crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第95章
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had a serf； Filka； just after his burial I called out forgetting
'Filka； my pipe！' He came in and went to the cupboard where my pipes
were。 I sat still and thought 'he is doing it out of revenge；' because
we had a violent quarrel just before his death。 'How dare you come
in with a hole in your elbow；' I said。 'Go away； you scamp！' He turned
and went out； and never came again。 I didn't tell Marfa Petrovna at
the time。 I wanted to have a service sung for him； but I was ashamed。〃
〃You should go to a doctor。〃
〃I know I am not well； without your telling me； though I don't
know what's wrong； I believe I am five times as strong as you are。 I
didn't ask you whether you believe that ghosts are seen； but whether
you believe that they exist。〃
〃No； I won't believe it！〃 Raskolnikov cried； with positive anger。
〃What do people generally say？〃 muttered Svidrigailov； as though
speaking to himself； looking aside and bowing his head： 〃They say；
'You are ill； so what appears to you is only unreal fantasy。' But
that's not strictly logical。 I agree that ghosts only appear to the
sick； but that only proves that they are unable to appear except to
the sick； not that they don't exist。〃
〃Nothing of the sort；〃 Raskolnikov insisted irritably。
〃No？ You don't think so？〃 Svidrigailov went on； looking at him
deliberately。 〃But what do you say to this argument （help me with it）：
ghosts are as it were shreds and fragments of other worlds； the
beginning of them。 A man in health has； of course； no reason to see
them； because he is above all a man of this earth and is bound for the
sake of completeness and order to live only in this life。 But as
soon as one is ill； as soon as the normal earthly order of the
organism is broken； one begins to realise the possibility of another
world； and the more seriously ill one is； the closer becomes one's
contact with that other world； so that as soon as the man dies he
steps straight into that world。 I thought of that long ago。 If you
believe in a future life； you could believe in that； too。〃
〃I don't believe in a future life；〃 said Raskolnikov。
Svidrigailov sat lost in thought。
〃And what if there are only spiders there； or something of that
sort；〃 he said suddenly。
〃He is a madman；〃 thought Raskolnikov。
〃We always imagine eternity as something beyond our conception；
something vast； vast！ But why must it be vast？ Instead of all that；
what if it's one little room； like a bathhouse in the country； black
and grimy and spiders in every corner； and that's all eternity is？ I
sometimes fancy it like that。〃
〃Can it be you can imagine nothing juster and more comforting than
that？〃 Raskolnikov cried； with a feeling of anguish。
〃Juster？ And how can we tell； perhaps that is just； and do you
know it's what I would certainly have made it；〃 answered Svidrigailov；
with a vague smile。
This horrible answer sent a cold chill through Raskolnikov。
Svidrigailov raised his head； looked at him； and suddenly began
laughing。
〃Only think；〃 he cried； 〃half an hour ago we had never seen each
other； we regarded each other as enemies； there is a matter
unsettled between us； we've thrown it aside； and away we've gone
into the abstract！ Wasn't I right in saying that we were birds of a
feather？〃
〃Kindly allow me；〃 Raskolnikov went on irritably； 〃to ask you to
explain why you have honoured me with your visit。。。 and。。。 and I am in
a hurry； I have no time to waste。 I want to go out。〃
〃By all means； by all means。 Your sister； Avdotya Romanovna； is
going to be married to Mr。 Luzhin； Pyotr Petrovitch？〃
〃Can you refrain from any question about my sister and from
mentioning her name？ I can't understand how you dare utter her name in
my presence； if you really are Svidrigailov。〃
〃Why； but I've come here to speak about her； how can I avoid
mentioning her？〃
〃Very good； speak； but make haste。〃
〃I am sure that you must have formed your own opinion of this Mr。
Luzhin； who is a connection of mine through my wife； if you have
only seen him for half an hour； or heard any facts about him。 He is no
match for Avdotya Romanovna。 I believe Avdotya Romanovna is
sacrificing herself generously and imprudently for the sake of。。。
for the sake of her family。 I fancied from all I had heard of you that
you would be very glad if the match could be broken off without the
sacrifice of worldly advantages。 Now I know you personally； I am
convinced of it。〃
〃All this is very naive。。。 excuse me； I should have said impudent on
your part；〃 said Raskolnikov。
〃You mean to say that I am seeking my own ends。 Don't be uneasy；
Rodion Romanovitch； if I were working for my own advantage； I would
not have spoken out so directly。 I am not quite a fool。 I will confess
something psychologically curious about that： just now； defending my
love for Avdotya Romanovna； I said I was myself the victim。 Well；
let me tell you that I've no feeling of love now； not the slightest；
so that I wonder myself indeed； for I really did feel something。。。〃
〃Through idleness and depravity；〃 Raskolnikov put in。
〃I certainly am idle and depraved； but your sister has such
qualities that even I could not help being impressed by them。 But
that's all nonsense； as I see myself now。〃
〃Have you seen that long？〃
〃I began to be aware of it before； but was only perfectly sure of it
the day before yesterday； almost at the moment I arrived in
Petersburg。 I still fancied in Moscow； though； that I was coming to
try to get Avdotya Romanovna's hand and to cut out Mr。 Luzhin。〃
〃Excuse me for interrupting you； kindly be brief； and come to the
object of your visit。 I am in a hurry； I want to go out。。。〃
〃With the greatest pleasure。 On arriving here and determining on a
certain。。。 journey； I should like to make some necessary preliminary
arrangements。 I left my children with an aunt； they are well
provided for； and they have no need of me personally。 And a nice
father I should make； too！ I have taken nothing but what Marfa
Petrovna gave me a year ago。 That's enough for me。 Excuse me； I am
just coming to the point。 Before the journey which may come off； I
want to settle Mr。 Luzhin； too。 It's not that I detest him so much；
but it was through him I quarrelled with Marfa Petrovna when I learned
that she had dished up this marriage。 I want now to see Avdotya
Romanovna through your mediation； and if you like in your presence； to
explain to her that in t
