agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第18章
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and amused myself with a hearty fit of crying； after which； I said my
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prayers； and then； feeling considerably relieved； began to prepare for bed。
Finding that none of my luggage was brought up； I instituted a search for
the bell； and failing to discover any signs of such a convenience in any
corner of the room； I took my candle and ventured through the long
passage； and down the steep stairs； on a voyage of discovery。 Meeting a
well…dressed female on the way； I told her what I wanted； but not without
considerable hesitation； as I was not quite sure whether it was one of the
upper servants； or Mrs。 Murray herself： it happened； however； to be the
lady's…maid。 With the air of one conferring an unusual favour； she
vouchsafed to undertake the sending up of my things； and when I had re…
entered my room； and waited and wondered a long time （greatly fearing
that she had forgotten or neglected to perform her promise； and doubting
whether to keep waiting or go to bed； or go down again）； my hopes； at
length； were revived by the sound of voices and laughter； accompanied by
the tramp of feet along the passage； and presently the luggage was brought
in by a rough…looking maid and a man； neither of them very respectful in
their demeanour to me。 Having shut the door upon their retiring
footsteps； and unpacked a few of my things； I betook myself to rest； gladly
enough； for I was weary in body and mind。
It was with a strange feeling of desolation； mingled with a strong sense
of the novelty of my situation； and a joyless kind of curiosity concerning
what was yet unknown； that I awoke the next morning； feeling like one
whirled away by enchantment； and suddenly dropped from the clouds into
a remote and unknown land； widely and completely isolated from all he
had ever seen or known before； or like a thistle…seed borne on the wind to
some strange nook of uncongenial soil； where it must lie long enough
before it can take root and germinate； extracting nourishment from what
appears so alien to its nature： if； indeed； it ever can。 But this gives no
proper idea of my feelings at all； and no one that has not lived such a
retired； stationary life as mine； can possibly imagine what they were：
hardly even if he has known what it is to awake some morning； and find
himself in Port Nelson； in New Zealand； with a world of waters between
himself and all that knew him。
I shall not soon forget the peculiar feeling with which I raised my
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blind and looked out upon the unknown world： a wide； white wilderness
was all that met my gaze； a waste of
Deserts tossed in snow； And heavy laden groves。
I descended to the schoolroom with no remarkable eagerness to join
my pupils； though not without some feeling of curiosity respecting what a
further acquaintance would reveal。 One thing； among others of more
obvious importance； I determined with myself … I must begin with calling
them Miss and Master。 It seemed to me a chilling and unnatural piece of
punctilio between the children of a family and their instructor and daily
companion； especially where the former were in their early childhood； as
at Wellwood House； but even there； my calling the little Bloomfields by
their simple names had been regarded as an offensive liberty： as their
parents had taken care to show me； by carefully designating them
MASTER and MISS Bloomfield； &c。； in speaking to me。 I had been
very slow to take the hint； because the whole affair struck me as so very
absurd； but now I determined to be wiser； and begin at once with as much
form and ceremony as any member of the family would be likely to
require： and； indeed； the children being so much older； there would be
less difficulty； though the little words Miss and Master seemed to have a
surprising effect in repressing all familiar； open…hearted kindness； and
extinguishing every gleam of cordiality that might arise between us。
As I cannot； like Dogberry； find it in my heart to bestow all my
tediousness upon the reader； I will not go on to bore him with a minute
detail of all the discoveries and proceedings of this and the following day。
No doubt he will be amply satisfied with a slight sketch of the different
members of the family； and a general view of the first year or two of my
sojourn among them。
To begin with the head： Mr。 Murray was； by all accounts； a
blustering； roystering； country squire： a devoted fox…hunter； a skilful
horse…jockey and farrier； an active； practical farmer； and a hearty BON
VIVANT。 By all accounts； I say； for； except on Sundays； when he went
to church； I never saw him from month to month： unless； in crossing the
hall or walking in the grounds； the figure of a tall； stout gentleman； with
scarlet cheeks and crimson nose； happened to come across me； on which
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occasions； if he passed near enough to speak； an unceremonious nod；
accompanied by a 'Morning； Miss Grey；' or some such brief salutation；
was usually vouchsafed。 Frequently； indeed； his loud laugh reached me
from afar； and oftener still I heard him swearing and blaspheming against
the footmen； groom； coachman； or some other hapless dependant。
Mrs。 Murray was a handsome； dashing lady of forty； who certainly
required neither rouge nor padding to add to her charms； and whose chief
enjoyments were； or seemed to be； in giving or frequenting parties； and in
dressing at the very top of the fashion。 I did not see her till eleven
o'clock on the morning after my arrival； when she honoured me with a
visit； just as my mother might step into the kitchen to see a new servant…
girl： yet not so； either； for my mother would have seen her immediately
after her arrival； and not waited till the next day； and； moreover； she would
have addressed her in a more kind and friendly manner； and given her
some words of comfort as well as a plain exposition of her duties； but Mrs。
Murray did neither the one nor the other。 She just stepped into the
schoolroom on her return from ordering dinner in the housekeeper's room；
bade me good…morning； stood for two minutes by the fire； said a few
words about the weather and the 'rather rough' journey I must have had
yesterday； petted her youngest child … a boy of ten … who had just been
wiping his mouth and hands on her gown； after indulging in some savoury
morsel from the house… keeper's store； told me what a sweet； good boy he
was； and then sailed out； with a self…complacent smile upon her face：
thinking； no doubt； that she had done quite enough for the present； and had
been delightfully condescending into the bargain。 Her children evidently
held the same opinion； and I alone thought othe
