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great dissatisfaction of Mrs。 Bloomfield�察�who�察�I well knew�察�would impute
all the blame of the matter to me。 Another of my trials was the dressing
in the morning�此 �at one time she would not be washed�察 �at another she
would not be dressed�察�unless she might wear some particular frock�察�that I
knew her mother would not like her to have�察�at another she would scream
and run away if I attempted to touch her hair。 So that�察�frequently�察�when�察�
after much trouble and toil�察 �I had�察 �at length�察 �succeeded in bringing her
down�察�the breakfast was nearly half over�察�and black looks from 'mamma��'
and testy observations from 'papa��' spoken at me�察�if not to me�察�were sure to
be my meed�此 �for few things irritated the latter so much as want of
punctuality at meal times。 Then�察�among the minor annoyances�察�was my
inability to satisfy Mrs。 Bloomfield with her daughter's dress�察 �and the
child's hair 'was never fit to be seen。' Sometimes�察�as a powerful reproach
to me�察 �she would perform the office of tire woman herself�察 �and then
complain bitterly of the trouble it gave her。
When little Fanny came into the schoolroom�察 �I hoped she would be
mild and inoffensive�察�at least�察�but a few days�察�if not a few hours�察�sufficed
to destroy the illusion�此 �I found her a mischievous�察 �intractable little
creature�察 �given up to falsehood and deception�察 �young as she was�察 �and
alarmingly fond of exercising her two favourite weapons of offence and
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defence�此 �that of spitting in the faces of those who incurred her
displeasure�察�and bellowing like a bull when her unreasonable desires were
not gratified。 As she�察�generally�察�was pretty quiet in her parents' presence�察�
and they were impressed with the notion of her being a remarkably gentle
child�察�her falsehoods were readily believed�察�and her loud uproars led them
to suspect harsh and injudicious treatment on my part�察�and when�察�at length�察�
her bad disposition became manifest even to their prejudiced eyes�察�I felt
that the whole was attributed to me。
'What a naughty girl Fanny is getting��' Mrs。 Bloomfield would say to
her spouse。 'Don't you observe�察 �my dear�察 �how she is altered since she
entered the schoolroom�拭 �She will soon be as bad as the other two�察�and�察�I
am sorry to say�察�they have quite deteriorated of late。'
'You may say that��' was the answer。 'I've been thinking that same
myself。 I thought when we got them a governess they'd improve�察 �but�察�
instead of that�察 �they get worse and worse�此 �I don't know how it is with
their learning�察�but their habits�察�I know�察�make no sort of improvement�察�they
get rougher�察�and dirtier�察�and more unseemly every day。'
I knew this was all pointed at me�察 �and these�察 �and all similar
innuendoes�察�affected me far more deeply than any open accusations would
have done�察�for against the latter I should have been roused to speak in my
own defence�此 �now I judged it my wisest plan to subdue every resentful
impulse�察 �suppress every sensitive shrinking�察 �and go on perseveringly�察�
doing my best�察 �for�察 �irksome as my situation was�察 �I earnestly wished to
retain it。 I thought�察�if I could struggle on with unremitting firmness and
integrity�察 �the children would in time become more humanized�此 �every
month would contribute to make them some little wiser�察�and�察�consequently�察�
more manageable�察�for a child of nine or ten as frantic and ungovernable as
these at six and seven would be a maniac。
I flattered myself I was benefiting my parents and sister by my
continuance here�察�for small as the salary was�察�I still was earning something�察�
and with strict economy I could easily manage to have something to spare
for them�察�if they would favour me by taking it。 Then it was by my own
will that I had got the place�此 �I had brought all this tribulation on myself�察�
and I was determined to bear it�察�nay�察�more than that�察�I did not even regret
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AGNES GREY
the step I had taken。 I longed to show my friends that�察�even now�察�I was
competent to undertake the charge�察�and able to acquit myself honourably
to the end�察�and if ever I felt it degrading to submit so quietly�察�or intolerable
to toil so constantly�察�I would turn towards my home�察�and say within myself
´
They may crush�察 �but they shall not subdue me� �'Tis of thee that I
think�察�not of them。
About Christmas I was allowed to visit home�察 �but my holiday was
only of a fortnight's duration�此 �'For��' said Mrs。 Bloomfield�察�'I thought�察�as
you had seen your friends so lately�察�you would not care for a longer stay。'
I left her to think so still�此 �but she little knew how long�察�how wearisome
those fourteen weeks of absence had been to me�察 �how intensely I had
longed for my holidays�察 �how greatly I was disappointed at their
curtailment。 Yet she was not to blame in this。 I had never told her my
feelings�察�and she could not be expected to divine them�察�I had not been with
her a full term�察�and she was justified in not allowing me a full vacation。
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CHAPTER IV ´ THE
GRANDMAMMA
I SPARE my readers the account of my delight on coming home�察�my
happiness while there ´ enjoying a brief space of rest and liberty in that
dear�察�familiar place�察�among the loving and the loved ´ and my sorrow on
being obliged to bid them�察�once more�察�a long adieu。
I returned�察 �however�察 �with unabated vigour to my work ´ a more
arduous task than anyone can imagine�察�who has not felt something like the
misery of being charged with the care and direction of a set of
mischievous�察�turbulent rebels�察�whom his utmost exertions cannot bind to
their duty�察�while�察�at the same time�察�he is responsible for their conduct to a
higher power�察�who exacts from him what cannot be achieved without the
aid of the superior's more potent authority�察�which�察�either from indolence�察�
or the fear of becoming unpopular with the said rebellious gang�察�the latter
refuses to give。 I can conceive few situations more harassing than that
wherein�察�however you may long for success�察�however you may labour to
fulfil your duty�察�your efforts are baffled and set at nought by those beneath
you�察�and unjustly censured and misjudged by those above。
I have not enumerated half the vexatious propensities of my pupils�察�or
half the troubles resulting from my heavy responsibilities�察 �for fear of
trespassing too much upon the reader's patience�察 �as�察 �perhaps�察 �I have
already done�察 �but my design in writing the few last pages was not to
amuse�察�but to benefit those whom it might concern�察�he that has no interest
in such matters will doubtless have skipped them over with a cursory
glance�察�and�察�perhaps�察�a malediction against the prolixity of the writer�察�but
if a parent has�察 �therefrom�察 �gathered any useful hint�察 �or an unfortunate
governess received thereby the slightest benefit�察 �I am well rewarded for
my p