine； oh so devotedly （but only in asides； for he
dare not tell her of it）； and he is so noble and unselfish； and speaks in such
a low voice； and is so good to his mother； and the bad people in the play；
they laugh at him and jeer at him； but he takes it all so gently； and in the
end it transpires that he is such a clever man； though nobody knew it； and
then the heroine tells him she loves him； and he is so surprised； and oh； so
happy！ and everybody loves him and asks him to forgive them； which he
does in a few well…chosen and sarcastic words； and blesses them； and he
seems to have generally such a good time of it that all the young fellows
who are not shy long to be shy。 But the really shy man knows better。 He
knows that it is not quite so pleasant in reality。 He is not quite so
interesting there as in the fiction。 He is a little more clumsy and stupid and
a little less devoted and gentle； and his hair is much darker； which； taken
altogether； considerably alters the aspect of the case。
The point where he does resemble his ideal is in his faithfulness。 I am
fully prepared to allow the shy young man that virtue： he is constant in his
love。 But the reason is not far to seek。 The fact is it exhausts all his stock
of courage to look one woman in the face； and it would be simply
impossible for him to go through the ordeal with a second。 He stands in far
too much dread of the whole fe
