crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第32章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
〃But when has such a thing happened？ I never have anything to do
with the police！ And why just to…day？〃 he thought in agonising
bewilderment。 〃Good God； only get it over soon！〃
He was flinging himself on his knees to pray； but broke into
laughter… not at the idea of prayer； but at himself。
He began； hurriedly dressing。 〃If I'm lost； I am lost； I don't care！
Shall I put the sock on？〃 he suddenly wondered； 〃it will get dustier
still and the traces will be gone。〃
But no sooner had he put it on than he pulled it off again in
loathing and horror。 He pulled it off； but reflecting that he had no
other socks； he picked it up and put it on again… and again he
laughed。
〃That's all conventional； that's all relative； merely a way of
looking at it；〃 he thought in a flash； but only on the top surface
of his mind； while he was shuddering all over； 〃there； I've got it on！
I have finished by getting it on！〃
But his laughter was quickly followed by despair。
〃No； it's too much for me。。。〃 he thought。 His legs shook。 〃From
fear；〃 he muttered。 His head swam and ached with fever。 〃It's a trick！
They want to decoy me there and confound me over everything；〃 he
mused； as he went out on to the stairs… 〃the worst of it is I'm almost
light…headed。。。 I may blurt out something stupid。。。〃
On the stairs he remembered that he was leaving all the things
just as they were in the hole in the wall； 〃and very likely； it's on
purpose to search when I'm out；〃 he thought； and stopped short。 But he
was possessed by such despair； such cynicism of misery； if one may
so call it； that with a wave of his hand he went on。 〃Only to get it
over！〃
In the street the heat was insufferable again； not a drop of rain
had fallen all those days。 Again dust； bricks； and mortar； again the
stench from the shops and pot…houses； again the drunken men； the
Finnish pedlars and half…broken…down cabs。 The sun shone straight in
his eyes； so that it hurt him to look out of them； and he felt his
head going round… as a man in a fever is apt to feel when he comes out
into the street on a bright sunny day。
When he reached the turning into the street； in an agony of
trepidation he looked down it。。。 at the house。。。 and at once averted
his eyes。
〃If they question me； perhaps I'll simply tell；〃 he thought； as he
drew near the police station。
The police station was about a quarter of a mile off。 It had
lately been moved to new rooms on the fourth floor of a new house。
He had been once for a moment in the old office but long ago。
Turning in at the gateway； he saw on the right a flight of stairs
which a peasant was mounting with a book in his hand。 〃A house…porter；
no doubt； so then； the office is here；〃 and he began ascending the
stairs on the chance。 He did not want to ask questions of any one。
〃I'll go in； fall on my knees； and confess everything。。。〃 he
thought； as he reached the fourth floor。
The staircase was steep； narrow and all sloppy with dirty water。 The
kitchens of the flats opened on to the stairs and stood open almost
the whole day。 So there was a fearful smell and heat。 The staircase
was crowded with porters going up and down with their books under
their arms； policemen； and persons of all sorts and both sexes。 The
door of the office； too； stood wide open。 Peasants stood waiting
within。 There； too； the heat was stifling and there was a sickening
smell of fresh paint and stale oil from the newly decorated rooms。
After waiting a little； he decided to move forward into the next
room。 All the rooms were small and low…pitched。 A fearful impatience
drew him on and on。 No one paid attention to him。 In the second room
some clerks sat writing； dressed hardly better than he was； and rather
a queer…looking set。 He went up to one of them。
〃What is it？〃
He showed the notice he had received。
〃You are a student？〃 the man asked； glancing at the notice。
〃Yes； formerly a student。〃
The clerk looked at him； but without the slightest interest。 He
was a particularly unkempt person with the look of a fixed idea in his
eye。
〃There would be no getting anything out of him； because he has no
interest in anything；〃 thought Raskolnikov。
〃Go in there to the head clerk；〃 said the clerk； pointing towards
the furthest room。
He went into that room… the fourth in order； it was a small room and
packed full of people； rather better dressed than in the outer
rooms。 Among them were two ladies。 One； poorly dressed in mourning；
sat at the table opposite the chief clerk； writing something at his
dictation。 The other； a very stout； buxom woman with a purplish…red；
blotchy face； excessively smartly dressed with a brooch on her bosom
as big as a saucer； was standing on one side； apparently waiting for
something。 Raskolnikov thrust his notice upon the head clerk。 The
latter glanced at it； said： 〃Wait a minute；〃 and went on attending
to the lady in mourning。
He breathed more freely。 〃It can't be that！〃
By degrees he began to regain confidence； he kept urging himself
to have courage and be calm。
〃Some foolishness； some trifling carelessness； and I may betray
myself！ Hm。。。 it's a pity there's no air here；〃 he added； 〃it's
stifling。。。。 It makes one's head dizzier than ever。。。 and one's mind
too。。。〃
He was conscious of a terrible inner turmoil。 He was afraid of
losing his self…control； he tried to catch at something and fix his
mind on it； something quite irrelevant； but he could not succeed in
this at all。 Yet the head clerk greatly interested him； he kept hoping
to see through him and guess something from his face。
He was a very young man； about two and twenty； with a dark mobile
face that looked older than his years。 He was fashionably dressed
and foppish； with his hair parted in the middle； well combed and
pomaded； and wore a number of rings on his well…scrubbed fingers and a
gold chain on his waistcoat。 He said a couple of words in French to
a foreigner who was in the room； and said them fairly correctly。
〃Luise Ivanovna； you can sit down；〃 he said casually to the
gaily…dressed； purple…faced lady； who was still standing as though not
venturing to sit down； though there was a chair beside her。
〃Ich danke；〃 said the latter； and softly； with a rustle of silk
she sank into the chair。 Her light blue dress trimmed with white
lace floated about the t
