the book of snobs-第20章

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reader　who　has　not　the　benefits　of　London　experience。



My　dear　sir；　I　will　show　younot　all；　for　that　is

impossiblebut　several　kinds　of　Dinner…giving　Snobs。

For　instance；　suppose　you；　in　the　middle　rank　of　life；

accustomed　to　Mutton；　roast　on　Tuesday；　cold　on

Wednesday；　hashed　on　Thursday；　&c。；　with　small　means　and

a　small　establishment；　choose　to　waste　the　former　and　set

the　latter　topsy…turvy　by　giving　entertainments

unnaturally　costlyyou　come　into　the　Dinner…giving　Snob

class　at　once。　　Suppose　you　get　in　cheap…made　dishes　from

the　pastrycook's；　and　hire　a　couple　of　greengrocers；　or

carpet…beaters；　to　figure　as　footmen；　dismissing　honest

Molly；　who　waits　on　common　days；　and　bedizening　your

table　（ordinarily　ornamented　with　willow…pattern

crockery）　with　twopenny…halfpenny　Birmingham　plate。

Suppose　you　pretend　to　be　richer　and　grander　than　you

ought　to　beyou　are　a　Dinner…giving　Snob。　　And　oh；　I

tremble　to　think　how　many　and　many　a　one　will　read　this！



A　man　who　entertains　in　this　wayand；　alas；　how　few　do

not！is　like　a　fellow　who　would　borrow　his　neighbour's

coat　to　make　a　show　in；　or　a　lady　who　flaunts　in　the

diamonds　from　next　doora　humbug；　in　a　word；　and　amongst

the　Snobs　he　must　be　set　down。



A　man　who　goes　out　of　his　natural　sphere　of　society　to

ask　Lords；　Generals；　Aldermen；　and　other　persons　of

fashion；　but　is　niggardly　of　his　hospitality　towards　his

own　equals；　is　a　Dinner…giving　Snob。　　My　dear　friend；

Jack　Tufthunt；　for　example；　knows　ONE　Lord　whom　he　met　at

a　watering…place：　old　Lord　Mumble；　who　is　as　toothless　as

a　three…months…old　baby；　and　as　mum　as　an　undertaker；　and

as　dull　aswell；　we　will　not　particularise。　　Tufthunt

never　has　a　dinner　now　but　you　see　this　solemn　old

toothless　patrician　at　the　right…hand　of　Mrs。　Tufthunt

Tufthunt　is　a　Dinner…giving　Snob。



Old　Livermore；　old　Soy；　old　Chutney；　the　East　Indian

Director；　old　Cutler；　the　Surgeon；　&c。；that　society　of

old　fogies；　in　fine；　who　give　each　other　dinners　round

and　round；　and　dine　for　the　mere　purpose　of　guttling

these；　again；　are　Dinner…giving　Snobs。



Again；　my　friend　Lady　MacScrew；　who　has　three　grenadier

flunkeys　in　lace　round　the　table；　and　serves　up　a　scrag…

of…mutton　on　silver；　and　dribbles　you　out　bad　sherry　and

port　by　thimblefuls；　is　a　Dinner…giving　Snob　of　the　other

sort；　and　I　confess；　for　my　part；　I　would　rather　dine

with　old　Livermore　or　old　Soy　than　with　her　Ladyship。



Stinginess　is　snobbish。　　Ostentation　is　snobbish。　　Too

great　profusion　is　snobbish。　　Tuft…hunting　is　snobbish。

But　I　own　there　are　people　more　snobbish　than　all　those

whose　defects　are　above　mentioned：　viz。；　those

individuals　who　can；　and　don't　give　dinners　at　all。　　The

man　without　hospitality　shall　never　sit　SUB　IISDEM

TRABIBUS　with　ME。　　Let　the　sordid　wretch　go　mumble　his

bone　alone！



What；　again；　is　true　hospitality？　　Alas；　my　dear　friends

and　brother　Snobs！　how　little　do　we　meet　of　it　after　all！

Are　the　motives　PURE　which　induce　your　friends　to　ask　you

to　dinner？　　This　has　often　come　across　me。　　Does　your

entertainer　want　something　from　you？　　For　instance；　I　am

not　of　a　suspicious　turn；　but　it　IS　a　fact　that　when

Hookey　is　bringing　out　a　new　work；　he　asks　the　critics

all　round　to　dinner；　that　when　Walker　has　got　his　picture

ready　for　the　Exhibition；　he　somehow　grows　exceedingly

hospitable；　and　has　his　friends　of　the　press　to　a　quiet

cutlet　and　a　glass　of　Sillery。　　Old　Hunks；　the　miser；　who

died　lately　（leaving　his　money　to　his　housekeeper）　lived

many　years　on　the　fat　of　the　land；　by　simply　taking　down；

at　all　his　friends'；　the　names　and　Christian　names　OF　ALL

THE　CHILDREN。　　But　though　you　may　have　your　own　opinion

about　the　hospitality　of　your　acquaintances；　and　though

men　who　ask　you　from　sordid　motives　are　most　decidedly

Dinner…giving　Snobs；　it　is　best　not　to　inquire　into　their

motives　too　keenly。　　Be　not　too　curious　about　the　mouth

of　a　gift…horse。　　After　all；　a　man　does　not　intend　to

insult　you　by　asking　you　to　dinner。



Though；　for　that　matter；　I　know　some　characters　about

town　who　actually　consider　themselves　injured　and

insulted　if　the　dinner　or　the　company　is　not　to　their

liking。　　There　is　Guttleton；　who　dines　at　home　off　a

shilling's…worth　of　beef　from　the　cookshop；　but　if　he　is

asked　to　dine　at　a　house　where　there　are　not　pease　at　the

end　of　May；　or　cucumbers　in　March　along　with　the　turbot；

thinks　himself　insulted　by　being　invited。　　'Good　Ged！'

says　he；　'what　the　deuce　do　the　Forkers　mean　by　asking　ME

to　a　family　dinner？　　I　can　get　mutton　at　home；'　or　'What

infernal　impertinence　it　is　of　the　Spooners　to　get

ENTREES　from　the　pastrycook's；　and　fancy　that　I　am　to　be

deceived　with　their　stories　about　their　French　cook！'

Then；　again；　there　is　Jack　PuddingtonI　saw　that　honest

fellow　t'other　day　quite　in　a　rage；　because；　as　chance

would　have　it；　Sir　John　Carver　asked　him　to　meet　the　very

same　party　he　had　met　at　Colonel　Cramley's　the　day

before；　and　he　had　not　got　up　a　new　set　of　stories　to

entertain　them。　　Poor　Dinner…giving　Snobs！　you　don't　know

what　small　thanks　you　get　for　all　your　pains　and　money！

How　we　Dining…out　Snobs　sneer　at　your　cookery；　and　pooh…

pooh　your　old　hock；　and　are　incredulous　about　your　four…

and…six…penny　champagne；　and　know　that　the　side…dishes　of

to…day　are　RECHAUFFES　from　the　dinner　of　yesterday；　and

mark　how　certain　dishes　are　whisked　off　the　table

untasted；　so　that　they　may　figure　at　the　banquet

tomorrow。　　Whenever；　for　my　part；　I　see　the　head　man

particularly　anxious　to　ESCAMOTER　a　fricandeau　or　a

blanc…mange；　I　always　call　out；　and　insist　upon

massacring　it　with　a　spoon。　　All　this　sort　of　conduct

makes　one　popular　with　the　Dinner…giving　Snob。　　One

friend　of　mine；　I　know；　has　made　a　prodigious　sensation

in　good　society；　by　announcing　apropos　of　certain　dishes

when　offered　to　him；　that　he　never　eats　aspic　except　at

Lord　Tittup's；　and　that　Lady　Jimmy's　CHEF　is　the　only　man

in　London　who　knows　how　to　dressFILET　EN　SERPENTEAUor

SUPREME　DE　VOLAILLE　AUX　TRUFFES。







CHAPTER　XX



DINNER…GIVING　SNOBS　FURTHER　CONSIDERED



If　my　friends　would　but　follow　the　present　prevailing

fashion；　I　think　they　ought　to　give　me　a　testimonial　for

the　paper　on　Dinner…giving　Snobs；　which　I　am　now　writing。

What　do　you　say　now　to　a　handsome　comfortable　dinner…

service　of　plate　（NOT　including　plates；　for　I　hold　silver

plates　to　be　sheer　wantonness；　and　would　almost　as　soon

think　of　silver　teacups）；　a　couple　of　neat　teapots；　a

coffeepot；　trays；　&c。；　with　a　little　inscription　to　my

wife；　Mrs。　Snob；　and　a　half…score　of　silver　tankards　for

the　little　Snoblings；　to　glitter　on　the　homely　table

where　they　partake　of　their　quotidian　mutton？



If　I　had　my　way；　and　my　plans　could　be　carried　out；

dinner…giving　would　increase　as　much　on　the　one　hand　as

dinner…giving　Snobbishness　would　diminish：to　my　mind

the　most　amiable　part　of　the　work　lately　published　by　my

esteemed　friend　（if　upon　a　very　brief　acquaintance　he

will　allow　me　to　call　him　so）；　Alexis　Soyer；　the

regeneratorwhat　he　（in　his　noble　style）　would　call　the

most　succulent；　savoury；　and　elegant　passagesare　those

which　relate；　not　to　the　grand　banquets　and　ceremonial

dinners；　but　to　his　'dinners　at　home。'



The　'dinner　at　home'　ought　to　be　the　centre　of　the　whole

system　of　dinner…giving。　　Your　usual　style　of　mealthat

is；　plenteous；　comfortable；　and　in　its　perfectionshould

be　that　to　which　you　welcome　your　friends；　as　it　is　that

of　which　you　partake　yourself。



For；　towards　what　woman　in　the　world　do　I　entertain　a

higher　regard　than　towards　the　beloved　partner　of　my

existence；　Mrs。　Snob？　　Who　should　have　a　greater　place　in

my　affections　than　her　six　brothers　（three　or　four　of

whom　we　are　pretty　sure　will　favour　us　with　their　company

at　seven　o'clock）；　or　her　angelic　mother；　my　own　valued

mother…in…law？for　whom；　finally；　would　I　wish　to　cater

more　generously　than　for　y